Is the Sudan part of New Mexico? The N.M. governor thinks so......

- Thanks for nothing, The Journal of Pediatrics. This pioneering publication has unearthed stunning news that preteen girls are at a higher risk of becoming fat. One, who would have guessed that those in the 9-12 age bracket are at risk for weight gain? Stunning, since that tends to be a time when kids, um, grow a whole heck of a lot. But two, have these researches stepped outside of a lab recently? Have they not seen people in every age group, race and from both sexes become incredibly fat? People from coast to coast need to drop major pounds, and people plump up at varying ages, so I think we ought to just expand our study of obesity beyond a four-year period in the lives of young girls. What’s next, are you going to tell me that girls between the ages of 12-17 are more likely to rack up massive cell phone minutes than the rest of the population? Well done, Journal of Pediatrics, I never tire of people telling me things that everyone with a brain already knows.

- When a state elects a governor and pays the salary of that governor, would it be terribly unreasonable to, I don’t know, expect that individual to actually govern his or her state? New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson seems to be under the impression that the Sudan is one of the legislative districts in his state, because otherwise, how do you explain his visiting the African nation on some sort of peace mission? Bill, many of us are concerned about the Darfur region, and I’m sure Bono will be doing many interviews about it, but you, my main man, are the governor of New Mexico. None of your state’s problems with economy, education, infrastructure or taxes are in any way related to Sudan. I know you want to run for president in 2008, which is cool, but in the mean time, how’s about you stay in New Mexico and try to do the job you were actually elected to do, not the one you hope to be elected to next year. Besides, why exactly would Sudanese officials be concerned with what the governor of one of our nation’s less significant states has to say about their own civil conflict? Ugly American, party of one please.

- Go away and stay away. That’s the message Bill Parcells should heed as he debates whether to return as the coach of the Dallas Cowboys in 2007. Parcells has become a coaching liability, a guy who is more of a sideshow act and distraction than an actual benefit to his team. His main value is to those looking for rude, curt and sarcastic comments from his press conferences and to see if he can act like more of an ass today than he did yesterday. The Cowboys weren't well coached this season, and their offense, especially inside the 10-yard-line, was more predictable than seeing a movie that you’ve watched a couple hundred times. Even blind, deaf, mute, illiterate coma patients who’d never seen a football game in their life knew that Parcells was going to call a running play on every snap once he got within ten yards of the end zone. He couldn’t even coach his team past the first round of the playoffs in a less than mediocre NFC, and Dallas would be taking a huge step back if they have the Tuna back on the sidelines next season.

- Only in professional golf……the PGA Tour opened its 2007 season this past weekend, and for finishing dead last in the field with a score of 20-over-par, golfer Ben Curtis (a Kent State alum finishing dead last, not at all surprising) still received $51,000. Most of America doesn’t care about golf, and those who follow it casually still only focus on the four major tournaments (Masters, U.S. Open, British Open, PGA Championship), but these guys still rake in tons of cash. There are less than five golfers that a casual , non-golf sports fan could pick out, but sponsors throw down millions and millions to sponsor tournaments? Golf is alright, fun to play every now and then, but it’s a ridiculous paradox to have such a peripheral sport in this country pay out such ridiculous amounts of money to guys who don’t even win the tournaments, let alone those who finish in last place. Oh, and of course this particular tournament was in Hawaii, and what a burden to have to play golf in Hawaii……..

- I can't decide if the following is a “We’re desperate for programming,” thing, a “We’re psychotically addicted to Ohio State and can't possibly turn out thoughts to anything else,’ thing, or just a “We’re incredibly stupid and devoid of any original thoughts,” thing, so help me decide: Cleveland radio station WKNR-AM, a sports station, has not once, but twice in this young new year rebroadcast (yes, rebroadcast) the Ohio State-Michigan football game. I know people love their football and their Buckeyes (some people to a scary level), but I think once on TV or radio is enough. What kind of loser listens to or watches the game live, then listens to not one, but two rebroadcasts of the same game on radio? The outcome isn't going to change, people. See, this is what happens when you have two damn months in between OSU’s last regular season game and their bowl game, you have idiotic radio stations trying to feed their Buckeyes jones by twice replaying a game that has already happened. Furthermore, WKNR preempted its best daily show, the M-F Jim Rome Show, for this rehashed OSU crap. As many things as I love about sports, one thing I hate is when coverage for, or things related to a sporting event are so over-promoted and shoved down your throat that you begin to hate that even because of it. Don’t ruin an exciting title game by overdosing everyone on regurgitations of Buckeye games that have already been played, morons.