- Hard to imagine a more peaceful, serene group than monks, right? Wearing those long brown robes, going months without speaking, copying manuscripts and studying religious teachings are what you would typically associate with monks. Someone needs to tell that to the rival groups of monks in Mount Athos, Greece. The warring factions are at odds over control of a 1,000-year-old monastery viewed as the cradle of Orthodox Christianity, and as a result, they decided to solve their problems by throwing down with crowbars and sledgehammers. Great idea, guys. Seven monks were injured and had to be transported by boat to receive treatment. Why does this feel like a bad rip-off of the gang fight scene from Anchorman? And if you have monks who are taking vows of silence, what does a fight between them sound and look like? Hard to talk smack to your opponent when you can't talk. Were there other monks from their respective monasteries, using fountain pens to write some good fight smack on scrolls and holding it up as the action went on? I’m going on the record as saying monks are now among my very favorite groups of people.
- Wouldn’t this be the very definition of the phrase “conflict of interest”? A person, acting as a consultant for a pro team, being among the most vocal advocates for the team trading a certain player and actively helping to dictate when and where he’s traded, then deciding to return as a front office executive for that same team once that player, a player he never got along with, was gone? If I were to explain that to you and you had no idea who the involved parties were, it would seem shady, right? Well, it seems even shadier if you realize that the consultant in question is the nomadic Larry Brown, a basketball coaching vagabond who never stays in the same city for more than a couple of years. Brown is rumored to possibly be returning to the Philadelphia 76ers, an organization he’s coached and worked for in the past and loves, after the Sixers traded wannabe gangsta and franchise player Allen Iverson. AI asked for a trade (though he now denies that) and Brown was one of the forces behind facilitating and structuring Iverson’s departure. Now, he’s going to step back in with the organization? I don’t know for sure how much Brown factored into the decision to accommodate AI’s trade request, but if he was even a contributing factor in the team deciding that it would in fact deal AI, then Brown is a fraud and a con artist. I’ve never been a fan of LB, and I think he is vastly overrated as a coach and executive, but if the reality of this situation is anything close to what it appears to possibly be, then even he has hit a new low.
- Fat people everywhere now have another crutch to blame their enormous girth on rather than taking personal responsibility for their own shortcomings. As if obese individuals didn’t already have enough excuses for being fat and not owning up to their own overeating, non-exercising ways, researchers now claim that the guts of fat people, besides being buried beneath rolls and rolls of blubber, also contain a distinctive mix of bacteria that are especially efficient at extracting calories from food and thus make those individuals gain weight. Great….do these bacteria also prevent the fat person from climbing on a treadmill or Stairmaster? Can the bacteria extract extra calories and fat from carrot sticks, rice cakes, celery and lean chicken? Do they have a special gravitational pull that forces the fat person to make four extra trips back to the buffet line? How about we stop looking for medical reasons why fat people are fat and start encouraging them to exercise and not eat fatty foods? Sounds good to me.
- I don’t know that I’ve ever laughed harder at an infomercial for a CD of any kind than I did when I saw the spot for “Kids Rap Radio”. If there’s a more absurd, pathetic, loser album out, then….no, sorry, not possible. This joke of a CD takes major rap and hip hop hits of the past couple years and reworks them into “family friendly” versions. Better yet, “kid rap stars” sing them and the lyrics are something you can “enjoy with your whole family”. The easiest laughs come from watching kids with no rhythm and no actual musical skills attempt hip hop dancing and lip-syncing on the commercial. It looks like a bad faux music act they would conjure up on an old Full House episode, except this makes Uncle Jesse’s Middle Eastern-themed music video look cool by comparison. The kids on this commercial have as much street cred as Mr. Rogers and are more likely to be found eating animal crackers and drinking milk than clubbin’, droppin’ a beat or throwing some 20” spinners on their ride. Then, consider that they’ve taken such kid-friendly hits as Shake Yo Tailfeather and Laffy Taffy, songs that are very much about sex and sexual themes and suddenly with a few new words they’re kosher? Great idea, maybe next you can rework some Marilyn Manson and Slipknot songs into sing alongs for the preschool set….honestly, the first time I saw the “Kids Rap Radio” commercial, I thought it was a joke. Funny thing is, kids who like rap will just listen to the actual rap, not some cleaned up, milk and cookies version. The only ones who will listen to it are the dorky kids whose parents won't let them listen to the real thing, so they’ll get rap-lite and the normal mocking and teasing they get from their classmates will only intensify. Because what kid wouldn’t love rockin’ out to Nelly-lite in the minivan with your mom? Worst idea ever…..at least we don’t have to worry about seeing this one on the Billboard charts ever.
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