Five thoughts......

- Horror stories about former pro athletes whose lives have gone horribly wrong pop up from time to time, and some of them are so truly bad that you genuinely feel bad for the guy no matter what. You’ve got Hall of Fame running backs turned double murderers (allegedly, I know, O.J.), former NFL kickers shooting at the home of Sigfried and Roy (Cole Ford, mentally unstable ex-Raider) a former baseball pitchers homeless and living under freeway overpasses…..you get the point. What you don’t always hear is the story in between their time as a pro athlete and the tragic ending. Thus, witness the story of ex-Cowboys quarterback Quincy Carter. He had drug problems while in the NFL, and they have followed him out of the league after essentially killing his football career. Carter was picked up by Dallas police on marijuana charges, and the story of how he got bailed out of jail is, to me at least, offensive and a sick, degrading tale. Dallas radio host Rick Gallway, who hated Carter while he was a player and has always ripped on him, caught wind of the arrest and started a gag on his show about bailing Carter out. He had his producer look up bail bondsmen in the phone book, called one and set about bailing Carter out. The bondsman, Cowboys Bail Bonds, knocked the price down from $160 to $100 when they found out it was Carter, then when Gallway kept mentioning the company name on the air, they did the deed for free because of all the free publicity. So Carter got bailed out, yes, but not cool to make him the butt of some promotional stunt/practical joke. He’s so bad off that he had to bum a ride home in the news van of a cameraman from a local TV station. Here’s hoping Carter turns things around before a truly tragic and more permanent ending.

- Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin can no longer be referred to as TV analysts or commentators. From henceforth, they must be called what they truly are: marionettes. Terrell Owens plays puppet master with these two ass hats on a daily basis, making them sing and dance and put whatever happy-face spin he needs on his latest errant behavior. I would venture to say that within a week, these two morons will be trying to sell us the story that T.O. didn’t spit in the face of DeAngelo Hall, what he did was see that Hall’s skin was extremely dry and attempt to moisturize it with a little bit of friendly saliva. The way Sanders and Irvin throw softball questions at T.O. and fawn over him during interviews makes me want to vomit repeatedly. I’ll say it again, ESPN and NFL Network…..fire both of them….now.

- Life just gets worse and worse for Taco Bell. First, they’re still Taco Bell, purveyor of fine food-like products that, when prepared correctly with non-sickness including ingredients, still don’t pass muster as actual cuisine. But the E. coli scandal that has sickened dozens of patrons across multiple state lines may now land the fast almost-food giant before Congress. Rep. Rosa DeLauro, chair of an agricultural subcommittee in the House, plans to call in Taco Bell execs in hearings about food safety concerns in the U.S. And no, commercials about your CEO saying how sorry you are and promising all will be well from here on out aren't going to be a panacea for the situation, T.B. But you had better figure out something soon before you go the way of the Jack in the Box restaurants circa-1990s.

- Tick, tock…tick, tock…BOOM! This is the way we’re headed with the “World vs. North Korea” nuclear showdown, especially with the bumbling Bush administration leading the charge against North Korea. The dance has been going on for months now; the U.S. demands that the Koreans disarm and stop trying to produce nuclear weapons, the Koreans demand that economic sanctions be lifted and that they be recognized as a full-fledged nuclear power. All the while, they toil away, inching closer to being able to produce actual nuclear weapons. Now I don’t know if it will be days, weeks or months until N.K. has the capability to produce live nukes, but I do know that we’re tightening the noose on a highly combustible situation and I won't be surprised if (pun intended) this blows up in our collective faces. But after all, who’s not pumped up about the prospect of an all-out nuclear war? Anyone?

- Dancing with the quasi-Stars is starting to find its niche, it seems. I know the show has achieved a high level of popularity with women ages 15 to infinity, along with their boyfriends/fiancés/husbands they force to watch with them, but I am referring more to the show finding its place as the haven for washed up or never-were “stars” looking to revive their careers or clean up bad images. Take, for example, former man-band star Joey Fatone of N’Sync. Sure he’s acted on Broadway and done other things (I think) since he and his well-choreographed, matching outfit-wearing, frosted-hair sporting sidekicks called it quits. But no one cares about him and if you asked most people, the only thing they still know him for is being one of the perpetrators in one of the most offensive, awful musical travesties ever forced on the American public. So he’s openly campaigning for a spot on the next season of DWTQS, saying he’s turned down previous invitations. First off, what the hell does it say about your show that you got turned down by a former man-bander? And secondly, how magnanimous of you, Joey, to lend your considerable show biz clout to the program. Congratulations to both parties, you are both blights on the entertainment industry and American culture in general.