Wednesday, September 16, 2015

David Brent lives on, fighting The Man with profanity and Mama Beast Mode gets nice


- Carlsberg is in many ways the pride of Denmark. It’s a beer created and still brewed in Scandinavian non-power and as anyone who has spent any time in Scandinavia knows, the Swedish come to Denmark to buy beer because it’s cheaper and Norwegians go to Sweden for their beer because it’s cheaper than it is at home, meaning Denmark has both the best and cheapest beer in the region. But is cheaper always better? Not if you ask the people who downed what they thought was beer in Sweden, only to find out that it was actually cleaning solution. The beer was Staropramen, which is made in the Czech Republic but distributed by Carlsberg in Sweden. So who downs cleaning solution masquerading as beer? That would be a Carlsberg employee who received blisters on their tongues after sampling the content. Both were taken to the hospital but received "no permanent injuries,” according to local authorities. Carlsberg Sweden called the situation "extremely serious because the content is corrosive and said it was recalling more than 4,600 kegs of beer to prevent any further cleaning solution ingestion. Of the 4,624 kegs, about 3,000 have not yet been delivered and are still in storage, so at least a real disaster was averted. The recall affects 7-gallon sold to 680 bars and restaurants in Sweden and while there are corners of the world where downing the alcoholic equivalent of battery acid is perfectly acceptable drinking behavior, Sweden is not one of those places………


- It might be time to hire Marshawn Lynch’s mother as her son’s official spokesperson. Marshawn Lynch famously hates talking to the media, but Delisa Lynch seems to have no problem communicating with the world and when she does, it’s damn entertaining. Days after her son’s Seattle Seahawks lost their opener 34-31 to St. Louis, a loss that ended when the Rams stuffed Marshawn Lynch on fourth-and-1 from the Rams' 43, Mama Lynch decided it was time to take to her Facebook page to lay out Seahawks offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell. She started out with a misdirection, writing that Bevell made the right call giving her son the ball on Sunday. That deke quickly gave way to a full-on verbal nuke when Delisa Lynch wrote that  Bevell should have been fired after last season's Super Bowl loss to the New England Patriots because he is "the worst playcaller ever." It turns out, that was only the beginning. “"Too the smart azz media who wrote that's why marshawn didn't get the ball in the superbowl ,how many times did russell get sacked yesterday," Delisa Lynch wrote in the Facebook post. "Dont worry i will wait on the answer plus it was totally different at the superbowl the line was better than yesterday no blocking and to the offense caller who should have been fired yes i said it Fired !!! He is the worst play-caller ever the only reason he called that dumb azz play yesterday is to be able to justify the 1 yard that wasn't called in the superbowl.” Probably not, but it’s nice to know that irrational, ranting and clueless mothers screaming down coaches doesn’t end just because kids grow up and become adults capable of speaking for themselves……….


- Not enough people use traffic citations as a medium for profanity-laced rants against the big machine. Fairfield County, Connecticut resident Willian Barboza is willing to break that trend and it cost him dearly, although he’s beginning to turn the tide in his fight with The Man. Barboza was stopped in Liberty, N.Y. and tagged with a speeding ticket. He elected to fight back not by contesting the ticket, but by writing three curse words on his payment form and defacing the piece of carbon paper by replacing the village's name, "Liberty," with "Tyranny." It was funny, it was cheeky and it was the sort of reaction a person should have when some greedy, a-hole cop with a beer belly and a doughnut addiction dings him for going a few miles an hour over the speed limit simply because that cop spots an out-of-state driver and knows that person is an easy mark. When Barboza submitted his payment form, he was arrested on profanity charges. In a fitting move for a man who just cursed out the law in writing, he contested that as well and Federal Judge Cathy Seibel ruled that the arrest violated his  First Amendment rights. The White Plains-based judge ordered the Sullivan County village to face trial on claims it failed to properly train police officers about the First Amendment and a civil rights group publicized a transcript of the proceedings. Hope the $110 you got from that ticket will cover the court costs and attorneys fees you incur for this, town of Liberty. Maybe next time your officers won't act like overbearing assholes……….


- Ricky Gervais is living in a made-up world and he’s determined to make the most of it. Gervais, who made quite a name for himself as David Brent on the original version of “The Office,” is set to release an actual album as his old character, albeit one with a direct self-promotional link to an upcoming movie. Brent will make his big screen debut in summer 2016 after Gervais was able to line up financing for the movie. It will be called “Life on the Road” and it will be a documentary-style film following Brent as he tries to raise money to take his band, Foregone Conclusion, on tour. Having to raise money for a movie about a guy trying to raise money for his band to tour is wonderfully ironic and after going to all of that effort, why not trick this b’otch out and make it a true spectacle? Gervais wrote the movie and will both direct and star in it and revealed last year that he has written "all new tracks" for the film. In a post on his website, the actor revealed that the album will be released on Juxtaposition Records, which is the fictional label Brent created in the BBC sitcom after losing  his job at Slough paper merchant Wernham Hogg. "We've decided to put out a soundtrack album... On Juxtaposition Records of course," Gervais wrote. Of course, Rick. The entire story has a comical vibe to it mostly because everything Gervais does has a comedic bent, but there is also a sweet, delusional wonderfulness to it because if a man can luck into the role of a lifetime and find a way to inhabit and continue that fictional role for years after the show and its also-funny American spin-off go off the air, then maybe we can all create our own fictional worlds in which to reside rather than simply resigning ourselves to the despair and monotony of our normal lives……….


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