- What the frak is the point? I can’t help but ask that question over and over again as I hear that VH1 is taking the brain-dead, redundant, idiotic route of bringing back “has-been seeks love” shows like Rock of Love With Bret Michaels for a second season. Already the network has revived the moronic, lowbrow, disgusting and insulting-to-anyone-with-an-IQ-above-15 I Love New York for a second season, but now they have (judging from the promos) searched high and low (especially low) for the skankiest, sluttiest, most surgically enhanced, trashy hooker tramps around and jammed a couple dozen of them into a house for the second season of skanks vying for the “love” of the former Poison lead singer. A word of advice: if your show has a stripper pole built right into the floor plan for the house where contestants live, you, your show and everyone remotely associated with it are trash, period. But back to my initial point, which is what is the purpose of these shows? Presumably they’re to help the protagonist find “love,” but a) that never happens on these shows, and b) this show doesn’t even attempt to do that. It’s just an excuse for an aging rocker to score some surgically-enhanced, skanky tail. But hey, at least when the major networks run out of new episodes of shows due to the writers’ strike and are forced to go to all-crap, reality programming, VH1 can say they were ahead of the game and had a lineup composed almost entirely of foul-smelling excrement long before everyone else…..
- This is the first, last and only time I’ll discuss this: I hate you all, 2007 Miami Dolphins. You ruined my dream of an 0-16 season by trying and winning today. I hate you all, I hope you all blow out your knees and shoulders and never play in the NFL again. And I hate you, Baltimore Ravens kicker Matt Stover, for missing a field goal in overtime that would have beaten the Dolphins, but you missed and kept them alive so they could rip my heart out. I hate you all, you’ve ruined my interest in the NFL for a long, long time.
- Add this to the list of things we’d all like to do but have never had the cahones to do. An unidentified tow-truck driver in Oregon decided to exact some revenge on a local cop who had tagged him with a ticket recently. The angry man went with what he knows best, using his tow truck to help even the score. He found the officer who gave him the ticket while that officer was responding to a domestic disturbance call and hooked his towing hook onto the officer’s marked police cruiser. Then, the bitter tow-truck driver began to haul the cruiser away, but he didn’t make it too far. Another officer spotted him and ordered him to release the stolen cruiser, which the man did. Again, we’d all like some revenge on cops who have hassled us in the past, but most of us have neither the equipment or the testicular fortitude to do what this 32-year-old renegade did. Kudos to you for trying to even the score, pal, but as The Clash once sang, I fought the law and the law won, I fought the law….and the law won.
- Bobby Petrino and Nick Saban, move over because you have company in the Mercenary Double-Talking Coaches Club. Say hello to Richer, er, Rich Rodriguez, who was going to leave West Virginia University last year for the University of Alabama, going so far as to agree on a contract with UA, only to double back and go back to WVU. He got the Mountaineers to sweeten his contract with them and said all the right things about loving the chance to coach in his home state and wanting to be there for a long time – well, apparently to Rodriguez, a long time is one season, because now he’s agreed to leave WVU for a second time, this time for the University of Michigan. Assuming this one sticks (and with Rodriguez, there’s no reason to believe it will), he’s grabbing for more money and a more prestigious job after all those great things he said last year when he decided to go back to West Virginia. Ironically, he’s also following former WVU head basketball coach and current Michigan basketball coach John Beilein, who made the same jump last year. I just find it incredibly phony and disingenuous that Rodriguez rejected Alabama last year after more or less accepting their head coaching job because he supposedly wanted to be at West Virginia, when in reality he only wanted to be at WVU until the right offer came along. Either stop talking or stop lying, coach, because the only one who looks bad here is you for all your double talk and misdirection.
- The thank-you’s have just been pouring in non-stop since I offered my first hint on albums you want to avoid like the plague, with the first such album being the debacle, er, debut of former American Karaoke-er Jordin Sparks. Also, I’ve gotten some notes from people who didn’t get the warning in time and were subjected to the crap-ola Sparks is trying to pass off as music. Lastly, I’ve heard from many people who ask, “When are you going to help us out with another album to avoid?”. My answer to those people is that the time is now, and the place is here. Your next album to avoid is Audio Day Dream by former American Karaoke-er Blake Lewis. Props for having the acronym for your album be ADD, bro, but other than that, the good points end there. Some people have argued that Lewis’ style simply didn’t fit well with the setup of AK, but this album clearly shows that both Lewis and the show are talent-less hack jobs. Lewis and his crappy highlight job tried to enlist some successful producers to help him not sound like garbage, but alas the mission was a failure. His lyrics are mind-numbingly stupid, his attempts to mix pop and hip-hop are awful and his song titles combine the worst aspects of a white guy failing to realize how white he is and the hackneyed grammar junior high kids use in signing each other’s yearbooks. Songs like Gots to Get Her, What’cha Got 2 Lose and Hate 2 Love Her (seriously, two songs on one album using the number 2 in place of the word “to,” are you f’ing kidding me, how old is this guy, 11 years old?) are every bit as ear-assaultingly bad as their titles make them seem. I know this is hard to believe, but you may actually want to make even more of a point of avoiding this album than Sparks’ offering. I know that’s relative and it’s like saying that an earthquake registering 9.9 on the Richter Scale is not as bad as one measuring 10.0, but I’m here to provide all the help I can. Avoid this album like your life depends on it, folks.
No comments:
Post a Comment