Chael Sonnen cheats big, movie news and Japanese human torches

- The definition of a big-budget summer blockbuster delivered the sort of weekend most films would envy…and yet, there’s a long way to go. “Transformers: Age of Extinction” opened huge, banking $100 million in its debut, but must turn in more solid weekends to earn back its $210 million budget. That number was enough to keep reigning box office runner-up “22 Jump Street” in second place with a relatively paltry  $15.4 million. In three weeks, “Jump” has somehow amassed $139.8 million in domestic earnings despite not actually being a good movie. “How to Train Your Dragon 2” slotted third for the second weekend in a row with $13.1 million and is now well past the $100 million mark at $121.8 million and counting. “Think Like a Man Too” took a massive hit in its second weekend, declining 64 percent to $10.4 million for the frame and finishing fourth. In two weeks, the overrated comedy has amassed $48.1 domestically. “Maleficent” claimed fifth place with $8.2 million in its fifth weekend, allowing it to cross the $200 million mark at $201.8 million and rising. Sixth place went to Clint Eastwood’s “Jersey Boys,” recipient of $7.6 million in earnings and a modest start that has seen it accrue just $27.3 million in two weeks of release. The futuristic thriller “Edge of Tomorrow” was next in seventh place, adding $5.2 million to its bank roll to boost its total take to $84.1 million through four weeks. “The Fault in Our Stars” continued to be a resounding success, adding $4.8 million in its fourth weekend to place eighth and pile on the profits at $109.5 million against a scant $12 million budget. “X-Men: Days of Future Past” snagged ninth place with a $3.3 million weekend and has a total of $223.4 million in six weeks of work. “Chef” hung onto the last spot in the top 10 in limited release with $1.6 million, giving the indie favorite $19.4 million domestically. “Godzilla” (No. 11) was the lone film to drop out from last weekend’s top 10……….

- What is Atlantic City if not a city built on the backs – and ignorance – of people who come there with a foolproof strategy for beating the house and winning big at their casino of choice? So why is a casino-based town that began this year with 12 casinos facing the prospect of losing a quarter of its gaming portfolio by Labor Day? Sure, there is a longstanding theory about "casino saturation" in the northeastern United States, but can there really be too many places for degenerate gamblers to piss away their life savings? Apparently so. The Atlantic Club is already gone, taken down by two rivals. Next on the chopping block are Revel, which has announced that it will soon close if a buyer can't be found, and Caesars Entertainment, which says there are too many casinos in New Jersey and plans to shit off the lights at one of its four casinos in the city, the Showboat, on Aug. 31. Mayor Don Guardian isn't doing a great job of living up to its name and insists that although Atlantic City is struggling, the city is merely undergoing a painful-yet-necessary makeover from being a gambling resort to a multi-faceted destination. "Although it is sad today, it's part of the transition that Atlantic City needs to have," Guardian said. "There is pain as we go through this transition, but it's critical for Atlantic City to realize we are no longer the monopoly of gaming on the East Coast. If you build more and more casinos and don't increase the amount of people coming to them, you're sharing that wealth. We're just going through a very difficult time." Casino revenue has declined nearly 50 percent since 2006, dipping to $2.86 billion last year. Competition from rival establishments in Pennsylvania, New York and Maryland aren't helping matters either. Simply put, there are too many places to ruin lives with gambling habits and poor decisions……….

- Setting oneself on fire is a two-edged sword. Yes, you will garner attention, but at the same time, YOU’RE SETTING YOURSELF ON FIRE. That tends to leave a mark, a mark that lasts a lot longer than whatever political point you’re trying to prove with the gesture. That message may have been a good pre-game speech for a man who set himself on fire in the centre of Tokyo on Sunday, apparently in protest against prime minister Shinzo Abe’s plans to loosen rules on how Japan’s military can be deployed. This unidentified devotee carried out his self-immolation in full view of shoppers in the busy district of Shinjuku and will almost certainly have no effect on Abe’s party’s impending deal with its coalition partner, the Buddhist-affiliated party Komeito, to approve a proposal that would allow Japan to play a more assertive role in international security. The proposal, known as “collective self-defense,” would give Japan the ability to join allies in battle even in the absence of a direct threat to its own territory. Trying to convince a nation to support using its armed forces in conflicts where there is no direct threat to its borders is a Herculean task, but Abe has argued that the move is needed amid conflicts in the South China Sea that have pitted China against Vietnam and the Philippines. Polls have indicated that more than half of Japanese people are opposed to the move, but the real margin to make it happen is a two-thirds approval from both houses of parliament and then a national referendum. Opponents of the plan contend the prime minister is attempting to single-handedly force-feed them a fundamental shift in Japan’s military posture, one that has been maintained more or less unaltered since the second world war. Prior to the self-torching at a train station, there were several days of demonstrations outside Abe’s residence. The self-immolator reportedly sat cross-legged on the girders of a pedestrian footbridge near the south exit of Shinjuku station, and spoke for about an hour through a megaphone against Abe’s plans before going human torch when firefighters began to scale the bridge……..

- Give retired mixed martial artist Chael Sonnen credit. Sonnen, who announced his retirement earlier this month after a previous failed drug test was announced ahead of a scheduled bout against Vitor Belfort at UFC 175 on July 5 in Las Vegas, goes all-in when he cheats. He initially tested positive for a banned substance that he said was in his body because he took it as part of he and his wife’s efforts to have a child. As it turns out, that wasn’t the only illegal substance in Sonnen’s body at the time of his drug test. The Nevada State Athletic Commission has confirmed that Sonnen tested positive for not one, not two, not three, but four banned substances during his Memorial Day weekend test. Coursing through the fighter’s veins were human growth hormone, erythropoietin (EPO), anastrozole and human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). NSAC chairman Francisco Aguilar confirmed the test results and Sonnen wasn’t about to deny them. "Yes, the Commission is aware of other prescribed medications I was taking and I will not challenge their allegations. I will cooperate with the Commission and look forward to having a dialogue about how fighters who transition off [testosterone replacement therapy] can avoid violating any rules," Sonnen said. Despite Sonnen’s admission to taking hCG, which is typically used to kick-start testosterone production in the body, it’s much tougher to explain the presence of HGH, which is often used to build muscle for athletic performance, and EPO, which causes bone marrow to produce more red blood cells and can increase stamina and endurance. Rather than own up to any possible punishment, Sonnen announced his retirement from MMA the day after the test results were made public. On June 17, the NSAC temporarily suspended Sonnen's license to fight in the state of Nevada and despite his leaving the sport, the commission most likely will take disciplinary action against Sonnen at a meeting July 23. By then, he will (allegedly) be well into his preparations for a no-gi jiu-jitsu match against Andre Galvao on Aug. 9 at Metamoris 4 in Los Angeles…….

