Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Madonna suddnely hates publicity, Larry Bird moves on and thieves doing calisthenics


- Madonna has always been a publicity whore. So it’s always surprising when someone - anyone - wants to shine more of the spotlight on her and she’s opposed to the idea. Her bizarre turn in stance comes in response to news that a biopic film called “Blond Ambition” is in the works, a project penned by rising screenwriter Elyse Hollander. It’s thought of as one of Hollywood’s best unproduced screenplays and it’s already been picked up by Universal Pictures. The Material Skank took to Twitter to make it clear that this project most certainly does NOT have her approval. “Nobody knows what I know and what I have seen. Only I can tell my story. Anyone else who tries is a charlatan and a fool,” she wrote. “Looking for instant gratification without doing the work. This is a disease in our society.” In a sense, using the word charlatan in an Instagram post is a pretty bold reach, given that media hardly existed the last time that word was actually part of modern language, let alone social media. Blessing or not, the movie will reportedly zero in on Madonna’s formative years in New York City, perhaps incorporating the legendary story in which she took a flight from her hometown of Detroit to New York City in 1978 with only $37 in her pocket and told a taxi driver to take her to “the center of everything.” As the tale goes, he dropped her off in Times Square and she spent the next five years working as a model, dancer and waitress while playing in the bands Emmy and Breakfast Club. She later became a solo artist and spent lots of time hanging out at the iconic nightclub Danceteria before finally breaking through in the pop music world in 1983 with her self-titled debut album and going on to become one of the single most overrated musicians in the history of the industry……..


- The practice of executing people is undergoing major changes around the world. Many places in the United States are having to consider alternative methods of sending condemned criminals shuffling off this mortal coil because of a dearth of the drugs used to kill people by lethal injection…and then there’s Scotland. Specifically, there’s the western city of Glasgow, where a candidate for city council says she wants to bring back the guillotine as a means of terminating the lives of the convicted with malice. Gisela Allen, the populist U.K. Independence Party's candidate for Garscadden/Scotstounhill, is breaking new/old ground by saying that not only should the death penalty should be reinstituted in the country, but suggesting that the guillotine could take place of hanging. "I want the death penalty to be re-enacted. It doesn't necessarily have to be hanging," Allen said of her plan. "You could have the guillotine. I think the public is entitled to protection." She made it clear that her stance represented personal beliefs and not party policy, which then freed Allen up to offer another unpopular proposal, this one to raise the age of retirement to 70 while also eliminating free bus passes and sex education in schools. Furthermore, she wants to yank support for nurseries because in her bygone-era-themed world view, the best idea is for women to stay home with their families. "I don't want increased child care," Allen stated. "Women with small children should stay at home and look after their own children. Nurseries shouldn't get support. No sex education in school and I don't want any LGBT community — it's private life, none of anyone's business." Some of her policies are downright kook-tastic, as she has advocated for a reopening of public toilets and an abolishment of golf course because they’re some sort of environmental and safety threat. Yes, trying to eradicate golf in the home of golf, it’s almost enough to make people wish they had a guillotine to use………


- Nothing says truly troubled by your team getting swept out in the first round of the NBA playoffs and intent on figuring out what to do with a superstar player entering the final year of his contract quite like cramming into an Indy car and zipping through downtown Manhattan. But such is life when your town wants to host the NBA All-Star Game and your team president has a) spare time on his hands, b) access to an Indy car and clearance to drive four blocks down Fifth Avenue in said specially themed car to deliver your team’s bid to host the 2021 game to NBA commissioner Adam Silver. Such is life for Indiana Paces president Larry Bird, a Hall of Famer who is an Indiana native and had driven an Indy car only once, during a practice run for his drive. At 6-foot-9, jamming into the car wasn’t easy. "It's a little rough ride," he said. "No suspension or anything, but it's fun." About 200 people gathered around as Bird maneuvered along the left lane, exited his yellow and blue "Larry Bird" car and quickly lamented the combination of the car's small pedals and his big feet. That his team was eliminated from the playoffs in a first-round sweep by defending champion Cleveland didn’t seem to dampen Bird’s spirit. "It's like a bucket list thing. It's in New York, so you've got to do it," Bird said. "If I was driving around my neighborhood I don't think I'd have had any interest in it. But coming up to New York and ride down the street for a few blocks, it's something that I wish everybody could do." The odds seem high for the bid to succeed, as Indiana hasn't hosted the NBA All-Star Game since 1985 but has plenty of experience staging big events, including the Super Bowl and seven NCAA men's Final Fours. The Hoosier State is basketball heaven for many, so the Association will likely send All-Star weekend there soon……..


- Not enough thieves take time to properly prepare before committing their crimes. Not so for a suspect who robbed a local Dunkin’ Donuts in North Philadelphia and showed that he wasn’t just going to barge through the door unprepared for what might come next. Knowing that even though he was entering the building shortly before 7 a.m. on a Saturday, he may still have to evade and outrun the long arm of the law after making the heist, the thief was captured on video doing some much-needed stretching before entering the store. Yes, stretching in a parking lot while wearing all black, latex gloves and a ski mask does look odd, but how many people are cruising an urban area at 7 a.m. on a weekend and could see an oddly dressed and suspicious individual doing stretches right before walking in, hurdling the counter - see, stretching did pay off - and pointing a gun at an employee before demanding, “You have 20 seconds to give me the money from the registers,” before jumping back over the counter and fleeing? According to police, the suspect stole over $300 from the registers and was last seen leaving the parking lot, but in a nice bit of proof that pre-theft calisthenics do indeed work, the suspect remains at large and one would have to imagine, free of any nagging hamstring or quadriceps pain or post-robbery back soreness. Score one for being willing to put in the work before committing a crime that you commit so you don’t have to do something resembling actual work……..

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