Limp Bizkit still sucks, Greece gets snarky and a badass Arizona weatherman

- Fox 10 weatherman Cory McCloskey went YouTube hero in a hurry this week and because of it, the world outside the borders of tiny Wickenburg, Arizona knows his name. McCloskey, operating in a world where excessive hair jail, ridiculous TV names like Johnny Mountain and Stormy Rains rule and you can be wrong 50 percent of the time and still keep your job, had himself quite a day when he took to the green screen to deliver his nightly forecast. Most of the temperatures on the map were as they should be, but several appeared to be a smidge too high and indicated that a few towns were coping with mercury readings in the four-digit range. Realizing what was going on and reacting quickly, McCloskey rolled with the mistake and proceeded to deliver some classic one-linters that began with him urging viewers in the affected areas that, “Again, I’m not your dad, but I would get out while you still can.” When the map showed a current temperature of 2,960 degrees in Cave Creek, the weatherman calmly delivered the dire prognosis for the town. “Yeah, Cave Creek, Fountain Hills, they don’t look good either. And frankly, Wickenburg is a total loss,” McCloskey quipped. He added that steel typically boils around that temperature and noted that there might be little left for any Cave Creek residents watching the broadcast to do. Rather than go Bill O’Reilly and scream down whoever was responsible for the mistake – and even people who weren't – this reaction puts McCloskey on top of the mountain when it comes to local weathermen. Give this dude a major network gig and see if Al Roker needs any help with the every-two-minutes forecasts he dishes out during the “Today” show each weekday morning………

- Everyone deals with losing differently. Some players are incredibly angry and take their frustrations out on inanimate objects or in snarky remarks directed at those around them. Others withdraw and don’t want to talk to anyone for a while, preferring to sulk and wallow in their misery. Then there’s a pair of Bradley basketball players who were busted Wednesday night for using fake IDs at a strip club following the team's 69-57 loss to Drake. It was a tough defeat for the Braves, one that left leading scorer Warren Jones and teammate Ka'Darryl Bell in a bad place that could only be offset with the addition of skanks taking their clothes off for skeevy strangers who would stuff money into their G-strings. That wouldn’t have been a problem for anyone other than their girlfriends if not for the fact that both players are just 20 years old, making them too young to legally enter a bar or strip club. Jones and Bell countered that obstacle by doing what virtually every college kid does at some point during their first three years on campus until they turn 21, pulling out fake ID’s to earn entry into Big Al's in downtown Peoria. Sadly, their fake driver’s licenses weren’t good enough to go through the inspection process undetected and as a result, both men were arrested in the wee hours of the morning for obstruction of identification and criminal trespass. These criminal masterminds were booked into Peoria County Jail at 5:07 a.m. and was released at 6:33 a.m. after posting bond. It had to be a great way for head coach Geno Ford to start the day, waking up to this news. “These student-athletes have not represented Bradley University and our community appropriately and their actions, especially immediately following a poor performance on the court, are unacceptable,” Ford said. Next time, guys, just have a friend buy you some cheap beer or low-end liquor and drink your sorrows away at home……..

- Greece definitely has a chip on its shoulder. Even though the Mediterranean nation has borrowed a sh*t-load of money from its fellow European Union nations to stay afloat financially in recent years, Greece’s government isn't exactly in a submissive mood when it comes to how it should handle its fiscal health going forward and is openly clashing with its European bailout creditors. The dispute went über-public on Friday when Germany vehemently rejected suggestions the heavily-indebted country should be forgiven part of its rescue loans. German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble denounced what he terms  "blackmail" from Athens after Greece's five-day-old radical left government said it will honor pre-election promises to seek a cut on most of the country's rescue debt and scrap painful budget measures that were demanded in exchange for the loans. You can see where the debtor nations might be pissy with a new regime sweeping into power and basically telling everyone their country borrowed money from, “Eff you, but we’ll be handling this however the hell we want.” In response and as ever the true German, Schaeuble insisted that rules need to be kept, and trust and reliability were the basis for further solidarity. "There's no arguing with us about this, and what's more we are difficult to blackmail," Schaeuble said. "We are prepared to offer all cooperation and solidarity.” That holds true, the minister noted, only if Greece abides by its agreements, under which it received 240 billion euros ($270 billion) in rescue loans. Sans those loans and significant assistance from the International Monetary Fund, Greece would struggle to pay its debts and avoid capsizing financially. The ruins that tourists flock to the country to visit might become every building in the country within a few years if the government manages to f*ck this one up……..

- Does Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland realize that he is, was and always will be Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland? Probably not, at least not based on his unflattering description of fans who will come see his band play on the upcoming ShipRocked Cruise. The cruise will take place from Feb. 2-6 and will feature the never-were sensations of the Bizkit alongside Andrew WK, P.O.D. and Black Label Society, all rocking out live and largely deprived of actual musical talent – at least outside of P.O.D. The fact that anyone cared enough to check whether Fred Durst and Limp Bizkit still existed and make the effort to invite them to play should have been enough to cause every member of the band to do a victory lap around their mobile home and high five the meth dealers living on either side of their home on wheels, but Borland didn’t get the memo. Instead, he labeled those for whom he was about to play a bunch of “‘roided-out, tribal-tattooed, spray-tanned Jell-O shot filled bohunks.” And your point is what, Wesley? That has always been your target demographic. Did you think high-class music lovers in tuxedos were rocking out to “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water?” When you write the musical equivalent of what ends up in the diaper of a 2-year-old with explosive diaherrea, you can't really be picky about who listens to you. Borland made his declaration in an Instagram post with the caption stating that tourists on the boat will be doing "their best drunk MMA impressions in the top deck mosh pit." According to the mediocre axe man, when the band isn't playing, he’ll be looking for a good hiding spot. "Whenever we aren't on stage, I'll be curled up fetal position in my cabin,” Borland said. “It's the same as Brochella but it's off land. Can't wait to see me some roided out tribal tattooed spray tanned Jell-O shot filled bohunks do their best drunk MMA impressions in the top deck mosh pit.” It’s just a thought, Wesley, but if those are the types you’ll be surrounded by, maybe you don’t want to antagonize them before boarding. Either that or you should have been smart enough to stay out of the band when you quit in 2001………..

Tom Petty backs down and cashes in, porn on the sixth floor of the library and Belarus pokes the Russian bear

- Look at Belarus, puffing out its chest and acting all thug in its economic dealings with big, bad Vlad Putin and Russia. While few have any freaking clue where Belarus is and more than a few may not even know it’s a real county, the world had best take notice now that the Belarusians have taken a sledgehammer to exiting cracks in a Russia-led economic alliance. Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko dropped a verbal nuke by saying his country may opt out of the alliance and he also sent a firm warning to Moscow that his nation of 10 million will never be part of the "Russian world," a term coined by the Kremlin that encompasses Putin’s ambitions to yank ex-Soviet nations back to Russia’s sphere of control. Making sure a threat is usually a bad move given Russia’s proclivity for invading anything close enough to spit on, but Lukashenko, who has been at the helm since 1994, is clearly feeling swagger-licious even though he has relied on heavily Russia's economic subsidies and political support. Like a degenerate gambler who doesn’t realize that loan shark isn't really his friend and doesn’t lend him money out of the goodness of his heart, Lukashenko someone didn’t realize that taking Russia’s money and help meant he was opening the door to Moscow openly attempting to expand its control over Belarusian assets. Just last month, Lukashenko accused Russia of damaging Belarus' economic interests with moves to restrict exports to Russia, which he said violated the rules of the Eurasian Economic Union, a grouping that comprises Russia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Armenia and Kyrgyzstan. Let’s go ahead and start the countdown clock to a Russian invasion at one month and counting………

- The real point to note isn’t that organizers of the torch relay for the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro claim it will reach 90 percent of Brazil’s 200 million people. What matters more is the financial disaster of paying to put on the games by building venues that won't be used beyond the Games and renovating others while bulking up infrastructure will impact even more Brazilians. Sure, it’s a fleeting fun moment when relay organizers lay out the parameters of what’s going to go down next year, but the reality is that a nation when the impoverished people who comprise a disturbingly large chunk of the population and whose slum housing is put in peril when land is needed for various Olympic (or 2014 World Cup) venues and infrastructure are living in such squalor, it’s difficult to celebrate an Olympic torch relay too much. According to organizers, the torch relay will cross all 26 states, and it is expected to start about 100 days before the games open Aug. 5, 2016. Beyond that, there weren't many details, even though Rio organizing committee president Carlos Nuzman poured on the hyperbole by saying the relay will "give millions the chance to participate." If only you gave those people a chance to participate in deciding whether their country would spend billions of dollars on a sporting event rather than spending billions of dollars to help them better their lives and improve their future………..