Luis Suarez sucks at lying, "Weekend at Bernie's" congressional races and Jack White v. Dublin curfew

- The spirit of rock ‘n roll is alive and well in Dublin….and in the mind of Jack White. White became the latest artist to run headlong into the inexplicable and decidedly un-cool curfews placed on concerts in certain European cities and while icons such as Sir Paul McCartney have been unable to rise above the late-night musical prohibitions of London, White found a way around the 11 p.m. closing time for concerts in Dublin. Having a concert curfew in a city built on Jameson, Guinness and drunken shenanigans seems inherently contradictory, but the curfew exists nonetheless and it became a problem for White and The Kills at the end of their scheduled set at Dublin's Kilmainham Royal Hospital. White went through his set list, which included a duet with Kills singer Alison Mosshart - White's bandmate in The Dead Weather – on the track “Love Interruption” as the show finale. White delivered a thorough effort for the large crowd, playing for two hours and 15 minutes and doing his own material along with covers of Beck's “Where It's At” and The Stooges' “I Wanna Be Your Dog” as part of a medley with The White Stripes' “Fell In Love With A Girl.” At the end of the night, venue officials turned off the power to the sound system in compliance with the curfew, but White was not going to be backed down by some ridiculous local ordinance. The Kills came on stage for a cover of Leadbelly's “Goodnight Irene” as White announced: "Listen up, you've got to quiet down. You've got to quiet down, the PA's gone." Undeterred by the lack of electrical assistance, he led the audience through the lyrics of the remainder of the song. Left unasked was the question of when Dublin lost its ability to enjoy a fun night out on the town………

- Princess Theodora Sayn-Wittgenstein is the kind of girl every guy should be seeking. For starters, she is an actual German princess and any time you can date royalty, you take that chance. But the real reason Princess Theodora is such a winner was on display at a recent college party in Scotland. On the surface, a 27-year-old college graduate crashing a party at her old school is somewhat pathetic, but if you’re going to crash that party, you had damned well better make an impact. Princess Theodora did exactly that by having a beer or 10 too many, attempting to climb a fence, stripping and going on a bizarre rant about fingernail care and slaughtering Muslims. According to police, the princess was attending an Oktoberfest party at the prestigious St. Andrews college in Scotland - where she was once a student - when she tried to climb a fence and started taking off her clothes. Before she impaled herself on the fence, security was able to corral her and take her to a first aid tent where she told worker Farah Hussein: "I was doing my nails this morning. I wondered how many Muslims I could kill." Hussein left the room in tears and as far as drunken rants go, this is a pretty decent one, especially because the princess followed her words by violently attacking another medical worker and a security guard, kicking one and trying to head-butt the other, before colleagues managed to pin her to the ground. All in all, bigotry, drunken fence climbing, stripping, head-butting and kicking medical workers is a night Princess Theodora won't soon forget, especially after she admitted to one charge of disturbing the peace aggravated by religious prejudice, and two counts of assault as a result of the incident. Her family must be so proud that she was so aggressive that officers had to put her in leg restraints before transporting her by van to a local police station. The good news is that Princess Theodora, who lives in Germany and works for her father’s alternative energy firm but gave an address in Chelsea, London, will in no way be asked about this over and over in the days ahead…….

- Congressional elections are rarely interesting. That’s because Tim Murray is not involved in them. Murray is part kook, part caricature and part conspiracy theorist….but he’s 100 percent pure intrigue when it comes to Oklahoma’s seemingly innocuous District 3 congressional election. Murray, who is best described as a fringe candidate, lost on Tuesday to incumbent Rep. Frank Lucas. Murray is not down with those results, but not because of any normal reason. No, Murray has announced plans to contest Tuesday’s primary election on the ground that Lucas is not qualified for office….because the man presenting himself as Lucas is not really Lucas. Murray raised the issue in his letter announcing his plan to contest Lucas’s election writing, “…it is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike.” In a kook-tastic post on his amusing website, Murray expounded on his theory that Lucas was hanged “…executed by the world court on or about jan. 11, 2011…” in Ukraine. The “world court” seems like an ambiguous and vague international entity straight out of an Austin Powers movie and not knowing exactly when someone was offed by said entity poses a bit of a problem for this conspiracy theory. Lucas, who might not be a bastion of legislative integrity but does seems to be the same Frank Lucas who has been re-elected by voters numerous times, is bewildered by all of this. “It does come as kind of a shock to read that you’re not you,” Lucas said. “I’ve never been to Ukraine.” The two men have squared off in elections before, with the apparently schizophrenic Murray running in the past as a Democrat before jumping teams to the Republican side this time. Oddly enough, just 5.2 percent of Oklahomans voted for Murray, while Lucas won more than 82 percent of the vote. In Murray’s delusional world, since the real Frank Lucas is dead, the votes for Lucas should be his. At this point, Murray has only sent his bat-sh*t insane letter to the board of elections and has not filed a formal protest. In his letter, Murray wrote: “I, Timothy Ray Murray, am a human, born in Oklahoma, and obtained and continue to fully meet the requirements to serve as U.S. Representative when honored to so.  I will never use a look alike to replace my (The Office’s) message to you or to anyone else, as both the other Republican Challengers have. Rep. Frank Lucas, and a few other Oklahoma and other States’ Congressional Members were depicted as being executed by The World Court on or about Jan. 11, 2011 in Southern Ukraine. On television they were depicted as being executed by the hanging about the neck until death on a white stage and in front of witnesses.” Whatever you say, nut job……….

- Luis Suarez is a much better soccer player than he is a liar. The Uruguayan striker infamously bit Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini in a World Cup group stage match on Tuesday and although he was not given a red card and ejected from the game and his team advanced to the knockout stage, his Cup ended with that chomp down on Chiellini’s shoulder. It ended because FIFA kinda, sorta got his punishment right when it banned Suarez for nine Uruguay matches and from all soccer for four months. Given that this is the third time Suarez has bitten an opponent, a ban of a year or more would have been just…unless you ask the cannibal himself. Suarez told FIFA's disciplinary panel that he did not deliberately bite Chiellini and used arguably the worst story possible to explain what in front of the goal in that fateful moment. While video of the incident clearly showed his head moving forward, mouth open and teeth clamping down on Chiellini’s flesh, Suarez wrote in his appeal of the punishment that the situation "in no way it happened how you have described, as a bite or intent to bite." His words appear in paragraph six of FIFA's ruling, in which Suarez wrote: "After the impact... I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent. At that moment I hit my face against the player, leaving a small bruise on my cheek and a strong pain in my teeth." A strong pain in your teeth? That will happen WHEN YOU BITE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. But saying you stumbled and used your teeth to catch yourself by locking onto another person’s shoulder is so ridiculously nutty that it’s almost admirable that Suarez was willing to put it on paper for the world to see. Nice try, Lou, but that appeal won't be doing you much good……….

All-Star Game ditchers, Russia threatens Ukraine some more and Eric Clapton is a whiny old man

- Does someone in Oklahoma City have bad will toward Goodwill? Maybe…or maybe people who donate unwanted belongings to the organization are merely absent-minded and wholly neglectful when it comes to making sure they don’t mistakenly give away items they may want later…or items that could possibly explode and take the entire building down with them. Oooh, or a disgruntled employee might be the one who drops a pair of live munitions items behind because he or she is unhappy that the powers that be placed them on an indefinite suspension. Let’s go with option B, given that police had to conduct a fast evacuation of the Goodwill store on Blackwelder Avenue around 10:30 a.m. because an employee finds a couple of grenades. Police were called to the scene after an employee found the first grenade inside a desk and another worker subsequently found a second grenade inside a warehouse on the property. Before police could even arrive on the scene, supervisors began hurrying people out of the building. Initially, supervisors told police the desk belonged to an employee who had been fired, but they were either lying or just completely ignorant of who does or does not work for them because they later doubled back and said the employee is on suspension. "[Goodwill employees] don't know if this was particularly this individual's item or if this was something that they found in the warehouse, brought to their desk," Oklahoma City Police Capt. Dexter Nelson said. Thankfully,  the police department’s bomb squad was called in and used a robot to disable the two grenades on site without incident. Three hours later, the scene was declared safe and employees were left with little more than an extra long lunch hour, a quirky “how my bitter co-worker tried to blow me up” story and paid time to stand around and do nothing……..

