- Random acts of Christmas kindness are great, but when they take place more than 3,000 miles from me, there’s a problem. If people are going to be out and about, doing unsolicited acts of good, giving to others (especially cash) I’m going to have to ask that you perform your good deeds in my area code. Take, for example, a Spokane, Washington woman who boarded random city transit buses and handed out envelopes with cards and $50 cash to passengers. She did her benevolent work quickly and without fanfare, so much so that no one got a good look at her. Her kindness moved one young man to tears, and everyone she helped has a Christmas story for a lifetime. Props to everyone out there that did something similar this holiday season, and zero props to the people in my area who all failed to pass out cash to random strangers, namely to me.
- Looking for signs that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo’s star is fading just a bit. No, it’s not found it the stats he’s posted in the past month (4 TD, 7 INT) or his team’s mediocre 2-2 record over that same time. Look no further than the current arm candy that dude is sporting: former American Karaoke winner (I think she won, right?) Carrie Underwood. When Romo was first the hot QB on the scene, he was linked to Jessica Simpson, who despite being fairly vapid and ditzy nad producing utterly unlistenable music, is one of the 10 hottest women on the planet. Now, with his play deteriorating and his team fizzling, Romo has stepped down to Jessica-lite, a former reality show winner and (ack) country music singer. Maybe Romo can rebound in the playoffs and lead his team to the Super Bowl, in which case he should be able to bump back up to, say, Jessica Alba.
- There are a lot of reasons we love politicians. The pork barrel legislation that wastes scores of tax dollars on unnecessary projects in the lawmakers’ respective home states…..the taking of bribes, the broken campaign promises….the list goes on and on. But when you get the chance to hear about filthy rich (often millionaire) legislators b*tching about how far they have to walk to go to the bathroom, then your admiration goes to a whole new level. Newly elected speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., lamented that male members of the House have a bathroom right next to the House chamber, while female members have a long walk that includes (gasp) traversing through a public hallway to get to their restroom. Oh, the agony……hey Pelosi, I’m extending a single finger in your direction, can you guess which one it is? Shut up, keep wasting our tax dollars without accomplishing anything and endure your long walk to the bathroom in silence.
- I love college football and its many bowl games. That love doesn’t preclude me, though, from wondering often how the hell the NCAA can sanction a bowl game called the New Mexico Bowl that features……(drum roll please)……..the frakkin’ University of New Mexico! In their home stadium! So basically these guys, with a putrid 6-6 record, get to have an additional home game and you call it a bowl? Why stop there? Why not the Montana Bowl, the South Dakota Bowl or the Rhode Island Bowl? I’m not against adding bowl games, but when the NCAA can no longer find teams with above-.500 records to compete in games and not have them played at a team’s home stadium, then it’s time to stop adding new ones. Raise the eligibility for a bowl to a plus-.500 record and mandate that no team can play a bowl in their home stadium, because you’re doing the unimaginable and making the bowl season into an even bigger farce than many think it to be.
- Let the highlighted hair, man blouses and bleached teeth fly……it’s time for another round of the New Year’s Eve showdown featuring metrosexual girly men Carson Daly and Ryan Seacrest. Daly, taking time off from a late, late night TV show that no one watches (wonder if anyone will notice he’s gone) and Seacrest, using some free time before the next round of American Karaoke, will be hosting their respective New Year’s Eve shows, Daly on NBC, Seacrest on ABC. I move for a new channel to be created for this event alone, one where there are no atrocious, ear assaulting pop musicians or metrosexual hosts, just silence. Maaybe a few microphones to pick up the ambient crowd noise in Times Square and cameras to show the goings on, but without any of the other crap. I see too much of Seacrest on TV as it is, even as I strive to avoid him, so I don’t need a reminder as 2007 starts that he’s still around.
- Cosmo Kramer isn't the only comedian who has trouble with audience members. Comedian Gallagher (apparently, he believes he’s a Brazilian soccer star and only needs one name) is being sued by Branson Partners LLC for breach of contract after the comedian canceled shows in Branson, Mo. last summer after being accused of shoving an audience member. Marcy Kowalski alleges Gallagher swore at her (hey, he and Cosmo have something in common) and bruised her arm in pushing her back to her front row seat at a show last summer. So if we’re keeping score, that’s Abusive Comedians 2, Audience Members 0. Kramer and Gallagher have unleashed verbal abuse, physical abuse….all we need now is for Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy or Dave Chapelle to grope or sexually assault an audience member and comedians will have hit for the trifecta.
- Does anybody remember a time when Donald Trump did actual real estate business? Right now, dude is a 24/7 publicity hound, whether he’s seeking out the opportunities or fat, stupid, bitter wannabe celebs like Rosie O’Donnell gift wrap the opportunities for the Donald. The most recent target isn't Rosie, but rather the city of Palm Beach, Fla. The city ruled that the Donald was in violation of city laws in flying a oversized American flag on a giant flagpole on his property. Trump countered that the enormous flag and flagpole reflected his enormous……….patriotism (what did you think I was going to say, sicko?). So he’s suing the city for $10 million over the hassle and promises to donate the money to veterans of the war in Iraq. The Donald is a walking, talking publicity stunt and sound bite, and the only time he’s not amusing is when he’s probably trying his hardest to be, on his lame-o reality TV show.
- Why can't we go one day without someone giving us yet another reason to worry about flying? This reason comes courtesy of an unidentified, mentally unstable traveler on a New York to Portland, Maine flight who passed a note to a fellow passenger that read, in part, he was Jesus and it was time for everyone to die. He also stated that he had AIDS and that the “shedding of his blood and all our blood would cure sickness,” according to fellow passenger Tammy Budek. So some crazy guy with a Messiah complex gets on board and starts telling people it’s time to die, super. I’m sure Angus King, former governor of Maine, was thrilled to be a passenger on that plane. Do we need to start making mental health checks a required part of the security process before boarding? After all, the rest of the security measures take so damn long as it is, may as well prolong the experience even further……..
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