Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Pope Frank's laundromat, soccer does it again and Alabama's banner week rolls on


- Quite a week you’re having, Alabama. Your governor finally owns up to the (diluted) consequences of being an adulterous, scheming, conniving and legally manipulative piece of sh*t who had an affair and used all manner of state resources to try to cover it up and just as he’s on his way out the door, your state senate votes to curiously allow a church to form its own police force. Yes, Alabama Senate has voted 24-4 to allow Briarwood Presbyterian Church in Birmingham to establish a law enforcement department and before you ask why a Presbyterian church in a Bible-centric state would need its own police force with guns and all, just know….it’s a damn good question. The church’s answer to that question would be that it needs its own police officers to keep its school as well as its more than 4,000 person congregation safe and it’s worth asking…what the hell kind of neighborhood do these folks worship in? Yes, the state has given a few private universities the authority to have a police force, never a church and critics smartly counter that having a police department that reports to church officials could allow the church to cover up crimes and misdeeds within. A similar bill is now before the state House of Representatives and with each yes vote, the pew dwellers at BPC are one giant step closer to being able to both keep God’s law and enforce their own once the sermon comes to an end………


- Bitter much, Ian McShane? McShane is McChafed when it comes to the 2012 movie “Snow White And The Huntsman,” in which the veteran actor played a dwarf leader called Beith in a movie starring Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth. Maybe McShane is cranky because when people think of the movie, which is rare because it wasn’t exactly an Oscar contender for Best Picture, they don’t think of he or his fellow dwarves, played by Bob Hoskins, Toby Jones, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Eddie Marsan, Johnny Harris and Brian Gleeson. When asked about the roles the dwarves played in the movie, McShane let rip with some less-than-complimentary views. “The less said about that the better. We were the best things in the movie. But by the time we’d spent six hours getting fake asses and prosthetics, we only had three hours to shoot in,” he fumed. “These people pay you a lot of money and you want it to be good. But sometimes you want to say, ‘Hey guys, you know, get it together.’” It’s amazing that with his stellar attitude, McShane did not return for last year’s sequel, 2016’s “The Huntsman: Winter’s War,” which offset his immense loss by bringing back Hemsworth with Charlize Theron and Emily Blunt, but not Stewart…….


- Pope Frank is at it again. Ol’ Frankie has done all sorts of good deeds for the poor of Rome and the Vatican, most notably opening free barber shop and showers under the Vatican Colonnade and setting up a dormitory for homeless men near St. Peter's Basilica in 2015, but clearly there are pieces of the equation he hasn’t reached quite yet. One of those omissions has now been addressed, as the guy with the most righteous funny hat in the world has opened a new laundromat for the homeless to wash and dry their clothing. The laundromat, near the Vatican, has six washing machines and dryers and is already welcoming those who may not have a deep and varied wardrobe, but still need to keep what little clothing they have clean. Those who have made use of the facility have expressed incredible gratitude to the pontiff, as many of them have never had the chance to use a washing machine of any kind. They’ve been spotted carefully placing their clothing in the washing machines and watching it spin around and around. Finding an opening in the laundromat’s schedule may not be easy, as it will only remain open four days a week and services are free. Still, it’s more proof that unlike certain American politicians elected to their nation’s highest office recently, Pope Frank hasn’t forgotten his promises from his candidacy to help those most in need of a little assistance to get their lives back on track. Even a dude in a funny hat can do a lot of good with a shave, a haircut and some newly washed clothing.……..


- Soccer, you’ve done it again. You’ve proven that your sport and acts of violence and even terrorism are too often synonymous and the world saw it again when three explosions rocked the Borussia Dortmund team bus as it was driving to their home stadium for a scheduled Champions League match, injuring defender Marc Bartra and causing the game to be postponed. The contest was to be a quarterfinal first leg against Monaco, but it was pushed back by a day as the German club confirmed that Bartra had suffered a broken wrist and was undergoing surgery after windows were shattered in three explosions near the team bus. The bus was departing for the Westfalenstadion and it sounds like this was no random incident. "Initial findings make police believe that there was an attack with serious explosives. Those explosives might have been hidden in a hedge near a parking lot,” police said in a statement. According to a public prosecutor, a note claiming responsibility for the incident was found near the site of the explosions and police are working to authenticate it while investigating the case as one of potential attempted homicide. It’s the latest in a growing line of terror attacks surrounding major international soccer matches and that doesn’t even take into account the terror rained down on the pitches, stadiums and immediate vicinities of soccer venues by hooligans a) celebrating a big win, b) rioting after a bad loss, c) irate over a referee’s decision or d) because #hooligansgonnahooligan………

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