- The champ is here…as long as by “here,” you mean a posh
drug rehab facility with a bunch of other wealthy, troubled people trying to
clean up their lives. UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones is widely
considered to be the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world and downed Daniel
Cormier via unanimous decision at UFC 182 last month, but that’s where the good
news ends for Jones. The news leaked just days after the bout that he tested
positive for traces of cocaine prior to his eighth title defense last weekend
in Las Vegas, according to the Nevada State Athletic Commission. NSAC executive
director Bob Bennett confirmed Jones’ positive test for benzoylecgonine, a
metabolite of cocaine, but by that point Jones had already announced his plans
to enter a drug treatment center. "Jones has checked himself into a rehab
center," Bennett said. "And at this time, I would direct any further
questions regarding his situation to Mr. Jones or the UFC." The urine test
sample was collected on Dec. 4 and analyzed by a WADA-approved lab in Salt Lake
City, Utah and Jones deserves some credit for going directly to rehab rather
than trying to spin or explain this away. The UFC released a statement
supporting the decision to enter rehab and said it applauded him “for making
this decision to enter a drug treatment facility.” Jones released his own
statement acknowledging his dalliance in the Bolivian marching powder and
asking for privacy as he attempts to straight his life out. As long as his stay
in rehab doesn’t last too long, the trip shouldn’t affect his reign as champion
that much, although one has to wonder if the money, fame and limelight of MMA
glory is the best place for a recovering addict……..
- This is just awkward and uncomfortable for everyone
involved, albeit more so for the fully capable adults who are about to be
forced to strap on Depends to go to work. Those people would be Filipino traffic enforcers who are facing an unusual and disturbing
directive for Pope Francis’ visit to Manila next week. Because the pope’s visit
is expected to snarl traffic in the capital city due to road closures and
detours, about 2,000 traffic enforcers will be on duty during the Jan. 15-19
papal visit. That may seem excessive, but the powers that be clearly feel that
all 2,000 are necessary and can’t be allowed to miss even one second on the job
– literally. All of the traffic officers will be required to wear adult
diapers, Metropolitan Manila Development Authority chairman Francis Tolentino
announced. And yes, that last sentence is every bit as disturbing as it was the
first time you read it. The prospect of wearing diapers while on duty was
"well received" by his workers, Tolentino lied. The idea will undergo
a test run on Friday by 800 traffic enforcers who work shifts during the nearly
24-hour annual procession of the Black Nazarene and in a not-shocking-at-all
twist, it will be the first time that traffic enforcers in the Philippines will
wear diapers while on duty in the streets. Oh, and Tolentino also encouraged
people who will wait for hours to see the pope to also wear diapers. You know,
because splurging on portable toilets would be too expensive and asking
everyone to diaper up is much more reasonable. The Black Nazarene procession
attracts hundreds of thousands of barefoot mostly-male Filipino Roman Catholics
to tote a centuries-old black statue of Jesus Christ which devotees believe
possess mystical powers capable of curing the sick and bringing good fortune.
There actually will be portable toilets for the masses at all of the upcoming
events, but apparently not enough. "If you attend an event that will last
for 24 hours, you cannot go around looking for a (portable toilet),"
Tolentino said. Umm, sure. That makes no sense at all……….
- Hell to the yeah. Jason Bourne is back. After one horrible
rip-off attempt at a “Bourne” movie sans the titular character and the badly
overmatched Jeremy Renner trying feebly to carry a franchise that simply cannot
exist without the iconic Bourne, the real thing will return to theaters. Universal
tried and failed with 2012’s “The Bourne Legacy” in which it tried to pretend
that the Bourne universe had carried on without Damon and had spawned the next generation
of über-agents, played by Renner. Yet the movie was dotted with forced, stilted
references to Bourne in a lame attempt to act as if it were really tied to him
and the entire process felt like an exercise in futility for all involved.
Damon was absent because he refused to do a turn as Bourne without director
Paul Greengrass, who couldn’t agree to terms with the studio. Even as the
franchise lurched onward, Damon left the door open for a possible return if his
favorite director were to come back as well and now, that reunion has happened.
Universal has slated the project for a July 29, 2016 release to mark Damon’s
return to the screen as the amnesiac action hero he played in 2002's “Bourne Identity,” 2004's “Bourne Supremacy” and 2007's Bourne Ultimatum.” As he creeps up on
the age of 50, it might seem like the time to play such a character is winding
down and that’s what makes the timing of this decision even better. The film
will also be the first time Greengrass and Damon will be writing the screenplay
themselves, alongside Christopher Rouse, who served as editor on the second and
third Bourne films. After
nearly a decade away from action hero status, it will be interesting to see how
quickly Damon can shift back to ass-kicking mode. There is also the question of
how many of Damon's previous Bourne
co-stars - who include Joan Allen, Julia Stiles, David Strathairn and Albert
Finney – will reprise their roles, but as long as the main man is back killing
people with rolled-up magazines and old toasters, all will be well…….
- A lot of people would do insane things to be famous for
even 15 minutes. New Mexico resident Veronica Vigil isn't so keen on the idea of
widespread notoriety, not if it means being the happy/intoxicated face on a
novelty flask that’s been sold all over the United States. Apparently, little
Miss Uptight is upset with her photo adorning the flash, a joint venture of Anne
Taintor, the artist behind the image, and Doodlets, a store in Santa Fe selling
the alcohol reservoir. The photo is a 1971 yearbook shot of Vigil as a student at
Pojaque High and the message on the flash next to the image reads: “I’m going
to be the most popular girl in rehab.” The whole scenario would be much more
kick-ass if it depicted an extremely inebriated Vigil doing a kegstand or
double-fisting a pair of Old Milwaukees at a frat party, so maybe that’s the
real reason to be enraged. Either way, Vigil is suing both parties for
defamation and attorney Blair Dunn claims his client is extremely hurt by all
of this. "She's a very quiet, sweet person, and it brought her to tears.
Just to even talk about the fact her children and grandchildren would be seeing
this in the future,” Dunn said. “They don't say where or how or from whom they
purchased this image. We suspect that when Anne Taintor was living here in New
Mexico, she picked up a copy of the yearbook at a rummage sale.” And your point
is, counselor? This yearbook is 44 years old and the woman at the heart of this
is closing in on retirement age. She should be fired up that anyone is
associating her with parties and good times………
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