Monday, January 29, 2007

Rich, white foreigners in Harlem....this should end well

- Been there, seen that before. That’s the initial sentiment when you find out that a former Arkansas governor is running for president. The connections essentially end there, though, because this time the candidate is Republican Mike Huckabee, whose reign in his state’s highest office ended earlier this month after a 10½ year run. Well, to be he honest, there is one more connection between Huckabee and President Bubba Clinton - they both hail from the tiny town of Hope, Arkansas. But Huckabee is 1) a conservative, 2) doesn’t have an angry, feminist, looks-like-a-dude wife who aspires to be President, 3) doesn’t have a freaky predilection for interns and cigars and 4) has yet to be the subject of dozens of SNL skits. Huckabee seems to be outnumbered 50-1 by his Democratic counterparts seeking their party’s nomination, so his odds have to be better if nothing else. He’s also written a book, From Hope to Higher Ground: 12 STOPS to Restoring America's Greatness, which I’m sure he in no way timed up to coincide with his push for the White House. Call me crazy, but I just can't foresee a possible Huckabee tenure in the Oval Office being nearly as interesting as Bubba’s time there.

- ESPN seemed like it had a nice idea with its “Bracket Buster” weekend of college basketball, started several years ago. The weekend pits teams from lesser known, so-called mid-major conferences and pits them against one another in what has become a 51-game slate, 13 of which are televised on the ESPN family of networks. The gist of the event was getting exposure for these teams and putting the spotlight on teams that might otherwise be ignored by the basketball public yet still make significant noise in the NCAA Tournament. However, what Bracket Busters weekend has become is an unnecessary interruption in each team’s league schedule and a guarantee that half of these teams that badly need wins to boost their postseason chances will get a loss and do it in much more visible fashion. These mid-majors are knocking one another off, when what they need is to play and beat more highly esteemed teams. The whole concept has run its cycle and even though it will keep going because ESPN is dogmatic about that type of thing, it really could go away and no one would be all that bummed. The matchups were announced today, by the way, in case you’re interested, just go to ESPN.com’s college basketball page.

- Parents, you no longer have to drag your kids on a vacation to Washington, D.C. in order to bore them with a visit to the Smithsonian. I mean, let’s face it, what kid isn't jazzed about getting forced into a museum on their vacation to look at artifacts and relics instead of going to the beach or to Disney World? Well, thanks to the newly minted Smithsonian Networks LLC, a partnership between the museum and Showtime Networks, Inc., programs like documentaries on Smithsonian artifacts and other highly educational shows will be seen starting in April. So avoid the whining and fighting your kids do on a long road trip or when you fly, don’t bother with paying the price of admission and never have to travel hundreds of miles to be able to hear, “When can we leave?” No, you can now have all of that sheer, unadulterated joy from the comfort of your own living room.

- What better way to brighten the lives of poor, underprivileged kids in Harlem than a visit from rich, out of touch, aristocratic royals from Europe? Prince Charles and his wife Camilla visited a school in Harlem this week, where undoubtedly they had no time identifying with and relating to kids with whom they share neither a culture, socioeconomic status, a lifestyle, hobbies, etc. The kids, I’m sure, were incredibly impressed by two old white people, one of whom has been waiting as next in line for the British throne for decades now and probably won't ever get his shot. And what can allow rich, white foreigners to relate better to Harlem school children than riding your own private train into the city to visit them? On the upside, this is one story about the British monarchy that doesn’t involve me having to hear about Diana, so that’s a tremendous positive.

- See, this is why I avoided wrestling in high school. Well, the gay-looking singlets had a lot to do with it, as did rolling around with other sweaty dudes on those unsanitary mats. But now, a herpes outbreak in Minnesota that has affected ten high school wrestling teams has forced a postponement of those teams’ respective seasons, even their practices, until the problem can be addressed. Well, I don’t think that was on the form the parents signed when their kids went out for wrestling. “Your child will receive wrestling instruction, coaching on techniques and strategies, learn the value of hard work and competition and also contract a nasty STD.” People like to rip on pro wrestling (it’s entertainment, a TV show people, not a sport, which it doesn’t pretend to be), but at least I can't remember hearing about any outbreaks of herpes among Triple H, Mick Foley, John Cena, the Hardy Boyz and The Rock at any point.

- Well, 31 days should take care of an alcohol addiction, no? Ok, so maybe not, but Miss USA, Tara Conner, has spent her month in rehab and she apparently feels she’s good to go. She’s out and is now trying to go the recovering alkie route, with the sympathy, the tears, etc. I’m torn here, because on the one hand, as a human being, you want to see someone overcome what’s a terrible problem that destroys too many lives, but on the other hand, if Conner stops drinking, drugging and getting her freak on, does that mean we’re no longer going to see her out clubbing with other hot pageant contestants, making out with chicks and basically fulfilling the fantasy of every frat dude in every college in America? Can we just eliminate the alcohol and the harder drugs and keep the rest? There has to be some sort of compromise to be struck here, c’mon……

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