- One of the best guitarists in the history of rock and roll may be a troubadour no more. Eric Clapton might be the best man with an axe in his hands this side of Jimi Hendrix – depending upon whom you ask – but the soon-to-be-70-year-old has announced he is thinking of quitting touring, because he believes life on the road has become "unbearable" and "unapproachable.” Of course, most people who are 70 years old find most of life annoying and intolerable, but Clapton has other reasons. He added that he has "odd ailments" that may lead to him being forced to stop playing guitar all together, which would clearly make an actual tour difficult. But fear not, Clapton fans: He said that he intends to concentrate on studio work at the expense of live performances. "There are tons of things I'd like to do, but I'm looking at retirement too," Clapton said. "What I'll allow myself to do, within reason, is carry on recording in the studio. I don't want to go off the boil to the point where I'm embarrassing myself." Sounding very much like a cultural snob, Clatpon explained that part of his disdain for touring is that America’s influence has extended too far and created an Americanized version countries that used to be OK doing their own thing. "The road has become unbearable. It's become unapproachable, because it takes so long to get anywhere. It's hostile – everywhere: getting in and out of airports, travelling on planes and in cars,” Clapton whined. Clearly this has nothing to do with the fact that this rock ‘n roll diva was booed for walking off stage during a gig at Glasgow's Hydro Arena last week. He later issued a weak apology in which he blamed a "technical fault" for the for quitting on his own show. Maybe it is time to give audiences some space and tuck yourself away inside some dimly lit studio, E……….

- Uh oh, Ukraine. You’ve really stepped in it….by daring to sign a totally fair, reasonable and historic trade and economic pact with the European Union. The trade agreement is either really good or a provocative act that may bring "grave consequences," depending upon whom you ask. Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko called Friday's agreement the "most important day" for his country since it became independent from the Soviet Union, while Russia vowed to take off its chains, turn around its rings and deliver a proverbial beating with a metaphorical cue ball in a sock. Olexander Motsyk, Ukraine’s ambassador to the U.S., was unabashed when asked what the deal means to his nation. “It is our ambition to become a member of the European Union in foreseeable future, the purpose of which is not just to join the EU, but, most importantly, to build a free, democratic and prosperous European nation in Ukraine,” Motsyk said. The response was much different in Russia, where Deputy Foreign Minister Grigory Karasin was direct and menacing when asked about the pact. "There will undoubtedly be serious consequences for Ukraine and Moldova's signing," Karasin said. Karasin (sadly) didn’t offer any specifics, but it is well known that Moscow does not favor ties between Ukraine and Europe, fearing it will lose its influence over its strategic neighbor. Russia chose to ignore the fact that this deal spared it from EU leaders imposing new sanctions on it for its continued military presence in the embattled country and decided to be pissed because it views Ukraine as the birthplace of Russian statehood and of Russian Orthodox Christianity. Russian President Vladimir Putin has yet to weigh in on the deal, choosing to focus on de-escalating the conflict to prevent further punishing sanctions. "The most important thing is to guarantee a long-term cease-fire as a precondition for meaningful talks between the Kiev authorities and representatives of the southeast (of Ukraine)," Putin said. Meanwhile, EU leaders gave the Russian government and the rebels in eastern Ukraine until Monday to take steps to improve the violent situation but refused to take any potential punishments off the table. If signing a fair trade agreement is a reason to go, however, then Russia has clearly not learned any lessons and it’s merely a matter of time before they step over the line again……..

- Texas Rangers ace Yu Darvish doesn’t seem to believe that this one counts. Despite Major League Baseball hitting its annual All-Star Game with that tag line after ass-hattedly bestowing homefield advantage in the World Series to the league that wins the exhibition contest following a tie in the 2002 edition of the game, Darvish doesn’t seem to be under the impression that the All-Star Game matters at all. The Japanese sensation is a borderline All-Star with a 7-4 record and a 2.62 ERA in 14 starts this season, but don’t expect him to be rushing to Minneapolis for the contest if he's selected to the American League All-Star team for the third consecutive season. Darvish, who doesn’t speak much English and often uses an interpreter, shook his head "no" several times Thursday when asked whether he'd be willing to pitch an inning in the All-Star Game if he stays on his current schedule that would see him make his final start two days before the July 15 in Minnesota. He wouldn’t be the first pitcher to not jump at the chance to attend the ASG if selected because he wouldn’t be on schedule to pitch in the game, but saying you would likely would opt for sightseeing over pitching in baseball’s annual showcase of the best in the sport is a bit of a dick move. But Darvish did exactly that, saying through his translator that he'd go sightseeing while in Minnesota if on the AL squad. On some level, maybe you give him points for honesty, although maybe if he were really shooting straight, he would admit that he’d rather just have four days off and chill rather than take a long flight to Minnesota for a game in which he refuses to play……..

Stealing giant fiberglass cheesburgers, Venezueal Socialist resentment and a Daft Punk documentary

- Did anyone see the Chicago Blackhawks hoisting the Stanley Cup earlier this month? Nobody? Hmm… could that be because the ‘Hawks didn’t even reach the Stanley Cup finals and were bounced from the playoffs in the Western Conference finals by the eventual-champion Los Angeles Kings. Bearing that in mind, it’s worth asking whether Blackhawks stars Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews are in a good position to seeking new contracts  that would pay them $12 million per year -- almost double their current salaries – and establish a new standard among NHL players. There is no question both are stars and they’ve won a title together, so asking for a raise isn't far-fetched. There is also the side note that both represented by agent Pat Brisson and like anyone entering a negotiation process, Brisson knows the person who wants more money must start high – often with a demand that has no chance of being met – and work their way down to the actual point they hoped to reach all along. Kane and Toews are eligible to sign extensions on Tuesday for the 2015-16 season and before that time, the team may negotiate with their agent. Both players are entering the last season of matching five-year, $31.5 million deals that pay them each $6.3 million annually. On the other side of the battle is Blackhawks GM Stan Bowman, who undoubtedly understands the value of players in the early years of their prime who have led the Blackhawks to two Stanley Cup titles in the past four seasons and given that Kane and Toews are coming off 69- and 68-point seasons, respectively, they’ve earned a contract upgrade. However, bowman refused comment on the alleged $12 million demand and said he would keep all negotiations private. Read between the lines, though, and you can hear him chuckling at the idea of giving out two record-breaking contracts at the same time………

- The threat from within is real for Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro. No, not Maduro’s conscience because he clearly doesn’t have one. Dictators don’t  have the luxury of having a conscience, but Maduro is facing a danger from inside nonetheless. His menace happens to be old-school leftists who accuse him of betraying the socialist legacy that carried him to power. As avid followers of Venezuelan politics know, Maduro was the handpicked successor of the late despot Hugo Chavez, who died in 2013 after a battle with cancer but left what appeared to be a likeminded dictator-in-training behind to take his place. At first, it looked like Maduro would in fact continue that trend of trampling human rights and stifling dissenters. He showed little tolerance for dissidence and a proclivity for poking a pointy stick at Western powers. But 15 months into his rule, not everyone is happy with the direction the country is headed. Orthodox socialists are blasting Maduro over several issues, including liberalized currency reforms they say are counter to the revolution. The tipping point for the tension between the two sides came last week when Maduro fired Planning Minister Jorge Giordani, a Marxist economist whose simplistic lifestyle and anti-capitalist doctrine earned him the nickname "the Monk." That sort of approach would seem an ideal fit for Socialists, thus spurring talk that Maduro no longer walks among them. After being axed, Giordani published a manifesto accusing Maduro of undoing Chavez's reforms and failing to control his administration. This one is getting nasty in a hurry………

