- Hasn’t Jessica Sierra been through enough, do we really need to prosecute her for disorderly intoxication, resisting arrest and violating conditions of her parole on the previous charges? After all, if you’d been a big enough loser to appear on American Karaoke, you’d be drinking heavily too. Sierra, a top 10 finalist during the 2005 edition of American Idol, was jailed Saturday after a drunken confrontation with police and onlookers, less than two weeks after the 22-year-old pleaded no contest to charges of battery and cocaine possession stemming from an April incident. As I said, we need to cut these losers some slack, because maybe they’re finally realizing that they participated in the biggest abomination in the history of both TV and music and they’re looking for ways to cope with that reality. Drugs, massive quantities of alcohol and violence might be the only way for them to truly purge this pitiful experience from their lives. On the other hand, maybe they don’t deserve sympathy because they willingly took part in the American Karaoke experience, even if they didn’t know or realize at the time what a ridiculous joke it is. So how to fix Jordan Sierra’s broken life? With more reality TV, of course. Sierra is among the D-listers seeking a cleansing on VH1's Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, debuting Jan. 20. Part of me thinks it should be obvious that this is a bad idea, because reality TV is what helped ruin your life to begin with, but the rest of me thinks that at this point, whatever these losers get is deserved. Just as long as I don’t have to ever deal with any of them directly or hear their warbling, off-key attempts at singing, they can tank their lives to the nth degree and it’s cool with me.
- This week, The Amazing Race finally left Africa after spending most of the past two episodes in the country of Burkina Faso. The seven remaining teams finally left Burkina Faso and headed to Vilnius, Lithuania for an action-packed stop. All seven teams arrived in Lithuania within 40 minutes of one another despite being spread amongst three different incoming flights. As always, there was plenty of intra-team bitching, but once again, there was very little tension between competing teams. This season has been notoriously low on the drama that usually ensues between the various teams. Thankfully, arrogant, bitchy blondes Shana and Jennifer, a.k.a. Team Cougar, and the combustible tandem of Nate and Jen helped make up for that drama deficit. While Shana and Jennifer continued to b*tch back and forth about whether or not they should have used the U-Turn maneuver last episode, they struggled to find their way in Lithuania and ended up finishing last out of the seven teams, which meant they were eliminated from the race. It was really sad to see such a friendly, warm, engaging team booted from the race….or it would have been if Team Cougar had embodied any one of those three characteristics. Instead, I was happy to see them go, as I have to figure most other viewers were. Nate and Jen had issues of their own and continue to be the team that makes everyone feel the same way they do around married or dating friends that we all have who make everyone uncomfortable because they’re always at each other’s throats, arguing, fighting and saying mean things to one another. One of those things was Nate calling Jen a bitch, which I actually agree with, because as far as the way she’s been portrayed on the show, she’s a huge witch with a “b”. On the flip side, nice to see TK and Rachel finish first, because laid-back, Bohemian stoners like TK always make for good viewing. He and Rachel are so easy going that I don’t think I’ve heard either of them yell at anyone so far this season. One other favorite has been the tandem of grandfather and grandson Donald and Nicolas, who narrowly beat out Team Cougar this week to stay in the race. Donald continues to be the coolest 69-year-old around, so hopefully this team can hang around a while longer. What I can do without is more of Ronald, the father portion of the father-daughter team of he and daughter Cristina, whining about his hernia. Every time he’s on screen and is forced to do more than walk two steps, he’s complaining about the pain. Dude, I know it’s a massively painful injury, but either suck it up and stop whining or quit. You had to know this would be a physically taxing experience, so couldn’t you have gotten surgery before coming on the show? Anyhow, I look forward to next week’s episode, largely because in past seasons, by this point there has been at least on non-elimination leg of the race where no teams are booted, but so far this season, there have been none. Are there going to be any, and if so, one has to be this coming week, right? Stay tuned…..