- Now THIS is the kind of chick every straight guy wishes he went to college with.  Oregon is often thought of as a haven for free-spirited souls, but that usually centers around the hippie-friendly, über-laid-back city of Portland and not necessarily Oregon State University in Corvallis. Maybe it’s time to rethink that line of logic based on the case of an unidentified 19-year-old woman who has been accused of recording an adult film in the main campus library at OSU. According to university spokesman Steve Clark, the school only found out about the video on Tuesday, but officials believe it was recorded during the fall semester and eventually made its way online. University police – i.e. the guys whose job revolves around underage drinking citations - investigated and charged the woman with public indecency. It turns out, shockingly, that although the woman was a student at the time, she is no longer attending the university. Wait…..a chick who is willing to film porn between the reference desk and the microfiche archive on the sixth floor isn't the kind of disciplined, hard-driving academic achiever who carries a 4.0 GPA and never misses a class? Of course, every male student who is just now finding out about this video is kicking themselves and wishing they had invited this chick to one of their parties back in the fall. As it turns out, even though the library is patrolled by campus security and police, the film was recorded on the sixth floor, which can't be monitored all the time. The real question now is who’s going to come up with the best name for this low-rent porno and find a way to monetize this woman’s extremely low ambitions for life………

- Tom Petty won't back down, but he will sit down and watch the money roll in 26 years after one of his songs was released. Petty has been locked in a relatively amicable legal dispute with British singer Sam Smith over Smith’s usage of Petty’s iconic 1989 track “I Won't Back Down” as the basis for his hit “Stay With Me,” which essentially sounds like a slowed-down, balladized take on Petty’s original tune. The two artists’ respective publishers settled out of court in October and the details are just coming out, with the revelation that Petty now makes 12.5 percent royalties on Smith's 2014 single due to it's similarity to “Back Down.” The aging rocker posted a statement to his website that didn’t bash Smith or his team, but rather praised the singer for how he handled the situation. “About the Sam Smith thing. Let me say I have never had any hard feelings toward Sam. All my years of songwriting have shown me these things can happen. Most times you catch it before it gets out the studio door but in this case it got by,” Petty wrote. “Sam’s people were very understanding of our predicament and we easily came to an agreement. The word lawsuit was never even said and was never my intention. And no more was to be said about it.” Petty claimed he didn’t know how the details leaked to the press but insisted neither he nor Smith made any effort to publicize the case. It makes perfect sense that petty wouldn’t be pissed; after all, dude is getting one-eighth of the revenues from one of the biggest hits of the year without doing a damn thing and a whole new generation of music fans who otherwise would have no idea who his aged-out ass is are getting exposed to his music. So it’s not too difficult to write the words, “I wish Sam all the best for his ongoing career. Peace and love to all," or to say that the eerie similarity between the two songs is a total coincidence. Money is one of life’s great deodorants and at the tail end of his career, give Tom Petty credit for realizing that the almighty dollar and a dose of forgiveness trump all………..

Matt Barnes is an angry asshole, Italy strikes at the mob and Elton John has an HBO drama

- The soror-stitutes at the University of Virginia have a choice to make. Are they going to live up to their name and stay true to the reason they came to college in the first place, or are they going to get an early start on their post-college life of bowing to the conservative whims of The Man? Of course, the university recently lifted a suspension of Greek social activities after fraternities and sororities agreed to stricter regulations in the wake of a November Rolling Stone article that detailed an apparent gang rape at a U.Va. fraternity. Even though much of that article has since been thoroughly discredited, the resulting stink that engulfed the university’s Greek system has sadly remained. So with the ban officially lifted and the spring semester underway, the fine, upstanding and service-minded ladies of the many sororities that surround the Charlottesville campus have been ordered to stay away from fraternity recruitment events scheduled Saturday. That’s an obvious problem because the way many fraternities pull the best recruits is by partnering with sister sororities and having their, um, talent on hand at their parties. Sure, Kip and the rest of the Lambda Sigs can simply convince attractive chicks from other parts of campus life to take the place of their normal sorority party partners, but that’s a lot of work in between hauling kegs and setting up beer pong tables. The National Panhellenic Conference oversees the sororities and conference spokeswoman Michelle Bower explained that the mandate came from the sororities' national presidents. Inter-Fraternity Council President Ben Gorman confirmed the sad news that sororities were told to avoid any social gathering with fraternity members on Boys' Bid Night. Dammit all, where has the free-spirited binge drinking evening of fun gone on college campuses……….

- HBO has more than a few hit dramas in recent years and therefore some credibility in producing original television fodder, but it’s taking a bit of a leap here. The premium cable network has ordered a pilot episode of “Virtuoso,” a musical drama from Elton John and “True Blood” creator Alan Ball. With John involved, you know the project will be toned-down and über-tasteful, in no way involving comically oversized sunglasses or brightly colored feather boas. It will be Ball who writes and directs the 60-minute drama, which follows a class of musical prodigies at an Academy of Musical Excellence in 18th century Vienna. Meanwhile. Actually, the entire project is well on its way and has a cast and everything. Its star will be Peter Macdissi, who played recurring character Olivier Castro-Staal on Ball's earlier HBO drama “Six Feet Under.” Macdissi will also serve as yet another executive producer and will also play Salieri, a composer and conductor is who is hired by Austria's dying Emperor to found the Academy in his honor. A period piece about classical music seems risky, but then again, the odds of this one being all about the music are about as high as the same being true of any single episode of “Glee.” The cast will also include Alex Lawther, recently seen playing the young Alan Turing in “The Imitation Game,” and former “Skins” star Nico Mirallegro. Despite the show being set in Austria, filming is scheduled to begin this spring in Budapest, which as European geography aficionados know, is technically not located anywhere within the beautiful borders of Austria……….

- Italy man be a nation on the brink of perpetual financial crisis, but its fiscal inefficacy doesn’t mean it can’t step up and take control in other areas of its existence. For example Italian authorities have executed about 170 arrest warrants in a major crackdown on the 'ndrangheta, dealing a significant blow to the grammatically stunted organized crime syndicate in southern Italy which officials say has become deeply rooted in the business world in the north. Italy's chief anti-mafia prosecutor, Franco Roberti, moved quickly to get out in front of this one and trumpeted it as an "historic" step in the fight against the mob during a news conference Wednesday in Bologna. Holding major events in cities named after popular lunch meats is a bold move, even if you have to explain to the world that only some of those named in the warrants were arrested, while others are already incarcerated on other charges or in the process of being detained. Maybe you want to wait until you have all of them in custody before puffing out the chest holding up your finely tailored Italian shirt and suit coat, Franco. One of his prosecutorial peers, Roberto Alfonso, said the operation showed a new side of the 'ndrangheta, which has already shown itself to have infiltrated northern Italy's economic and political fiber. Combined with Pope Francis’ stated mission of scrubbing the mafia’s ties to the Catholic Church and its influence in the church’s business, it’s safe to say that it’s a hard knocks life for Italy’s most notorious crime figures……….