- The only real question to ask is whether the helmet-wearing tools of Daft Punk will actually take off their ridiculous headgear and talk this time. The enigmatic and wildly overrated electro-pop duo will be the subject of a new documentary next year, with French subscription channel Canal Plus having commissioned BBC Worldwide Production France to make a one-hour film about them. Without a doubt, Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo owe a huge portion of their appeal to the fact that they are intentionally elusive, wearing oversized helmets any time they appear in public and putting on outright weird performances in which guests vocalists do all of the singing because they can't be bothered to remove their buckets  and vocalize anything. The documentary will chronicle their rise, from the group’s formation in 1993 up to the success of last year’s “Random Access Memories” release. Keeping up such a smoke-and-mirrors show for 20 years is impressive on some level and during their 20-year career, Daft Punk have sold more than 12 million albums around the world and have won six Grammy Awards. Prior to releasing “Memories,” they announced their comeback from an extended hiatus with a teaser trailer at the 2013 Coachella Festival. They have released a mere four albums in the past two decades, further underscoring how overrated they are. “Get Lucky,” the top single off their latest album, was the quintessential piece of pop garbage with the lyrical subtlety and intelligence of a cheese grater to the face. Jean-Louis Blot, head of BBC Worldwide Productions France, will produce the documentary with Patrice Gellé. "We are proud to announce our first commission with Canal Plus Group on such an original and creative film,” Blot said. BBC Worldwide France stands as a major French producer of documentaries with stunning production values and universal appeal." Whatever you say, Louis……….

- If you commission and erect a giant, double-decker fiberglass cheeseburger statue outside your business, you do so knowing it’s only a matter of time before it’s stolen. At Big Steve’s Grill in Plainville, Conn., the inevitable happened this week. Owner Steve Andrikis, the quintessential small business owner and a man who serves all his food from behind the counter with a smile, got the bad news Sunday night. Someone noticed his 6-foot-hall fiberglass burger statue was missing and called him to let him know. “Probably kids with a prank, I don’t know,” Andrikis said. “I thought it would be a great thing to put out by the street. They definitely bring people in.” On the surface, the statue would seem to be little more than a small town marketing gimmick by an owner who understands that folks like cheesy crap that they can smile at and pose with in ridiculous Instagram selfies. Another look, though, confirms that this display is merely a challenge to every local kid with access to a pickup truck and a tarp to steal it in the middle of the night and drop it in the nearest lake or take off across neighboring counties on a Snapchat photo safari for the ages. With his beloved fiberglass cheeseburger missing, Andrikis is doing his best to remain positive and hold out hope that the statue will find its way home. “If the people that took it just return it, we won’t press charges, we just want it back that’s all,” Andrikis added. Until that happens, all of the children and dorks who like posing for pictures with the statue will have to find the nearest Big Boy and snap a few shots with the chubby bus boy who serves as that fine eatery’s fiberglass mascot………

Gordon Ramsay fires his own show, buckeye shortages in Ohio and Giancarlo Stanton wants in

- This is a rarity. Not only is there a great player who isn't running at Usain Bolt-like speeds in the opposite direction from the Major League Baseball Home Run Derby, but this weirdo is eager to participate in the event. Normally, sluggers duck the derby as if it were a radioactive can of lead paint guarded by a hungry grizzly bear, but Miami Marlins ball obliterator Giancarlo Stanton wants to make his Derby debut this year. The urban legend is that swinging for the fences in the derby wrecks swings and leads to poor second-half-of-the-season performances, so many top hitters just say no when the invitation comes their way. Stanton has no intention of doing so if National League Derby captain Troy Tulowitzki calls on him. Stanton missed the 2012 Derby because of last-minute arthroscopic knee surgery and was inexplicably overlooked by last year's NL Derby captain, David Wright. He is currently just outside the top three for a starting spot in next month’s All-Star Game, but should he get in as a starter or a reserve, Stanton is ready to stand in and take his hacks. . "It would be fun," Stanton said. "I was unfortunate in 2012. I was, what, half a day from being in one? So it would be fun to get my second chance at it." With 137 career homers in his first 565 games in the big leagues and a penchant for hitting the ball so far it feels like it will never land, Stanton is the sort of player who could add some much-needed juice to the tired, played Derby. "Well, I've always watched it growing up. And I obviously know what I can do in batting practice. It would be so much fun to see how it would all pan out, to participate in it,” Stanton added. Well said, G., and here’s hoping you get the chance you’re seeking……….

- Bad news, ISIS and other extremist groups in Iraq and Syria. Those recruits you were counting on to pour in from northern Africa….yeah, they probably aren’t coming to join the fight. According to the uptight squares with Morocco's Interior Ministry, their forces have dismantled a cell recruiting Moroccans to fight for those extremist groups waging war against the governments of Iraq and Syria, attempting to establish an Islamic state ruled by sharia law. According to a statement released Wednesday by the ministry, six men were arrested in the central city of Fez, including one who had previously been detained under the terrorism law. Morocco hasn’t really jumped into the fray with the rest of the nations in upheaval across the Middle East and Africa and thus far, the nation that served as the setting for the classic film “Casablanca” has mostly avoided the terrorist attacks striking elsewhere in northern Africa. Still, police there have frequently reported dismantling cells sending fighters to hotspots like Mali and Syria. These efforts are vital, the ministry said in its statement, because many of the fighters hope to return after being trained and to carry out attacks in Morocco. Moroccan police estimate that  900 Moroccans are fighting in Syria and 100 have been arrested upon their return. Busting up their training camps before they can finish their training could help prevent those future arrests, but the next wave of extremist whack jobs will likely learn from this and find an even more remote, sand-infested training ground upon which to prepare for their holy war…….

- G*d-f**king da**it, Gordon Ramsay. Ramsay has entertained the masses for nearly a decade with his food-centric reality show “Kitchen Nightmares,” but the celebrity chef has decided to deposit the successful show in the same place where he’s dumped so many of the underwhelming dishes cooked by the chefs whose lives and psyches he has wrecked over the years: the trash. Ramsay announced Monday that he's closing up shop on “Nightmares,” ending the show that played a massive role in building his celebrity chef empire. He made the announcement in a statement posted on his website. "It's been a blast but it's time to call it a day,” Ramsay wrote of the decision. "I'd like to thank you all for being so supportive. I'm glad I've been able to entertain and hopefully help a few people along the way. It's sad to say goodbye to Kitchen Nightmares but I'll be continuing with my other shows. It's been memorable! Thank you for watching." While Ramsay has clearly given serious thought to the issue, his decision is one that seemed to catch Fox off guard. The network has aired the show in the United States since it came to America in 2007, three years after debuting in the United Kingdom. In his statement, Ramsay said he has filmed 123 episodes of the series and with four other shows on Fox, suggested that he has plenty on his plate despite shuttering his flagship show. With “Hell’s Kitchen,” MasterChef” and “MasterChef Junior” still on the air, it’s not as if American viewers with a taste for acerbic, hostile British chefs will have much of a chance to miss him. “Kitchen Nightmares” wrapped up its seventh – and final - season on Fox in May. He and Fox still have a strong bond, but if the decision to end “Nightmares” truly was an unwelcome surprise, then it will be interesting to see if that relationship is strained going forward……..

