Sunday, December 17, 2006

Weekend odds and ends

- See, O.J. Simpson doesn’t just kill people (allegedly), he kills careers too. Publisher Judith Regan was fired from her post at HarperCollins just a month after her aborted “If I Did It” campaign featuring a book and TV special by the Juice. In short order, the O.J. media tour was announced, ripped by everyone and canceled, although NewsCorp’s cancellation was clearly only a result of the public outrage, not of them actually believing they were doing anything wrong. People need to learn a lesson, that associating with O.J. in any way is not going to end well for you, because let’s face it, Collins getting fired was a relatively good outcome for her, considering that the alternative was, well, you know……….

- Guys everywhere, prepare to be dragged to what will ultimately be the biggest waste of $50+ bucks you ever spend on tickets to an event. The Dancing with the Stars (again, a massive misnomer, most of these losers weren't even stars five years ago when their popularity was at its zenith) tour is taking the country by storm, subjecting guys all over to their wives and girlfriends dragging them to watch a live performance that those same guys struggled mightily to avoid while it was on TV. I’ll say this….I don’t like watching dancing, period, but if you like it and you wanna go see the ballet with its professional, trained dancers, go and enjoy. But if you willingly go to see some E-list “celebrities” attempt to ballroom dance and pay good money for the right to do so, you should be permanently stripped of all rights to control your money and credit cards.

- Never saw this coming……former Phish frontman Trey Anastasio was pulled over by Whitehall, N.Y. police for driving under the influence of drugs……yes, I know, someone associated with Phish being busted for drugs, amazing. You can probably still get a contact high just by holding a ticket stub from a Phish concert that took place in 2004. Anastasio had all sorts of painkillers and antidepressants in his vehicle when police pulled him over for swerving and erratic driving. Yet supposedly he left Phish to escape that same drug culture, where it seemed that both the band and every audience member were high by the second song of the set. It goes to show that you can take the lead singer out of Phish, but you can’t take the Phish out of the singer.

- I love how so many in the sports world are rushing to slurp on Texas Tech hothead/coach Bob Knight as he nears Dean Smith’s career wins record for college basketball coaches. Knight’s win today versus Arkansas puts him one behind Smith, who was a class act through and through and one of the true gentlemen in college hoops throughout his tenure. Knight on the other hand, is a raging psycho, a man who has: 1) choked a player in practice, 2) thrown a ceramic vase at an athletic department secretary, 3) thrown a folding chair across the court, 4) told an interviewer that, “If rape is inevitable, why doesn’t the woman just sit back and enjoy it?”, 5) Verbally assaulted a student who had the audacity to greet him in passing with a “Hey, Knight” and 6) smacked a player in the huddle earlier this season. The first five transgressions came during his tenure at Indiana. Yet so many are so eager to forget or set aside those things and many more now that he’s nearing a record. For the record, no matter how high your graduation rate for your players and how many wins you have, Knight, you will always be an ass, a man who treats people like crap even though they’ve done nothing to deserve it.

- Jeb Bush may find himself excommunicated from the Bush family if he keeps this up. The Florida governor and brother of our incompetent Commander-in-Chief W has suspended all executions in Florida after ruling that executioners botched an execution of a convicted killer earlier this week by faulty insertion of needles. On a side note, executioner is one job that you really should be accurate on 100% of the time, because killing someone shouldn’t be that hard when given the precise procedures and instruments and having that person totally restrained….but I digress. When he was governor of Texas, W had the executioners so busy that they nearly had to install a ticket-issuing counting machine like they use at delis to determine what order people are served (or in this case, executed) in. “Number fifty-three will now be executed, please step up to the table…..” Now Jeb is actually suspending executions? Better get ‘em going again before big brother uses his presidential influence to go over your head and get the executions going again, Jeb………

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