Big hogs, athletes + guns and an Oops! by the Army

- Athletes, guns, shootings and trials. They’re no longer limited to American athletes or American soil, if they ever were. Chicago White Sox shortstop Juan Uribe informed the club that he may miss the entire 2007 because a judge in his native Dominican Republic has ordered his presence at twice monthly court hearings in a shooting case that he’s involved in. Uribe apparently feels he can’t fly to the hearing, fly back and still be able to play for the Sox twice a month, but the team has already said it expects him to be at spring training when it starts in February. Right now I’m going to go out on a limb and say that there will be athlete-gun-incident-outside-of-a-nightclub stories on at least 75 percent of the days this year. We’re off to that kind of start, and things aren't getting any better.

- Tack another one on the “List of Things You Just Can't Apologize For,” that being the Army sending letters to 275 officers killed or severely wounded in action, urging them to re-enlist. Because having military higher ups appear at your door in the middle of the night to inform you that your loved one has been killed in action isn't bad enough, the Army now can't pay enough attention to its communications to prevent those same families from receiving a letter urging their deceased family member to re-enlist. This goes right up there with Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines literally losing a passenger on his honeymoon cruise and settling for $1 million and NATO apologizing for killing too many civilians while fighting insurgents in Afghanistan. Sorry, people, but sometimes you just can't say sorry and make it all better, especially in situations like this. Still, it’s a nice thought, for whatever that’s worth……

- Now I know why so many rednecks love their guns…..especially those residing in Georgia. All of you have my blessing to carry your piece with you based on the fact that an 1,100-pound hog was killed by hunter William Coursey in Fayetteville, Ga. Coursey actually loaded the big pig up and took it to a highway truck weighing station to see how much it weighed. First off, how many guys do you need to lift that into the back of your truck? And when they boast about the payload capacity in a truck, why don’t they ever show someone hauling a half-ton hog as opposed to a load of rocks or lumber? Mrs. Coursey had better find as many recipes for pork and bacon as possible and order an industrial sized meat freezer, because I have a feeling this family will be eating that pig for the next couple years. Bacon, pork chops, pork tenderloin, pig’s feet, pork on a stick, the possibilities are endless. And if I ever happen to be traveling through Georgia, I plan to do so with a shotgun in my hands in case that massive hog has an angry brother still lurking around.

- The Hispanic version of People magazine has named Jennifer Lopez to its list of 100 Most Influential People in the Hispanic community. No word on whether J-Lo’s ass made the list as well or if it was included with the rest of her, but that ghetto booty is a power of its own. It’s made her more money than all of her other parts combined, and in most any movie she’s in, 100% of straight guys would be fine with that booty being the only part of Lopez ever shown on screen. And honestly, how nice is it that this woman is focusing on her acting and not continuing the charade that has been her musical career? She has no musical talent other than shaking her ass in music videos, so she can stop pretending and just focus on what she does best. After all, doing so landed her in another Top 100, so it’s all good.

- Whoops! That wasn’t supposed to happen. The organizers of the 2010 Winter Olympics in beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada may want to find a new engineer for their venues, because the one they used initially designed a roof that collapsed under the weight of some wet, heavy sleet this weekend. Since these will be the Winter Olympics, and it is Canada, I’m going to assume there may be more snow, sleet and inclement weather during the games, so having the roof of the stadium where the opening ceremonies will take place collapse might be a big problem. B.P. Place was empty this time, but when tens of thousands of people pack the place for the Games, you’re going to want to have a sturdy, reliable roof on the place.