Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Kendrick Lamar v. obsessed fan, grieving Indian dad v. King Cobra and Big 12 vs. cupcakes


- If ever there is a time to unleash full, borderline homicidal and potentially suicidal rage on a member of the animal kingdom, this would be it. When you live in a rural area in southern India, where all manner of dangerous beasts flank you every day, and one of those lethal creatures kills your child, it follows logically that you as a parent might want some vengeance on that animal. So why is anyone begrudging an unidentified man who skyrocketed to Internet fame this week when a video posted on YouTube display his enraged actions on a massive King Cobra snake that reportedly bit and killed his son? Why? Because animal rights kooks are ignorant zealots who will defend the rights of beasts more than the rights of their fellow man and therefore, the sight of a grieving, extremely angry father grabbing the venomous snake from a tree in a fit of rage and smashing it against the ground repeatedly, ignoring the clear and imminent threat to his life should the snake choose to double down on offing members of his family by biting him too, and bludgeoning the animal to death is somehow a terrible injustice. In the video, this real-life Rambo sends dust flying as he smashes the snake into the ground seven times before releasing it, after which the snake is seen slithering to the side of the dirt track before lying motionless. YouTube users have viewed the video more than 700,000 times, which both makes sense and is a bit insane because odds are that given where this guy lives and his apparent socioeconomic status, he’s probably not the kind of dude who’s pissing away his life craving and monitoring how Internet famous he’s become. Here’s hoping he knows what a badass he truly is………


- It’s a good thing Kendrick Lamar loves himself, because right now, one of his extremely overzealous fans hates the experience she had at one of his concerts. Whitney Larkins is the fan with a) a tenuous grip on reality and b) very out-of-order priorities in life, which goes a long way toward explaining why she’s suing the rapper for $1 million following a meet-and-greet dispute that led to her being banned from attending his show. According to the lawsuit, Larkins pissed away $350 for a VIP meet and greet package with Kendrick Lamar and because that wasn’t enough and she simply had to get more face time with an artist she describes as "one of the greatest rappers alive of all time who is on par with Tupac,” she then emailed Lamar’s manager Dave Free to request an additional three minutes - a very odd amount of time to ask for - of "one-on-one time" with the rapper. Seeing a chance to bilk a sucker out of a lot of money, er, give a devoted fan a chance to spend more time with her hero, Free (allegedly) replied and offered her three minutes of time alone with Lamar for a "cash payment of $10,000.” It seemed to good to be true and Larkins probably should have realized that it was when she (allegedly) "repeatedly tried to get more info from Lamar's team" regarding her time with the rapper. The night before the show, she claims, she was informed that she had been banned from attending and would be refunded her original $350 payment. What part of that entitles her to $1 million in compensation? None of it, but that isn't stopping her from claiming that the dispute left her with a "deep sadness" and denouncing Free as "arrogant, snotty and an all-around bad dude from the rooter to the tooter!" What the hell? Who is cool enough to be a Kendrick Lamar fan and at the same time lame enough to use the phrase “from the rooter to the tooter”? This woman makes zero sense……….


- All of the religi-kooks who have nowhere to direct their insane zealotry now that the Starbucks holiday cup fiasco has died down can now shift their focus to southwest Ohio, where the undead are causing living hell for a local couple and their haters. Jasen and Amanda Dixon appear to be a fairly normal Midwestern couple, living in Cincinnati and enjoying the holiday season by trying to blend established seasonal traditions with some of their own. How’s that going? Not well to this point, partly because the Ohio couple is defying orders to remove a zombie-themed nativity scene from their front garden. You read that right, an undead nativity scene featuring a spoof version of the night of Jesus’ birth that includes a zombie baby an evil baby Jesus  and undead wise men. Shutting it down on religious grounds would obviously be illegal, so the local council has elected to go the bureaucratic route by saying the display violates zoning laws. That has left the hatemongering and extremism to local religious groups who have denounced it by doing laughable things like printing out multi-colored, glossy-paged newsletters explaining to the Dixons why they are evil sinners going to hell for their blasphemy. The couple have kept the world informed on the construction and controversy over their nativity on a Facebook page that includes a photo and a caption describing it as "the worlds first Zombie nativity scene" and "a wonderful piece of artwork.” It also includes the assertion that, “We are not atheist,” which has done little to placate the ass hats who want these two burned at the proverbial stake. Way to keep things in perspective, all…………


- One small step forward, but no credit for forcibly making your members do something they should have done all on their own, Big 12 conference. The 10-team Big 12, which should probably start with rudimentary lessons in either math or English followed by brainstorming sessions for a new name, announced that it will require its members to schedule at least one game from another Power 5 conference or Notre Dame every year. Yes, that means that Big 12 teams will only be able to schedule two non-conference cupcakes to pad their record before beginning league play and to hear Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby tell it, this is a big f*cking deal. “Schedule strength is a key component in [College Football Playoff] selection committee deliberations," Bowlsby said. "This move will strengthen the résumés for all Big 12 teams. Coupled with the nine-game full round-robin conference schedule our teams play, it will not only benefit the teams at the top of our standings each season, but will impact the overall strength of the conference." Oh, and to really drop the hammer, the league is also mandating that its members play no more than one game annually against an FCS opponent going forward. Now, teams must choose between Savannah State and Portland State, but they can't play both. Thankfully, future non-league games already scheduled will be grandfathered in and Baylor, which played SMU, Lamar and Rice this season, won't have to wade into the big boy end of the pool next year because it and winless Kansas are the only Big 12 schools without a Power 5 nonconference opponent on the schedule for 2016. It’s just sad to see a program whose fans bitched uncontrollably last season about being left out of the inaugural College Football Playoff be strong-armed into playing at least one passably decent non-league foe every season. Why can't a Top 25 program essentially buy a win or two every season by doling out $600,000 to an FCS patsy or two to come to town and absorb a 66-3 beating? It’s just not fair……..

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