- I shouldn’t be having back-to-back days where I’m talking about people who are supposed to be enforcing and upholding the law being guilty of breaking the law in reprehensible fashion, but here I am. Yesterday it was the story of the police chief in Gary, Ind. who assaulted and wrongfully jailed four people he suspected of burglarizing his home. Today, there’s an even bigger fish swimming in the waters of corrupt, morally bankrupt behavior by an elected official. New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, a man who has built his reputation on being a hard-liner against crime, a law-and-order hombre with a distaste for all things illegal and immoral, apparently solicits hookers. Actually, to be fair, he solicits sexual favors from hookers on Valentine’s Day eve while on business trips to Washington, D.C. My man E. Spitzer was snagged by a federal wiretapping program when he made a phone call arranging a meeting with a hooker in his hotel room. This wasn’t the first time for this kind of liaison, either, because the feds have Spitzer on the client list of the Emperor’s Club VIP as “Client 9” and those records show him paying $4,300 for various sessions with a “petite, pretty brunette, 5-feet-5 inches and 105 pounds” named Kristen. According to a witness in the case, Kristen was ordered to take a train from New York to D.C. on the night of Feb. 13 to meet “Client 9,” who would be paying for all of her expenses, including train tickets, cab fare, room service, travel time and hotel. Spitzer was dumb enough to use his credit card for some of these transactions, so clearly being a powerful elected official doesn’t mean he’s very intelligent. This same witness told the feds that payments for this particular encounter would be done the same way as previous transactions, so Spitzer has done this more than once. Honestly, I can't think of anything more hypocritical than this situation. Not only is Spitzer the governor of one of the most prominent, populous states in this country, head of that state’s executive branch, but he made his mark by cracking down on the very acts he was committing on a regular basis. Whether Spitzer resigns now or not doesn’t matter much unless you’re a New York resident. His remaining in office or leaving doesn’t affect those outside of NY, because from here on out, he’s going to be known first, foremost and always as the governor who got after it with a hooker. Hope that was worth it, Eliot, a few sessions with some petite, brunette prostitute that will now ruin your marriage, political career and life….
- Well rehab is certainly changing Amy Winehouse. She’s gone from a druggie, drunken lush who will snort, shoot or ingest any drug you put in front of her to a druggie, drunken lush who will snort, shoot or ingest any drug you put in front of her and now lights vodka on fire and snorts it as well. Yup, you read that right. No longer content with imbibing alcohol the normal way, Winehouse has taken to a tactic that stunned even some of her junkie, alkie buddies. While out at a club recently, Winehouse and her crew apparently were hanging out when the bar they were at closed. All of us have been there, when the lights come up and the night is over. If you’re having a good time, you don’t want it to end but the place is closing, so what to do? Most people gulp down one last drink for the road and either call it a night or move the party elsewhere. Notice I said gulp. Instead of putting alcohol into her body through the normal channel, my girl Winehouse decided that lighting her vodka on fire and snorting it was the best choice. After all, you get it into your bloodstream quicker and thus get your buzz on quicker, so why not? Well, other than it being totally out of hand and something that would make even Ozzy Osbourne and his snorting a line of ants off a popsicle stick do a double take. Call me crazy, but rehab is supposed to help you get better and stop doing this sort of crap, right? It seems to be having the opposite impact on Winehouse. Rehab is galvanizing her desire to get wasted and be a degenerate lush. Her people had better get her out of rehab and keep her out, otherwise she’s going to be mainlining Jack Daniel’s snorting heroin and drinking gin at the same time, all while smoking a joint and mumbling one of her incoherent songs in between drags off of her joint. Over/under on the date she buys the farm: June 15. I’ll take the under…..
