- You may not have known this, but Alex Rodriguez is a selfish bastard. I know, I’m shocked by the news too. New evidence of this is coming out as we learn the final details of his new contract currently being finalized with the New York Yankees. Ever the team player, A-Rod is looking to bilk as much money out of the team and cripple it financially as much as possible. He’s doing it with certain bonuses and escalators in his deal which could bump the value up to as much as $314 million total. The best part of this is the incentives in the deal. A guy who cared about his team and about winning would want bonuses based on how many games his team wins, how far they go in the postseason, etc. Not A-Fraud, though. This selfish a-hole has contract bonuses that reward him for reaching individual milestones, specifically when he hits record-breaking home runs. He’ll receive $30 million from the Yankees when he passes Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds on the all-time home run list. A-Fraud will receive $6 million for home run Nos. 660, 714 and 755, as well as the two home runs that tie and pass Bonds for the record. Rodriguez, who has 518 home runs, needs 245 over the next 10 years to overtake Bonds' current total of 762. Teams are prohibited from paying bonuses to players based on statistical achievements, but Major League Baseball and the Players Association have apparently signed off on Rodriguez's bonuses because the Yankees are classifying his home runs as historical milestones. Way to look out for No. 1, Alex. You found a way to get around the rules and get more money, who else but you would look to do that? If you were as good in the playoffs as you are about finding contractual loopholes to give your overflowing pockets a few million dollars more, you’d have won five world titles by now. I think these incentives show once and for all that you’re out for yourself and your own glory and if your team also happens to win, so be it. You suck, A-Fraud, I hope you tear both of your ACLs the next ten years and never do get those milestone home runs.
- Just when you thought news about the writers’ strike couldn’t get any worse, you’re proven very, very wrong. The Writers’ Guild of America (WGA) has rejected the "New Economic Partnership" put forth by the American Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) on Thursday, saying in a statement that "for the first three days of this week, the companies presented in essence their November 4 [pre-strike] package with not an iota of movement on any of the issues that matter to writers. Thursday morning, the first new proposal was finally presented to us. It dealt only with streaming and made-for-Internet jurisdiction, and it amounts to a massive rollback." It’s one thing to say the other side’s proposal doesn’t budge far enough; it’s a lot worse to call a proposal a “massive rollback.” The WGA reports that with regards to Internet streaming, they were offered "a single fixed payment of less than $250 for a year's reuse of an hour-long program (compared to over $20,000 payable for a network rerun)." For made-for-Internet material, the AMPTP "continued to refuse to grant jurisdiction," and "they made absolutely no move on the download formula" and "continue to assert that they can deem any reuse 'promotional' and pay no residual (even if they replay the entire film or TV episode, and even if they make money)." Setting aside the normal negotiating rhetoric, there doesn’t seem to be an ounce of good will or cooperative spirit here and both sides seem more concerned with battling one another than with reaching a fair agreement. As sad as it is to say, every indication is that the worst-case scenarios about this TV season being wiped out and next season being impacted as well look like they can and will happen. I hope I’m wrong on that, but right now there’s no evidence to the contrary.
- Big ups to all my boys on the Miami Dolphins, you all came up HUGE today. Faced with unquestionably their most winnable game on the rest of the schedule, the ‘Fins briefly flirted with competitiveness before remembering who they are and returning to not doing what it takes to win. Throughout the first half, Miami hung tough with the 2-9 New York Jets, never trailing by more than a touchdown and facing a 20-13 deficit and a big decision at half time. Would they continue to do the wrong thing by competing and trying to win, or would they take one step closer toward the dream? That question was answered by John Beck and his teammates when the rookie quarterback from BYU came up big with three second-half turnovers to hand the Jets a 40-13 triumph. That’s right, when faced with a decisive moment in their season, the Dolphins folded like a card table. They produced a scoreless second half that would’ve made the 19XX Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their 0-14 season proud. You can’t credit the weather for helping them because it was 81 degrees and sunny. You can’t credit the other team for being too talented for Miami to beat, because clearly the Jets aren’t more talented than anybody – except the Dolphins. No, you have to give credit for this loss to those who deserve it, the Dolphins players and coaches, because they and only they are the keepers of the dream –my dream of a reverse perfect season, 0-16. Good work, guys, all of you. Only four more losses to go, don’t start trying now.