- Los Angeles Clippers forward Matt Barnes is a combustible dude. He’s beefed with teammates, opponents, referees and even fans at various points and while he’s not quite the badass gangsta that his near-full-body tattoos would suggest, his rage issues remain late into his career. Just ask whoever was the intended target of his violent verbal outburst with 4:28 remaining in the second quarter of the Clippers' 120-100 win over the Phoenix Suns on Sunday at US Airways Center. The Clippers were b*tch-slapping the homestanding Suns when Barnes went off on someone seated courtside. It appeared that he was dropping four-letter bombs on a fan and when the league dinged him $25,000 for his tirade, it would have been easy to chalk the incident up to another case of one of the Association’s most outspoken players losing his cool. But Barnes insists that he wasn’t cursing out a fan at all, but rather riffing on the junk that Suns owner Robert Sarver had been talking to him. “Another 25k! The part of the story the nba hasn't told you was my language wasnt directed at a fan, I was talkn to the owner of the Suns....,” Barnes tweeted. “Who was sitting on the baseline & I only said something to him AFTER he cussed at me, BUT because I didn't SNITCH I get fined!! #thecode.” Barnes added that he has now been “fined 50k in the last mnth for kicking a "PAPER"Gatorade cup that had alil bit of water in it that didn't even hit anyone &....Responding to an OWNER who cussed at me first.. 50,000 dollars for that?? Come on now!” The league disagreed, saying that the interaction in question did not involve Sarver and therefore, its $25,000 fine stood………..

It's good to own an NBA team, Venezuelan government drug cartels and Blink-182 implodes

- All bands eventually go away – yes, even you, Rolling Stones – and most of them don’t do so peacefully. Large or small, good or awful, a band has a much better chance of imploding in a fiery ball of insane ambitions, pompous creative aspirations, drugs, alcohol and money than it does of riding off peacefully into the sonic sunset. Blink-182 took longer to get there than most, but get there they have. Technically, the formerly great SoCal punk outfit is still together, but their original lineup is dead on arrival after some semantics and social media wrangling among the members. First, Blink-182 released a statement saying co-frontman Tom DeLonge had apparently left the band “indefinitely.” DeLonge fired back on Instagram, angrily denying the report. "To all the fans, I never quit the band," he wrote. "I was actually on a phone call about a Blink-182 event for New York City when all these weird press releases started coming in. Apparently those reports were 'sanctioned' from the band. Are we dysfunctional – yes. But, Christ. #Awkward.” Quit or split, the reports turned out to be accurate when Mark Hoppus and Travis Barker released a statement confirming their split from the "disrespectful and ungrateful" DeLonge and saying he backed out of Blink-182's upcoming commitments, including the recording of a new album and an upcoming festival appearance at Barker's Musink Tattoo Convention and Music Festival. "We booked January 5th to go into the studio. On December 30th, we get an e-mail from Tom's manager saying that he has no interest in recording and that he wants to do his other, non-musical stuff and that he's out indefinitely," Hoppus said. Mix in all alleged email from DeLonge’s manager saying, “Tom. Is. Out,” and you have your final answer………..

- Here’s hoping Venezuelan officials are lying and doing what embarrassed governments always do when faced with an ugly scandal that threatens to drastically undermine the legitimacy of their rule. The scandal in question revolves around a juicy report linking the head of the socialist South American country's parliament to the drug trade and even in a drug-producing powerhouse like the House that Hugo Chavez built, the government typically hates to be tied so directly to unsavory activities like peddling the booger sugar. The details here are especially savory, with the chief bodyguard of National Assembly President Diosdado Cabello having allegedly fled the country with information implicating him in the aforementioned drug activity. If Leamsy Salazar has fled to the United States and is preparing to testify that his boss heads a drug cartel made up of political and military officials, the this is just about the best news ever because Venezuela has a special blend of hate for the U.S. that it brews up fresh on a daily basis. Being the place a disgraced official flees to spill the beans on a government drug cartel would be an epic plot twist even though U.S. officials have declined to confirm or deny the report. Loyalist Congressman Pedro Carreno took to Twitter to fan the flames on this drama, accusing the CIA of buying off Salazar. Cabello also flexed his social media muscles, saying on Twitter that every attack only strengthens his spirit and resolve. Grab a ringside seat, folks, because this is getting hella-good in a hurry………

- As always, it’s good to be a billionaire who owns an NBA franchise. Just ask Wesley Edens and Mark Lasry, who purchased the Milwaukee Bucks last year from ex-U.S. Sen. Herb Kohl. The duo ponied up some $500 million to pry the team from Kohl’s aging hands and with the promise that they would work to keep the Bucks in Milwaukee. Given that both men possessed enough money to buy the team on their own and the fact that league revenues are soaring more and more each year, the notion that the Bucks needed a new arena and that anyone other than the owners should foot the bill seemed ridiculous. Yes, the rich dudes who own teams never actually have to pay for their new arenas, but they should. Of course that won't happen with the Bucks, not after Gov. Scott Walker proposed a measure that would see the state of Wisconsin build a new basketball arena for the with $220 million in bonds that would be funded by projected growth in income taxes from NBA players. Walker, who earlier this week pissed off iconic Boston punk rockers Dropkick Murphys by walking out on stage at an even to one of their songs, said his "Pay Their Way" proposal would protect the state's taxpayers keeping the team in Milwaukee. With the cost of a new arena in downtown Milwaukee pegged at about $450 million to $500 million, Lasry and Edens are offering to chip in a mere $150 million for the project. Kohl has offered up $100 million of his own money to help replace the BMO Harris Bradley Center, so this thing is rolling along quite well. Walker is pimping the hell out of his plan, calling it “one of a kind” and basing it on the more than $6.5 million that's collected from taxes on the salaries of the Bucks and visiting NBA players that would continue to go to the state's general fund. With rising salaries and revenue from the NBA's TV contracts expected in the years ahead, the arena would be paid for in a mere three decades…………

- Points for creativity. None for intelligence when it comes to Marlow Holmes and his efforts to covertly transport a large quantity of the Colombian nose candy. Holmes is now better known as a Delaware drug suspect who was arrested during a traffic stop when officers found a heavy dose of the sticky icky hidden inside his prosthetic leg. He can thank police dogs for his apprehension, as the canines alerted officers to the presence of narcotics inside the car Holmes had been riding in. For some odd reason, the officers who made the stop were suspicious of the driver and his passenger and sure enough, a search of the car turned up 28 grams of cocaine in a place other than under the seat, inside a hollowed-out seat, in the glove compartment or under the floor mats. A suspicious man might wonder if the driver selected Holmes as his passenger specifically because he was rocking a fake leg with plenty of storage space inside, but drug dealers and their friends never stoop that low or use people in such a way to further their criminal enterprises. Holmes is now staring down charges of possession with intent to deliver cocaine and possession of drug paraphernalia and while police did confiscate his valuable intra-body cargo, they did return his leg so he could have more than one leg to stand on when he attempted to defend himself in court……..

Ireland conquers cool passports, The Jetsons back to life and the Cold War is back

- This is why you can’t have nice things…like an NFL career, an eight-figure contract and an IQ above 15, Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon. Gordon, the troubled and talented receiver who led the NFL with 1,646 yards in just 14 games in the 2013 season but has also missed portions of each of the last three seasons, has done done it again. After initially being suspended for all of 2014 but receiving a miracle reprieve when the NFL implemented a new drug testing and punishment policy that allowed him to return after missing the first 10 games, he ended the season and headed into the rest of his career skating on the thinnest of all NFL disciplinary ice. Basically, he couldn’t test positive for anything stronger than Flintstones vitamins or else he would be subject to a one-year suspension. In a twist that stunned absolutely no one, Gordon has failed another drug test and now will be subject to a one-year suspension. His future in Cleveland and the NFL are now will be in question because he tested positive for alcohol, which fits nicely with the profile of a man who had a DUI charge hanging over his head a year or so ago. The failed test is a spectacular bookend to a season in which Gordon was suspended for the first 10 games for a flunked drug test and was banned by his team for the final game for violating team rules. This stellar run actually goes all the way back to college, when Gordon fled the campus of Baylor University for the NFL after being dismissed from the team and insisting the he had “definitely put that part of my life behind me.” Keep making great choices, J………..

