Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Venezuela v. Colombia, another "Fast & Furious" trilogy and criminals are still morons

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- Sepp Blatter: delusional, defiant and corrupt to the end. His tenure as FIFA president has been baptized and bathed in corruption since its outset and after apparently dodging toe corruption charges brought by the United States against virtually every other official in his heinous outfit, Blatter agreed to step down…in a few months. That was this summer, but the year couldn’t even finish before Blatter’s reign of terror hit a new low in the form of the Swiss Attorney General opening criminal proceedings against him on "suspicion of criminal mismanagement." Calling what Blatter has (allegedly) done with FIFA is a bit like calling Charles Manson a slightly temperamental group leader. A statement released by the Office of the Attorney General (OAG) of Switzerland confirmed it was examining a contract signed by Blatter with the Caribbean Football Union and an alleged "disloyal payment" of $2 million to UEFA president Michel Platini, one of many times Blatter has been involved in shady dealings. With former senior FIFA official Jack Warner indicted in the wide-ranging bribery scandal, Platini and Blatter caught up in this mess and who knows what the hell else on the way, Blatter continues to insist that he won't step down early and will stay on until a new president can be eected next year. His lawyer, Richard Cullen, said that "no mismanagement occurred,” which is a massive pile of bullshit to shovel even for a high-priced criminal attorney. "We're confident that when the Swiss authorities have a chance to review the documents and the evidence they will see that the contract was properly prepared and negotiated by the appropriate staff members of FIFA,” Cullen said in a statement, presumably with the pants from his $5,000 suit bursting into flames. The OAG confirmed that it had conducted a search at FIFA headquarters with the help of the police -- including Blatter's office -- and seized data showing Blatter made “a disloyal payment of two million Swiss Francs to Michel Platini.” Stay classy, Sepp……….




- The world’s smartest people are still not in the business of committing crimes for a living. While the smarter folks are off doing legal ish, people like Ohio residents John Mogan and Ashely Duboe are committing crimes and then doing the police’s work by serving up evidence of their evil deeds hot and fresh on social media. Mogan, a recent parolee of Ohio’s fine correctional system, and Duboe, his girlfriend, are accused of robbing an Ohio bank last week and these two would-be Mensas apparently never thought that posting photos on Facebook of themselves with wads of cash in the days after the crime was a bad idea. Police say the photos helped them identify and locate their suspects and charge them with robbing the Savings Bank in Ashville, just outside of Columbus. According to the long arm of the law, Mogan made off with an undetermined amount of cash after he entered the bank wearing a black hoodie and handed the teller a note demanding cash. Based on the evidence we now have, he probably would have found another way to f*ck up and get himself caught even without his social media stupidity, but he posted a photo on his Facebook page that shows him with fans of cash in each hand as he embraces Duboe. As if that weren’t enough, he posted another photo several days later showing himself with a wad of bills in his mouth. “That's called a McStack,” he allegedly wrote. “I'm doing rrree=aaaaalll) good.” But wait, there’s more. Other photos posted to the Facebook page show Mogan pretending that the brick of cash is a phone as well as his lunch. Pickaway County Sheriff Robert Radcliff and his crew have never had an easier case to crack……..




- Anyone who thought the Fast & Furious franchise  might be done or at least ready to wrap up with the untimely death of Paul Walker and a nice, neat place at which to bring the seven-movie series to a close….nope. Vin Diesel has revealed that the franchise will indeed end….with "one last trilogy.” Earlier this year, “Furious 7” became the franchise's most successful installment yet, grossing over $1.512 billion at the box office. That number ranks fifth on the all-time list behind “Avatar,” “Titanic,” “Jurassic World” and “The Avengers.” Diesel also serves as a producer on the movies as well as starring in them and previously confirmed that the eighth film in the series will be released on April 14, 2017. "We're going to make the best movie you've ever seen!" was his promise in April. That was clearly a lie because no “Fast & Furious” movie is ever going to rank among the best in cinematic history, but the movie has lurched along since then and still doesn’t have a director. "My producing partner Neal [H.Moritz] would love for me to just sign off on a director, but this is too special a franchise, so these matters have to be very carefully handled. To be clear, NO ONE has been offered to helm Fast 8 yet... let alone seen a script,” Diesel wrote in a Facebook post. : "Universal has been so good to me and so trusting of the vision... they have been like family... I promised the studio I would deliver one last Trilogy to end the saga." The best Diesel has done so far is to claim that he, Moritz and Universal had been "mapping out the future of our saga" over the weekend, "including the announcement of it's (sic) respective directors." More action, less bluster, V. Fans will pay to see whatever you crank out, so just get on with it……….




- Look at Venezuela and Colombia, making nice. The South American neighbors and linchpins in the global drug trade have been at odds for a long time, but maybe they can be friends again now that Venezuela has agreed to let more than 1,500 Colombians return as legal residents after they were deported during an August crackdown on the border. According to the regional group UNASUR, Venezuelan President/despot Nicolas Maduro is willing to allow those Colombians to come back and normalize their legal status with the help of his government. The reversal comes on week after Maduro met with Colombia's president and they agreed to send back their ambassadors who were recalled amid the dispute that has paralyzed trade and movement along the border. Venezuela really kicked things up a notch, closing border crossings, deploying troops and deporting some Colombian nationals as part of what it calls an initiative to combat smuggling and crime. It’s funny because drugs exist in massive quantities in both countries, but it’s cute that either side thinks the other is the major problem here. Oh, and there’s also the issue of how many of the deported Colombians will want to return after being given the boot, but how could you not want to come back to a country that has treated you so warmly? Good times all around………

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