- No one pays much attention to office memos, because too often they deal with topics like cleaning the break room, how to submit purchase orders for office supplies and other inane matters. However, a memo submitted by former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, i.e. Rummy in my book, might be one the Bush administration pays attention to. Or maybe W did read the memo and that’s why Rummy got the boot. The gist of the document was that Rumsfeld believed it was time for a “major adjustment” in the administration’s policy in Iraq. He added that he believed that what U.S. forces are doing in Iraq is not working well enough of fast enough. This is perfect; someone finally admits that Iraq is one big f’ing mess that we aren’t hnadling right and he’s ushered right out the door. Every day, it becomes clearer and clearer how incompetent our President and his administration are and how stubborn they are in admitting their egregious errors.
- Our nemesis to the south, Cuba, is having some political wranglings of their own. Good ol’ Fidel Castro, tyrant, dictator, fascist and he of ailing health, failed to appear at a military parade held in his honor over the weekend. His brother Raul gave a speech at the event and is the designated successor for his big bro. Umm, replacing a guy who is turning 80 with his brother who is only a few years younger……..might want a better plan than that, Cuba. Because let’s face it, until we get a non-Castro, non-Communist in office there, we won't be able to get fine Cuban cigars here legally and Kramer will still have to hire Dominicans to pose as Cubans to roll crepes on old Seinfeld reruns.
- The Billboard Music Awards won't be quite as bad or pointless this year thanks to a decision by ditz/skank/socialite/bimbo Paris Hilton to not appear on the show. She didn’t like the lines written for her to say, fearing that the jokes might be offensive (and probably over the heads of) her friends. Because as we all know, no one ever makes fun of their peers at awards shows for a cheap laugh. Regardless, Hilt-skank won't be there, so a show featuring a lot of bad music, mediocre artists with minimal talent and an auditorium full of people thinking they’re cooler than everyone else in the room won't suck quite as bad. There’ll be one less media whore mugging for the cameras, but Hilt-skank or not, the BMA’s just aren't worth anyone’s viewing time.
- So in a surprising development, Michigan will not get a rematch against archrival Ohio State in college football’s national championship game. After voters in the two BCS polls, the USA Today/ESPN and Harris Polls, moved Florida above Michigan and some computer polls did the same, the Gators got the nod to face the Buckeyes on January 8 in Glendale for the title. As much pissing and moaning as you hear about this, especially from Bitch-igan, er, Michigan, it’s a huge relief for most college football fans. The BCS is a jacked up system that needs replaced by a playoff, but at least this year we don’t have to see an unwanted rematch that would solve virtually nothing and could have left us with a national champion, Michigan, who was actually 1-1 against the team they supposedly beat to win the title. Thanks for nothing, BCS, you still suck.
- I’m too young to remember when the National Lampoon series of movies was actually thought of as funny and worthwhile, but I’m old enough to realize what a joke the franchise has now become. Lots of bad movies get made because studios assume, correctly in some cases, that people will go see them simply because of a star who’s in the movie or because, as is the case with National Lampoon’s Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, that the picture is the latest in a series of movies that people have liked in the past. They’re made because they’ll make a decent amount of money, at least until a few audiences see them and word spreads about how truly awful they are. The Rise of Taj mirrors a bad trend, though, of recycling the same bathroom humor, anatomical jokes and predictable, clichéd storylines that have become fodder for whatever National Lampoon movie someone wants to crank out in recent years. Now, there’s not even a false pretense that the movie is actually going to be in some way new, unique or fresh; they (director Mort Nathan in this case) insult the public’s intelligence by shoveling out a piece of cinematic manure that has no potential for being decent. Hopefully this movie does well on DVD, because it’s going to bomb out so badly in theaters after about two weeks that on video is the last shot it has at making any money at all.
- Collegiate soccer’s national championships for both men and women were played over the weekend………which I am guessing you had no idea about. Soccer is, and will continue to be, the metric system sport of our fine nation. By that, I mean that like the metric system, which supposedly has been coming to the U.S. for years and is going to be the system we all use from here on out, just mysteriously continues to not catch on. Our parents and their parents were told to learn it because it was coming to America, but it never does. Soccer is “the next big sport” for the U.S., because as we all know, millions of kids play it, the world in general loves the sport and events like the U.S. women winning the World Cup back in 2000 was supposed to put soccer on the map. Amazingly, no one cares. Major League Soccer, which ripped off two-thirds of its name from America’s real national past time, baseball, flounders with meager attendance, no media attention and total indifference by 99.99% of the American public. So the UC Santa Barbara Gauchos, champions on the men’s side, and North Carolina, the women’s champs, should enjoy their titles, albeit with the knowledge that really, nobody gives a crap besides their friends and families.
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