- This is a beautiful tale. The Cold War is widely believed to have ended three decades ago, but that message never got through to three Three Russian citizens who were charged Monday in connection with a Cold War-style Russian spy ring that spoke in code, passed information concealed in bags and magazines and attempted to recruit new members with links to an unnamed New York City university. These Boris and Natasha wannabes were allegedly directed by Russian authorities "to gather intelligence on, among other subjects, potential United States sanctions against Russian banks and the United States' efforts to develop alternative energy resources," according to a complaint filed in federal court in Manhattan. One defendant, Yevgeny Buryakov, allegedly posed as an employee in the Manhattan office of a Russian bank, while cohorts Igor Sporyshev and Victor Podobnyy snagged much better gigs as low-level diplomats. That also means he was the only one arrested because the other two were protected from prosecution because of their diplomatic status and are believed to have returned to Russia. This undersized spy ring was observed meeting 48 times in outdoor settings between March 2012 and September 2014 and in an oh, so covert arrangement, FBI agents spotted “Buryakov passing a bag, magazine or slip of paper to Sporyshev.” Hey ass hats, have you never heard of a dead drop? One of you leave the newspaper on a park bench and once you’re sure no one is watching, the other one picks it up. Among the topics of conversation were attempts to recruit U.S. residents, including several individuals employed by major companies, and several young women with ties to a major university located in New York City. This bust came as an offshoot of a 2010 case resulting in the arrest of 10 covert agents who infiltrated suburban America. Not surprisingly, neither the Russian Foreign Ministry nor the Foreign Intelligence Service had any comments and Alexey Zaytsev, spokesman for Russia's U.N. Mission, declined to address the case. All in all, it’s good to know the Cold War still has some air in its lungs………..

- Someone get Kanye West’s agent on the phone. It was less than three years ago, the biggest egomaniac in a rap world full of them wanted to find a studio to partner with him on a possible live-action movie based on popular old-school cartoon “The Jetsons.” That project never materialized mostly because it sucked and what the hell does Kanye West know about converting a cartoon into a live-action movie, but the idea of bringing George Jetson, his boy Elroy, Jane his wife, daughter Judy, dog Astro and their robot maid Rosie back to life didn’t go away and now, a new animated film version of classic Hanna-Barbera animated series is in the works, with Warner Bros. having hired Matt Lieberman to write the film's script. Lieberman is a great choice to write this script and not just because he shares a surname with Joe “Deputy Dog” Lieberman, former joweled member of Congress and all-around cartoon character. No, the scribe has also penned a script for an upcoming Scooby-Doo movie for the studio and when one is on a streak of writing amateurish scripts for such ridiculous movies, you don’t stand in his way. The history of The Jetsons is a good one, having been conceived by Hanna-Barbera as a space-age counterpart to The Flintstones and originally airing a mere  24 episodes in 1963. Yet  22 years later, it came roaring back to life for 51 episodes that aired between 1985-87, after which it went away for a second time. A first cinematic version, “Jetsons: The Movie,” came out in 1990 and was a bomb both critically and commercially, going full-on Hindenberg at the box office and leaving folks wondering if a third chance at life would be the last one for the franchise. Those folks clearly don’t understand Hollywood……….

- Ireland: Making great beer, epic whiskey and as of this year, passports that are significantly easier to steal. With Guinness, Jameson and their peers squarely under control, the Emerald Isle is turning its attention to a new plastic passport for travel in Europe that it perfectly suited for the ADHD, Spapchat-obsessed generation. With this credit card-style passport, Irishmen will be able to provide their own selfies as the ID photo. The new passports will make their debut in July and according to Foreign Minister Charlie Flanagan, can be used to travel throughout the 28-nation European Union as well as Iceland, Norway and Liechtenstein – i.e. countries that are far too cool to join the EU or accept the euro as their official currency. Just don’t give Ireland too much credit for having an original idea, because these cars are eerily similar to the passport cards that U.S. residents have used since 2008 to travel to Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean. Ireland merely ripped off the idea and upgraded them by adding the nice perk of being able to use its passport cards for both land and sea voyages, but unlike the U.S. incarnation, air travel as well. The entire process is built for the digital era, with applications taken by smartphone app and Irish citizens able to submit their own mug shot taken by the same phone. This gem of a  card will also sport security features that include turning that photo into an embedded holographic image. Of course, like a traditional passport, it can also be easily lost after a pint or eight at any Dublin pub………

Hockey tries to matter, U.S. air travelers are gun-toting morons and Pope Frank + balloons

- Rarely do the efforts of animal rights kooks produce anything worthy of celebrating beyond the confines of their faux-leather-upholstered-chair-filled meeting halls. This is the über-rare exception and it circles back to a controversy hatched one year ago when Pope Francis tossed a pair of doves from the window in St. Peter’s Square. Frank, in the tradition position of being flanked by a pair of children at a window of the papal studio overlooking the square, released a pair of doves on the last Sunday in January. To the horror of ass hats who treat birds and their lives like they’re actual human beings with a capacity for higher thought and reasoning, a crow swept down and attacked the doves. It was the way of nature, yet the bleeding hearts who cannot stomach the horr-a of any pain befalling an animal for any reason decried it as an outdated practice that needed to be revised. The Catholic Church, it seems, was listening and with the new direction the pontiff has taken it in many respects since his appointment as the man in charge, Sunday’s display at the Vatican was drastically different than its predecessors. That’s because in lieu of letting a couple of lame-ass birds fly free, the pope release – wait for it – FREAKING BALLOONS! That’s damn right, balloons. Because everyone loves balloons and in no way are plastic or mylar spheres attached to ribbons a possible choking hazard for animals or an environmental hindrance. Well done, Vatican. Balloons bring joy to all who see or hold them and their shiny, reflective awesomeness is a real treat for the world. Here’s hoping everyone enjoyed the first of what will hopefully be many scenes of the pope looking like an excited third grader in Missouri releasing a helium balloon with his name and school address written on a card that is affixed to a balloon that will float away and hopefully be mailed back by someone in the next state over…………

- At this rate, it’s only a matter of time before Hollywood gets to work on a sequel to a movie that technically doesn’t have any more story to tell. “American Sniper” ended with the tragic death of legendary U.S. Navy sniper Chris Kyle, but now that the film has earned first place at the box office for a second straight weekend and banked $200.1 million domestically, the idea of a sequel is all but guaranteed. This time around, the war flick snagged $64.3 million, easily beating back a weak-ass challenge from the ridiculous “The Boy Next Door.” Jennifer Lopez’s supposed-to-be-scary-movie effort managed just $15 million in its debut, good for second place. Third place went to kids’ movie “Paddington,” owner of $12.4 million in movie dollars and a two-week haul of $40.1 million. “The Wedding Ringer” snagged fourth place thanks to an $11.6 weekend, giving the Kevin Hart comedy $39.7 million in two weeks of work. That was more than enough to hold off “Taken 3,” which took one step back to fifth place with $7.6 million and has amassed just $76 million in its first three weeks. The sixth slot on the list went to “The Imitation Game” ($7.6 million) and the seventh spot belonged to newcomer “Strange Magic,” which banked $5.6 million in its debut. “Selma” slogged its way to eighth place with $5.5 million, giving the civil rights biopic $39..2 million in five weeks and proving that people would rather watch CGI-ed bears, people getting blown up in Iraq and a past-her-prime reality karaoke judge/pop star than the tale of an iconic civil rights icon. The unquestioned bomb of the weekend was “Mortdecai,” which managed a mere $4.1 million in its debut amidst waves of critical hate. “Into the Woods” completed the top 10 with $3.9 million, while “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” (No. 11), “Unbroken” and the wildly disappointing “Blackhat” (No. 15 after just two weeks) fell out of the top 10……….