- A melancholy farewell to legendary daredevil Evel Knievel, who passed away Friday from diabetes and a lung disease known as pulmonary fibrosis. Evel was 69 years old, and honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d lived to be 100, because he had to be the toughest S.O.B. walking the earth. His amazing feats include jumping over Greyhound buses, live sharks and Idaho's Snake River Canyon. He was immortalized in the Smithsonian Institution as "America's Legendary Daredevil," and best known for the failed 1974 attempt to jump Snake River Canyon on a rocket-powered cycle and a spectacular crash at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. He suffered nearly 40 broken bones before he retired in 1980. He began his daredevil career in 1965 when he formed Evel Knievel's Motorcycle Daredevils, a touring show in which he performed stunts such as riding through fire walls, jumping over live rattlesnakes and mountain lions and being towed at 200 mph behind dragster race cars. In 1966 he began touring alone, barnstorming the West and doing everything from driving the trucks, erecting the ramps and promoting the shows. In the beginning he charged $500 for a jump over two cars parked between ramps. He steadily increased the length of his jumps until, on New Year's Day 1968, he was nearly killed when he jumped 151 feet across the fountains in front of Caesar's Palace. He cleared the fountains but the crash landing landed him in the hospital and in a coma for a month. Once, while being interviewed about jumping Snake River Canyon, Evel was asked what he thought his chances were for survival in the dangerous stunt. He replied 50/50, and when pressed as to why he would attempt a stunt when he felt there was an even money chance he would die, he didn’t hesitate and in true balls-to-the-wall fashion, replied, “Do you know who the hell I am?” Yes we do, you’re Evel Freaking Knievel. It’s sad that Evel went out in poor health, because honestly, the most fitting way for him to go would be doing what he loved, some insanely dangerous stunt that no one else had the testicular fortitude to attempt. Farewell Evel, you’ll be missed.
- Acceptable things for musicians to throw from the stage include: water bottles, guitar picks, drum sticks, t-shirts, beach balls, items of clothing fans have thrown at them, and maybe a few other assorted items I can't think of at the moment. However, one thing musicians can’t throw into the stands is an actual fan. Don’t believe me? Just ask incredibly stupid, talent-deprived rapper Akon, who’s being sued by a fan after she sustained a concussion at one of Akon’s shows after he lobbed another fan off the stage and the projectile fan hit her in the head. He’s also facing criminal charges and is scheduled to appear in Fishkill Town Court in Fishkill, N.Y. Monday morning for arraignment on a misdemeanor charge of endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment, a violation, according to Police Chief Donald Williams. The fan toss in question occurred at a June 3 show at Dutchess Stadium, where a fan threw an object at Akon the singer asked the crowd to point out the culprit. After a security guard picked out a 15-year-old boy and guided him to the stage, things went downhill. The boy landed on fellow concert-goer Abby Rosa, who told the Poughkeepsie Journal she was later found to have a concussion. She has since hired a lawyer, sued and is driving the criminal charges. This isn’t the first time Akon has acted like an ass hat at a show either, although it is the first time he’s used a fan as a human lawn dart. In April, he was widely ripped for having on-stage simulated sex with a 14-year-old girl at a concert in Trinidad. He later apologized, saying he didn't realize the girl was underage. So far, there’s no indication as to whether he was likewise unaware that throwing a human being at another human being’s head could cause injury…..
- I have a late nomination for the most insane quote from a celebrity or other public figure, so is there any chance it’s not too late to enter the contest for the craziest quote of 2007? The entry comes from dub-reggae pioneer Lee “Scratch” Perry, a 71-year-old man who is either senile, delusional, high on a combination of illegal drugs or possibly all three of these things. Perry, set to come out with a new album titled "Repentance" and tentatively slated for release in May by Los Angeles-based Narnack Records, has some, um, interesting words to describe his new album. He says that it’s "like a flying machine come here to save some people who repent. And it will prove that Jesus Christ is black because the shadows of people are black. I wouldn't say that if shadows weren't black." Wow….um….wow. I don’t know where to begin, I just know that that quote makes absolutely no sense. What the f**k do you mean, your album is like a flying machine to save people who repent? A flying machine like that new-fangled thingy, an airplane? Or do you mean like a flying saucer? Perhaps a space shuttle? A hang glider? And how the frak do shadows, their color and Jesus Christ have anything to do with one another or with your album? I could smoke weed for the next week, mix in some peyote, hallucinogenic mushrooms, PCP, LSD and coke and take about 5,000 hard hits to the head and I still couldn’t come up with anything that nonsensical. Honestly, I’m not sure whether to be impressed or frightened. What I do know is that adding party-metal eccentric Andrew W.K to the mix isn’t going to help, but Perry has done just that, collaborating with W.K. on this project. If you have the challenge of listening to it, best wishes on understanding what the f**k it means, because if that quote is any indication, this is one bizarre album.
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