- Ohio is nuts for buckeyes. Typically, those Buckeyes wear scarlet and gray and beat up on overmatched Big Ten cellar dwellers on Saturday afternoons in the fall before being embarrassed by an ACC or SEC in a New Year’s Day bowl game, but Ohioans also enjoy the small nut from which their state derives its nickname. Miami Valley Gaming decided to cash in on that buckeye love with a commercial featuring a unique offer to draw in business. The establishment decided that a gaming business should offer people a good-luck charm and so it was that the casino dangled the offer of a free buckeye for all gamblers coming through its doors to throw away their disposable income on the slots, at the roulette wheel or at the craps table. "So we said come in and get your buckeye. They came in and started wanting their lucky buckeye to put in their pocket," said Jeff Nelson, senior marketing director for Miami Valley Gaming. The racino originally ordered 5,000 nuts to meet the demand created by its commercial, never expecting that there would be such a stampede of losers demanding a buckeye that it would run out and need to buy more. "They didn't last us a week so we started buying more and more," Nelson added. The restocking of the nut shelves continued for days on end and now, the promotion has led more than 40,000 poor saps looking for any possible good luck charm they can find to change their luck and win back the thousands of dollars they’ve pissed away at the racino. Nelson admitted the racino is having a difficult time keeping up with demand and that could lead to a buckeye shortage in O-H-I-O………

Metallica has done lots of drugs, Greek prison rage and MLBers v. chewing tobacco

- Idiots are everywhere. It only seems like an inordinate number of them end up at the local zoo. Add an unidentified Memphis Zoo visitor to the list after she flouted the rules and nearly ventured close enough to the wildlife to enter herself in the derby for the 2014 Darwin Award, given annually to those who do the world a favor by permanently removing themselves from the gene pool. This kook recently became a zoo member and either she didn’t read the membership agreement or her limited IQ led her to believe that the contract granted her the privilege of ignoring zoo rules and feeding the animals even though every zoo in the history of zoos has demanded that visitors NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. Her first eff-you to the rules came last week, when she came to the zoo equipped with cookies and attempted to throw them to the lions. That effort proved to be a failure, but undeterred, she went home and used her tiny, tiny brain to come up with what she thought was a better plan. She came back armed with another batch of cookies and this time, she wasn’t going to settle for a long-distance hurl. No, this wildlife-loving lunatic climbed over a barrier at the entrance to Cat Country and went straight for the lion enclosure. She neglected to bring a hacksaw to deal with the bars between her and the large cats, but she still attempted to feed them the cookies. By that point, zoo security intervened and denied the lions the chance to snap the woman’s arm off. “After repeated offenses, a Zoo visitor was asked to leave permanently when they violated Zoo policy by crossing the first of several barriers which separate our guests from the lion enclosure,” zoo spokesperson Abbey Dane said. “This person has been banned from the Memphis Zoo indefinitely. It is crucial that all visitors respect the barriers put in place for the safety of themselves and our animals.” All of this proves once more than you cannot fix stupid………

- In the aftermath of a legendary figure passing away at a young age, the only real silver lining is the lasting impact their life and legacy have on those who follow. When Baseball Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn died last week at the age of 54 after fighting cancer for several years on account of his longtime use of chewing tobacco, it raised the issue of how to get this deadly menace out of the game once and for all – or if that was even the right direction to go. Major League Baseball still hasn’t banned chewing tobacco and only prohibits players from carrying a visible canister of the crap in the back pocket of their uniform pants. If MLB and its players’ association aren't going to do anything about the issue, then it’s left to players themselves to tackle the issue. Count two major leaguers who used to play at San Diego State among those willing to step up and put down the Skoal, lest they go down the same sad path that Gwynn walked. Stephen Strasburg and Addison Reed both suited up for the Aztecs in the town Gwynn called home for most of his adult life and the two men are uniting once more to kick their respective tobacco habits. Strasburg, who played for Gwynn at San Diego State, said he will quit because of his young daughter. "I think it's a disgusting habit, looking back on it," Strasburg said. "I was pretty naive when I started. Just doing it here and there, I didn't think it was going to be such an addiction. ... Bottom line is, I want to be around for my family. This is something that can affect people the rest of your life. [Chewing tobacco is] so prevalent in this game. It's something we all kind of grew up doing." He claimed that he was chewing long before arriving at San Diego State and didn't know Gwynn had used smokeless tobacco during his playing days. Reed, Arizona's closer, announced Saturday he was giving up smokeless tobacco. Here’s hoping these two are the trendsetters for a much larger movement……….

- Greece may have qualified for the knockout stage of the World Cup for the first time ever, but not everyone in the picturesque (and poor) Mediterranean nation are in a good mood. A few (thousand) Greek men are understandably less worried about their nation’s futbol future and more concerned with their government’s plans to build a new maximum security jail. According to a prisoners' rights group, more than 3,800 inmates in 13 prisons are taking part in a hunger strike to protest the proposed jail and to demand better detention conditions. The strike began on Monday and the actual number of people taking part depends upon whom you ask. Justice ministry officials said participation was lower, but claimed it was too early to provide an accurate number. What is not in dispute is Greek prisons’ notorious reputation for being grossly overcrowded. Prison guards frequently complain that severely understaffed and any time the guards are admitting that they are horribly outnumbered and the inmates are agitated and stuffed into a space too small to adequately house all of their felonious asses, that is what is typically known as a recipe for a sh*t storm anywhere in the world. The anti-prison anger isn't limited to those currently living inside concrete cells and eating on cafeteria tables bolted to the ground; the week’s outpouring of indignation extended to downtown Athens, where an unruly – and undersized – mob of about 50 people tried to march to Prime Minister Antonis Samaras' residence to protest the planned new prison. Police detained the protestors and did so in short order, owing partially to the small size of the crowd and partially to the fact that there have been so damned many riots and protests in Greece in the past couple years that the law has gotten plenty of practice when it comes to dealing with pissed-off Greeks. The hunger strike remains in progress, but so far it appears to have had little impact……….

- In Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett’s defense, the man Hammett and his bandmates are set to headline the Glastonbury Festival on Saturday, their first time performing at the event. In fact, their presence at the top of the bill has drawn vociferous response on both the positive and negative ends of the spectrum from other bands and from fans, with the festival’s Park Stage headliners Mogwai describing them as being "unbelievably bad.” But Mogwai just seems bitter that a bigger, better and more successful band is playing on a better stage at the same festival on the same night and thus, their angry words ring hollow. Anyone who really wants to mock Metallica has plenty of actual ammunition, courtesy of Hammett. As the uproar over the band’s selection spread and he became aware of what was going on, the whole situation was admittedly jarring for a man who has stared down copious amounts of cocaine, groupies and more cocaine at after parties and hasn’t blinked – for a very odd reason. "It's entertaining to watch the media circus fret over our little band," Hammett said. "I've just been kicking back and enjoying it, because frankly… I thought we already played Glastonbury." Wait….you don’t know that you’ve never been to this major festival before? How? "I thought we did it with System Of A Down (pictured right) back in 2004 or something. I mistook it for a gig we played in Ireland,” Hammett added. “But when the initial offer came, I said to our management, 'Glastonbury, we've played it before.'" Again, Kirk Hammett is a world-famous rock star and he has done A LOT of drugs (allegedly) over the years………

NBA draft shenanings, cheap Julian Casablancas albums and Bolivian cocaine issues