- What a year 2014 was at America’s 224 major airports. Specifically, what a year for the ignorant and forgetful among us who showed up at their local plane landing place with a weapon of some sort and tried to carry said weapon on board along with their toothpaste, aspirin and laptop. According to a new Transportation Security Administration study on the just-concluded year, government screeners at airport security checkpoints seized a record number of guns in 2014. Idiots and ignoramuses of all kinds tried to board planes while packing heat, including a 94-year-old man at New York’s LaGuardia Airport who had a loaded .38-caliber revolver clipped to his belt. Maybe this old-timer was abiding by the “I’ve been here longer than you all and I’m going to die soon, so I’ll do whatever the hell I want” principle that elderly folks often subscribe to, but this codger was far from alone in his abuse of federal laws.. The study found a significant increase in the number of firearms seized in carry-on bags, with a total of 2,212 firearms confiscated in 2014, compared to 1,813 in 2013. For that 22-percent increase, give yourself a big pat on the back, America. Oh, and these weren't people who had an unloaded gun they simply forgot was in their bag, because about 83 percent of the confiscated guns were loaded. This past year is no exception, as the number of seized guns has been on a steady uptick since 2005 and while 2,212 guns among some 650 million air travelers and 1.7 billion carry-on bags last year seems like a small number, clearly the figure should be much closer to zero if travelers were both smart and paying attention to the world around them. The biggest trouble spots were Dallas/Fort Worth (120), Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson (109), Phoenix Sky Harbor (78), Houston George Bush (77) and Denver (70) and among those numbers were a grenade and a loaded assault rifle with three loaded magazines. Well done, U.S. Americans from coast to coast, sea to shining (bullet-strewn) sea………

- Can hockey find a way to be relevant on the wider landscape of sports? The NHL is hoping so with its announcement of the newly resurrected World Cup of Hockey -- an eight-team international tournament to be held in the fall of 2016. NHL commissioner Gary Bettman broke the news about the event, which the league hopes to use as a launching point for an upgraded international calendar that will include an innovative Ryder Cup-style tournament pitting Europe’s best players against their North American counterparts. The 2016 World Cup of Hockey, the first edition of the tournament in 12 years, will be built around hockey powers Canada, the United States, Russia, Sweden, Czech Republic and Finland, with the field rounded out by a team of European All-Stars from countries not represented in the competition and a team of North Americans 23 or younger. It will be held exclusively in Toronto with exhibition games likely held in Europe and possibly in an NHL city, with the title decided by a best-of-three finals. Bettman and his lackeys are clearly hoping this tournament and other events will help the sport improve its global profile and the prevailing theory is that the four years between the 2016 Cup and the 2020 version will include a drastic overhaul of the format that turns the event into a true global tournament with teams such as Switzerland, Slovakia and Germany getting an opportunity to qualify for the big tournament in a separate event. Players could be allowed to play on teams based on heritage, etc., and not necessarily place of birth. Along the way, the league is trying to drum up interest among broadcast partners for the World Cup of Hockey to boost revenues and make the tournament sustainable in the long term………..

Purse thieves v. badass grannies, team manager to bench player and Bob Dylan's gift to retirees

- Will Bob Dylan ruin his musical credibility by giving away his music? Just kidding, even if the ass hats who tried to argue that U2 torched their legacy by funneling their new album into iTunes users’ music collections free of charge. Dylan has already done plenty to infuriate, offend and antagonize music fans all across the sonic spectrum, so who gives a damn if he wants to give away copies of his new album to 50,000 senior citizens? It isn't quite Dylan switching from acoustic to electric at Newport back in 1965, but it’s still interesting that the iconic singer-songwriter will hand out 50,000 copes of “Shadows in the Night” to AARP readers, which could be both kind and very cruel if he insists that the album be made available only through digital download. Hell, even giving out CDs of the project is borderline elder abuse to people who long for the days of the eight track player, but the old folks should love the actual content of the album. It will be comprised entirely of Frank Sinatra covers and is due to be released on February 3 via Columbia Records. The 10-track album has Dylan’s take on tracks such as “Full Moon And Empty Arms,” “Stay With Me” and “What I’ll Do.” As part of the promotional process for the album, Dylan talked about his life outside of music and what might have happened if he hadn't become one of the musical icons of a century. “If I had to do it all over again, I'd be a schoolteacher," he said, noting that he "probably" would have taught Roman history or theology. He also insisted he doesn’t see his versions of Sinatra’s songs as covers, which is a creative way to spin having a covers album as your 36th studio album and first in three years……….

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Do NOT piss off ethnic Albanians in Kosovo unless you want sh*t to get real, real fast. No one knows that better than Serbian Minister Aleksandar Jablanovic, whose comments minimizing Serbia's role in the 1998-99 Kosovo war have threatened to kick-start a revolution aimed at ousting him from power. Thousands of those aforementioned Albanians are protesting the minority Serb politician's denial of war crimes against them and has them angrily demanding the government take over managing the country's crucial mining complex. These maniacs waved Albanian flags and banners Saturday in Pristina, the capital, and insisted that Jablanovic be tossed out of office. His comments incensed families of some 1,000 ethnic Albanians who are still missing and that definitely makes since because, you know, their loved ones are likely dead via sinister means and their remains may never be recovered. The uproar is strong enough to draw some 12,000 protestors to speak out against Jablanovic and his governing coalition together with former Kosovo guerrillas who fought a separatist war against Serbia. The timing for this uprising couldn’t be better, as it merges nicely with the ire of more than 400 miners from Kosovo's mining complex Trepca who want the government to take over the administration of the Yugoslav-era complex to stop it from being liquidated. Any time you can roll multiple causes into a bigger movement and get more folks involved in raging against the machine, you have to feel good about what you’re doing…………

- Their season may have been something of a nightmare so farm but the University of Illinois men’s basketball team is a dream come true for at least one of its members. Ryan Schmidt began the season as a team manager, i.e. the guy who makes sure the laundry gets done, the balls are properly inflated for practice and gets coffee for the coaches in the office. At least for now, he’s upgraded to a much better position as a member of the roster for the Fighting Illini. With the team beset by a slew of injuries, coach John Groce has added Schmidt to the roster after four seasons of focusing on towels and water bottles. The 6-foot senior guard wore No. 14 on Saturday as Illinois faced Minnesota and it was a dream scenario for him. "I never really expected to suit up for the orange and blue," Schmidt said. "My room's decked out in Illini gear." Groce decided to add Schmidt to the roster to ensure the team had enough bodies for practice and game days and said he was happy to give the manager a chance to be on the bench. "Ryan's a great kid and has been here the entire time I've been here," Groce said. "Obviously played in high school, and was a really good high school player." The accounting major won't see any court time barring a blowout or multiple major in-game injuries, but after Illinois lost starting point guard Tracy Abrams for the season with a torn ACL, leading scorer and rebounder Rayvonte Rice with a broken hand and guard Aaron Cosby with a torn retina, that latter scenario isn't out of the question. No one is going to enjoy this development more than Schmidt and his parents, at least when they finally accept that it’s happening. "Neither of them believed me," Schmidt said. "It took a little bit of explaining." A little bit of explaining and a whole lot of time picking up sweaty towels on the bench………..

