- What’s more fun than spending not one, but two nights sleeping in an airport? Travelers stranded in Denver by the massive winter storm blowing through the country are finding out just how much jubilation ensues when you’re trapped at an airport on back-to-back days. Some of those stuck at the airport slept there overnight because they were not from the area and didn’t want to pay the exorbitant hotel rates to stay in the local Holiday Inn. Plus, with most roads closed, there was no way to drive where they needed to go. I wonder if the same thing holds true for sleeping in an airport that holds true for riding on the plane itself….do you inevitably, no matter where you hunker down for the night, find yourself surrounded by crying, loud infants and obscenely fat people whose blubber oozes out of their own seat and into your personal space? I hope the airport at least cut the stranded travelers a few breaks, maybe gave them free wireless access to the airport’s wireless network that they usually charge like $3 a minute for, or maybe a coupon to cut the cost of an airport Whopper from $5.50 to $4.25. An eight-hour delay in the Detroit Airport was the worst I’ve ever had, so I can't even began to fathom what two frakkin’ days in one of those places is like. Happy holidays, Denver-bound travelers, this will be a holiday memory to treasure for years
- Did I miss something here? When did strippers become a viable source for news and information? First, stripper Kendall, the single mother/college student/girl who is just tryin’ to pay the bills, who works the brass pole at the NYC club Scores is quoted in a story saying Ohio State quarterback Troy Smith will make a great pro player. She says she can tell that he’s a leader and that he has “it”, “it” being what it takes to succeed. Now, strippers from a different Scores club on the city’s East Side are bad mouthing lush and movie-wrecker Lindsay Lohan. They say that in training for her role as a stripper (isn't that what her entire career is, essentially, making money off of wearing decreasing amounts of clothing?), they have found out that she is a terrible pole dancer and looks “extremely awkward” when she works the pole. Thanks, strippers, I look forward to reading quotes and insights from you in future stories about the tension in the Middle East, New Orleans’ recovery from Katrina and the 2008 presidential election.
- Blessings in disguise…..Mel Gibson, in an interview with an online entertainment site, says he is thankful for his anti-Semitic rant because it has forced him to re-examine his life and make some changes. Personally, I’m going to buy what Mel is selling, even though it’s probably part of a publicity campaign to rebuild his image. If getting liquored up and blasting an entire race of people causes you to change your life and go in a new direction, then I suppose it could be a good thing, even if you continue to apologize to those offended by your tirade. Some people end up hospitalized, broke and totally lost before reaching that cathartic point, but fortunately for Mel, he got off easy and just had to endure months of bad publicity and public scorn. End result, though, he will slowly get back to where he was and in the process, he gets to keep making movies and millions of dollars.
- I think we’ve found out what Pat O’Brien has been up to lately. Since the whole “leaving sexually explicit phone messages on the cell phones of co-workers” phase of his life, Pat has laid low. Now comes word that two men in Texas, one of them identified as Arthur Daniel Hays, set up a phony medical office and posed as doctors as an excuse to see female “patients” and basically fondle and sexually assault them under medical pretenses. I’m gonna go ahead and assume that the second man is O’Brien, making good on those intentions he laid out in those gross, offensive phone freakery. Whoever the second man is or isn't, he and Hayes opened an office, put on doctor’s white lab coats and even took payment for their services. They’re now being charged for practicing without a license, sexual assault and Medicare fraud. Sounds like your little scheme was well worth it fellas, although getting a girlfriend might have been a better alternative.
- What’s MADD’s problem? Mothers Against Drunk Driving is pissed after stories of Miss Teen USA Katie Blair partying and drinking with Miss America Tara Conner came out and MADD is no longer going to partner with Blair to promote awareness of the hazards of underage drinking. Typically, Miss Teen USA and MADD pair up to inform kids about this issue, but now the group wants nothing to do with Blair. Did they not see Donald Trump’s generous and forgiving response to Conner’s indiscretions? The Donald allowed Conner to keep her crown and fulfill her responsibilities as Miss America, so why can't MADD just forgive Blair and give her a second chance. If they won't, I think guys everywhere (especially those teenage guys who Blair was supposed to warn about underage drinking) will be willing to settle for photos of Blair and Conner making out at clubs, which is part of what has been alleged of both. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that teenage guys would prefer those images over a message on underage drinking from Blair or anyone else.
