Seven years for justice, less than one to recycle crappy movie ideas......

- It’s not uncommon to hear the criticism that there are no new, fresh ideas for TV shows and movies, and that everything is basically a recycling of what’s worked in the past. There’s truth in that, but when you start getting multiple films with just about the same friggin’ premise and plot and they come within a few years of one another instead of a decade or two, then it’s just offensive. Studio execs are that inept and unoriginal/lazy, that they can't even think of a concept that hasn’t been done already this past year? What really highlighted this trend for me is the new/no-so-new film The Messengers, which operates under the shocking premise that there is supernatural activity that can only be seen by children. Let me rack my mind to see if I’ve heard that recently…..oh yeah, the damn Sixth Sense movie, a film that everyone ran around quoting for weeks. “I see dead people,” became a staple of pop culture thanks to Bruce Willis and child-star-gone-bad-in-the-making Haley Joel Osment, and here we are just a couple years down the road and we have a movie with the exact same freaking premise! Even if you tried just a little bit, you could find something more original than that. Give a room of chimps some typewriters, a few bananas and four hours and they could come up with something more imaginative. Plus, last year, we had The Omen, about a young boy who was himself possessed by the devil, continuing the trend of kids and demonic activity. Is there some sort of demand for this genre that I’m not aware of (other than Michael Jackson, who loves any film featuring young boys)? Otherwise, there are just a lot of very dumb, very lazy, very incompetent writers and studio execs out there with way too much decision-making power when it comes to which movies get made.

- I’ve heard it argued that pro sports franchises should hire a common sense coordinator, an average joe from the outside who would be able to point out seemingly obvious things that get lost to those inside the team because they’re simply too close to the action and too inundated with their own “smarts”, facts and figures to see things that the average fans sees easily. I’m beginning to think that this idea would be doubly good when applied to TV networks. Take the just-canceled CBS show Armed & Famous as a prime example. This programming albatross was canceled after four episodes when it became clear through abysmal ratings that viewers weren't down with seeing E-list “celebrities” like Erik Estrada, Jack Osborne, LaToya Jackson and Wee Man go through training to ostensibly become cops. Had CBS employed a common sense coordinator, that person could have told them that nobody wants to watch people who have no talent, no substantial career success, minimal charisma and are simply angling for their next gig pretending to become members of a police force. Yeah, like a routine traffic stop becomes any more interesting just because Erik Estrada is there to spice things up…..What’s next, you’re going to tell me that a show about Dustin Diamond, James Van Der Beek and Tatyana Ali in training to become airport baggage screeners won't work either? Of course, no one’s heard from Van Der Beek lately, so he may already be working as an airport baggage screener. In fact, that seems really likely, to be honest.

- On again, off again. Barry Bonds’ new contract with the San Francisco Giants is on hold once again, this time because Major League Baseball has some issues with it. These are not major problems and once the team and Bonds dot a few final I’s and cross those semantic T’s, the deal will be done. But shouldn’t the Giants take it as a bit of an omen that there have been so many holdups, fits and starts to this thing. I’m not one to believe in fate and destiny, but perhaps the baseball gods are trying to tell the team something here. Don’t feel obligated to sign this guy just because he’s been with you for a decade plus. Let him break the career home run record elsewhere and become a surly, bitter killjoy with another team. We’re heading for a fun season, with every single person inside baseball and pretty much every fan except Bonds’ diehard Kool Aid drinking sycophants rooting against him breaking Hank Aaron’s record. I wouldn’t be surprised if MLB issues some sort of unwritten, wink-wink directive for teams to intentionally walk Bonds at least 90 percent of the time he comes to the plate. Of course, I’d be on board with this, because nothing would be funnier than seeing Bonds play this season and still not break the record. Go away, Bar-roid, no one wants you around and no one wants you to have that record.

- Celebrities appear to have a very tough time with the concept of paying the bills at storage facilities they rent space at. Late last year, Whitney Houston had a storage facility auctioning off her belongings when she ran up a $200,000 tab of unpaid rent, and now Paris Hilton is pissed because someone bought her personal belongings at a storage facility auction when she failed to pay a $208 rent bill. Memo to celebrities: the “Do you know who I am?” card doesn’t really work when you try to use it with the cops, and it doesn’t work when you try to use it to get around paying your bills. You don’t pay your storage bills, your belongings get auctioned off. Storage bills, you need to pay, just like you need to pay your taxes (yes, you Wesley Snipes and Richard Hatch). A website that I won't give any added notoriety to bought Hilton’s belongings and put them up, then charged people $40 for a month to access the site and view them, as well as exposing photos of the skanky socialite. Hilton has sued the site, which is funny because she’s been seen naked and in extremely compromising situations by pretty much everyone with an internet connection. But let me help you with some math, Paris, since it’s not your specialty. Had you paid the storage bill, you would have shelled out substantially less than whatever you’re paying your attorney per hour for this lawsuit. My guess is that $208 wouldn’t even cover on hour of work for whatever high-priced legal eagle you’ve got on your payroll.

- What you simply cannot ignore or downplay in America is the expediency and swiftness with which justice is administered. When someone’s rights are violated, the judicial system comes down swiftly and sternly…….give or take seven years. That’s how long it’s taken the courts to decide that the rights of about 200 protesters that demonstrated at the 1999 World Trade Organization conference in Seattle were violated. A federal jury agreed that the city of Seattle did indeed violate the protesters’ Fourth Amendment rights against unreasonable search and seizure. This, of course, means that the protesters can seek some sort of settlement or recompense from the city, but good luck with that. If it took seven years just to decide that your rights were violated, it’ll take another decade to decide how much compensation that entitles a person to. Ah, the American judicial system, it’s a beautiful thing at times like this.

- Cultural imperialism is one thing America has always been very good at. We’re successful at foisting our culture and customs on the rest of the world, whether they like it or not. McDonald’s, Nike, pro sports….but now we’re infecting another nation with a vice that has the distinct accomplishment of creating financial problems, addictions and crime in many of our nation’s biggest cities: casino gambling. Manchester, England will be the home of a new Vegas-style casino, to be built in the next few years. So I guess England’s senior citizens just couldn’t find a way to spend away their loose change and pension checks, they needed slot machines for that. Brits just can't find a productive way to use their disposable income, maybe. Giving to charity, taking a vacation, traveling or investing just aren't options, so roll in the blackjack tables, roulette wheels and poker tables. The increase in crime that comes whenever a new casino is built should be great too. If I’m a resident of Manchester, this is a verrrrry exciting day…..to move to London or maybe Ireland.