- This is a trend that should definitely catch on. Artists looking to create buzz and move product by pricing their new album at an insanely low cost is something that music fans can get with and record labels hate….which makes it a good idea. Julian Casablancas is best known as a member of The Strokes, but he is now branching out beyond his main band and his solo career and releasing an album with his side project Julian Casablancas + The Voidz. The newly formed rock outfit will release their debut album on Sept. 23. It will be titled “Tyranny,” which is Casablancas’ first non-Strokes release since his 2009 solo album “Phrazes for the Young.” Befitting a band with no track record of its own and a need to win fans over quickly, the project will be released on Casablancas’ own Cult Records label for the low, low pre-order price of $3.87. Yes, the idea of pre-ordering an album in the digital age, when there is an infinite supply of said album thanks to its non-physical form, is still absurd. But getting a possibly solid album from a band you can claim to have discovered before all of your hipster friends for a mere $3.87 is a great opportunity. For those who don’t know, The Voidz consist of Jeramy Gritter and Amir Yaghmai on guitar, Jeff Kite on keyboards, Jake Bercovici on bass and Alex Carapetis on drums. "Tyranny has come in many forms throughout history. Now, the good of business is put above anything else, as corporations have become the new ruling body,” Casablancas said. “Most decisions seem to be made like ones of a medieval king: whatever makes profit while ignoring and repressing the truth about whatever suffering it may cause (like pop music, for that matter).” Although snippets of the album have been scarce, it will reportedly be heavily influenced by world underground music from the 1970s and 1980s, as well as hardcore and punk………..

- Bad news, Bolivia. No, it’s not that your cocaine production is dipping because law enforcement is cracking down and keeping entrepreneurial farms from cranking out the raw materials necessary to craft top –notch Bolivian marching powder. Sure, the United Nations says the area under coca cultivation in Bolivia fell last year to its lowest in 12 years — down 9 percent from 2012. However, the U.N. Office of Drugs and Crime cannot draw a direct line between those numbers and decreased cocaine production from the South American nation. Bolivia remains the No. 3 coca producer in the world and that’s good news for a world where credit cards, bathroom mirrors and hookers’ stomachs lined with white powder always signal a good time. Additionally, the U.N. doesn’t have the ability to measure potential cocaine production in Bolivia, or in Peru, which allegedly displaced Colombia as the world's top cocaine producer in 2012. The battle to churn out the most cocaine ingredients is a heated one and while Tony Montana may not be real, the money to be made by growing the Colombian nose candy definitely is – and it is spectacular. If you believe the U.N., Bolivia's coca crop was down to 29 square miles last year, just 11.5 square miles more than Bolivia's government claims is necessary to satisfy traditional demand – i.e. uses that do not involve some nose candy-loving degenerate hoovering the finished product off Bambi the stripper’s ass. The Man would have you believe that Peru’s coca crop is also in decline, but that could merely be because coca growers are getting smarter about where they plant their prized product………

- New Milwaukee Bucks co-owner Marc Lasry is still getting used to owning an NBA franchise. Eventually, he’ll realize that anyone connected with a professional sports franchise is supposed to disseminate only non-informative information and lies when it comes to their plans for an upcoming draft. Perhaps Lasry is doing just that, but it doesn’t seem that way when he comes out publicly and declares that his team will not select top center prospect Joel Embiid with the second pick in this week’s NBA draft after the former Kansas big man has surgery to repair a stress fracture in his foot. Embiid was the consensus top pick among most experts before the injury, sustained during training last week, despite lingering back issues from his time at Kansas. But the prospect of a 21-year-old 7-footer with a bad back and a busted-up foot seems to have pushed Embiid from the top of the draft order and virtually no one expects Cleveland to select him with the top pick. The Cavs will likely take either Duke's Jabari Parker or Kansas' Andrew Wiggins and the Bucks, according to Lasry, will select whichever of the two is left. His stance stems from the fact that a franchise that had a league-worst 15-67 record last season is looking for immediate help. "I think it's hard to take Embiid," Lasry said. "I think he's a phenomenal individual, but with the injury and not knowing how severe or long it will take to recover, I think for us today we're going to want somebody who's going to help us on Day One." Lasry and fellow New York investment firm executive Wesley Edens bought the Bucks this spring for $550 million from former U.S. Sen. Herb Kohl and their team recently had Wiggins in for a workout. "A lot is going to be dependent on what Cleveland does," Lasry said. "But I would tell you right now it's probably either going to be ... one or the other." Whomever they pick, the Bucks badly need a home run to help build fan interest and public support as they seek public financing to help build a new arena to replace the BMO Harris Bradley Center…….

 

- It’s a real, pungent problem with a surprisingly simple solution. San Francisco has 3,500 homeless people who call its streets home and like any transients, these people have a difficult time staying clean on a daily basis. Even in major cities, there are inevitably a limited number of homeless shelters and facilities where the indigent can go to wash up, scrub down and groom themselves. Fortunately, there are people like Doniece Sandoval who are not only aware of the problem, but willing and able to do something about it. Sandoval’s assistance looks from the outside like a typical big-city food truck, motoring the streets to provide daytime nourishment to the hungry masses. Inside, it proves to be a very different story. There is no kitchen, no oven, no microwave, no refrigerator and no freezer. Instead, the vehicle known as a Lava Mae is built to handle the cleaning needs of men and women for whom a hot shower and a shave are a rare luxury. Sandoval hatched the idea of converting old Muni buses into showers two years ago and the concept has grown steadily from there. “Each of our buses has two complete bathrooms with a shower, sink, toilet and changing room,” Sandoval said. “It’s been in idea stage for so long, to actually see the result is unbelievable.” The shower buses run off city fire hydrants after Sandoval reached a deal with the city to use and pay for the water. San Francisco once had 10 city shower facilities, but that number has dwindled to seven, forcing the homeless to put their names on waiting lists just to clean up. “With hygiene comes dignity, and with dignity comes opportunity,” Sandoval added. “So hopefully, it will open other doors for people.” The biggest hurdle right now is money, as it costs $75,000 to convert a city bus to a Lava Mae bus. The plan has spawned franchises in Singapore and Brazil and Sandoval hopes to see it grow much further……….

MLB padded caps, movie news and Riot Watch! Kosovo

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Kosovo is doing work, yo, at least when it comes to rising up and striking back against The Man. The latest outrage in a land that has seen more than its share of strife in recent decades came Sunday when Kosovo police fired tear gas and used batons to disperse hundreds of ethnic Albanians angry because minority Serbs reinforced a barricade separating parts of central Mitrovica. Serbia is a nation birthed and grown in turmoil, so perhaps it’s only fitting that Mitrovica found itself in the middle of an uprising in which at least seven police officers were injured and five cars set ablaze by protesters. It was a solid display of dissident force and once that was serious enough that NATO armored vehicles staked out a downtown bridge. The alliance leads a 5,000-strong peacekeeping force in Kosovo and the mere face that a country is in enough sh*t that NATO feels compelled to send its can't-really-do-much-to-stop-violence peacekeeping forces says much about where Serbia and its capital city are these days. According to NATO forces, they were called up Sunday to support police efforts to contain the crowd. The launch point for the problems was ethnic Serbs using trucks and bulldozers to remove mounds of earth used to block ethnic Albanians from crossing the bridge and placing large flower pots instead. Flower pots have not launched that many revolutions and they might not be enough to spark one here, but a foreigner can certainly hold out hope. For the record, Serbia still rejects Kosovo's 2008 secession and backs the Serb minority's defiance of Pristina authorities. However, most Kosovars are ethnic Albanians and that makes it a complicated matter with no satisfactory answer………