- Be more selective about whose purse you try to thieve. A Portland, Oregon criminal thought he had an easy heist when he spotted 53-year-old grandmother Tammy Elliott exiting a Fred Meyer store late in the morning. The unidentified man zeroed in on Elliott, grabbed her purse and began walking out of the store. Reacting as quickly as an older woman with a surgically repaired hip would allow, Elliott began a slow-speed pursuit that saw her trail the man into the parking lot as he jumped into his car and tried to get away. Channeling her inner Jason Statham, she jumped on the hood and hung on for dear life. "I was yelling at him to give me back my purse," she said. "I just wanted my pictures — there wasn't any money in the purse.” Regaining photos of her children and grandchildren drove Elliott to hang on for as long as it took and the thief eventually tossed the purse out the window and kept the wallet. His determined pursuer dismounted from the car and allowed the thief to drive away, but not before seeing enough to give the police a description of a man in his 30s with short brown hair, about 5 feet 9, wearing dark clothing and driving a small, two-door car. Being able to hang on through the thief flipping on his windshield wipers, rapidly accelerating and stopping and swerving back and forth has to earn Elliott some major badass points with her family and if she’s not already on the poster promoting the parts used for the hip replacement surgery she underwent, then that had best change soon………

A-Fraud meets Bar-Roid Bonds, Mali rebels rage against the U.N. and Bradley Cooper goes to London

- A dark day has arrived high above out hallowed land, America. Something truly terrible is happening to every last person who has ever taken to the friendly skies and there may be little any of us can do about it. That’s right, the company that produces SkyMall, filed for federal bankruptcy court protection in Phoenix on Friday. SkyMall, which offers up such vital products as stairs for dogs to get into bed, lawn zombies and 3-foot-tall trapezoid-shaped travel pillows, has long been a staple in the seat-back pockets on many airline flights. People perused it because they had little else to do during their flight, but it has fallen on hard times of late and Xhibit Chief Financial Officer Scott Wiley laid out the problems in a court filing. "Historically, the SkyMall catalog was the sole in-flight option for potential purchasers of products to review while traveling," Wiley wrote in a legal declaration filed with the bankruptcy petition. "With the increased use of electronic devices on planes, fewer people browsed the SkyMall in-flight catalog.” Right, but with people able to make terrible impulse buys on the spot, shouldn’t SkyMall have thrived? Wiley blamed the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration's recent decision to allow the use of electronic devices during take-off and landing and increased competition as the reason SkyMall sales have gone into a nose dive. According to court documents, SkyMall generated approximately $33.7 million in 2012 revenue, a number that dipped to $15.8 million for the nine months that ended Sept. 28. The magazine tried to find additional funding, but could not and sought bankruptcy court protection instead. The company’s assets will now be sold off and maybe a financial hero can ride to the rescue and save this true American icon………

- Bradley Cooper is riding high on the strength of his acclaimed effort in the über-successful “American Sniper.” As with many A-listers who feel like they’ve hit the apex of their thespian career, he’s looking to expand his horizons with a foray into theater and will make his London stage debut later this year in The Elephant Man. Cooper is honing his theater chops y starring as John Merrick in the Broadway revival of Bernard Pomerance's 1977 play, which is due to run until February 21, after which the production will transfer to London's West End in May for a 12-week run. Co-stars Patricia Clarkson and Alessandra Nivola will also make the trip across the Atlantic and Cooper sounds legitimately excited about the chance to ply his trade for the British. "Never did we think we would have the privilege to perform this show on Broadway, let alone in London,” Cooper said in a statement. “I'm honored that Alessandro, Patricia, the entire company and I have the opportunity to continue to tell his story." For those who don’t know, The Elephant Man tells the story of a heavily disfigured man who became infamous in Victorian London, making it a great play to perform in England. It will run at London's Theatre Royal Haymarket from May 19 to August 8 and in between now and then, Cooper can rake in the accolades for his efforts portraying American sniper Chris Kyle in “Sniper,” for which he earned a Best Actor nomination, his third nod in as many years. Maybe a Tony Award is next on the agenda……….

- Oh, this sh*t is about to get real, United Nations. You thought that you were doing the right thing and helping to bring peace to the troubled landscape of Mali, but not everyone agrees. Specifically, a spokesman for a Tuareg separatist movement in Mali says relations says the U.N. is to blame for a deadly clash in which the international body sided with the government and its allied militias. Mossa Ag Attaher accused U.N. peacekeepers of working against his great after a Dutch attack helicopter with the U.N. mission destroyed a separatist vehicle on Tuesday near the remote desert town of Tabancort killing seven. As a result, the movement has suspended relations with the U.N., which claims it only responded with force after its peacekeepers came under fire. In response, Ag Attaher said, his group may boycott the next round of peace talks set for Feb. 8 in Algiers. U.N. officials previously said Northern Mali fell under control of Tuareg separatists and then al-Qaida-linked Islamic extremists in 2012, but a French-led intervention last year scattered the extremists. Since then, U.N. troops have worked on stabilizing the north and peace talks between the Malian government and Tuaregs have progressed steadily since then. That could change if the separatists follow through on their threat to boycott the next round of talks, but at this point the entire process is just a ginormous clusterf*ck of crazy………..

- This is not going to end well. Then again, Alex Rodriguez should be used to unhappy endings. Once hailed as the future of baseball and the guy who was going to break Hank Aaron’s career home run record without the aid of performance-enhancing drugs, he became merely the latest cheater to disgrace himself by taking a shortcut to the top. He’s known as a shirtless park tanner, a liar, a narcissist who poses for magazine photo shoots in which he makes out with himself in a mirror and a dishonest scumbag no one trusts. Oh, and he’s also coming off a one-year suspension for his role in a scandal involving s Florida-based wellness clinic/PED supply warehouse, so maybe it’s not the best move to link up with the one guy whose reputation may actually be worse than his own. Yes, A-Fraud met with Barry Bonds multiple times to get hitting tips as he prepares for his return to the major leagues, a meeting A-Fraud’s spokesman confirmed. It was supposedly one of several consultations with former standout hitters in an effort for Rodriguez to be at his nearly 40-year-old best when he returns to the New York Yankees after missing last season because of his suspension. Maybe Bonds and A-Fraud were able to discuss the best PED regimens for aging former All-Stars, the best masking agents for various ‘roids or how to keep on slugging when it’s clear you can no longer buy your success in a bottle or syringe. Even if A-Fraud is in as good of shape as he claims, he is still going to urn 40 in July and when he arrives in training camp next month, he’s going to show up as a peripheral player who’s now fighting for playing time because the Yankees signed Chase Headley to a four-year, $52 million deal to be the team's third baseman. Stay classy, A-Fraud………..

Ladies get a shot to be Rangers, The Sonics make a comeback and Hope Solo does Hope Solo things

- On the surface, one might think that blind folks wouldn’t get as much out of visiting a nature reserve as those blessed with the ability to see. One would be wrong, at least when it comes to the island paradise that is Puerto Rico and a nature reserve in the southeastern coastal town of Maunabo. Natural Resources Secretary Carmen Guerrero announced this week that the country will soon open hiking trails for blind people, utilizing QR codes where people can listen to information about the scene in front of them. For those who don’t roll with an iPhone or Android device, there will also be five different recorders installed by the government along the trail, giving important facts about the plants and wildlife located at various points around the reserve. The trails in the Punta Tuna Nature Reserve are also blind-friendly, as they were constructed in a way to prevent blind people from entering areas that are off limits to park visitors. As if all of that weren't enough to convince those who have partially or fully impaired vision to make a visit to good ol’ Punta Tuna, the government went all out and purchased special wheelchairs for people with physical impediments who want to explore the nature reserve. These are all solid gestures and if a country that is relatively poor can do such good things for those with sight impediments, then more developed countries out to be able to do the same, and maybe even more, in order to ensure that everyone has a chance to know what that one weird bird 500 feet away from them in the top of a tall tree likes to have for breakfast………. 

