Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Iranian sandstorms, Metallica v. Mogwai and troublemaking Buffalo Bills


- Buffalo Bills defensive tackle Marcell Dareus may insist he’s not a “trouble guy,” but he has a convincing critic to contend with in making that assertion: Buffalo Bills defensive tackle Marcell Dareus. One day after insisting to the media that he isn't a troublemaker, Dareus backed up his words by being taken into custody by police in Hamburg, N.Y. for his involvement in a car accident stemming from an apparent drag race. He was charged with reckless endangerment in the second degree, a Class A misdemeanor, as well as reckless driving and participating in an illegal speed contest, both unclassified misdemeanors. Dareus, the third overall pick in the 2011 NFL draft, hasn’t exactly dominated the league since then. In other words, he needs all the practice he can get and yet, there was Bills coach Doug Marrone saying that he and Dareus reached a "mutual decision" for the third-year veteran not to participate in the remainder of organized team activities, which run through June 12. "It wasn't a disciplinary action," Marrone said. "We're in a voluntary period, so I have to be very careful of my language with the league. ... It was both of us sitting down and talking -- how do we move forward, how do we get this thing right -- working together, coming up with that decision. Marcell has made some poor decisions lately. I've been working with him -- he's dealing with a lot of personal issues, too, Not a disciplinary action? Nicely played semantics, coach.  To say Dareus has a lot of personal issues is to oversimplify the matter. To say he’s a loose cannon who is placing the chance to channel his inner “Fast & Furious” over the career that makes him seven figures annually is a better way of putting it……..


- Pittsburgh is not the safest place. Specifically, it’s not a safe place for people who do not have the necessary skill set to fend off attacks from the local avian population. People like Eileen Bridge might be best to stay inside until they take the necessary bird defense classes or until the powers that be find a way to curtail the aggression of the local red-tailed hawk population. Bridge’s nightmare occurred over the weekend, when she was dive-bombed by a while washing her car. She stooped down for some more soap from the bucket and that’s when it happened. “And when I came up, it just blind-sided me, hit me,” Bridge said. “Knocked me down...I actually fell.” She said the attack felt like being struck with a baseball bat even though she likely has never been clocked in the head with a bat. Her neighbors saw the attack and said Bridge appeared to be unconscious for a few minutes after the attack. The hawk left her with facial, scalp and ear lacerations and a healthy sense of paranoia every time she steps outside. Her husband Pat, who might want to consider dressing his wife in combat attire and a helmet when she steps outside, told her she looks like a combat veteran after a battle. He was at work when the attack occurred and rushed home to take his wife to the hospital. The hawks in the Bridges’ neighborhood moved into a 2-foot-wide nest in a tall pine behind their home and the close calls for the family began shortly thereafter. The birds also attacked a neighbor and her dogs, but the trio were able to get inside before the fur began flying. After the attacks were reported, the state game commission showed amazing alacrity for a government agency and will move the nest and relocate the hawks………


- Really, science? There are still places in the world where reliable wireless service is a dream on the scale of Mitch McConnell developing a personality and Mitt Romney finding a soul and you’re hard at work attempting to set up a broadband connection between the Earth and the moon using lasers? Yes, the wicked-smaht academics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and NASA have reported a successful attempt to make this connection magic happen with their Lunar Laser Communication Demonstration, sending potent laser beams to transmit information from the Earth to the moon at exceptionally fast speeds. The LLCD broke multiple records during the testing process, downloading data over the 238,999 miles between the moon and the Earth at 622 megabits per second. Those numbers are five times the current rate from lunar distances, NASA said. Just as on Earth, upload speeds were a bit slower, around 19.44 Mbps, but that was more than fast enough to send a high-definition video to the moon to allow high-definition video conferencing via Skype. Why anyone would Skype with the moon is unclear, but what is crystal clear is that NASA has found a way to vastly outstrip its data rates with its current radio frequency communications devices. The download speed along is believed to be faster than that of any commercial broadband or Wi-Fi service available in North America, which has typical download speeds of between 15 and 25 Mbps. NASA no longer sends people into space, but it can use lasers to send information and assist future missions. "It is generally agreed that present-day science and exploration missions to deep space are constrained by the amount of data they can get back to Earth," explained Don Boroson, who headed the MIT research team developing the communication system. "It has been known for years that laser communications have the potential to deliver much higher data rates and use smaller space terminals than radio-based systems." In the test, Wi-Fi signals, converted to laser pulses, were transmitted between four telescopes in White Sands, N.M. and a NASA satellite, LADEE, in orbit around the moon. Maybe T-Mobile customers should check out real estate on the moon in their perpetual search for a better signal……..


- Uh-oh. Look the hell out, because Mogwai is launching verbal nukes and their targets are rock legends who clearly are in for a war they cannot possibly win. Clearly, when one thinks of the true monsters of rock ‘n roll over the past few decades, certain names come to mind. Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Rage Against The Machine, Pearl Jam…and Mogwai. That’s why true titans of the industry quake in their boots when Mogwai declares them to be "unbelievably bad." That’s the criticism the Scottish rockers levied against Metallica, denouncing the Glastonbury headliners partially out of obvious jealously and partially to promote their show on The Park Stage at Glastonbury on the same night. Jealously is obviously in play when a more successful band gets a better slot at the same festival and many more people will line up to see them play than to see you jam out to a bunch of songs they don’t know. Asked about their fellow headliners, Mogwai member Barry Burns went off. “I can't wait to hear that guy play the drums again – unbelievably bad," Burns said of Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich. He denounced Ulrich's technical ability and said the only reason people are talking about Metallica being at Glastonbury is because the iconic metal rockers are “sh*t.” Mogwai frontman Stuart Braitwaite also piled on, but his comments were unfortunately less incendiary. “"I just can't wait until we go all quiet and you can hear 'Enter Sandman' in the background, because we're on at the same time,” Braitwaite said. “I don't really see the fuss. They're a pretty big rock band and it's a pretty big rock festival." Someone sounds jealous………


- Sandstorm. It’s not just a bitchin’ techno/dance song that loops for hours on end at raves in abandoned warehouses filled with ravers tweaking and peaking on Ecstasy and jumping around in bounce houses while wearing glow stick necklaces. No, it’s also a very real threat to the lives of people across the Middle East and that fact was hammered home once more when a powerful sandstorm struck Tehran on Monday, blocking out the sun and turning the sky orange. In China, no one would notice because the smog would block out the sand blocking out the sun and turning the sky orange, but in Tehran, there was no avoiding it. Making matters worse, state television reported speeds of between 66-70 mph and that’s where the lethal part of the equation came in. As the storm blew through and caused widespread damage, power cuts and traffic accidents while blanketing entire neighborhoods so thoroughly that the government could not even venture outside to oppress its people and trample their fundamental human rights, trees were toppled and became nature-made instruments of blunt force trauma. So far, five deaths have been reported and authorities believe that all of them were struck by falling tries. This does answer the question of whether a tree falling in the desert in the middle of a sandstorm so severe that no one can see or hear said tree fall does make a sound….and that sound is the sound of a human being dying in horrendous fashion. Witnesses recounted tales of a giant cloud of dust emerging from nowhere and the entire city going dark. State media broadcast warnings for children and the elderly, as well as those with heart problems, to remain indoors while the able-bodied sect waded out into the carnage and began the cleanup process. This is the rare story that can actually elicit sympathy from Americans when Iran is involved and it’s also a nice reminder that the Iranian government cannot control everything within its borders……..

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