- In life, there are certain surreal sights, things that even as you watch them happen, you still never thought you’d see. It could be the Boston Red Sox winning their first World Series in nearly a century, it could be Pauly Shore making a watchable movie (still yet to happen), or it could be what is now certain to take place some time in the next 30 days: the execution of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. His appeal of his conviction and death sentence have been rejected, and now an Iraqi court has ruled that he’s to be offed within the next month. There are still some procedural and legal hoops to jump through, but the realization that soon, we’ll see this S.O.B. swinging from the gallows is just a wow moment. It’s just never pleasant to see someone executed, but this is one case where you can understand why that type of punishment is necessitated. Mass murders bordering on genocide and a tyrannical reign of terror are about as good of reasons as you’re going to find for handing down a death sentence. Still, I don’t think I’ll truly believe it’s happening until I see it with my own eyes.
- For the new year in sports, whatever you might wish to see, be it your favorite team winning a championship or your favorite player have the best season of his or her career, I think there’s one sports happening that everyone should be hoping for. That happening would be the teaming up of volatile, team-wrecking wide receivers Terrell Owens and Randy Moss. Both players have teams are present, the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders, respectively, but the Cowboys are thought to be seriously considering not bringing Owens back next year and the Raiders are openly seeking trading partners for the perpetually unhappy Moss. In a dream world, some intrepid team would trade for Moss and sign Owens, thereby leading to the most combustible pair of teammates in sports history. Moss, with his petulance, lackadaisical attitude and propensity for quitting on plays, games and teams; Owens, with his tendency to throw teammates under the bus, undermine coaches, sleep in meetings and generally be a malignant malcontent….it would be a dream season. Well, right up to the point that the coach quit in the fourth week and all the other players retired or walked out a week later. But if we’re lucky, we’d get several weeks of high drama and comedy, non-stop conflict and ultimately, a locker room brawl to end all brawls, maybe resulting in the elimination of one or both of these walking abominations to the sports world. Good times…..
- Something tells me that Californians aren't too concerned with the broken leg suffered by the Governator, Ah-nold Schwarzenegger, in a skiing accident over the Christmas holiday. He recently won re-election and will have his inauguration next week, albeit on crutches and with his leg held together by wires and screws. But as I said, I don’t think Californians need be concerned. After all, it’s not like the guy could be any less effective or much less competent even with a bad wheel. Heck, maybe being forced to be stationary for a while will help Ah-nold, he’ll have to focus on actual governing and not on hanging with celebrity pals, working out and being famous. It will never cease to amaze that not a single competent candidate came forth to challenge him in the recent election. Now Schwarzenegger can enjoy his hard-fought victory over porn star Mary Carey, little person Gary Coleman and other “candidates” and have a second term that is as forgettable as his first one has been.
- Remember in school when you had fire drills and everyone was supposed to line up, march down the hall and outside the building to an assigned spot? Those drills were the best, mostly because they got you out of class for a while and outside for some fresh air. I don’t remember, though, ever doing a tsunami drill. People in Indonesia did just that on Tuesday, fleeing the country’s coast as sirens sounded to signify the start of the drill. In light of the recent tsunami that devastated the country, such a drill makes sense, but was everyone directed to exit to coastline in a single file line, keeping their hands to themselves? Did the principal come out to the meeting place outside their city and let everyone know that the drill was over and that they could go back in? And how much would you enjoy seeing Southern Californians participate in a mass earthquake or brush fire drill? The thought of seeing thousands of botoxed, cosmetically enhanced citizens on their Blackberries, behind the wheel of their BMWs, all trying to flee the region would be amusing to say the least.
- My new favorite politician, at least for this month, is Sen. Joseph Biden, D-Del., who has strongly stated his intent to oppose any further American troops being sent to Iraq. Biden, who is the incoming Senate Foreign Relations Chairman, plans to summon Secretary of State Condi Rice before the Senate next month to testify about the administration’s plans for the Mess O’ Potamia, as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart so adequately termed it. Furthermore, Biden (brace yourself, W, this is amazing) has a real plan for the situation, namely beginning to withdraw U.S. troops and find a political settlement among Iraq’s warring factions. I know this is stunning, someone with an actual plan and clear goals for this mess, because W and his cronies have had no plan all along and don’t seem worried about formulating one, but I’m with Biden. Not saying I plan to vote for ol’ Joe in his bid for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2008, but for this particular situation, he’s 100% right.
- What to do when a floundering musical career and the widespread public belief that you are a pedophile have driven you from America and out of the public’s sight and mind? Michael Jackson has the answer: sue your former accountants over allegations that they withdrew $2.5 a year from your bank accounts and didn’t properly pay your bills. This isn't about the money for Jack-O, I have to assume; he’s filthy rich and owns the rights to all kinds of music, including many of the Beatles’ hits. The suit charges negligence and breach of fiduciary duty, but it seems more like a desperate grab for publicity and attention from the Freaky One. Maybe he’s pissed about losing some money, but more likely, he realizes that no one gives a crap about him or cares what he’s up to. Actually, most people seem more concerned with the fate of the exotic animals he left behind as his Neverland Ranch/child molesting playground (allegedly) when he fled to Bahrain. Glad to see you’re still alive and well, Jack-O, I look forward to much more freakery from you in the years to come.
- Sportscasters and commentators need to stop telling me how I just have to respect Texas Tech basketball coach Bob Knight, even if I loathe the man with a passion. He’s done so much for the game of basketball and produced so many great kids from his programs, they say….he’s an abusive, abrasive, rude, belligerent ass, I say. So what if kids who came through his program came out on the other end as productive members of society? You’re telling me they couldn’t have done so under the tutelage of a coach who didn’t choke them, berate them and act like a power-hungry dictator? I’ll go out on a limb and say that any kid who Bob Knight “reached” or helped could have done just as well, if not better, playing for Roy Williams, Dean Smith, Rick Pitino, Tubby Smith, Tom Izzo, John Thompson, Billy Donovan or and number of great coaches. Besides which, the ends do not justify the means, and Knight’s domineering, fear-mongering, abusive ways can’t be excused or overlooked. Plus, did he “reach” or help the secretary at Indiana at whom he threw a flower vase? How did his influence benefit the IU student he verbally berated when the kid greeted him with a friendly, “Hey Knight,” in passing? Stop telling me I have to respect him or admire him somehow, because college basketball would be better off without Bob Knight and with someone who actually treated people with respect and dignity in his place.
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