- I know the Atlanta Falcons sucked last year, what with their former star quarterback in prison as a dog murderer and all, but this is ridiculous. The team has spent the offseason jettisoning nearly every recognizable face on its roster to the point that if the season started right now, I don’t know how they’d field a full team. First, the two quarterbacks who started nearly all of their games this past season, Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich, were released. Tight end Alge Crumpler, a multiple-time Pro Bowler, was also let go. Gone too is running back Warrick Dunn, a mainstay of the Falcon backfield for the past few years. Starting offensive tackle Wayne Gandy was also released between the end of the season and now. The Falcons had also cut starting defensive tackle Grady Jackson during the latter part of this past season, so as you can see, they’re gutting their roster like a fish. But all of the above moves weren’t enough, because now the Falcons have reached an agreement in principle with the Oakland Raiders to trade cornerback DeAngelo Hall for the Raiders' second-round pick in the 2008 draft, pending the Raiders finalizing a contract with Hall. Hall is reportedly close to agreeing to a contract with the Raiders that will pay him just below what Asante Samuel signed with the Eagles in the premier defensive free-agent signing of this offseason. Samuel signed a six-year deal worth a reported $57 million, with $20 million guaranteed. Hall, who is a former first-round draft pick, is one of the NFL’s best cornerbacks but has clashed with the team, most notably despicable liar, piece of crap and gutless weasel/former coach Bobby Petrino, who quit on the team with three games left in his first season as coach to go back to the college ranks. Hall made a spectacle of himself in one particular game this year against the Carolina Panthers drawing two unsportsmanlike conduct penalties on a drive that allowed the Panthers to win a game that the Falcons should have had wrapped up. Still, with Petrino gone you had to think that maybe Hall would be able to move past his grievances and play ball, but apparently the dislike for a man so egotistical that many peers have glossed him “Me-Angelo” extends well up the organizational hierarchy. He’s now gone to one of the few teams that might have been worse than the Falcons last season, the black hole of ineptitude that is the Oakland Raiders. Really, it’s a lateral move for Hall, but Oakland is the place for malcontents in the NFL these days, so he should fit right in. As for the Falcons, you really will need a program to know who’s who for them when next season rolls around. Enjoy, Falcon fans!
- Ah, Greece….a place of beauty, historical significance, the birthplace of the modern Olympics and home to amazing places like Santorini…and also of riots in which striking garbage men hurl trash at riot police. That amusing sight came outside the Labor Ministry in Athens as an estimated 5,000 rioters marched on the Parliament in the largest of a string of recent protests against a proposed overhaul of Greece’s debt-ridden pension system. Greek garbage collectors don’t seem to be on board with those changes, so they made use of the tools of their trade to take on riot police. Normally I’m the guy out in front, leading the charge for rioters and protestors to burn things, destroy property and engage in hand-to-hand combat with the law, but I’m willing to make an exception here. Throwing garbage is a creative, smelly and effective way to make your point. It shows creativity and utility; making use of what’s handy and not wasting things. These protests aren’t just limited to garbage collectors, either. Flights have been canceled and power outages have occurred because striking workers from a wide range of industries are busy making a stink about the possible pension changes. However, nothing says “I’m pissed about your decision” quite like pelting a man with stinky, smelly, rotten garbage. So here’s to you, Greek garbage collectors, for showing you know how to get down and dirty with your riots.
- Reality TV losers need to know their role and place in life and stop acting like they matter or like people care about them. Just because you were on a reality show throwing down on a plate full of worms or running through an obstacle course against a bunch of other rejects doesn’t mean you’re famous or relevant. The Fox Reality Channel isn’t helping by giving these a-holes an extra forum to ply their dubious trade, nor is FRC helping by hosting the annual Really Awards to honor these detestable individuals who aren’t deserving of any kind of award. See, when you encourage reality TV losers by giving them an awards show, this is what you get: lawsuits by one reality TV loser against another. Jon Dalton, a.k.a. Johnny Fairplay of Survivor notoriety, is suing the producers of the Really Awards because during the 2007 edition of the show, Dalton was onstage with child-star-turned-reality-loser Danny Bonaduce when Dalton tried to jump into Bonaduce’s arms as part of a celebration and had the likely ‘roid head Bonaduce toss him over his shoulders and face-first onto the stage. In the incident, Dalton lost a tooth, broke another and loosened two more, so he feels like the producers were negligent and thus allowed the assault to take place. That he incited it with his own actions of his own free will doesn’t seem to matter to him. Unfortunately, the court dealing with his lawsuit doesn’t see things that way and has given him 20 days to amend his complaint explaining why the producers of the show, the network and Bonaduce himself are responsible for the alleged battery, negligence and emotional distress Dalton says he was the victim of. I have a better idea than wasting the court’s time and taxpayer dollars trying this suit, Dalton. Why don’t we just throw you and that piece of crap Bonaduce in a steel cage together and let you fight it out. Winner gets whatever financial compensation he wants from the loser, how does that sound? Personally, I believe you deserve that kind of beating just for being a reality TV participant, you idiot.
- From someone who has extensive experience in trying to smuggle human beings into various countries, let me tell you, smugglin’ ain’t easy. Seriously, the horror stories I could tell you about….just kidding. Well, about my experience as a human smuggler, that is. I’m definitely not joking when it comes to the perils or trying to sneak people into a country. The fifteen people just rescued late last week from a boat off the Pacific coast can attest to that fact as well. The people on board that vessel were trying to smuggle several Mexicans and one Salvadoran into the U.S. via San Diego. Before I go any further, let me applaud these smugglers for be inclusionary in their operation. When trafficking in human beings, it is vital to have diversity. Having one Salvadoran in your group shows that, gosh darn it, you welcome people from all countries and nationalities. You’re not a smuggling bigot, that’s what mixing in that one Salvadoran says. U.S. Coast Guard officials and those of the Customs and Border Protection Agency found the 24-foot boat several miles off shore, just north of the Mexican border. There was no food or water on the boat and many of those on board were dehydrated or sunburned. So the smuggling operation was a failure in terms of actually reaching the target destination, it may have had poor planning and a lack of resources, but at least those responsible for it made it a multicultural operation and did not discriminate….
- I’ve said repeatedly that only two reality shows are even mildly watchable: Amazing Race and Survivor. In saying that, I’ve neglected one show that I just didn’t think of because although it’s reality show, it’s not some contrived, lame competition setup (i.e. American Karaoke, My Dad is Better Than Your Dad, etc.). That show would be Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, which airs Sunday nights on ABC. By now, everyone has heard about the show and knows its premise. Needy, struggling families who are doing a lot of good for their community or are facing unusually trying circumstances and who live in subpar, often miserable housing conditions have their homes torn apart or torn down and rebuilt to help get them back on their feet. I don’t watch the show every week, especially during football season and college basketball season, but when I do watch, I’m always uplifted and inspired. Just this week, a family in a rural, tiny Nevada town got a brand new house and rec building to replace to dilapidated ones they had before and were using to run a ministry to at-risk teens in their town. The family, led by a man who is a pastor at the local church, has a daughter with a 2-year-old son who has major physical problems and needs 24/7 care. To see this family get their rotting, falling-apart house replaced and get one that meets their needs and the needs of the kids they minister to was awesome. So in the future, I will make sure to say that there are not two, but three reality shows on that don’t suck……
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