- You get the feeling that Hope Solo and her old man are the news-generating gift that keeps on giving. That old man would of course be Jerramy Stevens, the husband of the embattled U.S. national team goalkeeper, and this pair has been giving the world a train wreck to gawk at for as long as they’ve been together. There was the domestic violence incident before they got married, the incident a few months back when Solo was accused of assaulting her nephew and another relative at a family gathering, and now there’s this. Stevens and Solo were pulled over by police in Manhattan Beach, California, about 1:30 a.m. Monday for driving without headlights and once the officer made the stop, Stevens was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence…..while driving a U.S. national team vehicle. Stevens, a former tight end for the Seattle Seahawks, was pulled over with his old lady as the only passenger in the van, but she was not arrested or detained. Even so, U.S. soccer suspended her for 30 days, meaning she will not travel to a pair of exhibition matches next month in Europe. Ironically, Solo was in Southern California for training camp with the team, which is preparing to play in the World Cup starting in June. Following her suspension, she had a hilarious statement indicating that she doesn’t understand what the word suspension actually means. "I think it's best for me to take a break, decompress from the stress of the last several months, and come back mentally and physically ready to positively contribute to the team," Solo said in a statement. Hey Hope….it doesn’t matter what you think. When your team suspends you, that’s not you voluntarily stepping away for a bit…it’s them telling you to stay the hell away. "During our current national team camp, Hope made a poor decision that has resulted in a negative impact on U.S. Soccer and her teammates," coach Jill Ellis said in a statement. Right, coach. That’s kinda her thing……….

- Hard work is for the ladies too, eh U.S. Army? It’s taken long enough, but the Army is finally giving women a chance to be among the elite by sending hand-picked female soldiers through its physically demanding Ranger school. Some of these women may earn the Ranger tab as part of an overall military assessment of the fitness of women for the combat arms. Back in September, the Army announced plans for the pilot program and began seeking volunteers. A total of  60 female soldiers will take part alongside male soldiers in the program that begins April 20 – Ranger Course 06-15, Army spokesman Lt. Col. Benjamin Garrett said. "Those who meet the standards and graduate from the course will receive a certificate and be awarded the Ranger tab," he said. Approximately half the volunteers – 20 noncommissioned officers and 11 officers – will serve as observers and advisors as the rest of their group goes through the Ranger course. Those who successfully complete the course still will not be awarded associated Ranger skill identifiers because the law does not currently allow it, but it’s a step in the right direction. "The decision to change that or not ... will be made by the Secretary of Defense no later than Jan. 1, 2016 when he determines if women will be permitted to become infantry soldiers and serve in other closed military occupational specialties," the Army said in September. There has been a push to open up all specialty jobs in the military to women and this is part of that effort. "We're just going to let the statistics speak for themselves as we go through this," Army Chief of Staff Gen. Ray Odierno said earlier this month.  "The main thing I'm focused on is the standards remain the same. The course in front of these female pioneers includes 49 push-ups within 2 minutes, 59 sit-ups, a 5 mile run within 40 minutes and six chin-ups, along with being able to remove their gear in water and then swim 15 meters in their uniform and boots. Since only about 45 percent of those attending Ranger school graduate, this will be no easy glass ceiling to shatter………

- Arguably the most overdue comeback in rock and roll history is about to become official. Pioneering garage rock band The Sonics have literally been dormant for almost 50 years, but they’re on the comeback trail and will soon release their first album of new material since 1967. “This Is the Sonics” will drop March 31 and follows the band's reformation in 2007. Although there garage rock revolution has hinged on two-person acts like The White Stripes and Black Keys of late, The Sonics formed in 1959 and helped lay the foundations for modern rock and roll with their classic, distortion-heavy classics like “The Witch” and “Psycho.” In advance of the new album, the band will release a single titled “Bad Betty” in the next few weeks, marking the first time anyone has heard a new track from them since “Introducing the Sonics” way back in 1967. Back in those days, bands released an album more often than once every three years and The Sonics churned out “Here Are The Sonics” in 1965 and chased it with “Boom” in 1966 and their third album one year later. That third album appeared to be the finale, as the band broke up soon after its release. Yet here we are, 48 years later, and three original members of the group have reunited to rock out once more. There’s Jerry Roslie on vocals and keys, Larry Parypa on vocals and guitar and multi-instrumentalist Rob Lind. Here’s hoping the old dudes didn’t forget how to rock as they aged through the hippie era, the times of fanny packs and the grunge era………

Kim Jong Un invited to Russia's party, the all-lady Star Wars spin-off and a union boss goes union boss

- Verrrrry bold, Southern Miss athletic department officials. Your team is 5-11 this season and 0-5 in Conference USA play, making the Golden Eagles a near-certainty to be nowhere near the NCAA tournament or the three second-rate tournaments that end the college basketball season. So it isn't exactly falling on a grenade when you decide to self-impose a postseason ban for this season due to an NCAA investigation involving former head men's basketball coach Donnie Tyndall. The Southern Miss administration informed players and coaches of the decision and in response, the angered – and possibly delusional – players decided not to practice. “I am saddened and extremely disappointed for the members of our men's basketball team, who will not be able to participate in the postseason this year, as well as for our new coaching staff and fans," Southern Mississippi athletic director Bill McGillis said in a statement. Right, but the only postseason experience this team was going to have was its first-round loss in the Conference USA tournament. In response to the announcement, a C-USA spokesperson said the league had changed its format to entering 12 of 14 teams in the postseason tournament. If Southern Miss were to finish 12th then the 13th team would replace the Eagles. "This self-imposed penalty was a painful, but necessary decision based on information gathered during the review process and available to the university at this time," McGillis added. The investigation stems from potential rule violations related to improper financial aid to a pair of players -- Matt Bingaya and Shadell Millinghaus. Tyndall pulled a Pete Carroll and beat it out of town ahead of the NCAA coming to town, leaving Southern Miss for Tennessee this past season. Maybe Tennessee wants to double check and make sure its men’s basketball players aren't having their pockets lined with walking-around money………..

- Please God, please let this happen. Russia and North Korea are two of the most heinous oppressors of human rights in the world today and two of the most despicable Communist dictatorships around, so when Bad Vlad Putin extends an invitation to North Korean munchkin despot Kim Jong Un, the world needs to be on its hands and knees praying for the gout-suffering Korean leader to say yes. According to Russia's foreign minister, that’s exactly how Kim responded when someone hit him with the Kremlin's invitation to visit Russia. Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said Kim's response had been "positive, as a first signal," echoing comments made by Putin's foreign affairs adviser. Although Lavrov didn't elaborate on the specifics of Kim’s positive response, he didn’t really need to. Fact is, Kim was probably neck-deep in a plate of dumplings or kimchi and could barely get the words out of his mouth. This visit isn't a sure thing yet because North Korea has not officially commented on the invitation and still has time to decline it, but the sheer irony and hilarity of a horrid dictator like Kim visiting Russia to take part in May celebrations marking the 70th anniversary of the Soviet Union's victory over Nazi Germany are both hilarious and potent. The “We downed the Nazis and became nearly as oppressive as they ever were”  party will also feature a Red Square parade and with any luck, a certain diminutive North Korean megalomaniac whose affinity for fine foods is matched only by his disdain for anyone who dares to disagree with his sovereign word. Should Kim say yes to the invite, the trip to Moscow could be his first trip abroad since taking power three years ago. Considering where he lives and what a hell hole the place is, it’s surprising that he doesn’t get out more often………

- When it rains “Star Wars” sequels and spin-offs, it pours. With J.J. Abrams hard at work on a movie that hopefully will not wreck everything fans have come to love about the House of CGI-effect-heavy Cards George Lucas built, other projects based on the iconic sci-fi series are also chugging ahead. One such project is Disney's new female-led Star Wars spin-off, a project that takes the basic theme of doing an all-female “The Expendables” spin-off and makes it a bit less ridiculous. The cast for the still-untitled lady Star Wars spin-off is forming up and the leading role is looking like a battle between “The Theory of Everything” leading actress Felicity Jones, “Orphan Black” actress Tatiana Maslany and “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” star Rooney Mara. The director, in a choice that will inspire zero confidence in anyone who has seen his most recent blockbuster, will be “Godzilla” mastermind Gareth Edwards. The movie also has a slated release date, Dec. 16, 2016, almost one year to the day that “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” opens in theaters. Mara and Maslany have already tested for the role, which Jones has yet to audition. She’s slated to shoot “Inferno,” the forthcoming sequel to “The Da Vinci Code,” this spring and summer and therefore might not be able to be a part of Edwards’ Star Wars project. The second spin-off in the works will be helmed by “Chronicle's Josh Trank” and at the rate Disney is squeezing the life out of the franchise, it wouldn’t be a surprise to see additional star vehicles rolling down the assembly line in the weeks and months ahead……….

