- Add liar to the list of descriptions that are valid for the impending loser in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination. Sen. Hank Clinton. A couple of days after claiming that she was qualified to serve as president because among other things, she had once faced danger by racing across a tarmac in Bosnia while avoiding sniper fire, Clinton was forced to admit that she fudged, er, misspoke when she made that claim. After CBS News footage showed her walking calmly across said tarmac in 1996, holding daughter Chelsea’s hand, Clinton went into full spin mode. She tried to smooth things over by saying that prior to landing at the airport that day, she was told the party would have to move quickly upon landing because of the “threat of sniper fire.” Damn, don’t you just hate it when video footage catches you in a lie, er, when you misspeak and totally “misremember” an event that you hoped would give a boost to your faltering presidential campaign? Sorry Hank, but you’ll have to find other ammo to bolster your campaign and carry you to victory in Pennsylvania in a few weeks. Oh, and you also have the added bonus of having to overcome to stigma of being a proven liar just weeks before that primary you so badly need to win.
- Brace yourself, America, because another head-in-the-sand denial about global warming should be forthcoming from the W. administration shortly. This week, a chunk of ice roughly the size of the island of Manhattan broke off of an Antarctic glacier, plunging into the icy waters below and adding yet another piece of evidence to the argument that global warming is not just the latest myth in the pattern of unicorns, minotaurs and the fact that Rosie O’Donnell actually has a functioning brain. Satellite imagery shows the dislodging and disintegration of the 160-square-mile ice chunk in western Antarctica, a development researches attribute to the effects of global warming. British scientist David Vaughan is among those pointing to global warming as the cause, and you can be sure he’s British because if he were an American scientist, someone from the W. administration would have already pressured and coerced him into changing his story and claiming that it was just a lot of obese polar bears jumping up and down on the top of the glacier that broke the chunk of ice loose. So thanks for having the decency to tell the truth, Brits, too bad our leaders over here aren’t so forthcoming.
- Mark it down, everybody. This is the first (and possibly last) time in recorded history that the French were the first to suggest an oppositional uprising of any kind. For a country that has made surrendering its national pastime, the Frenchies are showing a considerable amount of chutzpah this week with President Nikolas Sarkozy becoming the first world leader to admit that a boycott of the opening ceremony at the Summer Olympics in Beijing are possible if the current situation in Tibet doesn’t improve. Of course, leave it to a Frenchie to suggest only skipping the meaningless opening ceremonies, but it’s still more than leaders of other world powers such as Germany, Britain and the United States have been willing to do. Everyone wants to condemn what the Chinese are doing, but no one wants to actually take action against them. Our best move might be calling Jack Bauer, because he survived two years in a Chinese prison and prolonged torture without cracking in the interim between Seasons Five and Six in 24, but short of that, some actual testicular fortitude on the part of our political leaders will have to do. The Chinese obviously aren’t going to pull back from their heinous crackdown in Tibet, not if the two civilians killed during protests in a western Chinese province bordering Tibet on Tuesday are any indication. Man up, world leaders, and do the right thing for the people of Tibet. As an added bonus, you don’t even need to pull a W. and needlessly invade China or Tibet and start a never-ending war to do your part. Just join this boycott, it’s that simple.
- No longer is Laguna Beach known solely as the place that spawned the “acting” careers of people like Stephen Colletti, Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavalleri thanks to MTV’s oh, so contrived “reality” show Laguna Beach. Now Richie Sambora, lead guitarist for one of music’s more famous hair bands, Bon Jovi, has added his own bit of notoriety and infamy to the town’s history by getting liquored up and driving around with an SUV full of passengers that included two minors. Sambora was pulled over just before 11 p.m. Tuesday after a local police officer spotted him driving erratically and pulled over the black Hummer Sambora was driving. Good decision-making, R., driving a ginormous vehicle like that while hammered out of your mind. Mix in the two minors in the vehicle and you’re really doing well, a-hole. Drunk off your head, and you’re to blame….you give alcoholics everywhere a bad name…..ok, so maybe those aren’t the correct lyrics to Dead or Alive, but Bon Jovi could always release a new version of the song, right? Call a cab, Richie. You’ll need to learn how to do that anyhow given the fact that you’re about to have your license ripped. Enjoy rehab, lush.
- Don’t do it, Jerry Jones. You may see yourself as some patron saint of troubled NFL players, a man who can bring in head cases and guys gone wild from other teams and get them in line with your Dallas Cowboys, but bringing in Adam “Pacman” Jones is the worst personnel decision you could possibly make, period. You may have brought in malcontents like Terrell Owens and Tank Johnson, guys with immense ability and immense baggage, and had success incorporating them into your team, but if you think Adam Jones is going to be the same way, you’re sadly mistaken. The Cowboys are reportedly in heavy pursuit of a trade with Adam Jones’ current team, the Tennessee Titans, that would send a seventh-round draft pick and a player to Tennessee for the right to have Jones ply his rain-making, bouncer-assaulting, woman-striking trade in Big D next season on whenever he gets reinstated by the NFL. Undoubtedly, this is a guy with big-time, big-play ability - when he’s actually allowed on the field. He’s a game-changer as a cornerback and kick returner, but don’t forget that he hasn’t even been reinstated by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell yet. Furthermore, there’s no guarantee if or when he will be reinstated. He could be out another year, for all we know. On top of that, if Dallas does acquire him and he is reinstated, does anyone seriously believe that he’ll go more than a few months without getting into trouble again? This is a guy who was going to strip clubs in New York on the eve of his meeting with Goodell wherein he was to apply for reinstatement following a shooting at a Las Vegas strip club. He’s not bright; just listen to him talk. He’s a dumb individual, not well-educated or able to put together a single sentence without committing as near-homicide on the English language. He’s shown violent tendencies toward women and that he has a rebellious streak a mile long. Time and time again he has proven that he is not smart enough to learn from his mistakes. If Dallas acquires him, they’ll be lucky if they go a single year without regretting it colossally. So hope for the best in this one, Cowboy fans, with the best being that this trade never, ever happens. Pacman will hurt your team far more than he will ever help it.
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