- This is Part One of a two-part example designed to show you that despite their money and status, rivh people are just like everyone else deep down. We begin with one of the common people, Florida Gulf Coast University's All-Atlantic Sun Conference first-team setter Roberta Santos. Santos finds herself facing charges of driving under the influence following her arrest Wednesday that was marked by a 0.26 BAC, badly failed road sobriety tests and an alleged attempt to urinate on the arresting officer, according to a police reports. Yes, that’s right, she was more than three times the legal limit and she tried to take a piss on the cop who arrested her, always a good combo. Santos, a junior at FGCU and a certified lush, was traveling south on Ben Hill Griffin Boulevard from the entrance to FGCU at about 11:40 p.m. Wednesday when Dep. Robert Shaw spotted her repeatedly drifting back and forth over the center line in her white Chevy Cavalier. Shaw attempted to stop Santos just north of the intersection of Corkscrew Road and Ben Hill Griffin Boulevard. According to the police report, Santos continued through the intersection and pulled into the parking lot of Stoney’s Bar. Once Santos came to a stop and the officer caught up with her, Shaw said he smelled an odor of alcohol and asked for Santos’ driver’s license and vehicle paperwork, which he said she then fumbled and dropped on the floorboard of the vehicle before a friend in the passenger seat located the papers. Why this friend wasn’t driving, I don’t know, because he or she definitely appears to have been more sober than Santos. But while performing a horizontal gaze test, Shaw said Santos was swaying back and forth and stepping backward and forward to keep her balance. Hmm, sounds suspicious, but I’m not sold that she’s drunk yet – bad coordination, poor balance – so tell me more. During the walk-and-turn maneuver, Shaw said Santos nearly fell over several times while using her arms to maintain her balance. On the “turn” part of the test, Shaw said Santos stumbled again before catching herself on his patrol car. Nearly falling down while tryingto walk….ok, so you may have something here, officer. Next it was on the one-leg stand test, Shaw said Santos lifted her leg and immediately put it down to maintain her balance, at which time he discontinued the road sobriety tests in the interest of her safety and placed Santos under arrest for DUI. Inability to balance on one leg….I still don’t know. Why not have her go with the always-popular reciting of the alphabet? That’s a crowd pleaser and also one that’s low on the danger scale. But Shaw had made his mind up. Santos then begged him to let her go and began to cry and scream in the back of his patrol car. Sorry, Roberta, but crying usually works better when trying to get out of a speeding ticket and before you’ve been placed under arrest. Transported to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office for booking, Santos submitted to a breath test and registered a .260 BAC, according to the report. She then became very agitated about not being permitted to use the phone, at which time he said she arched her back and tried to urinate on him, soaking both herself and the floor with urine. Oooh, that’s not good. If you were a dude, you can pull off that maneuver, but the physics for a chick just don’t lend themselves to it. Predictably, Santos’ coach and university weren’t excited to hear about her night out. FGCU interim head coach Carrie Lundy deferred comment to university spokesperson Susan Evans. “Of course, at this point, Roberta Santos has only been charged with DUI,” Evans said. “We're always disappointed when a student is charged with DUI, but we will withhold sanctions until the case makes its way through the court system.” You do that, FGCU, but this seems like a slam-dunk to me. Santos might be an all-conference player, but she’s still noly a volleyball player and you’re only Florida Gulf Coast University, hardly the big time. She’s not getting out of this one. If she’s convicted, Santos will become part of the school's Substance Abuse Education and Testing Program just like any other student-athlete convicted of "underage possession of alcohol, driving under the influence, public intoxication ..." She would then have to meet with her head coach, athletics director and an FGCU trainer, be referred to the Office of Counseling and Psychological Services, which will conduct an evaluation and an educational course, call her parents in the presence of her coach and/or athletics director (I think they already know, but I’m sure they’d love to hear about it again, their daughter the lush) and agree to be randomly drug tested for a calendar year. Her coach can add the sanctions, but why would the coach want to do that…..moving on to the famous person part of the equation…..
- Mischa Barton, The O.C. alumna and current Maxim cover gal decided to get herself popped for a DUI in the wee hours of Thursday morning was pulled over in West Hollywood. She was subsequently arrested for the DUI, possession of illegal narcotics and driving without a valid license. Some of you cynics might rip her for this, but not me. It’s always great for me to see an actor or actress take something they learned from a role as a fictitious character on a fictional TV show and apply it to real life. Barton’s O.C. character Marissa Cooper was a party girl, alkie and druggie, so it’s nice to see Mischa work all three of those into her real life. Also, it’s a good reminder that famous people are just like the rest of us. Just as Roberta Santos got hammered and took to the roads in her inebriated state, famous actress Mischa Barton did the same thing on the same night. Thanks for showing that you don’t think you’re better than the rest of us, M. We can act like a-holes by driving drunk and putting the lives of others motorists in danger and so can you! I know you have a rep to live up to, but unless you want to ruin your life and career by driving drunk and eventually injuring or killing yourself or someone else because of that habit, you’re going to want to check yourself. Go join your other famous Hollywood friends in rehab, we’ll see you in a few weeks…….