- Ever heard the saying, “If you feel like you need to carry a gun to go somewhere, then that’s somewhere you probably don’t need to be going to begin with”? Those words are usually uttered in reference to incidents involving athletes and celebrities who end up in shootings and brawls at nightclubs, strip clubs, etc. that involve firearms. The thinking is that if a place is so dangerous that you won't go without a gun, then that’s a place you should be going to at all. Allow me to be the first to extend this mantra to Colombia and any other nation in the world that is home to the rare species known as Soccer Hooligan. See, like every other nation in the world where soccer is the preeminent sport, Colombia often experiences soccer-related riots. Fans don’t like the outcome of a match, they don’t like the officiating or they don’t like the opposing team’s fans, so they’re looking to go. Maybe someone throws a lit emergency flare, maybe someone throws a punch or lobs a beer bottle. All of that is typical for soccer riots, but a riot in the city of Cali clearly shows that there’s another, more explosive component to soccer riots: homemade explosives. Extending that motto about guns, the lesson should be that if you need a homemade explosive device to go somewhere, then that’s a place you don’t need to be going. The riot in Cali got underway during a match between Deportivo Cali and America de Cali. The exact cause is still undetermined. Local official Diego Cardona explained it by saying that, “This is one of the theories, but when you have so many people drunk, drugged up and looking for a fight, sometimes it’s hard to find out what really started it.” Great, Diego. You don’t know what started it and honestly, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like soccer fan needs a legit excuse to riot, so I’m sure this one was no different. One theory is that a jealous boyfriend sparked a brawl that ignited the whole riot, which would be so typically soccer it’s perfect. Regardless of how it started, once the riot got going it spiraled out of hand quickly. Knives and rocks were the primary weapons of choice initially, but once the cops jumped in to intervene, things escalated quickly. That’s when fans took out their homemade explosive devices and really started causing damage. In the ensuing chaos 83 people were injured, including six cops. One of the cops was shanked and One 18 fans were also treated for stab wounds. Let me say this for you again, soccer fan: If you need a homemade bomb to attend a game, go ahead and assume you shouldn’t be attending games. How does that thought process go, anyhow? “Man, Team X is coming to town, I hate those punks. They’re a bunch of a-holes and their fans are even worse. Y’know what we need to do? No, not make signs mocking them. No, not come up with some creative heckles to toss at them. What we need is to rig up a few homemade bombs. That’ll shut those b*tches up.” That’s just an incredible leap, from not liking an opposing team or fans to the point of making incendiary devices to throw at them. Last time I checked, Red Sox and Yankees fans hate each other, but they’re not rigging up explosives to take to the game to hurl at one another. Same goes for Duke and North Carolina fans, Cubs and Cardinal fans and Browns and Steelers fans. Once again, you’ve showed how truly ridiculous you are soccer, congrats.
- When people do moronic, illegal things and then try to explain away their actions, it’s almost always funny to hear their lame rationales. They fail to realize that regardless of why you committed a crime, you still committed a crime and nothing you say will make it not a crime or make it acceptable. For example, if you are at a car wash and your 2-year-old throws a temper tantrum, you response can't be to yank the kid out of the car and hit them with a blast from the sprayer arm dispensing soap and water to clean your car. Niurka Ramirez incorrectly decided that using the sprayer on her infant daughter was a good idea, but she thinks it’s ok because while she may have sprayed the child, at least she didn’t hit the girl with the pressure-washing feature of the sprayer. Orlando police have charged her with abusing her daughter, and since stupidity and lack of IQ aren’t things you can bring someone up on criminal charges for, that’ll have to do. But great excuse, that it’s not a big deal because you didn’t use the high-pressure setting on the sprayer. Oh, ok. As long as you didn’t kick it up to the highest possible level, then it’s ok to abuse your child. Does that also mean it’s all right to burn your child as long as you don’t give them anything worse than a second-degree burn? Niurka, you are perfect evidence of the fact that just because you are physically capable of having children, that doesn’t mean you are mentally capable of raising them.