- Ken Griffey Jr. is just about the most fragile athlete in the world….ever. He’s pushing Grant Hill for the top spot there, and although I know NBA legend Bill Walton had chronic foot problems that ended his career, Griffey is about as snake bitten as you can't get. He’ll end his career with over 600 home runs and still has one of the sweetest swings you’ve ever seen on a baseball field (plus he plays a great center field), but he can’t stop getting injured. Shoulder problems, torn hamstrings, knee problems, back problems….and now this. KG broke his hand in a “home accident” recently and will have a hard cast on for the next three weeks, after which his hand will be re-examined. Although this injury comes at a rather opportune time for Griffey, one where he won't have to miss games because of it, I just can’t help but feel that a guy who has missed at least 34 games in nine of his 18 pro seasons is going to come up with another two or three injuries once the 2007 season gets underway. Sad to see and I don’t believe in bad luck or luck as a concept, but Griffey will go down as one of the all-time “Could’ve Done More” athletes.
- I have got to get involved with beauty pageants, because apparently they consist largely of hot blond women making out with each other and partying it up. Miss Nevada Katie Rees (Katie apparently a big name for hot blonde girls who like to get their freak on with other hot blondes) has been shown in photos engaging in some very Tara Conner-like behavior when Rees was 17. She insists she’s grown up and become a better person, but we may as well just go ahead and add “making out with your fellow contestants” as a fourth competition in these pageants, right alongside the evening wear, swimsuit and interview portions.
- Rather than b*tching about who was selected to the Pro Bowl and who wasn’t, how about a fun alternative for all of the NFL experts and commentators out there: try to guess which of the selected players will drop out of the game, or predict which excuse they will use - injury, illness, fatigue, time with their family, etc. The second option is better if for no other reason than the fact that annually, it seems like half of the guys originally picked to play in the NFL’s annual all-star contest beg out, despite the chance for a free trip to Hawaii for them and their families. So instead of crying about why Tom Brady or Ray Lewis didn’t get voted in, try to predict who will be the first guy to bow out of the game, or which side, AFC or NFC, will have more of its originally selected members when the game actually gets played. In the end, no one really cares about the Pro Bowl, not even the guys in the game. The NFL is the only league among the Big Four (MLB, NBA, NHL) to hold its all-star game after the season instead of in-season, so everyone has moved on to other sports interests. But the NFL is free to toss my name onto either roster as a replacement player for someone who elects not to go, I’d love a free trip to Hawaii and I promise to play hard, give a crap and even play the whole game if need be.
- Inevitability reared its ugly head today when rape charges against three Duke University lacrosse players were dropped. You remember these guys, who had a party, hired strippers for it and then had one of the strippers accuse them of rape. Yet as time went by, we found out that the stripper’s story was flawed and full of holes and that she was openly looking for ways to cash in on the situation for her own profit. Everyone came to the consensus, with the help of DNA evidence, that while the three accused lacrosse players had been guilty of bad judgment and acting like stereotypical bad jocks, one thing they were not guilty of was rape. And no, this is not a case of rich, privileged white men getting off for a crime they committed and bought their way out of. This is the story of an overzealous prosecutor seeking reelection and a greedy, dishonest stripper looking to get some time in the spotlight. The three men still face other less serious charges, but don’t be surprised if those too are dropped and they end up with a slap on the wrist. Actually, I hope the woman making the charges is the one who is convicted of a crime for falsely accusing the players, because rape is a very serious subject and falsely alleging it when it didn’t occur is a huge smack in the face of women who actually are victims of rape.
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