Monday, December 14, 2015

NBAer + ganja = grand theft auto, Bible thumpers + noise ordinances = drama and what's impeding "Arrested Development"


- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! It wasn’t exactly raging against the machine this weekend in Poland, mostly because the machine was the one doing the raging as thousands of backers of Poland's ruling conservative party staged a rather lame march  in Warsaw with the party leader to show their support for its policy amid a growing political conflict. This meh march was led by Law and Justice party head Jaroslaw Kaczynski and it came across as precisely what it was, namely a hastily arranged and uninspired rebuttal one day after tens of thousands of government opponents demonstrated in Warsaw and elsewhere, saying the ruling party and President Andrzej Duda are threatening democracy. The fact is, the opposition ain’t making this sh*t up and anyone who’s paying attention to what Duda done did in recent months has to be concerned. It was only a short time ago that the appointment of new judges to the Constitutional Tribunal, the top law arbiter, sparked this rift and the ruling party and the opposition have been at each other’s throats ever since. Kaczynski said at the start of the lame-ass rebuttal march that the Law and Justice party is aiming for a wide reform of Poland, but the opposition is preventing that. Nice spin job, J. You and your sycophants are acting like a giant herd of sheep willing to blindly follow the president wherever he leads you and not bother to ask a single question along the way over the edge of that cliff up ahead, so don’t get all offended when the other side dares to raise a few objections……….


- There is never a shortage of impediments when it comes to reviving the cult favorite comedy known as “Arrested Development.” The former Fox series had a critically acclaimed run from 2003 to 2006 before being cancelled and since then, there have been multiple efforts to bring it back in some former. Netflix finally revived the show for a fourth season in 2013 after a seven-year hiatus, launching 15 brand new episodes simultaneously and providing the sort of binge-watching opportunity that has become the streaming service’s hallmark. Original cast members Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett and Michael Cera all returned in their roles as members of the kooky, dysfunctional Bluth clan and long-suffering fans of the show lapped it up even if they didn’t love every plot twist and turn. Yet that fourth season didn’t immediately lead to a fifth one and it appeared that the return was but a short-term tease for the masses. Even when executive producer Brian Glazer revealed in April that he and creator Mitch Hurwitz are planning to make another 17 episodes of the comedy, nothing was guaranteed despite Grazer’s suggestion that fans could look for the new episodes this coming spring. Ron Howard was the one to stick a giant, pointy needle in that balloon of optimism when he  said that the only thing getting in the way of a fifth series of Arrested Development is the availability of the cast. Howard, one of the series’ executive producers, confirmed that the new season is being written, but that getting everyone together is a real battle. "It's hopeful - what has happened is that the cast has become so freaking in demand and busy," Howard said. “I would be saddened if we didn't achieve it. I'm the announcer and the narrator, and I have to get back to that microphone." Keep hoping, Ronnie, and the world will hope with you…….


- Rarely are the people generating noise ordinance complaints in your neighborhood the same ones telling you that dancing, skirts that fall above the knees and alcoholic beverages are of the devil. That makes the current showdown between Vintage Church and the powers that be in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana so interesting. The Bible thumpers of VC were issued criminal sanctions because their worship services exceeded 60 decibels and returned fire with a lawsuit against the county. Pastor Rob Wilton was issued a criminal summons and the rest of the staff was threatened with “physical arrest” if they used any microphones or amplified sound in their worship services, according to a lawsuit filed by Liberty Institute. The drama began all the way back in August, when the small evangelical congregation announced plans to expand its existing sanctuary. That’s a problem because the church is located within a subdivision. Those plans meant the church had to temporarily relocate its two Sunday morning worship services to an enclosed outdoor tent. After successfully applying for a permit to erect the structure, it was put in place and soon after, noise complaints began. In mid-August, the church was informed by the sheriff’s office that any sounds before 8:50 a.m. had to be kept below 60 decibels. Why anyone needs to sing old-timey hymns before 9 a.m. is unclear, but thus began what the church claims became routine visits by John Q. Law. The matter continued to escalate and on Nov. 12, the sheriff’s office issued - gasp! - a stern warning to the church – vowing to either “issue summons or even ‘physically arrest’ Vintage Church personnel if any amplified sound were used by the church for the first service, including the pastor’s use of a microphone to preach, regardless of the sound levels.” Thus, a lawsuit naming the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office and the local government as defendants and setting up a feud that should be decidedly PG, well-principled and moralistic in its tenor………


- Dudes want to play in the NBA so they can procure sweet rides, the sort of sick whips that will draw women in like magnets and make them look like ballers even away from the court. Former University of Connecticut standout Jeff Adrien seems to have that formula backwards and because of it, he was recently arrested for grand theft auto and later released on $25,000 bail. It all began when Adrien, who posted lackluster career averages of 4.6 points and 4.3 rebounds per game in stints with the Golden State Warriors, Houston Rockets, Charlotte Bobcats, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves and New Orleans Pelicans, met a really good batch of the best dank you can find in Los Angeles. After spending some quality time with his good friend Mary Jane, Adrien hatched the sort of scheme that only a stoner riding a very solid high can concoct and awkwardly execute. His first step was to coerce a new Mercedes-Benz away from a parking valet, followed by the centerpiece of his plan in which he took said Benz on an epic six-hour joy ride. After six hours, Adrien amazingly had the wherewithal to return the car to the valet and its exasperated owner, who made the astonishing claim that the car had a distinct odor of ganja when it was returned. As for Adrien’s NBA career, he currently doesn’t have one. The Pelicans released him prior to the start of the 2015-16 regular season and he played a mere 17 games for the Timberwolves last season. With five years as a fringe NBA player under his belt and fairly convincing proof that he’s not exactly locked himself away in the gym to hone his craft in hopes of a return to the league this season, don’t expect teams to line up to secure his services………..

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