- Karma is a b*tch, eh Rich Rodriguez? Rich, or should I say Rich-er, the former West Virginia University football coach who agreed to leave to take the same position at the University of Alabama following the 2006 season only to double back when he was ripped for the move and find that another reputed liar, Nick Saban (I will not be the next coach at Alabama, period….umm, sure Nick), agreed last week to jump ship again to take the vacant head job at the University of Michigan. Shockingly, it looks like this time Fraud-riguez is sticking with his decision, but that’s going to pose a whole new set of problems for him. He has been sued by West Virginia University's Board of Governors to collect a $4 million buyout of his contract with the school. The lawsuit, filed in Monongalia County Circuit Court, says the university believes Rodriguez doesn't intend to abide by the contract. What, you mean you don’t trust the word of a man who has lied to you and others repeatedly and blatantly? I’m stunned. What would be even more stunning is if a two-faced weasel like Fraud-riguez actually lived up to a contract he himself signed. The buyout clause in that deal requires Rodriguez to pay $4 million to WVU over a two-year period, with one-third of the total due 30 days after his employment's termination. His resignation was effective Dec. 19, meaning he needs to pony up about $1.33 million right quick. West Virginia officials did the smart thing, asking a court to enforce the contract after supporters of Rodriguez questioned its validity and the coach did not disavow those statements. “There are very clear statements and factually incorrect statements by people who purportedly speak for the coach,” Alex Macia, vice president of legal affairs and legal counsel for the university, said. “There comes a time when you have to have a court pronounce as a matter of law what happened,” he said. According to the lawsuit, the university fulfilled the contract's terms and Rodriguez never gave it written notice, as required by the contract, that it had not followed the agreement, the lawsuit said. “The university performed and upheld its end of the bargain,” Macia said. True, but Fraud-riguez doesn’t understand the principle of owning his end of a deal, so going to court is pretty much the only option WVU had. University officials were not aware of and did not consent to Rodriguez's discussions with Michigan officials about the Wolverines' coaching job, according to the lawsuit, so there’s another strike against him. Not only did he sneak around behind the back of his then-current employer, now he won't live up to an agreement he made for the very situation that has now come up. A summons issued to Rodriguez gave him 20 days to respond to the lawsuit. Just a thought, Rich-er, but maybe the anonymous person who keeps putting $1,000 bills in Salvation Army kettles at Christmastime in Morgantown, W. Va. can help you pay his $4 million buyout. Either that or grow a spine and get a conscience and some honor and integrity and own up to your responsibilities, my man.
- Think your Christmas was crappy? If so, consider the plight of Robert Schoff and you just might reconsider. The 77-year-old Schoff spent part of Christmas Eve trapped in his septic tank, with his head inside and his feet kicking in the air above ground. The Des Moines, Iowa resident reached inside the tank attempting to find a clog, a festive holiday activity which I think we can all agree we’d like to take part in, but lost his balance and became wedged in the opening. The 5-foot-5, 135-pound man yelled for help but it was over and hour before his wife Toni looked out the window, saw her husband’s lower half sticking up out of the septic tank and helped him out. “It wasn’t good, I’ll tell you what,” Robert Schoff said. “It was the worst Christmas Eve I’ve ever had.” Let’s just hope that while he was flying over Iowa, Santa didn’t have to see that unsightly image, a man upside down in a tank full of crap…..
- Scottie Pippen’s legacy lives on. It’s been about a decade since Scottie refused to re-enter a playoff game because he was pissed that the last play of the game wasn’t designed to give him the shot, but two members of the underachieving Cleveland Cavaliers have revived Scottie’s boorish act and made it their own. Damon Jones has been fined an undisclosed sum by the Cavaliers after the point guard refused to come off the bench for the final minute of their Christmas Day victory over the Miami Heat. Joining him in acting like a Grade-A a-hole was guard-forward Ira Newble, who also declined to enter the game at that point, saying he wasn't physically ready to play, the newspaper said. “Regardless on how much time is on the clock, I'm going 100 percent every time I step on the court,” Newble said, according to the Plain Dealer. "Not being loose enough, you could possibly pull something.” Nice try, Ira. I wasn’t at 100 percent, I could pull something. Are your freaking kidding me? Are you can NBA player or some dude playing in a rec league at the local Y? There are tons of guys playing at less than 100 percent; I’d venture to say the most guys are at least a little banged up. You were being a big baby and didn’t want to be “insulted” by being put in for the final seconds of a blowout. Cavs coach Mike Brown, speaking before Thursday's game against Dallas, said the issue was an internal matter and he wouldn't have any additional comment. In other words, these two f’d up and crossed the line and they’ll be fined and b*tched out, end of story. Of the 12 Cleveland players, Jones and Newble were the only ones not to log minutes in the Cavs' 96-82 victory over Miami, but it was their choice, so I don’t feel a bit bad for them. Grow up and grow a pair, guys, you were wrong here and it had better not happen again or you’ll be introduced to a new friend – the waiver wire.
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