- Nothing
says innocent, wrongly accused former elected official quite like fleeing the
country and announcing from abroad that you are being
targeted politically and will stay outside the country while fighting charges
that you illegally spied on opponents. We see you, former Panamanian President
Ricardo Martinelli, hiding somewhere in Florida and flouting your country’s
Supreme Court’s orders that you be detained for allegedly intercepting the
communications of 150 people during your 2009 to 2014 administration. This is
merely one of a half-dozen investigations against the supermarket magnate for
alleged corruption and with all of those cases stacking up against him, Martinelli
fled Panama in January after the election of his arch-rival Juan Carlos Varela
and is believed to be living in Florida. The process of actually having a trial
is being held up until Panama requests his extradition and that request is
granted, but maybe we should simply stop all of this nonsense now because after
all, Martinelli has denied any wrongdoing and former despots who preside over
peripheral nations with little global significance never lie when accused of
abusing their powers, violating the human rights of opponents and those under
their power and anyone else who dares to disagree with them. Martinelli issued
a statement magnanimously announcing that he would return to Panama when a fair
trial could be guaranteed or when Varela leaves office in 2019, whichever comes
first. Stay classy, Ricky……….
- Soulja Boy tell ‘em… that getting inked up on your grill
is a bad idea. Actually, one second thought, don’t tell them, because the video
you just posted online tells the story perfectly all by itself. The mid-level
rapper who has that one song you know and not much else has long been a big
proponent of tatting up and as a hip-hop star, having lots of body art is a
legit part of your look. There aren’t a lot of rappers with clean canvases and
having badass ink definitely commands a certain amount of street cred, but as
Soulja Boy found out recently, there comes a time in a man’s life when having a
symbol of anything at all permanently pounded into the subdermal layer of your
forehead isn't that desirable. After what had to be some deep Soul(ja Boy)
searching - pun intended - he managed to arrive at the difficult decision to
have his face tats blasted off his grill and in a brief video, the whole world can
enjoy the sight of the rapper's Gucci symbol being wiped from his forehead with
the aid of a removal gun. Hell, Soulja Boy even turned part of the procedure
into a vine so it can be watched over and over and over again, like a
six-second loop of warning messages for every square of a parent who wants to
warn their child about the evils and dangers of having images tattooed into
your skin. Here’s hoping this wasn’t merely a temporary canvas cleansing
to clear the way for a new forehead tat, but rather a permanent change to a
better visage……..
- Walking
by a Salvation Army bell ringer or shooting
them a disdainful look as you exit or enter a store because you find their
incessant ringing of that damn bell and irrepressible cheerfulness freaking
annoying is one thing and even that probably makes you a pretty crappy human
being, but at least those responses don’t leave a sightless bell ringer lying
on the ground with a possible head injury the way a dastardly New York duo did
this week. Enter Juan Rodriguez and Audrianna Wignal, a pair of alleged ass
hats who were procuring some low-end grub at a burger restaurant in White
Plains when the day went horribly south in a hurry. While waiting for their
heart attack on a bun with a side of sliced potatoes drenched in grease, the
pair accused a blind bell Salvation Army ringer of cutting in line and
given the demonstrated lack of IQ by Rodrgiuez and Wignal, they were either too
stupid or utterly clueless to the fact that the person with whom they were
having a dispute could not see. Either way, Rodriguez knocked the man to
the ground and punched him while Wignal kicked him, police say. That
beating probably should have sufficed, but of course these two tools weren’t
done. To cap things off, Rodriguez rung the victim’s bell - again, pun intended
- by hurling the kettle and striking this poor guy in the head. Doctors treated
the victim at a nearby hospital for injuries to his head and face, while
his assailants were thankfully arrested on assault charges. As always, at least
they had a good reason for their actions……….
- China
is infamous for its knock-offs and rip-offs of pop cultural phenomena and
characters from the West, with everything from cheap Mickey Mouse replicas to
bootleg Paulie Shore DVDs on Beijing street corners a commonality in the
communist hell hole. However, even China wouldn’t bottom out with a low as low
as immortalizing mentally troubled former NBA star and U-Stream Vaseline eater
Stephon Marbury, right? Oh, but it’s true and depressingly real. The man once
glossed Starbury before tumbling out of the Association and hitting rock bottom
in China has been immortalized with his own statue and postage stamp in his
adopted homeland and as of this week, he’s the star attraction of a 300-square
foot museum in Beijing. Yes, Marbury has led the Beijing Ducks to three of the
past four Chinese Basketball Association championships and averaged 29.7 points
per game in winning the finals MVP award last season, but dude has spent five
years in China and they suddenly love a guy who is the best player in a
fourth-rate league full of never-weres in the basketball equivalent of Siberia?
Marbury, clearly caught up in the moment/pandering to his current surroundings,
said that of all the uniforms he’s worn, his Beijing uniform means the most.
"My Beijing jersey means more to me than any of them. I don't [say] that
because of the championship, but just because I'm here at home and I've had a
support system," Marbury said. Even for a dude who once used a live video
streaming site to broadcast himself consuming petroleum jelly, that’s just
crazy talk………
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