- Now The Bachelor has gone too far. Already this show has been on my target list because it’s such a lame, contrived, pathetic excuse to shove 25 sexed-up, desperate skanks on a show for some T&A to presumably compete foe the affections of some quasi-successful, equally desperate, attention-starved dude with a square jaw and nice abs. Invariably, the happy couple you see at show’s end when the bachelor picks his skank, er, soul mate, breaks up within a month of two, citing some predictable differences that tend to occur to any couple jammed together in an artificial, forced reality TV setting. So I was already an enemy of this show, but now the producers have taken this confrontation to a whole new level by ripping off the name of a classic song and album like London Calling for their show. Just because you have some pathetic British dude as your bachelor for the season doesn’t mean you can insult the name and legacy of an utterly classic punk rock band, an icon like The Clash. Joe Strummer, may he rest in peace, didn’t pen classic songs like London Calling, I Fought the Law, Clampdown, White Riot and more so you could capitalize on his legacy by using the name of one of his legendary albums for your joke of a reality show. If you want to name your show after a song or album, choose one from an artist that is more appropriate to what your show is all about. Allow me to offer a few suggestions: Justin Timberlake, Fergie, Black Eyed Peas, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Mary J. Blige, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, ABBA, Donna Summer, Right Said Fred, Milli Vanilli, the Spice Girls, Gwen Stefani or any current or former man-band. All of those artists suck and so does The Bachelor, so stop demeaning the legacy of The Clash for the benefit of your abortion of a program.
- Up to this point, none of the steroids scandals in sports have bothered me too much. So far, they’ve all occurred in peripheral fringe sports like professional football, baseball, track and field and cycling. Let’s face it; no one cares about the NFL, MLB, track and field or the Tour de France. But inevitably, this plague of ‘roids has touched a sport that all of us hold near as dear to our heart: pool. Yes, I’m sorry to inform you that steroids have made their way into the land of cue balls, corner pockets and green felt. German billiards player Axel Buescher is the man we have to thank for this unsavory development, because he has teste positive for the blood-booster EPO. Why a pool player is taking a blood-booster, I don’t know. Cyclists and runners take it to improve their endurance and overall performance, but they actually need those qualities in high supply. Pool players need to be able to stand upright for a few minutes, wield a light wooden stick and use it to poke tiny ceramic balls around a rectangular table. Drunk dudes and chicks in pool halls everywhere seem to be able to muster the strength and endurance to accomplish this task, but Buescher still felt he needed that extra edge over his competition. The billiards community has to be devastated over this one - or at least it would be if there were more than a few dozen of them around and if their “sport” weren’t already the 741st most popular one in the world as it is. I really can't wait to see the day when we’ve got 6’3, 285 pound dudes with 24” biceps, veins popping out of their arms and peaking on testosterone and nandrolone competing in billiards tournament everywhere, waiting to snap into fits of ‘roid rage when the seven ball doesn’t drop into the corner pocket like they wanted it to. Welcome to the steroid era, pool, what took you so long?
- Regardless of whether nations around the world support a boycott of this summer’s Olympic games in Beijing, Tibetan citizens are not giving up on their burgeoning crusade against the oppressive Chinese rule in their country. More than 100 Tibetan exiles who were marching back to their homeland to protest China’s hosting of the Olympics have been arrested and jailed in India, but they’re not taking this temporary road bump as a sign to stop their resistance. Now in a northern Indian prison, the exiles have begun a hunger strike in the hopes of bringing attention to their cause and getting their message out. That message is supported by protesting monks in Tibet and by like-minded people around the world, but as I mentioned at the top, the potential boycott of the Summer Olympics isn’t getting much traction. Multiple European nations and the United States have gone on record as saying that while they oppose the fashion in which the Chinese are treating Tibet, they will not take part in any boycott of the Games. Of course, as I told you yesterday, the endurance athletes from those countries might disagree, just not because of their support for Tibet. No, the endurance athletes probably share the sentiments of marathon legend Haile Gebrselassie of Ethiopia, who admitted that he has serious worries about the ill effects Beijing’s toxic, polluted air will have on his body should he compete. Boy, what a joyous celebration these Olympics are turning out to be for China. Pollution scares, water shortages, allegations of tainted food, human rights crises…..maybe the Olympic motto should change from “Higher, faster, stronger” to “Toxic pollution, oppression and Communism.”
- Have you been wondering lately what Richard Gere is up to? Me neither. But as it turns out, he was facing prosecution for breaking public obscenity laws in India by, gasp, kissing Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS awareness event last year. The incident took place on April 15 at a ceremony in which Gere, ever the freak for all things Buddhist, embraced and kissed Shetty in plain view. Hardcore Hindus saw the display of affection and argued that it violated India’s traditionally conservative values and standards. Other than these Hindu hardliners, Indians haven’t seemed to care much about the perceived misdeed, but that small pocket of outrage was enough to keep the possibility of prosecution alive. However, the country’s top court just suspended the arrest warrant for Gere, meaning he is no longer under any threat of arrest or prosecution should he visit India. “Gere is allowed to come and leave,’ stated Anil Grover, an attorney for Shetty. “He can’t be arrested.” To be fair, Gere probably couldn’t get arrested here in America either; no one gives a crap about him in this country either. But I am certain that he’s happy to no longer have that arrest warrant hanging over his head, now he’s free to do whatever the heck it is he’s been doing for the past few years.
- I LOVE the NCAA Tournament. From the selection show to the championship game, it is the absolute best time in sports (curmudgeon-y, bitter, condescending ass/CBS announcer Billy Packer notwithstanding). The first two days of the tournament, with wall-to-wall games from noon to midnight, is as good a two days as any sports fan can have. That all being said, I really had a beef with this year’s NCAA selection show in terms of how it was structured. One of the facets of the show in recent years has been stationing cameras at the tournament watch parties held at various colleges and universities who have a good chance of being selected for the tournament. The obvious idea is to get immediate reaction from coaches, players and fans when they either learn that they have made the tournament or that they have been left out. My beef comes in at the point when this year’s bracket announcements on CBS seemed to be interrupted every time a team was announced so CBS could break in with a live feed from that school’s campus. A team would be announced and bam!, there was the same freaking shot of players jumping out of chairs, dancing, pointing at the camera and yelling. It could have actually been the same footage, just with different clothes superimposed over the people in the shots. Either way, there were simply too many cameras at sites. When you limit it to a select few, the concept remains somewhat fresh and interesting. When you jam in as many as possible, the celebrations all just run together, mostly because they’re all pretty much the same. There are only so many sequences of dudes hopping up out of their seats and popping their school-supplied March Madness shirts I can take. Just tell me who’s in, who’s out and where everyone is headed. Give me a few shots from campuses around the country, but don’t make it gratuitous and excessive. Instead, maybe have a couple more interviews with players and coaches, because at least then you could get some variety in their responses. C’mon CBS, I have to put up with Billy Packer doing games for three weeks, the least you can do is to provide a top-notch selection show.
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