- For those of you naïve enough to believe the rumors, there’s bad news to report. Despite talk that Jerry Seinfeld was in talks with NBC about developing a comedy series for the network, his cult favorite show Seinfeld is not returning in any way, shape or form. I would have loved it just as much as any of you, probably more, but to believe that Jerry would make any attempt to resurrect the show or even start a new project that bore any resemblance to the show that defined a decade of television was misguided and ignorant at best. Seinfeld is a legendary series and one that I can still watch a decade after it went off the air with just as many laughs. Reports had Seinfeld and NBC working on a deal that would have created a New York-centric series similar to HBO’s hit show Curb Your Enthusiasm. Spokespersons for both Jerry Seinfeld stated that the rumors are false and that although they appreciate the public’s enthusiasm on the issue, there’s nothing further to report.
- It may seem like there’s not much at stake in this week’s Democratic caucus in Wyoming and primary in Mississippi, but I beg to differ. Yes, Wyoming only has 12 delegates at stake and Mississippi doesn’t have much more with 33, but after the horrific results of last week’s Tuesday primaries in Ohio and Texas, this is an important day regardless of the number of delegates at stake. Whereas you may see a mere 45 delegates, I see a chance for Barack Obama to regain his momentum and move that much closer to the necessary number of delegates to secure the Democratic nomination and terminate the tragedy in the making that a Hank Clinton presidency would be. That dude scares me, period. I’ve said it many times, but I will say it again: Hank is a terror that our nation does not want, need or deserve. Of course, because Mississippi is a heavily black state and Wyoming, for whatever reason, is a state where Obama is the prohibitive favorite, Hank is playing up the underdog status for all it’s worth. That dude knows how to politick his way around tough situations, but even taking the “woe is poor me” tact here doesn’t look to be enough to give Hank the votes to win. I plead with all voters in Wyoming and Mississippi to do what voters in Ohio and Texas were too stupid to do: Choose B.O. Obama may not be the perfect candidate in the greater scope of things, but in this situation, any candidate other than Hank Clinton is the perfect candidate. Do your civic duty, Mississippians and Wyomingites, vote B.O.
- While many people in America saw Saddam Hussein’s reign in Iraq as something terrible and a tyrannical regime needing to be taken down, David Chalmers saw something different. He saw what America could not or would not see…..and now he’s going to jail because of it. Chalmers has been sentenced to two years in prison after pleading guilty to approving millions of dollars in kickbacks to Saddam Hussein’s now-toppled regime in order to secure massive oil shipments from a United Nations program. Chalmers was also fined $9 million for his crimes, but since he’s going to a federal prison and he’s a white-collar criminal, you have to doubt how hard his time behind bars will really be. But props to him, I guess, for having the, um, vision to see past the brutally oppressive, human-rights-violating, tyrannical, abusive and horrific regime run by Hussein and find a way to boost your personal bank accounts by ripping off a program run by an organization looking to help the oppressed people of the world. Why would anyone want the U.N. using its resources to help needy people across the globe when a wealthy businessman can instead divert those same resources to himself? And so what if you have to facilitate those gains through one of the most heinous, despicable, despotic rulers in world history? As long as you get what you want, who cares? Well, other than the United States and every other country who worked so hard to take Hussein down and also the people of Iraq and Kuwait who saw Hussein and his forces kill their countrymen, oppress them and occupy their countries? Great job, Chalmers, you’re officially a piece of crap.
- Well at least now we have a formal stance from the W. administration on waterboarding and other torture techniques: they’re all for it. Late last week, W. vetoed a bill Congress had passed and sent to his desk that would have outlawed the use of waterboarding and other dehumanizing torture techniques by the United States and its agent, but W. wasted no time shooting it down. After Congress served up a chance to condemn detestable practices like waterboarding and served it up on a silver platter, W. rejected it with an immediate veto. Critics say W. ignored the advice of 43 retired generals and 18 national security advisors in vetoing the bill, but he defended torture techniques by saying they have helped to avert terrorist strikes and that the CIA will be allowed to continue using them. Personally, I’m going to look for the silver lining here, which I think I’ve found. For a long time now, W. and his administration have hedged, hemmed and hawed about waterboarding and similar tactics. Even Attorney General Michael Mukasey refused to say whether he felt waterboarding was a torture technique during his confirmation hearings before Congress, but now we know where W. and his cadre of ass hats stand on this. They’re all for torturing people and they don’t want any sort of standards or guidelines for when those tactics can be used. They probably watch old episodes of 24 and get a good laugh out of Jack Bauer brutally torturing and interrogating the fictional terrorists on the show. So gracias for letting us know where you stand, W., even if you are wrong.
- I haven’t had any Rosie O’Fat news lately, mostly in keeping with doctor’s order to avoid fat, loud, crass, classless, unfunny, angry lesbians who ruin any show or program they appear on. However, this is an opportunity even I can’t pass up. Here I have an opportunity to not only rip O’Fat, but also the one entity in the entertainment world I despise even more than I despise O’Fat: American Karaoke. This opportunity comes courtesy of a posting on O’Fat’s website wherein she praises some random karaoke singer who was recently voted off AK by all of the no-life-having losers who are pathetic enough to call in to vote on the hacks performing on the show. According to O’Fat’s post, karaoke-er…..um….uh….Danny Noriega….I think, is an amazing talent whose rendition of Tainted Love inspired her. And before you crack me for not knowing who Noriega is, realize that in the video posting on her site, O’Fat herself couldn’t remember his name until someone reminded her. O’Fat also predicted who the winner of this season’s rendition of AK will be, but I don’t know or care enough to write his/her name. What I will write is that O’Fat invited Noriega to perform on the next R Family Vacations cruise with O’Fat herself and to sing Tainted Love together. R Family Vacations cruises are specifically for gays and lesbians, but that’s not where I take issue. No, I have a much bigger problem with any company or organization that allows a classless wench like Rosie O’Fat to be a member and to speak on its behalf. I’m not sure whether to recommend to Noriega that he accept the invitation or reject it, because let’s face it, when you’ve appeared on American Karaoke, you’re at the lowest point you can be at. Even singing on a cruise ship with Rosie O’Fat isn’t a step down. Well, it’s more of a lateral move, so do whatever you want, Noriega. Just make sure I never have to hear from you ever again.
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