Thursday, December 24, 2015

D.C. police v. pot brownies, Courtney Barrett v. world awareness and one of Canada's loves ruins another


- The New York Jets have become one of the NFL’s best stories this season, cobbling together a 9-5 record and pushing for a playoff berth despite a castoff quarterback and recycled running back corps that they pulled off the scrap heap. It’s only fitting that as the Jets make a push for the postseason in the final two games on their schedule, they do so with another awesome story in the fold. Joe Anderson, a man with an average name but an outstanding will to succeed, is a down-on-his-luck receiver who was signed by the Bears as an undrafted free agent out of Texas Southern in 2012 and played in nine games, mostly on special teams, for parts of two seasons. An abdominal injury and later his release by the Philadelphia Eagles prior to the 2014 season left him balling in the Canadian Football League, but he spent this season as a civilian, working out and seeking a way back into football. Six weeks ago, he found his in, standing outside the Houston Texans' stadium for several days with a sign asking for an NFL job. He  Anderson posted on Instagram a picture of himself holding a piece of cardboard box with the words, "Not homeless ... but STARVING for success. Will Run Routes 4 Food. #Whateverittakes, #UnderDog, #Hungry and #IBelieve.” Fans embraced his one-man campaign and the post went viral, but it wasn’t until former Chicago teammate and fellow wide receiver Brandon Marshall took notice that Anderson’s chance materialized. Marshall saw the post and wrote, "Wow, this is humility right here,” adding that Anderson was "one of the hardest-working guys I've had the pleasure of playing with" while they were with the Bears. The Jets took the cue and this week, signed Anderson to their practice squad. Now, the married father of two who insists that, “It's bigger than just collecting a check to me, straight up!," has a chance to prove himself and earn a bigger opportunity in the league going forward……….


- Don’t f*ck with Canada’s true religion: hockey. There are other important facets of life in the Great White North, namely denim, round bacon and the dulcet tones of Bryan Adams, but nothing stirs the Canuck soul quite like puck and when an idiot several six-packs of Molson into the tank wrecks a chance to see soccer on ice played, that’s a big problem. The culprit in this case is an unidentified and soon-to-be-unemployed alcoholic Zamboni driver who was arrested this week and charged him with impaired driving, resisting arrest and refusing a breathalyzer after he wrecked an ice rink in Manitoba. "On his first lap he struck the gate where the Zamboni drives onto the ice, and broke the boards and also broke pieces off the actual Zamboni," said Martin Kintscher, manager of the Seine River Snipers bantam team. "One piece got stuck under the Zamboni, which left a ridge on the ice with every lap." Amazingly, when Ste. Anne authorities arrived and arrested the man, Zamboni driver insisted that the rink was in great condition and was subsequently found to be both a liar and extremely hammered. Officials had little choice but to cancel the game and tell the 13 to 14-year-old boys on the team that the driver “had issues” and “maybe he is impaired.” Maybe he’s impaired? These kids are in junior high, which means they’re old enough to know what a drunk person looks and acts like. It’s just sad that one of Canada’s other loves, beer, ruined their true love for one night………


- Awards shows haven’t mattered for pretty much as long as awards shows have existed. Those shows have something in common with Australian singer-songwriter Courtney Barnett, who is among the finalists for the Best New Artist prize at next year's Grammy Awards. The 2016 Grammys will be held Feb. 15 and Barrett will vie for the top newcomer award alongside the likes of British rocker James Bay, pop favorite Meghan Trainor, Sam Hunt and Tori Kelly. When Barrett shows up for the ceremony, someone may want to a) hand her photos of her fellow nominees or b) introduce her to them, because she claims to have no clue who any of them are. "I don't know who they are," Barnett said of her fellow nominees. "I probably won't [check them out]. I listen to music when my friends recommend it to me, I don't often just go out and buy a record because it was in a magazine or it was on a list or something. So, yeah, I probably won't.” How very honest and utterly dismissive of you, C. Why would you care so little that you won’t even fire up Spotify and take a listen to the people you’re competing against for a prestigious prize? “I feel like there's so much music in the world that I haven't listened to yet that I want to listen to,” Barrett added. “You just live in your own little bubble, like, or I do anyway... I don't know much about anything really. I don't really follow that much.” We all live in our own little bubble, Court, but most of us at least pretend to give a damn about the people around us from time to time………


- Prepare to be stunned, world. A pair of Washington, D.C. stoners have been arrested for actions that, to understate it just a bit, showed a decidedly large lack of good judgment. Meet Nicholas Cunningham and Evonne Lidoff, who are somehow associated with a burgeoning business enterprise in the District known as Kush Gods. Kush Gods, as its name suggests, is a ganja-based business looking to carve out a niche now that possession of marijuana for personal use has been legal in the District of Columbia since February. Cunningham and Lidoff recently hit the streets to promote their brand and did so by dishing out pot brownies on the streets of Washington in exchange for "donations." The use of the word donations is essential because while a person can legally possess the hippie lettuce in D.C. and it is also legal to grow pot and to give it away, a pesky technicality means it is still illegal to sell the dank. That's why Kush Gods advertised that the business accepted "donations” and yet that wasn’t good enough for District of Columbia police, who announced that they had arrested this enterprising THC tandem on a charge of distribution of marijuana. Not only that, Johnny Law also seized three vehicles painted with marijuana leaves that advertised the business, leaving Kush Gods without any way to get around to run the business they probably are too baked to get off the couch to work for most days of the week. Not exactly showing off your understanding of the Christmas spirit this week, D.C. police…………

No comments: