Another Cincinnati Bengals arrest? I knew you guys had it in you!

- I need to issue an apology to the Cincinnati Bengals. I recently lamented their lackluster finish to the season in terms of having players arrested, with the squad failing to capitalize on a strong start and get to double digit arrests by season’s end. Well, maybe this is splitting hairs, but the NFL season isn't officially over, even though the Bengals’ season technically might be, but the Bengals are back at it. Defensive back and 2006 top draft pick Jonathan Joseph was arrested for possession of marijuana early this week when a vehicle he was a passenger in was pulled over on U.S. Route 42 in northern Kentucky. The vehicle was driving slowly and swerving a lot, and when the cops pulled it over, they became suspicious of what they saw and searched inside. There they found a backpack belonging to Joseph (with an NFL logo no less) that contained a bag of marijuana. Joseph getting popped for the hippie lettuce is the first arrest for a Bengal player following coach Marvin Lewis’ ultimatum on discipline and improved player conduct. But let’s not lose focus here and worry about what the team might do to Joseph; let’s put our attention squarely where it belongs, namely on the fact that the Bengals are still within reach of my goal for a true dream season, double digit arrests.

- Denver just doesn’t get a break. Residents there can't get shoveled out from the aftermath of one major snowstorm when the next one comes barreling through, and the latest one closed a long stretch of I-70, from near the Denver Airport to almost the Kansas border. Well, at least this time hundreds of travelers weren't stranded at the airport for a couple of days with area hotels jacking up their prices to take advantage of the situation. No, this time I’m sure the airport was full of passengers b*tching about three or four hour delays and wondering how many different chances this would give their airline to lose their luggage. Look, I know some people like snow and the mountains are beautiful in Colorado and what not, but why in the world would anyone choose to live in a place where you get snowed in a half dozen times or more every winter and where travel becomes nearly impossible for a few months each year? Count me out.

- Maybe there is an agenda behind every Democrat with a pulse and more than two working brain cells declaring their intent to run for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. We have a woman (kind of), Hank Clinton, an African American, Barack Obama, and now a Hispanic, New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson has entered his name into the fray. So maybe what we’re looking at is the first-ever attempt to have every single minority represented in a primary presidential election, which might not be a bad thing. This has to be some kind of shot in the arm to affirmative action, right? All we are lacking is an Asian American, perhaps a Native American, someone of Middle Eastern descent and a candidate with Pacific Islander heritage to round this out. What is this, anyhow, the presidential race or the United Nations. In the end, all that truly matters is that the most qualified candidate wins and that their race isn't a deciding factor in how people vote - oh, and that Hank Clinton doesn’t get anywhere near the final ballot or the Oval Office.

- Not all that surprising to find out that prison inmates, at least those in state prisons, are living longer than people on the outside. Inmates are dying at a rate of 250 out of every 100,000 annually, while the rate is 308 a year for people not behind bars. But this is a predictable stat; after all, when you lay around most of the day, have a guaranteed three meals daily, are monitored round the clock by guards, have mandated daily recreation time and are assured of shelter and clothing on a permanent basis, I would imagine you would live longer. You aren't at increased risk for skin cancer because you’re only outside for an hour a day, max, you don’t have to worry about being in a car accident or being shot. You’ve got a routine you follow each day and human beings tend to thrive on consistency, schedules and routines. There is the increased risk of being shivved in the shower or having your brownie stolen during lunch hour, but those are the risks you run when you decide to commit a crime that could get you incarcerated.

- Had the door even closed behind exiting Cowboys coach Bill Parcells at the team’s Valley Ranch, Tex. headquarters when pass dropping, teammate ripping, self-centered malcontent T.O. took his first verbal shot at his former coach? Owens said, in part, that Parcells was like his grandmother, stuck in old school ways, and was a big part of the reason that the team underachieved this season and that T.O. himself was underutilized in the offense. I knew these guys hate each other, but wouldn’t common courtesy dictate that you at least allow 24 hours to pass before you start firing salvos at the guy for his performance? What, are you pissed because he didn’t like you faking a hamstring injury and riding a stationary bike on the sidelines at practice in your Lance Armstrong biking gear. T.O.? Did Bill go out there and grease the footballs up so that well-thrown passes continually slid right between your hands and onto the ground in key situations? This is coming from a guy who thinks Parcells is a pompous, abrasive ass and can't stand the guy, so when I say T.O. needs to cool it, you really know he’s crossed the line. I don’t know who the next Dallas head coach will be, but I do know that he better get a guarantee in his contract that as a condition of his accepting the job that T.O. is either traded or released, otherwise things in Dallas are going to end poorly for him, just like they did for Parcells.

- We love Venezuela, and Venezuela loves us right back! Don’t believe me? Just check out the recent comments made by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez on his weekly radio and television programs. His heartwarming, sincere remarks were short and simple, directed at the U.S.: “Go to hell!” Well, if that doesn’t warm your heart and stir your soul, I don’t know what does. Apparently our friend Hugo was unhappy that U.S. officials voiced disagreement with and concern over a measure that would grant increased lawmaking power to Chavez, the leftist leader of the South American nation. Under the law, Chavez could pass laws basically unilaterally by making an official decree, and his ultimate goal is a socialist system that our government doesn’t seem to like too much. Hmmm, a foreign country getting pissed about America overstepping our bounds, butting in where we don’t belong and trying to tell the rest of the world how to conduct its own business, I just didn’t see that coming. I mean, it’s not like it’s ever happened before, we’re always so universally loved and well received by those outside our borders. I just don’t know where all of Chavez’s hatred is coming from…..

- Now this presents a tough choice: recently, Oprah Winfrey opened a special school in South Africa for disadvantaged children, and I’m sure that lots of people were looking for ways to get their kids into that school, but Oprah is going to have some competition, because the Taliban is going to be opening and operating its own schools too in southern regions of Afghanistan that it still controls. Two different countries and continents, sure, but how could you not consider sending your child to school at an institution operated by a totalitarian, oppressive regime that abused and tortured people, denigrated women and generally ruled by terror in Afghanistan. Why wouldn’t junior want to learn about how to dress his future wife in one of those head-to-toe mumus and abuse her or become a terrorist fighter? I’m torn, because quite frankly, I’m sure kids will receive top-notch educations at either school, but for the time being I’m going to side with Oprah on this one.