Thursday, June 19, 2014

Stupid baseball injuries, wife-beating news anchors and California v. sugary drinks


- What are you doing, Albania? Everyone wants to be the cool country, the one where people go to get baked on quality dank and do bong rips on the good stuff even though it’s totally illegal there, bro. Albania is zeroing in on that spot, what with the plumes of ganja smoke wafting about the small but prosperous southern Albanian village of Lazarat, where a war is a-brewin’. On one side is The Man, i.e. the Albanian government, vowing to rid Lazarat of drug gangs that have turned the village into Europe's largest illegal marijuana producer. On the other side are the gangs who have turned Lazarat from a small farming community to a thriving drug town that rakes in billions of euros every year from the plants openly cultivated in fields and house gardens. A village of 5,000 that is believed to produce about 900 metric tons of cannabis a year, worth some $6.1 billion could double Albania’s total gross domestic product – ya know, if the small Balkan nation would follow Uruguay’s example of legalizing the hippie lettuce. Clearly, the government does not appreciate the flashy cars and expensive homes that have upped Lazarat’s game of late. None of that happens without the drugs and the corresponding strong demand in neighboring Greece and Italy, along with Albania’s burgeoning status as a major transit point for other drugs coming in to Europe from Asia and Latin America. In the past, the powers that be largely left Lazarat alone and its rare police visits were met with gunfire. Sadly, the country’s new Socialist regime came to power last year on a platform of combating the drug trade. Oh, and this is all with the sellout goal of membership in the European Union, which has rejected Albania three times due to its (alleged) organized crime and corruption always cited as a stumbling block. Now, Albania has deployed 500 police officers to impose law and order in Lazarat as part of a nationwide anti-drug operation. Thankfully, the local drug lords are fighting back with rocket-propelled grenades, mortar shells and heavy machine gun fire, so this battle is far from over……….


- It was the only logical place for one of HBO’s biggest hit series to go and so it is that “True Blood” will forge its way onto the stage as a musical. Clearly, the tale of waitress and part-faerie Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), who can hear people's thoughts, and her pals/vampires Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) and Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard) is the sort of story that theater goers eat up, so composer Nathan Barr got to work on the idea. "This was something that I pitched to HBO and (show creator) Alan Ball," Barr said. "I think we're really going to try to return to the roots of the show.” Barr dropped his big news at this week’s “True Blood” premiere screening in Hollywood, where the famous people in attendance got to see the first episode of the seventh and final season of the series. Barr has written the instrumental scores for every season of the show and he explained that the musical will center on Stackhouse. "There are no guarantees," Barr added, "but I think the direction we're heading in is really exciting." Turning a show into a musical is no simple task and while Barr is already hard at work on the project, he doesn’t expect to have a workshop version of the musical ready until 2015. Moyer, who last year starred in NBC's live broadcast of “The Sound of Music” opposite Carrie Underwood, is lending his expertise to the effort and recently revealed that he helped Barr put together some samples of the “True Blood” musical presented to HBO. The pair are hoping that the show’s special blend of romance, suspense, mystery and humor and its world where vampires and humans co-exist after vampires have come out of the coffin thanks to the invention of mass-produced synthetic blood that means they no longer need humans as a nutritional source translate well to Broadway and beyond………