- An all-around great actor he isn't, but Kevin Hart keeps getting the job done. The comedian’s latest, “Think Like a Man Too,” claimed the weekend earnings crown with a solid $30 million debut. It bounced reigning box office king “22 Jump Street,” which stepped back one spot to second place by a narrow margin. With $29 million, “Jump” has now banked $114.5 million in two weeks and that number is equal parts sad and remarkable based on the actual quality of the film. “How to Train Your Dragon 2” slotted third with $25.3 million in a close race to the top and yet, the animated flick is well south of breaking even, having amassed $95.2 million in two weeks of release. “Jersey Boys” became the second new movie in the top five, debuting to $13.5 million and failing to give director Clint Eastwood the resounding win he was seeking. “Maleficent” notched another $13 million in its fourth weekend and in the process, edged past the lofty barrier of its $180 million budget at $185.9 million in total domestic earnings. Sixth place went to the futuristic thriller “Edge of Tomorrow,” which blasted its way to $10.4 million to up its overall domestic haul to $74.5 million in three weeks in local multiplexes across America. “The Fault in Our Stars” continued to be a commercial darling, adding $8.6 million for the weekend to place seventh and elevate itself to the brink of the $100 million mark at $98.7 million against a meager $12 million budget. “X-Men: Days of Future Past” kept chugging along, finishing in eighth place with $6.2 million. Its $216.7 million in five weeks is nice, but that $200 million budget does dampen the enthusiasm a bit. “Chef” rose one spot to ninth with $1.9 million and in seven weeks of limited release, its earnings stand at $16.9 million. “Godzilla” rounded out the top 10 with $1.8 million, good for a six-week bank roll of $194.9 million. “A Million Ways to Die in the West” (No. 11) and “Neighbors” (No. 12) both lost their spots from last weekend’s top 10……….

- He may be an entertainment icon, but Hawaiian shirt-wearing rocker Jimmy Buffet is currently on a crusade to save a core piece of Americana. Buffet is on a mission to save drive-in movie theaters and his quest came to the small town of Vandergrift, Pa. last week, when he played a small concert broadcast at the local drive-in. While he and his Parrotheads will gather in their makeshift Margaritaville on July 23, Buffet played to the people of Vandergrift in a show aired live from Texas. Locals who couldn’t find a way to swing a trip to the big city for the July show happily shelled out a fraction of the money to see Buffet beamed lived to their small town from a drive-in theatre in Fort Worth, Texas, in front of an audience of 1,100. Airing a concert from one drive-in to another is part of Buffett’s efforts to save drive-in movie theatres from extinction. The setup was a welcome boost for Vandergrift drive-in owner Todd Mament, who understands what an uphill battle establishments such as his are fighting every day. “It’s on a decline because of the conversion to digital projection,” Mament said. “A lot of older drive-in owners have just decided to retire and close their theatres.” Marment is doing what he can to hang onto relevance for now and recently invested $80,000 to change over from a film projector to a digital one. Despite the chance to see a semi-live Buffet concert, the Vandergrift drive-in was only about half full on Thursday night, which is actually a fairly decent turnout on a weeknight. Buffet may need to actually stage live shows at more drive-ins and make an entire tour out of it to truly make a difference, but the thought is still a kind one………

- He may look ridiculous, but San Diego Padres reliever Alex Torres is a smart man. On Saturday night, Torres became the first pitcher to wear a padded cap during Saturday's night's game against the Los Angeles Dodgers. For all the talk about protecting pitchers from the 115-mph missiles flying back at their heads when batter make contact with a fastball and all the sights of unconscious pitchers on the ground after such incidents, pitchers have been slow – i.e. they have universally refused – to wear any of the multiple prototypes of protective cap that provide some head protection Major League Baseball tested, including the one MLB officials ultimately approved in January. The testing came just over a year after Oakland Athletics pitcher Brandon McCarthy was struck in the head by a line drive and suffered life-threatening brain injuries, which is usually more than enough time for any one group to forget about a potentially deadly danger facing it if no further instance of said danger happen. Torres has more reason to be aware of the dangers of line drives than most, as he was a member of the Tampa Bay Rays last season, when then-teammate Alex Cobb suffered a concussion on a line drive that struck his right ear. Torres was in the bullpen at the time of the incident and still remembers how he felt at the time. The fact that he is the padded cap pioneer is no coincidence. "I'm just trying to protect myself, my life, and to see my kids grow up," Torres said. "I don't want to wait for something to happen." After ordering the cap last month, Torres began wearing it sporadically while playing catch over the past week and it made its debut this weekend. "I tried it before using it in the game, playing catch. It doesn't feel really bad. It doesn't feel like how it looks on my head,” Torres added……….

Romanian corruption, Beyonce tour + HBO and feel Hope Solo's rage

- Soccer rage is to be expected with the World Cup going on and nations pursuing their soccer dreams in Brazil. Of course, that has nothing to do with the alleged buffoonery of U.S. gold medal-winning women’s goalkeeper Hope Solo, who was arrested early Saturday morning on investigation of two counts of domestic violence assault, according to police in South King County, Wash. For someone with the clear poise under pressure of Solo – remember her famously throwing her coach and a teammate under the bus following a World Cup loss in which Solo was left on the bench – it is stunning to hear that she managed to escalate an argument at a family gathering and turn things nuclear to the point that she was being hauled off in handcuffs and two others were taken to the hospital for treatment. According to police, Solo allegedly got into an argument with relatives at a family party at the home she shares with her husband, former NFL player Jerramy Stevens, in Kirkland. Having a family argument is nothing new for anyone who has spent more than five consecutive minutes with multiple members of their family, but going from throwing angry words at one another to throwing punches and open-handed slaps isn't common and according to police, that is precisely what Solo did, physically striking both her sister and nephew.  "There were visible injuries on them," Kirkland police lieutenant Mike Murray confirmed. "There was a big party going on at her house. It was an out-of-control situation.” Solo is no stranger to domestic violence and in fact, then-boyfriend Stevens was arrested in November 2012 for allegedly assaulting Solo. She did not press charges and in a fitting development for such functional and composed people, the duo were married the next day………

- Taser blasts are normally enough to drop anyone, regardless of their size and strength, to the ground in a convulsing heap of pain and tears. Men like 52-year-old Robert Zygarowski, of Ellwood City, Pa., are the terrifying exceptions to this rule and their tales are equal parts amazing and flat-out scary. Zygarowski joined the ranks of the drugged-up, tweaking maniacs who found themselves face to face with the law and not only took the best the men in blue had to offer, but shook off their attempts to bring him down and kept on moving. The madness began shortly after midnight in Salem, in southern New Hampshire, when officer Adam Pearson pulled over Zygarowski for a routine traffic stop. Pearson reportedly found Zygarowski to be so uncooperative during the course of their interaction that the situation turned tense, then violent. At some point, things jumped up a notch and the officer felt compelled to use his stun gun in an attempt to bring Zygarowski under control. That would normally be the point when an angry dude becomes a twitching mess on the pavement, but not Robert Zygarowski. Instead, he seemed impervious to the Taser blast and yanked out the gun’s barbs from his skin and proceeded to assault the man who had the audacity to try to arrest him. After delivering a few parting shots to Pearson, Zygarowski then went total criminal legend by stealing a police cruiser and leading officers on a two-state chase that included him threatening to kill those pursuing him. Zygarowski initially fled in his own car, but one of his tires blew in Lawrence, Mass. and when Pearson ordered Zygarowski and two others out of the car, Zygarowski charged at the officer and fled in the marked cruiser. It feels safe to say that a long list of criminal charges are forthcoming here……..

