- Major League Baseball’s time as America’s most popular
sport has long since ended and in an effort to boost the sport’s sagging
popularity among those under the age of 60, the sport is putting itself on the
clock – sort of. MLB will
use a pitch clock this season at the minor leagues' Triple-A and Double-A
levels in an effort to speed up games. Complaining that baseball games are too
long has become very trendy in the ADD era even enough the average MLB game is
about the same length as any NFL or college football game with their
interminable and incessant media timeouts. Commissioner Bud Selig announced the
clock experiment at the conclusion of baseball's owners meetings, saying the decision
followed a successful experiment with the clock in the Arizona Fall League.
Exactly how much time will be allowed between pitches and the implementation of
other measures to be tested in the minors to speed up the game will come later,
but sadly the addition of any kind of pitch clock on the MLB level is a long
way off because doing so would necessitate getting the whole league and its
players on board and the odds of that happening with any rapidity is even lower
than the chances of teenagers suddenly deciding that they’d rather watch Andrew
McCutcheon or Anthony Rizzo do their thing on the diamond more than they want
to see Kevin Durant or Derrick Rose freak an oop on the fast break. Still, MLB
is negotiating with its players' union on what speedup measures can be tried at
the major league level. Those talks are ongoing, so Selig wouldn’t chime in on
those even though he’s leaving office soon and can probably do whatever the
hell he wants……….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Armenia, it’s about to get real
and the rage won’t be stopped because an angry group of your own are demanding the handover of a Russian soldier suspected of
murdering a family to Armenian authorities. Some of those enraged Armenians
formed an unruly mob of about 2,000 rioters who attempted to break through a
police line to get into the Russian consulate building in the city of Gyumri.
It was an inspiring scene that saw all manner of crude implements of battle put
to use as police officers were pelted with rocks. A total of four people,
including three police officers who were hit with stones, remained in the
hospital with serious injuries. The ire that lit this powder keg stems from the
soldier in question, Valery Permyakov, allegedly shooting a family of six dead
at their home Gyumri early Monday. Russian soldiers captured him on Tuesday,
but have offered no indication whether they will do the right thing and hand
him over to Armenian officials so he can go through the judicial process. Even
though Russia remains Armenia’s primary ally, the communist bastards based in
Moscow have so far offered nothing more than feeble words of condolence and
lame-ass assistance in the investigation. Maybe if Armenia offered Vlad Putin
free shirtless horseback riding on the weekends and a chance to throw people
pretending to oppose his views on government twice a month, they could get
Russia to pretend that it actually gives a damn about doing the right thing……..
- In a true stunner of cinematic injustice, a cartoon movie
about children’s toys come to life somehow got snubbed when Oscar nominations
were announced this week. Yes, in spite of breaking so much new theatrical
ground, “The LEGO Movie” failed to snag a nomination in the Animated Feature category.
Instead, the film was bested by “How
to Train Your Dragon 2,” “Big
Hero 6,” “The Boxtrolls,”
“Song of the Sea” and “The Tale of the Princess Kaguya.”
Yes, “The Tale of the Princess Kaguya,” because whatever the hell that movie is
was clearly superior to a bunch of LEGO characters come to life. As people with
no stake whatsoever took to social media to complain loudly about the snub that
in no way harms them or their loved ones, the movie’s directors decided to have
a little bit of fun with all of the unnecessary drama. Phil Lord and Chris
Miller saw that their movie was trending on Twitter, so Lord posted a tweet of
his own to address the situation. His post included a LEGO version of an Oscar
statue with the good-natured message, “It's okay. Made my own!” Lord went on to offer
words of calm and reason: "This is not a tragedy. Congrats to incredible
crew and cast of The Lego Movie, who made a classic." Well said, P.
Besides, the film did snag a nomination for “Everything is Awesome” in the Original
Song category. The track, performed by Tegan and Sara and The Lonely Island,
has a definite chance to win and if so, at least the movie can take home one
Oscar even though that win will be shown only in the lame portion of the
broadcast where they go in rapid-fire fashion through all of the boring
trophies that were handed out before the actual event because no one gives a
damn about them………
- This has not been a great week for would-be master
thieves. First, a New Hampshire thief knocks off a convenience store only to
get ker-slammered and crash drunkenly into a parked car less than an hour
later. Then came news of a western Pennsylvania bank robbery suspect who
pulled off his crime but was done in by his empty stomach and some very basic
police work. Shane Lindsey, who was arrested Wednesday about 20 minutes after
he allegedly robbed the Citizens Bank in downtown New Kensington, was picked up
by police when he stopped for chicken and biscuits at a restaurant two blocks
away. Count this as another example of the best criminals not being in the
business of robbing places that are staffed by minimum-wage-earning high school
dropouts with neck tattoos. Lindsey’s downfall was both predictable and sad, as
witnesses spotted a man matching Lindsey's description running toward a
restaurant after the heist. The bank had security footage of the entire robbery
and after viewing the tape for clues as to where their suspect might have gone
once he left the building, they headed to the restaurant and found Lindsey
eating at a booth. He nearly made it past the chicken joint, but was seen on
the security video pausing as he was nearly past the building and turning back
for what sadly is the best meal he’s going to be eating for a long time. Next
time, jam some packages of fruit snacks or chewy granola bars in your pocket
before you grab the cash and run so you can have the necessary nourishment on
you to at least make it an hour out of town before you need to stop and refuel……….
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