Sex scandals in Washington? No way!

- The #1 question to ask potential girlfriends or dates is no longer what they do for a living, how old they are or what their hobbies and interests are. Thanks to a former congressional aide who kept a “sex blog” detailing her sex life with six (yes, six) different men. Aside from being a freaky skank, which having six sexual partners at once definitely qualifies you as, Jessica Cutler apparently fancies herself as the Carrie Bradshaw for the new millennium. Look, I know women love Sex and the City and it was a highly celebrated show, but writing a blog about your sex life and giving graphic personal details is something you’re going to want to reconsider, Jess. That’s especially true if your partner(s) don’t know about the blog in which they are so prominently featured. This issue is coming to the forefront because one of this skank’s partners, Robert Steinbuch, an aide for Ohio Senator Mike DeWine, is suing Cutler for posting the information that publicly shamed him, led to her firing and ultimately drove him out of Washington. He’s now a teacher in Arkansas, but somehow I think this story will follow him around for some time. At stake it there is a responsibility of a blogger to protect the privacy of people they interact with offline. Here’s hoping Steinbuch wins the suit, because Cutler is clearly a sick freak who has more fetishes than a porn star. But perhaps Steinbuch should have been tipped off by the fact that he was dating a woman who had six sexual partners at once. If he didn’t know, he’s either very oblivious or willing to ignore the obvious to get some. But hey, he can be thankful that Cutler didn’t go the extra mile and rig up her web cam to broadcast their sexual encounters.

- FEMA rocks…..really. These ass clowns, the ones who made life miserable for Katrina victims through the organization’s general incompetence and apparent indifference to the plight of those they were supposed to help, have now informed 4,000 storm victims who now reside in Texas, informing these people that they were deemed no longer eligible for governmental aid. Those receiving the letters can appeal to FEMA (boy, bet that inspires a lot of confidence that things will work out) and then they may be eligible for renewed monthly housing payments of about $750. Problem is, the program expires at the end of February and appeals could take up to three months (although it’s the government, so let’s assume three months means five or six). Oh, and an overwhelmingly large portion of the letters were returned as undeliverable. Let’s not forget also that thousands of people have had an impossible time trying to get any aid at all and that many Louisiana residents claim that they’ve seen little or no assistance from the government thus far. Perhaps it’s time for a poll of some sort so we can determine which situation the current administration has f’ed up worse, the war in Iraq or the aftermath of Katrina. Honestly, they’ve screwed both up so badly that it’d be hard to pick one or the other.

- Good luck with your long, laborious move Barry Zito. The former ace of the Oakland A’s pitching staff will have to relocate waaaaay across the Bay to………San Francisco. Apparently, dude did not want to leave NoCal, because San Fran and Oakland are as close together as any two MLB franchises that aren’t in the same city. I imagine that the bloated, 7-year, $126 million contract (yes, $18 million per) helps as well. But when you consider that mediocre, uninspiring hurlers like Gil Meche and Ted Lilly are getting $11 million and $10 million per year contracts this off season, Zito is a freaking bargain. Someone needs to go to Zito and ask him whether he thinks his new teammate Barry Bonds took steroids, too, because God knows not enough people have weighed in on that issue. Also, Zito is gonna have to figure out how to swing a bat because going to the National League means he will now hit in games. Overall, I believe the Giants will come to regret this deal, because they paid $18 annually for a pitcher whose production they could have eclipsed by signing two pitchers who were nearly as good for about half as much. Two 13-14 game winners would be better than one 18 game winner for the same price, eh Frisco?

- So is New York no longer a “safe” city? The Apple is apparently returning to its old ways, with murders on the rise in 2006. That should be easy to incorporate into whatever the tourism board’s new strategy is, “Come to New York, you’ve got an increasingly good chance to be killed.” No word on whether the number of rats in the city also rose in 2006, although that might be tough to quantify. Rats are notoriously bad about filling out and returning census forms, for sure. I still love New York and the increasing murder rate won’t deter me from going there, but it goes to show that no matter how much of an effort the cops make, they can’t definitively control people killing other people. Gangs, drugs, easy availability of illegal guns and the tendency of younger people to pull guns when they don’t get their way (hey, not at all stereotyping or generalizing, love it) are being blamed for the rise in murders. “Visit your city name here and get capped!” It’s a catchy slogan, you gotta admit.

- Ironic when a celebrity’s publicist is denying that the celeb hasn’t finished rehab yet. Normally the denial is that the star isn't in rehab at all, that they don’t have a problem with alcohol or drugs, blah, blah, blah. But the publicist for country singer (one of society’s biggest blights) Keith Urban is in fact denying that by leaving a rehab facility that Urban is declaring himself rehabilitated and done with the process. Instead, it appears he’s just going back to his native Australia to celebrate the holidays with his family. While I wish Mr. Urban a full and healthy recovery from his addiction, I can’t help but view this time as a victory for the music world in general. Whether he’s in rehab or spending down time in Down Under, he’s not making the worst of all possible kinds of music, save polka….country music. If only every country artist could be in rehab or taking time off…….we would have no country music, and the world would be a better place. No line dancing, no songs about drinkin’ at the saloon and losin’ yer woman…….hey, a guy can dream.

- How sad it is to watch a “legendary” college football program absolutely humiliate itself, groveling at the feet of and obsessing over a guy it wants to hire as its next head coach and having that same guy outright reject them - multiple times. Alabama, formerly coached by greats like Paul “Bear” Bryant, cannot find anyone to take their vacant coaching job. They fired Mike Shula after he went 10-2 in 2005 and 6-6 in 2006, and yet with that kind of impatience, shockingly no one is eager to step in and take their shot. Yet the Tide keeps throwing themselves at the feet of current Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban, believing he’s the savior they need. Saban keeps saying no and reiterating his desire to remain with the Dolphins, yet after multiple rejections, the Tide brass still plans to make another plea to Saban once the Dolphins’ season ends. West Virginia head coach Rich Rodriguez almost took the job but pulled out, and numerous other coaches, including Bobby Petrino of Louisville, have turned Alabama down. The longer this goes, the more pathetic UA looks and the more luster their once-proud program loses. Maybe, though, this will help them to realize that Alabama football is no longer in that class of programs…….