- You know me, I am helpless in refraining from comment when my two least-favorite sports figures, Michael Irvin and Terrell “Sleep Disorder” Owens do something moronic. So when the two of them do it in tandem, it’s like I’m a rat in a cheese factory, I don’t know where to go first. How about Owens saying he basically gives a lackluster effort because he’s just not “that into it” while on the field? He makes, if you break down his salary this season over the 16 games in the NFL regular season, it comes out to $625,000 per game. Yet you can't muster up enough interest to play hard all game? You admit you’re dropping passes because of your lack of interest. Then Irvin, Dallas/T.O. sycophant/Kool-Aid drinker through and through, has the gall to say after the piece airs that T.O. is having “a great season.” Ass hat, the guy himself just admitted he’s played poorly, everyone who has watched him says the same, yet you’re trying to snowball us into believing that he’s having a super year? How stupid are you? Apparently much dumber than I thought, which is hard to do. T.O. could shoot heroin at midfield, kick a puppy and garrot a dozen Cambodian refugees in the end zone and there’d be his buddy Irvin, saying, “Oh, T.O., he’s a great guy, he’s doing the best he can, you all need to lay off of him.” ESPN, fire Michael Irvin NOW! He’s a blight on your network and an absolute travesty and offense to anyone who watches football on ESPN.
- Allow me to announce, on behalf of Barack Obama, that he will be running for president in 2008. Dude is an eloquent speaker, a polished politician and a charismatic leader. He should run away with the nomination for the Democrats assuming he runs. Hank Clinton can’t hold a candle to this guy, and quite frankly, she’s far too scary and has the angry feminist vibe that should send all guys in a ten-mile radius running for cover. She’s too militant and hostile, too polarizing and wouldn’t be a force to unify the different factions of our nation. Not saying Obama is the cure for all that ails America, but given the choice of seeing either he or Hank on the ballot and potentially in the Oval Office, the overwhelming choice for those with an IQ of above 70 would be Obama. Oh, and veeeeeeeery clever spot on Monday Night Football, saying he has reached a decision…….about his beloved Chicago Bears. Ha ha, good one, ESPN. Obama came off alright, not too cheesy, but you can't think of something more amusing than that? Just stick with Hank Williams singing the intro and forego the celebrity cameos you seem to think are interesting to viewers.
- Remember Eric Rudolph, the Atlanta Olympics bomber? He’s spending the rest of his life in prison in Florence, Colorado, but writes in a series of letters to The Gazette of Colorado Springs that the maximum-security federal prison he lives at is designed to drive him insane. Hey paco, you mean that you were perfectly sane when you bombed the Olympics in 1996? Really? What did the Olympics ever do to you? Were you bent about not being able to get tickets for the women’s gymnastics final? Were you bent that the mascot for the Games was some sort of amorphous blue blob that no one ever figured out? And I am tremendously sorry that you, whose irresponsible and malignant actions killed and injured people, feel that the prison you are kept in isn't nurturing and comfortable enough. That’s why it’s prison, idiot, it isn't designed to be a home away from home, it’s there to keep whack jobs like you away from the rest of us.
- Kudos to the Cincinn-Attica Bengals, who had their eighth player arrested this season, with the most recent arrest being cornerback Deltha O’Neal. Other arrests Bengals have been: DE Frostee Rucker, spousal abuse; LB A.J. Nicholson, burglary; WR Chris Henry, DWI (one of five arrests for Henry); DT Matthias Askew, resisting arrest; G Eric Steinbach, operating a boat under the influence; LB Odell Thurman, DWI; WR Reggie McNeal, resisting arrest and drug possession. This kind of commitment, dedication and team unity can only portend to good things for the team. “If one of us is arrested, then every one of us has to get arrested” has to be the new team motto. Henry is the leader in the clubhouse/cell block for now, but I don’t doubt for a second that one of these felons-in-waiting can catch up. I know guys get roster bonuses for playing time, touchdowns scored, etc., but do the Bengals give out similar bonuses for nights spent in the hole or total felony convictions in a season? Warden/head coach Marvin Lewis had better get control of his team before he doesn’t have enough players not locked up to field a squad.
- Living in a northern state, snow is a four-letter word that I’ve come to despise more than just about any other. Winter seems like an interminable eight-month nightmare, a snow-and-ice laden torture chamber that makes driving difficult and outdoor activities miserable. So when I hear about a town such as Lepe, Spain….I want to vomit. Repeatedly. Lepe, which hasn’t seen actual natural snowfall since 1954 (hang on while I Priceline a ticket to Lepe and check out the price of real estate there), is creating artificial snow for 15 minutes every day at exactly 8 p.m. as part of its Christmas festivities. Why anyone would want snow is beyond me. Maybe the residents of Lepe, who come to a virtual standstill in awe of the fake snow, would like to come to my house and scrape the ice off my car windows every morning and shovel the inches of unwanted white crap from the driveway. Enjoy the lack of snow, Lepe, because you wouldn’t be so joyful if you had to regularly deal with the real stuff.
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