- A longtime Philadelphia union boss has been convicted…for acting like a longtime Philadelphia union boss. Federal prosecutors said 73-year-old Joseph Dougherty relied on violence and intimidation to secure union jobs, going so far as to tell Ironworkers Local 401 members they were at "war" with nonunion competitors. And the problem is? It is a war out there for cushy, high-paying union gigs and the best jobs often go not to the best workers or most proven companies, but to those whose union boss plays the roughest and dirtiest behind the scenes. According to prosecutors, Dougherty’s members ratcheted up the pressure on nonunion contractors as the economy stalled and jobs became scarce. Dougherty was convicted after nearly a dozen members pleaded guilty rather than face trial and several of those men ended up testifying against their boss, including a top deputy who described the arson of a Quaker meeting house being built with nonunion crews. That’s right, these maniacs were willing to burn down a building merely because those who built part of the structure weren't members of their union. In his defense, Dougherty's attorneys argued that their client never ordered the Code Red, er, arson and therefore could not be held responsible for other people's crimes. Their argument failed and the resulting racketeering, extortion and other convictions carry what could amount to a life sentence for a man who is on the wrong side of retirement age. Wonder how prison would treat a corrupt union boss who should be playing shuffleboard at the retirement community rather than playing pickup basketball in the yard during rec hour…….

Doug Marrone craps out, Pope Francis v. German rabbit kooks and the 'World War Z" non-sequel

- Fans of the 1950s who wish those damn kids would cut it out with their rock music and enjoy quiet evenings sitting around the fireplace listening to their favorite weekly radio program, there is great news for you. J.C. Penney Co. is bringing back its iconic catalog, even though the formerly massive tome of commercial product offerings will be much slimmer in its modern incarnation. The old catalog once reached 1,000 pages thick, but creating something that massive in the digital age would be a colossal mistake. Instead, the catalog – returning after going into forced retirement back in 2010 - will be just 120 pages and its aim will be slightly different this time around. "We're certainly not going back to a traditional big book catalog business, but we will be issuing a more robust home mailer," J.C. Penney spokeswoman Kate Coultas said. "It's a traffic-driving piece." Reaching back into the past seems like a desperation move given that J.C. Penney is recovering from a precipitous sales drop and hefty losses after a botched transformation under its former CEO Ron Johnson, who was fired in April 2013. Johnson was in charge for just 17 months and after his firing, former big cheese Mike Ullman returned to the helm to stabilize business. In October, the board appointed Home Depot executive Marvin Ellison to succeed Ullman in August, but the identity of the man in charge may be largely irrelevant at this point. Fact is, the retail world has changed drastically since the days when the catalog was required reading for all. There are massive chain retailers like Walmart and Target, specialty stores that have better offerings than department stores like J.C. Penney and whole online marketplace from which to procure goods rather than picking the sweater or end table you want from a J.C. Penney catalog…………

- Nice try, Steven Knight. You cannot on one hand claim to be making a sequel to a major blockbuster and on the other hand say that the new movie will be totally original and separate from the first one. Sure, you’re a Hollywood screenwriter and thus very adept at creating fictional scenarios in which absurd things happen and no one bats an eye. But Knight is attempting to do just that, saying the sequel to “World War Z” will start with "a clean slate.” Brad Pitt produced and starred in the 2013 original and the resulting zombie apocalypse film was a dumpster fire of critical hate and overproduction to the nth degree, yet it ended up taking over $530 million at the box office worldwide, becoming the highest-grossing film in Pitt's 25-year career. Pitt confirmed his association with the sequel in September and Knight was inked to write a treatment for the sequel. Like any good salesman, he’s trying to pitch his as a totally new and original idea, one that will blow people right out of their seats and reinvent the whole zombie apocalypse genre as we now know it. "It's not quite like the other [film], we're starting with clean slate. When they've signed off we're on,” Knight said. Oh, OK then. If you say it’s a totally clean slate and nothing like the first movie, then it has to be true. You wouldn’t be lying and trying to use the franchise’s name value to push this pile of cinematic excess forward so you and Spanish filmmaker Juan Antonio Bayona, who has signed to direct the film, can keep lurching forward and turn this into the most expensive film of Pitt’s career and one that will earn him even more mockery and scorn………

- Pope Francis has a knack for pissing people off. Usually, those people are Italian mobsters with their hands deep in the Catholic Church’s vast business empire after the pope says he’s going to rid the church of corruption and push the mobsters out the door. But the pontiff’s recent remark that Catholics don't have to breed "like rabbits" has offended a much different – and admittedly less scary – group of people. Those would be Germany's rabbit breeders, who were incensed when the pope urged Catholics to practice "responsible parenting" and use church-approved forms of birth control. And yes, before you ask, there is an association of German rabbit breeders and they are hopping mad. Erwin Leowsky, president of the central council of German rabbit breeders, feels like the pope infected the world with a misinformed point of view because only rabbits which live in the wild are sexually overactive. Leowsky pointed out that bunnies in captivity have tamer reproductive habits and rather than spend time with mating rabbits, maybe it’s better to simply take this kook’s word for it. Either way, Leowsky feels the pope should allow Catholics to use contraception and cease with his maligning of rabbits’ character because, you know, the rabbits are really hurt by all of this and their feelings are very real and very powerful. Here’s hoping that the German rabbit breeders are upset enough to truck bunches of their bunnies to the Vatican, occupy St. Peter’s Square and turn this into a real spectacle……….

- If you ever have the chance to play poker with former Buffalo Bills head coach Doug Marrone, take it and bring your life savings with you. One month ago, Marrone was the head coach of an NFL team, one that went 9-7 and narrowly missed the playoffs despite alternating between an erratic young quarterback and a veteran on the verge of retirement who rocked the best neck beard in the league. As of this week, Marrone is now an assistant head coach for offense and offensive line coach with a team that won just three games this season and had its nickname mockingly changed to the Baguars by some haters. Yes, the Jacksonville Jaguars have hired Marrone less than a month after he used an out clause in his contract to leave the Bills and become a coaching free agent. Marrone went 15-17 in the past two seasons with the Bills and seemingly had the team on an upward trajectory, but a clause in his contract allowed him to resign and coach elsewhere if the team changed owners. That’s exactly what happened during the season and while the clause guaranteed his $4 million salary in 2015, Marrone looks like a chump for taking such a huge step down the coaching ladder. He’s going to be the highest-paid offensive line coach in football, but how bad does he look that he was a head coach and went to a terrible team that didn’t even want him as its offensive coordinator even though IT DOESN’T HAVE A FREAKING OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR? That’s right, the Jaguars are still searching for an offensive coordinator to replace Jedd Fisch, whom head coach Gus Bradley fired on Dec. 30. The Jaguars don’t feel that Marrone is qualified to lead their offense, so maybe the Bills are lucking out on their former leading man resigning in search of greener pastures that turned out to be a mirage. Oh, and any team that might consider hiring Marrone down the road will also have to mull over how they feel about turning their team over to a guy who quit on the last team he was hired to shepherd………..