Tuesday, December 15, 2015

What stoners aren't good at, a college football stoner's big fall and Father John Misty v. technology


- To kick off a pot-heavy set of stories today, let’s begin with a reminder that famous people, top athletes and big names of all types in life are no different than the rest of us. Enter Ole Miss defensive lineman Robert Nkemdiche, an All-SEC lineman who is an all-time stoner and now facing some serious questions about both his immediate and long-term football futures following a ganja-fueled incident over the weekend at the Grand Hyatt Atlanta in Buckhead. This 300-pound pothead fell from his hotel room window onto a ledge that encircles the building and then fell from that ledge to the ground, with police estimating that both falls were approximately 15 feet. Amazingly enough, when police searched the room from which Nkemdiche fell, they discovered "seven rolled marijuana cigarettes, rolled in Cigarillo Blunt papers" and reported that "the room was in complete disarray." No freaking way. A very agile, strong and physically skilled future NFLer loses control of his body and falls out of a hotel room window in the middle of the night and mind-altering drugs were involved? #Shocking. Nkemdiche has been charged with marijuana possession as a result of his fall through the broken window. According to the Atlanta Police Department, Nkemdiche was conscious and breathing while lying on the ground near the Hyatt's sidewalk and driveway when they arrived and was surrounded by several “associates,” all of whom claimed to have no idea why Nkemdiche had fallen out the double-pane room window. NFL teams are going to have a few questions to ask about all of this when considering drafting Nkemdiche and he can probably book himself a pre-registered spot in the league substance abuse program as well……….


- The fun never ends at the U.N.-backed tribunal trying members of Cambodia's former Khmer Rouge regime for genocide and other crimes … as long as your idea of fun is mass murder, trampling of human rights and general despicability by men who barely pass as human beings. Should that be your idea of a good time, then you’re going to love the fact that the tribunal has formally charged the group's navy commander, Meas Muth, stampeding right over the objections of Prime Minister Hun Sen in terms of any expansion of the trial.  The tribunal operates under a system which pairs international and Cambodian judges, prosecutors and lawyers. This one could get messy because not only is the prime minister not on board, but Cambodian police have refused to arrest Meas Muth. According to the tribunal, Muth appeared voluntarily to hear the charges against him, charges that include homicide, genocide, crimes against humanity and other offenses. The fact that “other offenses” likely includes crimes in which people lost their lives, their property and their dignity and these are also-rans on the list of wrongs this man is accused of should tell you everything you need to know. Already, three defendants have been found guilty in this morass of injustice, but Cambodian officials have not cooperated in prosecuting new suspects. Oh, and Sen probably won't change his mind and start cooperating any time soon because dude was a mid-level Khmer Rouge commander before defecting while the group was still in power. Divided loyalties in the face of likely crimes against humanity are never a serious problem, right………


- Father John Misty has a complicated relationship with both technology and reality as we know it. In the past, the artist legally known as Joshua Tillman has ranted and raged against the use of smart phones for various purposes, so it’s not difficult to imagine a man with a smartass side strong enough to troll the media by covering Ryan Adams’ covers of Taylor Swift’s album “1989” going off when someone shows up at one of his concerts rocking their iPhone prominently as they record part of his performance for some manner of social media sharing. The incident occurred at a show in Sydney, Australia, where Tillman 'borrowed' the phone of a front-row-dwelling fan who willingly surrendered his camera to the artist without knowing what might happen to the device. Tillman snatched the phone at the Sydney Opera House during opening track 'Bored in the USA,’ then swam to the opposite end of the anti-technology pool by sarcastically filming himself at very close range. He wrapped up the song and wisecracked, "I don't think we got that," before instructing his band to start the track again. "This will only take four-and-a-half minutes," he continued. He was so amused with himself that he was unable to get through the first line without laughing and handed the phone back with a witty riposte. "There – it's just like you were almost here,” Tillman told the phone’s owner. Somehow, that video has yet to make it online, so it either became a series of utterly forgettable Vines or the phone’s owner made the poor choice to upgrade to the new iOS without backing on their device first and lost all of their photos and video in some sort of technological black hole………


- Stoners are good at a few select things in life. Packing a quality bowl, turning any cylindrical object into a bong in under five minutes and finding the perfect Pop Tart flavor for any occasion are high on that list, but knowing what to do in the aftermath of a crime is not. Sadly, while the hippie lettuce enhances one’s ability to enjoy “Beavis and Butthead” reruns and “Planet Earth” DVDs, it doesn’t fortify a person’s ability to think under pressure and make calm, calculated decisions on how to proceed in the event that one is the victim of any type of crime. There is no better evidence of this fact than one Austin J. Lovett of Dubuque, Iowa. Lovett had himself quite a day over the weekend as his apartment was burglarized, leaving him with something of a dicey situation. On the one hand, he could call police and report that someone had broken into his residence, taking what was surely a badass collection of Phish albums, hemp clothing, apple core bongs and Grateful Dead concert merch. However, in so doing, he would also be inviting the long arm of the law into a place where drug paraphernalia were all around. A wise man, a clear-headed man … he might look around him, realize that he could prevent possible disaster and merely clean up all of his bud, bowls, bongs and other drug-related items before calling police, perhaps even opening up his windows, running a fan and spraying the entire place down with the strongest Dollar Store air freshener he could get his hands on. Austin J. Lovett is not that man and therefore, when he called police to report a burglary to his residence with about $100 worth of damages, the responding officers spotted marijuana stems and seeds in plain view and, upon further investigation, found two grams of marijuana and a handgun. Lovett was arrested on a charge of possession of a controlled substance, with an unsaid charge of unbridled stupidity left unfiled………

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