- Losers, dorks, virgins and recluses of the world, unite. Peter Jackson, the master of the hobbits, needs your help. The chubby, bearded, bespectacled director of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, has been kicked off a project that will turn another J.R.R. Tolkien book, The Hobbit, into a movie. Jackson posted a letter on a fan site detailing the split with New Line Cinema, and undoubtedly all of the losers who dressed up like hobbits and camped out in line to see each of the Rings movies will rush to his defense, assuming they can do so without leaving the confines of their basement and exposing themselves to actual sunlight and civilization. One pathetic soul even lamented on a message board that Jackson’s dismissal from the project was “like a death in the family.” While I can't say everyone who watched the LOTR movies is a loser, what I can say is that if you liken a director leaving a project to a death in your family, you are pathetic and in serious need of perspective. It’s a movie, dorks, and whomever directs it, you’re going to go see it in your ridiculous costumes, without your girlfriend who doesn’t exist and you’re going to spend countless hours breaking down every scene with your equally pathetic friends on the message boards.
- Speaking of movies, the animated funfest Happy Feet remains on top in box office revenues, at least for this past weekend. Again, hats off to the animated penguins and their creators, as funny as it is to give props to a CGI penguin-themed flick, again I say it’s way, way better than the abysmal crap that’s hitting most multiplexes right now, movies like the above-mentioned Rise of Taj.
- Another cruise ship virus story, good times! This one comes to us from Miami, where more then 380 passengers aboard the world’s largest cruise ship, the Royal Caribbean Freedom, contracted Norovirus and were treated with over-the-counter medication. Ironic that this took place aboard a ship bearing the name Freedom, because it seems like if you go on a cruise ship these days, you are “free” to get seriously ill, “free” to have memories of vomiting, nausea and headaches that last for years and “free” to wish you had done something, anything else for vacation, even if that meant spending two weeks in prison. Soon, they’re going to hand out industrial sized cans of disinfectant, HAZMAT suits and protective gloves to every passenger as they board a cruise ship. So come sail the open seas, and bring your barf bags!
- What’s funnier than being a pretend racist? Personally, I love feigning racist sentiments, tossing out some hateful words, stereotypes and the like just to have some fun and to prove a point. I mean, who doesn’t get a kick out of doing that sort of thing? Washington, D.C. radio host Jerry Klein gets my point. He suggested on air that Muslims be required to get a special crescent shaped tattoo on their body on wear a special armband…..then, surprise of all surprises, he claimed he was kidding and did it to prove a point. Amazingly, many listeners believed he was serious (maybe because he was?) and actually agreed with him. Klein then reversed field and said he wasn’t serious, and that he was proving a point as to how millions of Germans went along with the extermination of six million Jews in the Holocaust. Klein is currently absent from the airwaves, but of course, he explains it’s due to back surgery, not because of the comments he made about Muslims. Perhaps Jerry should shift over to satellite radio with the likes of Howard Stern so he can make all the blatantly offensive remarks he wants with no repercussions.
- Don’t believe the rumors, people. I have not, I repeat not, declared myself as a candidate for the upcoming (if you consider something two years off upcoming) presidential election. I’m many years short of being old enough to run, sure, but it seems like everyone else with a pulse is declaring their intentions to run, so it’s natural I might get lumped in there. Senators Hank Clinton of New York, Barack Obama of Illinois and Even Bayh of Indiana are among those who plan to run. I feel like I need to issue a warning here, that while I realize that our current President is astonishingly incompetent and ineffective, that should in no way encourage every moron who knows how to sit at a desk and speak into a microphone should run for President. Too many people seem to be figuring, “Hey, if this buffoon can be President, than I certainly can. I mean, I actually know how to pronounce the names of foreign leaders, tie my own shoes and issue an order to pull our troops out of places they have no business being!” At the current pace, we’re going to have 75 candidates on both sides of the ballot in the primaries and so many senators will have declared their intentions to run that the Senate will have to shut down so they can all go out to campaign.
- Lastly, clean air will be occupying the air space of Ohio come Thursday. Well, aside from all of the industrial waste and pollution being created daily, I mean. But smoke from cigarettes, cigars, pipes, etc. will be drastically curtailed with new smoking regulations so into place. No smoking will be allowed in public places, and for the majority of Ohioans who don’t want to dramatically increase our chances of lung cancer by choking down those cancer sticks laced with nicotine, that’s good news. For the rest of you, keep your smokes at home so that only your furniture and clothes have to smell like smoke.
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