- Being a freshman football player at a big-time college football program is challenging. You’re going from being a stud and dominating in high school to competing at a level where everyone is on your talent level or above and you have to adjust. The transition is difficult under the best of circumstances, so maybe you don’t want to go committing a felony robbery before you even play a single down, eh Andre Jones and James Henry? Jones and Henry are both freshman football players at the University of Texas, or at least they would have been if coach Mack Brown hadn’t suspended them from the team before the season even began because of their arrests following an alleged July 27 home invasion. According to court documents, Jones was involved in stealing a laptop, electronics and some marijuana. Henry was asked to dispose of the stolen property, according to an arrest warrant. Good teamwork to be sure, but people tend to get angry when you steal a lapper and other electronics and most of all, their weed. They go to the police and then the police come after you. Neither of you appears to be a criminal mastermind, so I doubt their search was that difficult. Now, Jones has been hit with four counts of felony burglary and Jones faces felony charges for destroying the stolen items. You also have to love Henry’s attorney, Bill Hines, who told the Austin-American Statesman that his client was looking forward to clearing his name in court. “The only thing he's guilty of is being a good friend," Hines said. Good one, counselor. You may call it being a good friend, but the law calls it felony destruction of stolen property. Potato, po-tah-to, I guess. Lastly, props to Jones and Henry for making a connection with someone already on the team for this crime and building chemistry by involving now-former Texas safety Robert Joseph, who also faces aggravated robbery charges stemming from the alleged incident. He had already been dismissed from the team after his arrest on a separate burglary charge in June. Memo to these two tools, Jones and Henry: Maybe, maybe if you’re a junior or senior and you’re an All-American, you find a way to beat this rap or at least stay on the team in spite of it. But when you’re an incoming freshman and you pull this crap, your football career is done before it starts.
- Dancing With the D-List Stars not only ruins television, now it’s ruining relationships too. Helio Castroneves, who I’m told won the latest round of TV’s most insipid and unwatchable reality series outside of American Karaoke, was engaged to Aliette Vasquez, a Miami business executive, before she ended their engagement just one day after the show wrapped for the season. Her publicist (random business execs need publicists to speak about their relationship status?) confirms the ending of the engagement but insists that there’s no animosity involved. Right, because people just do things like end an engagement on amicable, non-emotional terms. But I digress…Castroneves had become the source of rumors and gossip because of his alleged flirtation with dance partner Julianne Hough. I have no idea whether the rumors are true nor do I care, but clearly Vasquez believes them and that’s what matters. Honestly, I have to ask whether Castroneves thinks it was worth it to do the show now. Yes, you got toe wear some very gay-looking outfits and do some lame ballroom dances that will benefit you exactly zero from here on out in life, plus you won a shiny, odd-looking trophy but you lost your fiancée, a woman you presumably loved a lot. Good choice there, amigo, but I have to say that if you’re dumb enough to appear on that show, you deserve what you get.
- First he got his a** kicked and his ego clipped by Kanye West’s superior album sales when their latest albums both dropped on the same day. Now, 50 Cent is looking to downsize his spacious living accommodations as well, selling off the 48,000-square-foot mansion in Farmington, Conn. he bought less than three years ago from certified psychopath and convicted rapist Mike Tyson. 50 is asking $18.5 million for the 19-bedroom property that also includes a built-in nightclub. MTV felt obliged to give 50 his own televised infomercial for his property, allowing him to feature it on one of the network’s more popular shows, Cribs, over the weekend. According to his spokesman, 50 is tired of the two-hour commute from Farmington to New York City and he’s also looking to “downsize” to something with only four or five bedrooms. Ordinarily that might seem like a ridiculous thing to say, but it will actually help 50 to solve one recurring problem: having house guests and not knowing they’re even staying with you. “I’ll let them stay on the other side of the house and not actually see them for a day or so,” he’s been quoted as saying. A nice problem to have on one hand, having a house so massive that you can lose track of house guests, but problematic because should they choose to steal TVs, silverware, etc., while they stay with you, it could be months or years before you notice. So good call on “downsizing” to a smaller pad, 50, even though it means leaving a house where you have a basement recording studio in which you’ve recorded some of your most successful tracks. I’m sure you can find a suitable place closer to Manhattan, one where you won't lose houseguests or precious time commuting.
- Maybe the good karma from two now-resolved entertainment industry strikes will filter down to TV writers and networks and help them settle their bitter contract dispute. After last week’s resolution of a strike that had forced the closing of opera houses around Italy, the standoff between Broadway theater producers and striking stagehands has come to an end with the striking of a tentative contract agreement. Months of negotiation finally reached a happy ending after two straight all-day, all-night bargaining sessions. With the agreement, a 19-day stoppage at about three-fourths of Broadway’s biggest productions is over. After the two sides agreed to revise strict rules that often resulted in more stagehands being on hand at shows than were necessary and thus paid for not doing much, the issue of how much to pay those stagehands who were working was the last hurdle to clear. Likely inspired by missing out on the huge profits that typically come in over the long Thanksgiving weekend but were missing this year due to the strike, both sides burned the midnight oil and got a deal done. Now everyone can enjoy Rent, Hairspray, The Lion King, etc. on their next trip to Manhattan. Just one major entertainment industry strike remains, those pesky TV writers and studios….
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