- So I finally caught up with the last half of last week’s One Tree Hill that I missed, which dovetails nicely into this week’s episode. Last week’s second half wrapped up with Hayley being confronted by the nanny she had just fired, Carrie, who revealed that she and Hayley’s husband Nathan had kissed and that he’d also seen her skinny-dipping. That led to a tearful Hayley-Nathan argument that was interrupted when their son Jamie fell into the pool and they ran out to rescue him. Nathan got him out in time, but after Jamie caught his breath, Hayley took Nathan’s away by informing him that she wanted a divorce. Also headed for a divorce of sorts were Peyton and the lone artist on her record label, Mia - or so it seemed. Just when it seemed that Peyton was resigned to the fact that she really couldn’t offer Mia the kind of career launch and promotional support she deserved, she and Mia sprung a plan on John, the exec from the major record label Peyton worked for in L.A. who was in town trying to steal Mia away. However, Mia insists on remaining loyal and so she and Peyton set John up by Mia “happening” in on a meeting between Peyton and John where Peyton tells John that he’s right and that she can’t give Mia what she needs. Mia pretends to be livid with Peyton and also with John. She tells John she’ll never, ever sign with him or work with him and she also calls Peyton a sellout. After her performance, John is rattled and agrees to a deal Peyton proposes that allows Mia (and Peyton) to keep the rights to Mia’s music and give her full authority over most of her career while allowing John’s label to distribute and promote her music. So that’s where last week left off, so on to…….This week’s episode, which was all about returns. Dan Scott, father of Lucas and Nathan and murderer of his own brother in Season Three, somehow got paroled from prison and is now a free man. He chose to celebrate by hitting on the checkout girl at the sporting goods store where he was buying a present for his grandson and then sleeping with the chick later that night. But Dan’s self-interjection into the lives of the show’s main characters didn’t happen this week; next week’s Lucas-Lindsey wedding will be the setting for that one. Making a return of her own was Rachel Gotina, who was back in Tree Hill because when Brooke found her OD’d in Brooke’s New York apartment and wanted to send her to rehab, Rachel begged Brooke not to leave her alone in New York. So back to Tree Hill it was, where reactions from all ends of the emotional spectrum awaited her. Peyton and Brooke were supportive, allowing her to stay with them and get back on her feet. Mouth McFadden welcomed her back as well, going to visit Rachel despite the objections of the girl he’s now dating, Brooke’s assistant Millicent. Rachel actually tried to get Mouth to have sex with her, but he does what he always does, making the right choice, the honorable choice by saying no and encouraging Rachel to stop thinking that she’s not good enough to have the life she wants. Then there’s the reaction from Bitch-toria, er, Victoria, Brooke’s mom. She stops by her daughter’s house, finds Rachel and in one of the most calloused, heinous displays of bitch-dom I can remember seeing on TV in some time, rips Rachel a new one by calling her a leech and telling her that she’s not strong enough to beat her drug addiction and will eventually relapse. That little pep talk rattles Rachel badly enough that she takes off and takes an envelope full of money that Peyton had given to Brooke earlier in the day to repay the loan Brooke gave her to help start Peyton’s record company. Everyone else spent the episode getting ready for and enjoying Lucas and Lindsey’s joint bachelor/bachelorette parties, which they combined and held at Nathan and Hayley’s house in an attempt to force Nathan and Hayley to talk and perhaps reconcile. Nathan, who has been living on Lucas’ couch for the past week since Hayley kicked him out, wants to return home but Hayley isn’t so sure. Their separation is hard on Jamie, who wants his family back together. In the midst of the party planning, the gang makes a stop at Macy’s (this Macy’s connection is taking shameless promoting and shilling to a new low this season) where Lucas and Lindsey pick out gifts for their wedding registry and Brooke and new boy toy Owen are for a meeting Brooke has with Macy’s officials. They bump into old Tree Hill HS buddy Bevan and she’s her ditzy, bubbly self. She reveals that she’s now married with a son, and Brooke realizes upon seeing a picture and learning the boy’s name that Bevan is married to Tim Smith, also an old Tree Hill HS buddy and the loveable loser sidekick from the show’s first four seasons. Brooke gets another surprise when Victoria pops up and reveals that she moved up the Macy’s meeting and took it herself, cutting Brooke out of the whole deal. After that stunt and her treatment of Rachel, Brooke finally gets the guts to fire her mom from her position at Clothes Over Bros, Brooke’s company. Another twist for Brooke comes when she and Owen prepare to leave for the party and the friend Owen brings along because he’s in town and needs something to do is Brooke’s high school boyfriend from her senior year, Chase (Stephen Colletti from Laguna Beach fame). Chase is actually Peyton’s date for the evening, but things are awkward for all involved, although Chase and Peyton make the best of it and have a fun evening. The party is actually a success, but it still doesn’t bring Nathan and Hayley back together. Still, later in the night when Hayley is proofing a few chapters of Lucas’ new novel that he’s working on, something in it strikes a chord with her and she calls him in the middle of the night. She surprises him by telling him that he can’t marry Lindsey but doesn’t say why, not on camera anyhow. All of this sets the stage for next week, which will be OTH’s 100th episode. It’ll be Lucas and Lindsey’s wedding, so obviously there will be drama with Peyton possibly trying to break up the wedding and also with the return of the evil one, Dan Scott. For now, that’s it and that’s all, so until next week, peace out…….
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