- Rather
than be insulted and offended, international students at Ohio's Oberlin College
should a) feel welcomed to the club and b) gain a much better understanding of
the exceptionally low culinary standards in place for your average school
cafeteria. The stink started when the campus dining hall decided to reach out
and attempt to make the international students feel welcome by serving
different dishes from their respective home lands. Any sane, reasonably
life-experienced person would conclude that minimum wage-earning cafeteria
workers at a small college would do terribly at replicating the authentic
cuisine of a foreign country, yet when the food was served, a Vietnamese
student thought the effort at replicating a beloved Vietnamese street food was
“ridiculous,” while a snotty Japanese student called the undercooked rice use
in sushi "disrespectful." Hey foreigners, here’s a heaping helping of
reality for you: All of the rice served in that dining hall is undercooked,
regardless of what kind of dish in which it’s served. Plain white rice, brown
rice, instant rice, long-grain rice…..all of the damn rice isn't cooked well
because IT’S AN F’ING COLLEGE DINING HALL, NOT RUTH’S CHRIS STEAKHOUSE. The
fact that you were served underwhelming approximations of what you would
otherwise expect when ordering those same dishes at an actual restaurant should
make you feel like you’re a true member of the club to which every American has
joined at some point in their lives. Instead of b*tching to the school
newspaper and having your whining turn into a national story, just shut your
mouth, eat what you’re given or spend the money to go to a real restaurant
where you can have food that tastes at least somewhat like it’s supposed to
taste………
- Raise
your hand if you don’t understand the purpose of a one-year suspension from
your high-paying job as a professional athlete, suspended Jacksonville Jaguars
wide receiver Justin Blackmon. Blackmon, banned from the NFL for 12 months
after repeated legal troubles that included two DUI arrests, doesn’t seem to be
using his year off in a productive manner - productive in either the sense of
getting his job back or avoiding the prospect of his life careening over the
edge of a very steep cliff and into the infinite abyss of desolation below.
That conclusion is based on the fact that, according to an Ardmore (Oklahoma)
Police Department arrest report, police performed a traffic stop on a 2015 Jeep
Wrangler that Blackmon was driving because of a non-working brake light at 3:46
a.m. and found that both Blackmon and his passenger, identified as Reginald
Thompson, seemed to be extremely intoxicated. The arresting officer asked the
obvious question about whether the pair had been drinking and Blackmon said he
had "just two drinks." Unless those two drinks were 40-ounce glasses
of Everclear, he may have been underestimating his alcohol consumption because
the embattled receiver proceeded to fail several field sobriety tests as well
as a preliminary breath test. At that point, perhaps tired of failing at other
things in addition to life, he refused to take a breathalyzer test, became angry and refused to give officers his phone
number when he was booked at the Carter County Jail for DUI. He has now racked
up three alcohol-related arrests and four overall, with the previous once
coming just 17 months ago. Mix in a misdemeanor marijuana possession arrest and
you have a five-year span in which a promising, physically gifted professional
athlete has flushed his life down the toilet in extremely emphatic fashion………
-
Speaking of lushes who need to stop and re-evaluate their lives, meet an
unidentified Lithuanian mother who made one colossally bad choice, chased it
with a slightly less terrible choice and is now facing
a fine of 115 euros ($125) for allowing a minor to drive a motor vehicle. This
late-arriving candidate for Mother of the Year started her chain of terrible
life decisions by climbing so far inside a bottle of the strongest stuff she
could find that by the time her day ended with her in the back of a police car,
her blood-alcohol content was measured at more than four times the legal
driving limit, a local police statement said. Yet it’s the how of her ending up
in police custody that’s making the most noise, largely because after getting
extremely hammered, this woman chased that bad call with having her 10-year-old
son take the wheel of her minivan and drive her wherever the hell a woman on
the precipice of alcohol poisoning needs to go - another liquor store run? -
and that decision led to border police spotting a slow moving minivan on a
country road near the southern town of Kybartai. Local police stopped the van
and found the young boy behind the wheel and his liquoured-up mother in the
back seat. Situations like this are probably why Lithuania's road safety record
is among the worst in the European Union, with 15 fatal accidents per 100,000
vehicles in 2014. A truly proud day for you, Lithuania………
- While
we’re talking about poor decisions made by Eastern European nations, let’s give
credit to Ukraine for not making one. While Limp Bizkit may have done all for
the nookie, the former Soviet Bloc nation has told the band’s frontman that he
can take that cookie and shove up his yeah, shove it up his yeah, shove it
up…you get the point. That point is that Fred Durst
has been banned from the Ukraine for a period of five years, a decision confirmed
by both state media sources and Interfax security services. According to
sources close to the situation, Durst hasn’t been banned for the obvious
reasons - making terrible music he attempts to pass off as some badass
nu-metal/rap fusion - but rather in the interests of guaranteeing the security
of the state. How a crappy rap/metal “singer” threatens national security is unclear,
but if Durst expressing a desire to move to the Crimea region earlier this year
in order to make Russian reality TV magic, then here’s hoping that Durst
threatens to move to every state in the United States soon and maybe even
Canada, just to ensure that he’s kept far, far away from us all. Saying that
he'd like to obtain a Russian passport likely didn’t help Durst’s case, not
when Russian stole the Crimea region from Ukraine by force and gave a middle
finger to foreign policy standards in the process. Durst has been dropping
not-so-subtle hints about invading Ukraine in recent months, including the
revelation that his wife Kseniya Beryazina is teaching him Russian.
Prior to Durst’s threat, er, suggestion, Crimean
authorities called on Western celebrities to obtain residence in the territory
to further what Crimean Prime Minister Sergey Aksyonov described as his vision
of the region as "the new Beverly Hills." It’s funny, but while
Beverly Hills residents have their problems and issues, recognizing the
awfulness of Durst’s “music” has never really been one of them………
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