- Thanks for the warning, Chris Cornell. The former Soundgarden
and Audioslave frontman revealed on the Twitter that he has set to work on a
sh*tty new album as the follow-up to his 2009 solo debut “Scream,” which was a
giant pile of electro-techno manure produced by pop mastermind Timbaland. For a
guy who fronted two solid rock bands, the release was an utter abomination and
didn’t even qualify as much, with auto tuning out the ass and synthesized
sounds galore. In light of that train wreck, it’s good that Cornell is alerting
the world about what he’s up to in the studio. "Day 1 of recording a new
solo album and as it happens, learning that I share a name with an alleged
jihadist," Cornell tweeted. His post was a reference to an Ohio man named Christopher Lee Cornell who was
arrested on Wednesday for allegedly plotting to attack the U.S. Capitol
building. It wasn’t the first time Chris Cornell, terrorism and Twitter were
linked, as the singer made news last year when a woman was charged with
allegedly tweeting him over 100 abusive
and violent messages from nine different Twitter accounts. As scary as
such threats might be, the threat of another poppy, artificial pile of musical
monkey sh*t from Cornell is nearly as terrifying on several levels. Now, should
Cornell remember that he’s a quality rock and roll lead singer and produce an
album worthy of that distinction, then it’s worth discussing. This time, leave
Timbaland, Pitbull, Pharrell, Cee Lo Green and every other pop producer with no
actual musical talent out of the studio. You’d be surprised how much that
helps………..
- There is nothing sadder than passing from this earth with no friends,
no loved ones and no grip on reality. Queens resident
Rose Ann Bolasny appears to be headed in that direction, as evidenced by her
decision to alter her will to make sure that he 3-year-old purebred Maltese
receives a massive inheritance of jewelry, a six-figure trust fund and a
million-dollar house in Florida. Bolasny, fully devoid of dignity, self-respect
and any human being with a close enough tie to her to be deemed worthy of her
fortune, so loves her dog that she’s forgoing giving her money and possessions
to her two adult sons. “We decided that we had given her such a lavish life
that we wanted to make sure she’d still have what she was accustomed to when I
was gone,” Bolasny said. “Yes, we pamper her, but Bella Mia has really donated
and volunteered more than her time in her short 3 years of living that most
people have done in a lifetime.” No, she hasn’t, you ass hat. That dog has no
freaking idea about any of this, nor does that mutt know enough to donate or
volunteer anything unless that donation is generously donating various doggy
waste byproducts to the yard and flooring of your home, the byproducts Bolasny
liked has her maid scoop up with a gold scooper encrusted with diamonds and
place on the mantle to scent the whole home with its majestic wonderfulness.
Oh, and don’t think either of Bolasny’s sons is upset by the direction this
mess is headed. “They feel fine, because they’re getting more than Bella Mia,”
Bolasny explained. “My children are grown, and successful. They don’t need my
money. They know how happy she has made my husband and I.” All of this is
thoroughly ridiculous, but also thoroughly predictable when you realize that
this knob has already given this damn dog a Cinderella princess dress, an
over-the-top peacock gown and diamond-studded tiaras…………
- In case of Russian invasion, please break the glass, remove your paper
bag from the case and attempt to breathe normally into said sack. Those have to
be among the instructions Lithuania's defense
ministry is giving to its citizens in its efforts to prepare them for a
possible enemy breaching of its borders. In light of neighboring Russia's
hostile takeover attempt of another neighbor, Ukraine, Lithuania has gotten
some quality time with Adobe InDesign and made a run to the local Kinko’s to
church out a 98-page booklet letting its people know how to react in the event
tanks, troops and bad intentions come bum-rushing over its borders. The booklet
is aimed as alleviating anxiety over such an invasion and will be distributed
next week in Lithuania, a NATO member that was under Moscow's rule from 1940
until 1991. Defense Minister Juozas Olekas explained that such guidance is "more
urgent than ever" because of what he called "Russia's aggression
against its neighbors, presently in Ukraine." Yes, it seems ridiculous and
overreactive…until you step back and realize that this is Russia and it is
still led by despot Vladimir Putin, whose shirtless horseback riding self will
invade any country that strikes his fancy if he has the free time and free
military muscle to make it happen. In addition to passing out copies of the
booklet at various public distribution points, the government will also make
this beacon of essential information available on the defense
ministry's website advising its citizens how to react in case of
war, reflecting jitters over intervention in Ukraine and a recent increase of
reported airspace violations in the Baltic region. The is to has told
Lithuanian radio such advice were The booklet, already available on the
ministry's web site, providing great advice on coping with natural disasters,
major accidents and terrorist attacks……..
- Wrigley Field won't be the same for a while. The iconic and
second-oldest stadium in Major League Baseball will be sans one of its most
distinctive features for the first five weeks of the season – and possibly
more. The Cubs announced late last week that the stadium's famous bleachers won't be open for the first month of
the 2015 season, meaning that the drunks who call the backless seats their home
during games will have to sit somewhere else. The target date is May 11 for the
left field bleachers and late May for the right field bleachers, Cubs president
of business operations Crane Kenney announced at the team’s annual offseason
fan convention. The bleacher project is part of the first phase of a $375
million renovation of the legendary venue, which marked its 100th birthday last
season. The entire stadium is currently a giant construction zone and passersby
can see the ongoing progress in the bleacher areas. Kenney informed the crowd
at the convention that the bleachers won't be ready for Opening Night, a Sunday
night game on April 5 against the St. Louis Cardinals. "We're going to do
it right," Kenney said. "If we miss the month of April, we do."
With about 5,000 bleacher seats at Wrigley, the crowds at one of baseball’s
smallest venues will be even smaller for a few weeks, as the center field
bleachers will also be closed even though no work is being done there. The good
news is that there are only 12 home games in April, so the team won’t lose as
much money from ticket revenue as it would have at another point in the season.
Bleacher season-ticket holders can either convert their lost tickets to full
refunds, account credits or relocation to other seats. Fabricated steel for the
bleachers will be delivered in early February, but work will continue in those
and other areas for the foreseeable future. New video boards are also on the
way, bringing Wrigley that much closer to modernity……….
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