- You can change your stage name, but you can't change the
fact that people don’t give a damn about you. It may have worked for Prince,
but he had actual musical talent, whereas Billy Ray Cyrus has an exceptionally
freaky (and equally musically awful) daughter and a famous mullet, but little
else in the way of sonic capabilities. Knowing that he hasn’t been relevant in
more than two decades, the ‘90s country singer, actor and father to Miley Cyrus
is trying to revive his long-dead career with the tired, lame “change my name”
stunt. He wants to change his stage name to Cyrus, dropping the Billy Ray
portion because….#irrelevancesucks. “I
always went by Cyrus, and I begged Mercury Records to call me Cyrus in the
beginning because that’s what I was comfortable with,” he said. “I’m going to
the hospital where I was born in Bellefonte, Kentucky, and legally changing my
name.” Wait…you’re so desperate for people to remember you’re alive and still
own a guitar and microphone that you’re trying to channel your inner Brazilian
soccer star and become known by only one name? Oh, and any doubt that this is
nothing more than a lame publicity stunt can be dismissed given the timing of
the change, as it coincides with the release of a new 25th anniversary version
of the musician’s 1992 single “Achey Breaky Heart,” for which he just happens
to have released an updated versions, with promises that he has both a
Spanglish and an EDM version of the song ready to go. Yes, because terrible
music should always be available in a language that can torment people of all
religions, ethnicities and nationalities……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Venezuela is still pissed off and
its primary target o’ rage remains despotic leader Nicolas Maduro, whom
opposition leaders accuse of everything from stifling dissent to refusing to
allow elections that would likely oust him from office. The most recent reason
to revolt came this week as hundreds of Maduro’s opponents marched to a
military prison outside Caracas to demand the release of Leopoldo Lopez and
other jailed activists they consider political prisoners. Marching toward a
Venezuelan prison while the country is under the leadership of a dictator like
Maduro or his successor/mentor Hugo Chavez can always be viewed as possibly
marching to your (immediate) future residence, but in this case, the marchers
didn’t end up staying at the prison and merely served as the latest human salvo
in an intensifying campaign by the opposition to force Maduro from office. Four
weeks of angry street uprisings have led to 28 people being killed and more
than 400 injured as citizens clash with security forces and pro-government
groups. This march was largely a symbolic gesture given that light armored
vehicles and national guardsmen are blocking access to the facility where Lopez
is serving a nearly 14-year sentence and protestors didn’t bring the requisite
weapon to break out a man bogusly convicted of inciting violence during a
previous round of anti-government unrest in 2014. Still, it was a heartwarming
scene when his wife Lilian Tintori was at the front of a group carrying a large
Venezuelan flag making its way to the prison, even if the march didn’t
accomplish its largest goal………
- Ah, the scent of college football in the spring: a mix of
the drying ink on police blotters, the metallic scents of handcuffs and the
distinct smell of rage from coaches who find out in the middle of the night
that some of their players just took a ride downtown in the back of a squad
car. It’s the hallmark of the sport in the spring, when spring practices have
ended and players are left with more free time and less football on their
schedule. It even extends to also-ran, mid-major programs like
Louisiana-Lafayette, which has indefinitely suspended 13 football players
facing charges of criminal conspiracy to commit felony theft. The list of
suspended players includes tight end Matthew Barnes; defensive ends Joe Dillon
and Jarvis Jeffries; offensive linemen Robert Hunt and D'Aquin Withrow;
linebacker Terik Miller; defensive backs Denarius Howard, Damar'ren Mitchell,
Simeon Thomas and Levarious Varnado; defensive tackle LaDarrius Kidd; and running
backs Trey Ragas and Jordan Wright, a massive group that proved it knows how to
work together, even if the endeavor is straight-up illegal. If you ask school
officials, the players were suspended "for a violation of team
rules," but if you ask University of Louisiana-Lafayette police, the 13
players barged into a dorm room April 5 and took several items worth a total of
about $2,400. Amazingly, these would-be Mensa members didn’t realize that the
dorm had video surveillance and with that footage, they were quickly
identified. In the aftermath, head coach Mark Hudspeth issued the requisite
statement. "I would like to apologize to Cajun Nation and the
University," Hudspeth said. "We do not condone the behavior that was
represented and we expect higher standards of our student-athletes.” You might,
but any knowledgeable college football fan did not……..
- There are many miserable aspects to a minimum-wage job at
a fast food restaurant. Typically, those are limited to working horrible hours,
dealing with angry customers’ ridiculous dietary demands, handling unsavory and
filthy substances like french fry grease and uniforms soaked with the stench of
fatty fast foods. For a worker at a Kansas City Jimmy John’s location, you can
add staring down the barrel of a gun toted by a robber to the list of reasons
to hate showing up for work each day, but to his credit, this employee managed
to stay incredibly calm while facing possible death at the hands of a scumbag who
would rather carry out an armed robbery than attempt to earn money through
legal means. Around 9 p.m., the suspect - wearing a light blue hoodie - entered
the restaurant and kept up the whole “I’m a customer” charade by placing an
order, but giving up the gig by pulling a gun from his pocket instead of his
wallet, pointing the firearm at the cashier’s head. The cashier responded by
removing money from the register and handing it over, even going so far as to
attempt to give the robber the whole cash register tray - customer service with
a smile! - but the ungrateful robber pushed the tray back at the worker before
fleeing. Given the sophisticated nature of this heist, it’s outright shocking
to hear that police were able to identify and arrest the suspect within 24
hours. Anyone criminally brilliant enough to shove a gun into their pocket and
rob some zit-faced high school student at a sandwich shop at 9 p.m. on a
weeknight really would seem to be savvy enough to evade the long arm of the law
for at least 48 hours, but clearly police and those who phoned in tips were
simply too wise for their future prison inmate to overcome……..
No comments:
Post a Comment