Gorging on Dodger Dogs, wasting big money on soccer

- Normally when a company spends $250 million on something, anything - it’s a significant deal that you just can't ignore. But never has $250 million spent and so little care aroused as when the L.A. Galaxy (I realize you don’t know who they are. Well, the short answer is a pro soccer team in L.A.) signed flopping, injury faking, orange slice eating, Capri Sun drinking soccer “star” David Beckham. Supposedly Becks is the world’s most famous soccer player, but since no one in America gives a crap about soccer outside of the thousands of kids under age 12 whose parents force them to play it, this guy is less well known than the fifty-third man on an NFL roster. Yet the Galaxy ponied up $250 million for five years to sign this guy away from his Euro club, Real Madrid. How a Major League Soccer franchise even has $250 million is a mystery. But don’t you have better things to do with your money? No one cares about soccer here and no one is going to care just because you signed Beckham and he’s bringing his former Spice Girl wife with him. I just hope this guy realizes that once he arrives, no one will care about who he is and that he can keep from acting like a rock star when to Americans, he’s just a nameless, faceless dude who fakes injuries and tries to kick a ball into a net.

- Bad idea by the L.A. Dodgers, creating a $40 “All You Can Eat” pavilion at Dodger Stadium during games. For a mere $40, fans can gain entry into the right field pavilion, where them can jam as much stadium food as possible into their pie holes. So many potential problems with this: 1) You’re going to have to install a huge vomitorium out there or put a giant trash can every five feet to catch all the upchuck from people who try to eat 15 Dodger Dogs or 20 sticks of cotton candy, 2) Some liquored up losers will undoubtedly use the mass quantities of food to either throw at each other or throw at the players on the field, 3) There is gonna have to be a security officer at the exit of the pavilion, wanding people and patting them down so they can't smuggle food to the outside. Y’know, jam a dozen Dodger Dogs into their pockets, purses and pants and trying to get over that way by taking them to friends outside the pavilion…..anyhow, my point is that this idea is going to end disastrously for the Dodgers, but don’t take my word for it, try it out and see for yourself.

- Hard to determine if W. is stubborn or simply myopic at this point. Either he’s so bull-headed and dogmatic that he can't admit defeat in the Iraq war even thought it’s painfully obvious to everyone that this is his own personal Vietnam, or he’s deluded to the point that he actually believes that we still can come out on top in this thing. But outside of a few Republican Party sycophants, do you hear anyone else enthusiastically onboard with his plan to send in more troops? Even those who say they support the idea probably don’t believe it, they’re just being good soldiers and repeating the party line. A thought, though: you’re telling me we actually got to the point of starting the impeachment process with Bubba Clinton, but no one has raised the idea with W? How is this possible? On most issues, he’s clueless, ineffective and incompetent, and those are the good ones. On the Iraq situation and in fighting the War on Terror, this administration is terrible to the point of absurdity, but no one has even suggested we try impeaching W? Why not take a shot? I don’t like the idea of waiting for his term in office to run its course and to elect a new leader in 2008. Get rid of this buffoon and do it now.

- The ladies (actually, with Rosie O’Fat on board, that term no longer applies) of The View might want to dig a fox hole and crawl in, because the verbal onslaught from the Donald is reaching nuclear proportions. Trump has taken repeated and increasingly volatile runs at Rosie since she made the mistake of taking a run at him following the whole Miss America/drinking/partying/sex scandal situation. Besides the fact that every guy in America took one look at Miss America Tara Conner and was on board with Trump allowing her to keep her crown, Rosie seemed to forget that she is loud, crass, fat, ugly, sloppy and not funny. No one likes her, so when the Donald starting unloading verbal salvos and destroying her, he was unanimously applauded. Then Barbara Walters, leader of the View gang, made a feeble attempt to step in and diffuse the Donald’s linguistic bombs, and so now he’s taking her on as well. Among other things, he said Babs was pathetic for having to read her retort off of a cue card and that she’s letting a third-rate comedienne (that’s not really fair, Rosie is a fourth-rate comedienne at best) run roughshod over her show. So the other two women on the show, whose names I don’t know and don’t care to, had best keep their mouths closed and their heads down before the Donald decides to blow them up too.

- Surprise, surprise….Barry Bonds failed a drug test. I know, I can't believe it either. He tested positive for amphetamines in 2006, and of course, being the stand up guy he is, Bonds immediately…..pointed the finger at someone else, namely teammate Mark Sweeney. First, kudos to Bar-roid for being so quick to pass the buck and try to shovel the blame onto someone else. Whatever happened to having your teammate’s back? Granted, the person Bonds ratted Sweeney out to was a federal investigator, but even so….if it’s true, way to support a teammate. If it’s false and he’s just throwing Sweeney under the bus to save his own skin, then that’s even worse. Furthermore, how amazing is it that a guy like Bar-roid, in the center of the steroids maelstrom, would even think of taking something that could lead to a positive drug test? Regardless of whether they came from Sweeney’s locker and Bonds thought they were something along the lines of caffeine pills, how can you take that risk, being that guy and having all the scrutiny you have? Seeing how Mark McGwire is being treated and blackballed from the Hall of Fame right now, Bonds should be doing the exact opposite of what he is doing - in other words, he needs to run in the opposite direction from anything even remotely linked to steroids or performance enhancers. His rep is already in the toilet, and this turd he just dropped is only gonna make it worse.

- College guys who sing in an all-male a cappella group have to expect a lot of grief and heckling. The coordinated outfits, the cheesy doo-wop songs and manly persona of choral singers are going to get plenty of grief and not win over too many hot college girls, but I think we can draw the line of acceptable heckling at hurling anti-gay slurs at said singers and physically assaulting them. The Baker’s Dozen a cappella group from Yale University received that treatment after singing the Star Spangled Banner at a New Year’s Eve party in California. No word on what the national anthem was their song for a New Year’s Eve party or whether they wore matching holiday sweaters, but why not dial it down to wedgies and swirlies, maybe even hit them with a pie in the face? Anti-gay slurring and beating them down is going too far, and the yet-to-be found goons who assaulted them must be feeling quite tough and studly, whipping on an Ivy League choral group.

- There may not be enough morning radio and TV shows to hold all of the announcements by those intending to run for the Democratic presidential bid in 2008. No-name Democratic Sen. Christopher Dodd of Connecticut went on Don Imus’ radio show to announce that he will run, bringing the total to about 152. While I would rather see Dodd or one of his anonymous Democratic brethren run and win rather than see Sen. Hank Clinton of New York be the Dems’ choice, why these E-list candidates are even trying is beyond me. Assuming Barack Obama runs, he’s going to get the nod, so let’s go ahead and end the charade, B. Announce you’re running so all these other wannabes will realize they have no chance and they can stop wasting our time declaring their plans to run.