Saturday, September 05, 2015

Dwight Howard's new club, spoiled Barbie Jeep-driving college b'otches and Black Sabbath's final final goodbye


- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! This is less of a riot and more of a labor uprising, but a revolt is a revolt and this one involves drivers for Spanish rail company Renfe. The strike — the first of four planned this month — kicked off September by forcing Renfe to cancel around a quarter of its commuter and long distance trains, causing a small travel disruption in a large nation where getting from Valencia to Barcelona or Madrid to San Sebastian becomes much easier when you can hope a train and zip along for a few hours rather than having to get behind the wheel yourself. The force behind the strike is the Semaf union and with other strikes planned this month, the union might want to look at the fact that its kickoff event for the month had little apparent affect as a government demand to have some 70 percent of services operating during rush hour kept the trains running mostly as normal. There were no major delays, although a sizeable uptick in traffic in cities like Madrid suggested many people decided to use alternative forms of transportation. The union decided to call for the strike after talks with Renfe over staffing and working conditions broke down last month and while demanding better working conditions and lessening demands on employees is a trite and clichéd reason to strike, any time employees want to rise up against The Man and make their voice heard, it’s a good thing. Just know that lame strikes hurt your chances of gaining attention or respect for future work stoppages, Spanish train driver union members……….


- Who’s ready for another “last” goodbye from some of the most iconic heavy metal rockers of all-time? Black Sabbath have been claiming they’re ready to wrap up their five-decade run for years now, but this time they really mean it - really. They’ve announced plans for their final farewell tour, which is in and of itself something of an oxymoron. To give it the feel of actual finality, they’ve titled it “The End” and as with all things that need to end and end as soon as possible, this tour will begin in Nebraska in January before moving on to some place much better - namely Australia and New Zealand in April. Black Sabbath proclaimed their big news in a video announcement that explained in long-winded fashion, “'It's the beginning of the end. It started nearly five decades ago with a crack of thunder, a distant bell ringing and then that monstrous riff that shook the earth. The heaviest rock sound ever heard. In that moment heavy metal was born, created by a young band from Birmingham, England barely out of their teens.” From there, the monologue brands Sabbath “the greatest metal band of all time” and informs the world that Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler will now write the final chapter in their tale, beginning Jan. 20. The band promised mesmerizing production value, but doesn’t spell out who will be playing drums for this traveling rock and roll circus. Tommy Clueftos has played with Ozzy's solo group, but former Rage Against The Machine man Brad Wilk played on played on the band's reunion album following a falling out between original drummer Bill Ward. But hell, if fans will pay top dollar to see this tour, then the band probably doesn’t give a damn who hits the high hats………..


- When life hands you lemons - or you pick them up yourself in the form of one too many hard lemonades before getting behind the wheel - then act like a spoiled, smartass b’otch and respond the only way you know how. Such is the life of Texas State student Tara Monroe, who had herself a bad night a few months ago and responded as only a college student can to that adversity. Monroe attended a Waka Flocka Flame concert and like virtually everyone leaving that show, she was under the influence of some sort of legal or illegal substance. Unfortunately for her, she was stopped by police on her way home and the industrial engineering major said her license was automatically suspendedafter refusing a breathalyzer test. Refusing that test is always a wise move because it’s considered the same as failing the test, so Monroe lost her license and when her father drove to Kingwood to deal with the mess his daughter had created, he ripped her vehicle and left her with a bike to get around campus. Let’s just say Monroe was not impressed. “Riding a bike around campus sucks,” she said. “Like really sucks.” Seriously? Because a hell of a lot of people on a hell of a lot of college campuses ride bikes and they’re not all lames who can't afford cars. But a bike wouldn’t suit Monroe and because she was convicted of driving while intoxicated, her options were limited. Instead of using pedal power, she decided to be a total smartass and went Craigslist shopping for a fill-in whip. What she settled on was a battery-powered Barbie Jeep - and no, not an actual Jeep tricked out in Barbie style, but an actual plastic, toy Jeep. She bought it for $60 from a young girl named Charlene. “When we drove up to buy it Charlene asked where the little one was to test drive it to which I replied, ‘I am the little one,'” Monroe said. And what a priceless moment that must have been……….


- Welcome to the club, Dwight Howard. No, not any sort of club for the best players or even the best big men in the NBA because at this point in his career, a balky back and the inescapable impediments of time have slowed him down and taken him back a step from the player he used to be. No, the club to which Howard gained admittance this week was the one that includes athletes and celebrities who have attempted to board a flight toting a gun. Christian Slater has done it, former Cleveland Browns defensive lineman Shawn Rogers did it and now, so has the Houston Rockets big man. Howard was detained at George Bush Intercontinental Airport for having a handgun in his carry-on bag because, you know, sometimes you just robotically toss your Glock into your backpack for the trip home and don’t even think about it being illegal to have it on a plane. Houston Police Department spokesperson Kese Smith confirmed that Howard was stopped at Terminal E at 7 a.m. when Transportation Security Administration officials discovered a pistol in the bottom of a carry-on bag. To his limited credit, Howard didn’t reach for a scapegoat and admitted that the gun was his. After being detained by law enforcement officials he was allowed to give the handgun to an associate and continue on his way. The Houston District Attorney's office was contacted after Howard was detained and declined to press any criminal charges against him, so Dwight should consider himself extremely fortunate. Smith stated the obvious in Texas, saying guns are periodically found at both of Houston's main airports, Bush and William P. Hobby -- 77 were discovered in the past year -- and typically charges aren't filed and arrests aren't made. Right, because it’s Texas and having a gun on your hip is like having a smartphone in your hand or your wallet in your back pocket for the rest of America. Texas allows folks to carry a concealed handgun with the proper license and a law passed this year will allow those in Texas with a conceal-carry license to openly carry starting Jan. 1, 2016. Just for Dwight, though, it’s important to note that you still won't be able to pack heat on a cross-country flight……….

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