- Scud dodged, California. Your legislature stepped up and did what needed done this week when it killed a a bill that would have made yours the first state in the nation to require warning labels on sodas and other sugary drinks. Sen. Bill Monning's SB1000 failed by a narrow 8-7 vote because Democratic lawmakers doubted whether a label would change consumer behavior. The bill needed a two-third majority to pass and if it had, certain sodas, energy drinks and fruit drinks would have included a label reading, "STATE OF CALIFORNIA SAFETY WARNING: Drinking beverages with added sugar(s) contributes to obesity, diabetes, and tooth decay." Similar warnings on cigarettes have clearly snuffed out tobacco use around the United States, so it’s wonderful news for Mountain Dew, Monster and their ilk that these warnings will not go on their packaging in California. The proposed warnings, coincidentally were developed by public health advocates using cigarette and alcohol warnings as a model. The real winners here – other than everyone who enjoys a guilt-free YooHoo every day – is the beverage industry, whose lobbyisys argued that the bill was unfair by not applying to other foods and drinks, including lattes and chocolate milk. Monning foolishly contended that warning labels would be the most effective tool for educating people about the dangers of sugary drinks. "Changing behavior is the hardest challenge in the world of medicine," Monning told his peer before the vote. "But you can't start to even make a commitment to make behavior change if you don't have the information." The only dorks on his side were squares like the California Medical Association, the California Center for Public Health Advocacy and groups devoted to improving the health of minorities. In all fairness, Monning and his friends should have foreseen the same fate that befell a similar bill introduced in Vermont earlier this year. Democratic Assemblyman Jimmy Gomez smartly pointed out that taxes and public smoking bans were likely more responsible for a decline in smoking than the aforementioned warning labels and his bold words wee applauded by industry groups who always appreciate corrupt, shady legislators helping them out………


- Scumbag domestic abusers aren’t just the blue-collar, average-guy type of person who drinks Milwaukee’s Best and sits in the cheap seats at baseball games. If you doubt the ability of famous, successful people to be colossal d-bags who knock their ladies around and channel their inner Ike Turner, then look no further than the disturbing case of former New York television news anchor Rob Morrison, who was picked up by the men in blue this week for violating a restraining order his wife received against him on account of his violent ways. Rob Morrison was arrested in 2013 after being accused of choking his wife in their Darien, Ct. home and whatever supposed assistance he may have received since then for his anger issues does not seem to have tempered the ragings of his inner misogynist. Darien police issued an arrest warrant after Morrison allegedly violated that restraining order and made more than 100 phone calls to his wife at her Darien residence over the course of several days in May. One hundred calls in a month is probably pushing the limits of stalking, so 100 calls in a few days is definitely reaching crazy psychopath territory. This tale has a bit of an “Anchorman” quality to it, as much like Ron Burgundy and his wife Victoria, both Rob and Ashley Morrison are news anchors. It proves that bitchin’ hair, bleached teeth and the ability to read fluently off a teleprompter do not mean a person won't go full-on rage-a-holic with the right provocation. Rob Morrison was charged with criminal violation of a protective order and second-degree harassment and was released after posting bond. Stay classy, Bobby……..


- Stupid baseball injuries are inevitable… so why not sit back and enjoy them? Take some amusement in the plight of Oakland A's left-hander Drew Pomeranz, who won't be pitching any time soon. He won't be sidelined because of anything that happened on the field, nor did he tear anything or strain anything in the weight room. No, this future Mensa member broke his right hand when he punched a chair Monday night after a 14-8 loss to the Texas Rangers. With his shattered non-pitching hand, the team had no choice but to  "I just let my emotions take over me, and I did something stupid," Pomeranz said. "It sucks. Obviously, I didn't mean for it to happen. It sucks because I want to play, I want to pitch. I'm trying to win games and help the team out. Obviously, I'm not helping the team out when I do something stupid like that." Any explanation that includes multiple repetitions of the word obviously is a sure sign that you really f*cked up big and as always, at least there was a good reason for a dude to go all Floyd Mayweather on an inanimate object. Pomeranz struggled in his shortest outing since joining the A's rotation in early May, allowing eight hits and eight runs -- seven earned -- with two walks and four strikeouts. "Hopefully, I'll be back as soon as possible," Pomeranz added. "This is the first time I've broken a bone, though, so I don't know. I play it over and over in my head -- wish I hadn't done it. I was walking up to the clubhouse and was just mad." Oh, well as long as you have such a great reason for doing it, “I was mad” is a wonderful explanation and it fixes everything. It makes up for the fact that a first-place team will be down a member of its rotation because he has the personal discipline and anger control of a 5-year-old who is mad that his parents won't buy him every toy in Aisle 14 when they make a trip to Toys ‘R’ Us on a weekday evening……..

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