- Idiots are everywhere. It only seems like an inordinate
number of them end up at the local zoo. Add an unidentified Memphis Zoo visitor
to the list after she flouted the rules and nearly ventured close enough to the
wildlife to enter herself in the derby for the 2014 Darwin Award, given
annually to those who do the world a favor by permanently removing themselves
from the gene pool. This kook recently became a zoo member and either she didn’t read the membership
agreement or her limited IQ led her to believe that the contract granted her
the privilege of ignoring zoo rules and feeding the animals even though every
zoo in the history of zoos has demanded that visitors NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. Her
first eff-you to the rules came last week, when she came to the zoo equipped
with cookies and attempted to throw them to the lions. That effort proved to be
a failure, but undeterred, she went home and used her tiny, tiny brain to come
up with what she thought was a better plan. She came back armed with another
batch of cookies and this time, she wasn’t going to settle for a long-distance
hurl. No, this wildlife-loving lunatic climbed over a barrier at the entrance
to Cat Country and went straight for the lion enclosure. She neglected to bring
a hacksaw to deal with the bars between her and the large cats, but she still
attempted to feed them the cookies. By that point, zoo security intervened and
denied the lions the chance to snap the woman’s arm off. “After repeated
offenses, a Zoo visitor was asked to leave permanently when they violated Zoo
policy by crossing the first of several barriers which separate our guests from
the lion enclosure,” zoo spokesperson Abbey Dane said. “This person has been
banned from the Memphis Zoo indefinitely. It is crucial that all visitors
respect the barriers put in place for the safety of themselves and our animals.”
All of this proves once more than you cannot fix stupid………
- In the aftermath of a legendary figure passing away at a
young age, the only real silver lining is the lasting impact their life and
legacy have on those who follow. When Baseball Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn died last week at the age of 54 after
fighting cancer for several years on account of his longtime use of chewing
tobacco, it raised the issue of how to get this deadly menace out of the game
once and for all – or if that was even the right direction to go. Major League
Baseball still hasn’t banned chewing tobacco and only prohibits players from
carrying a visible canister of the crap in the back pocket of their uniform
pants. If MLB and its players’ association aren't going to do anything about
the issue, then it’s left to players themselves to tackle the issue. Count two major
leaguers who used to play at San Diego State among those willing to step up and
put down the Skoal, lest they go down the same sad path that Gwynn walked. Stephen
Strasburg and Addison Reed both suited up for the Aztecs in the town Gwynn
called home for most of his adult life and the two men are uniting once more to
kick their respective tobacco habits. Strasburg, who played for Gwynn at San
Diego State, said he will quit because of his young daughter. "I think
it's a disgusting habit, looking back on it," Strasburg said. "I was
pretty naive when I started. Just doing it here and there, I didn't think it
was going to be such an addiction. ... Bottom line is, I want to be around for
my family. This is something that can affect people the rest of your life.
[Chewing tobacco is] so prevalent in this game. It's something we all kind of
grew up doing." He claimed that he was chewing long before arriving at San
Diego State and didn't know Gwynn had used smokeless tobacco during his playing
days. Reed, Arizona's closer, announced Saturday he was giving up smokeless
tobacco. Here’s hoping these two are the trendsetters for a much larger
movement……….
- Greece may have qualified for the knockout stage of the
World Cup for the first time ever, but not everyone in the picturesque (and
poor) Mediterranean nation are in a good mood. A few (thousand) Greek men are
understandably less worried about their nation’s futbol future and more
concerned with their government’s plans to build a new maximum security
jail. According to a prisoners' rights group, more than 3,800 inmates in 13
prisons are taking part in a hunger strike to protest the proposed jail and to
demand better detention conditions. The strike began on Monday and the actual
number of people taking part depends upon whom you ask. Justice ministry
officials said participation was lower, but claimed it was too early to provide
an accurate number. What is not in dispute is Greek prisons’ notorious reputation
for being grossly overcrowded. Prison guards frequently complain that severely
understaffed and any time the guards are admitting that they are horribly
outnumbered and the inmates are agitated and stuffed into a space too small to
adequately house all of their felonious asses, that is what is typically known
as a recipe for a sh*t storm anywhere in the world. The anti-prison anger isn't
limited to those currently living inside concrete cells and eating on cafeteria
tables bolted to the ground; the week’s outpouring of indignation extended to
downtown Athens, where an unruly – and undersized – mob of about 50 people tried
to march to Prime Minister Antonis Samaras' residence to protest the planned
new prison. Police detained the protestors and did so in short order, owing
partially to the small size of the crowd and partially to the fact that there
have been so damned many riots and protests in Greece in the past couple years
that the law has gotten plenty of practice when it comes to dealing with
pissed-off Greeks. The hunger strike remains in progress, but so far it appears
to have had little impact……….
- In Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett’s defense, the man Hammett
and his bandmates are set to headline the Glastonbury Festival on Saturday,
their first time performing at the event. In fact, their presence at the top of
the bill has drawn vociferous response on both the positive and negative ends
of the spectrum from other bands and from fans, with the festival’s Park Stage headliners
Mogwai describing them as being "unbelievably bad.” But Mogwai just seems
bitter that a bigger, better and more successful band is playing on a better
stage at the same festival on the same night and thus, their angry words ring
hollow. Anyone who really wants to mock Metallica has plenty of actual
ammunition, courtesy of Hammett. As the uproar over the band’s selection spread
and he became aware of what was going on, the whole situation was admittedly
jarring for a man who has stared down copious amounts of cocaine, groupies and
more cocaine at after parties and hasn’t blinked – for a very odd reason. "It's
entertaining to watch the media circus fret over our little band," Hammett
said. "I've just been kicking back and enjoying it, because frankly… I
thought we already played Glastonbury." Wait….you don’t know that you’ve
never been to this major festival before? How? "I thought we did it with
System Of A Down (pictured right) back in 2004 or something. I mistook it for a
gig we played in Ireland,” Hammett added. “But when the initial offer came, I
said to our management, 'Glastonbury, we've played it before.'" Again,
Kirk Hammett is a world-famous rock star and he has done A LOT of drugs
(allegedly) over the years………
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