- Beyonce Knowles goes big when she goes on tour. Her shows are packed with effects, lights and production value, all of which help to obscure the fact that she churns out unoriginal pop music that is in no way superior to or better than the hundreds of other indistinguishable pop artists who flood the market on an annual basis. That sort of show plays well for a premium cable network like HBO when it decides to take a massive international tour from said pop artist and convert it to a 10-episode show called “Beyonce: X10.” HBO will use footage from the “Mrs. Carter Show” tour for the extended-run series that begins tonight and will air on Sunday nights until all of its poppy, overproduced tackiness has expired. Those who tune in can expect plenty of live versions of songs from the singer’s fifth album, “Beyoncé,” including “XO” and “Drunk in Love,” along with some of her other identical-sounding tracks from her previous four releases. The relationship between Knowles and HBO has proven to be a successful one, as they teamed up last year for her “Life is But a Dream” documentary and while that much Beyonce in anyone’s life is probably overkill, the American public has proven to have a disturbing level of fascination with her up to this point. While fans relive her last tour through the magic of flatscreen televisions and premium cable, Knowles and husband Jay-Z will launch their “On the Run” tour, which kicks off in Miami this Wednesday. Tickets for the tour aren’t exactly selling like new iPhones on launch day, so maybe a parsed-out concert from last year is a preferable option for many fans………

- There are no off days for political corruption in the world. Weekdays, weekends and holidays are no barrier for those willing to trade on their own power and influence – or the power and influence of friends and relatives – in order to line their pockets with cash, luxury items, cars and more. Mircea Basescu, brother of Romanian President Traian Basescu, is the latest relative of a political leader to find himself in a tough spot after police arrested him on suspicion of taking a bribe and using the president's name to promise he could get a prison sentence reduced. The Bucharest Court late Friday approved an application from anti-corruption prosecutors to arrest for 30 days on suspicion of taking a bribe of $340,000 from the family of a well-known convict and while that is a respectable amount to coax out of a criminal’s family based merely on your word that you can convince your brother to shorten said criminal’s prison sentence, Mircea Basescu does not seem to have adequately covered his own ass in the matter. He was caught on video that was acquired by a television station that showed the footage in which he appeared to acknowledge receiving a bribe to help reduce the sentence of Sandu Anghel, who is imprisoned for attempted murder. Based on the video, he was detained on Thursday, but only for 24 hours. The court acted quickly to make his status in confinement more permanent and yet, Mircea Basescu has denied wrongdoing. Ever the good politician, the president has adamantly denied intervening in the case and has distanced himself from his brother. Somewhere, Roger Clinton is nodding happily and welcoming a new member to the club……..

Soccer racism, Fidel Castro's taxis and Pitbull gives the world another middle finger

- Hiring practices have evolved time and again over the years in the United States. This is their best evolution to date and it’s not even close. Forget giving women and minorities a fair shot at desirable gigs because while that is commendable, it doesn’t compare to what Anne Arundel Medical Center in Annapolis, Md. is doing. In a move that other employers should emulate, the hospital says it will no longer hire folks whose idea of a work break is heading out to the nearest entryway and choking down a cancer stick with their fellow leather-faced smokers. The hospital announced this week that it will no longer hire applicants who use tobacco. “We want to have a healthy workforce, a healthier environment for our patients and visitors,” said Dr. Stephen Cattaneo. The good doctor noted that for the hospital and its 4,000 employees, the change is about living out the same healthy message they deliver to patients. The obvious question is how an employer deals with such a public policy against hiring smokers, but Cattaneo noted that in Maryland, there are no discrimination laws against smokers.” This innovative policy is possible in large part because unlike its neighbors, Virginia and Washington, D.C., Maryland is free of such restrictive discrimination laws. The only downside to the hospital’s policy change is that it doesn’t go into effect until next summer. To tide everyone over until then, all six of the hospital’s campuses will ban smoking, making it all but impossible for degenerate lung dart addicts to light up anywhere close to their place of employment. For the next week or so, smokers can still light up on public sidewalks around the hospital, but that all comes to an end July 1. Employees who smoke (sadly) won't be fired, but they will have to comply with the new rules. With this paradigm shift, Anne Arundel Medical Center follows the innovators at the Cleveland Clinic, who required employees to be tobacco free in 2007…….

- Well done, World’s Worst Rapper Pitbull. Your lack of actual rap ability and your lyrically stunted garbage that passes as music and is punctuated by you pumping your fist nonstop and spouting inane words about how cool you are and how much you love to party should be insult enough to the world, but you know there can always be more to give. In a sense, Pitbull’s songs, his albums and his entire musical existence are one ginormous, continual middle finger to the world. That makes his act after receiving an honorary degree by Doral College in Miami for his services to education all the more awesome(ly bad). At the ceremony, Pitbull (real name Armando Christian Pérez) gave a speech in which he said, "I remember being kicked out of a public school because I didn't have the right address. That's why I want better schools for the kids who live where I grew up. That's why Doral Academy was founded, and that's why I helped create SLAM (Sports Leadership and Management Academy) in the neighborhood where I grew up - a school that offers a choice for students, like me, students who need someone to inspire them, someone to believe in them." The academy itself can't take too much heat for inviting in a celebrity – even one who is a giant hack – in the interest of gaining public attention and possibly coaxing a donation from him, but giving this knob a degree for anything is a bit of a reach. After the ceremony, Perez delivered an actual middle finger to the digital world when he posted the news about his new qualification alongside a photo of him holding his faux degree while extending a middle finger. The photo was accompanied by a message explaining that the extended digit was "for those that didn't believe #dale.” What should haunt Doral College for a long, long time is that Perez is reportedly the first ever recipient of an honorary degree from this glorified community college. Not the finest choice for that lowly honor………

- Who doesn’t want to ride in one of the few luxury whips that isn’t a decrepit, decaying piece of Soviet-era crap on the island of Cuba? For a price, that opportunity can be yours….or be for anyone looking to get from point A to point B in one of the poorest nations in the Western Hemisphere. A fleet of black, boxy, Soviet-made limousines that for years were at the disposal of Fidel Castro are no longer needed by the now-retired despot and in a country where few things are discarded because its impoverished population can almost always find some use for a beaten-up relic, they have been decommissioned and repurposed as Havana taxi cabs. The cars were produced by Russian manufacturers GAZ and ZIL in the 1960s and '70s and even though Cuba is not known for its cutting-edge technology in the automotive industry or anywhere else, the cars sent to Cuba reportedly included a ZIL-111 convertible model that was the first of its kind to roll off the assembly line. That particular model was allegedly a personal gift to Castro from Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev, a man Castro outlived, much like the cars now being repurposed for commercial use. Because Cubans really don’t have the luxury of spare cash for a taxi ride to the market where they can barely afford to shop or a trip to the mall to purchase clothes they don’t have the income to own, the limos are almost exclusively used to transport tourists who want a little slice of history to go with their ride across town. Sadly, the taxi rides do not come with a complimentary audio guide narrated by Castro or one of his prized top-end cigars to smoke along the way……….

- Mexican national team soccer coach Miguel Herrera is in a difficult spot…and yet, that doesn’t excuse the wrong choice he made Friday. Herrera, his team riding a wave of energy after a 1-0-1 start in group play that includes a scoreless tie with World Cup host Brazil and has El Tri on the verge of advancing to the knockout stage of the tournament, found himself in a pinch when questioned about Mexican fans chanting a gay slur at Cameroon goalkeeper Charles Itandje. The chant is under investigation by FIFA and even in a cross-cultural situation where people’s understanding of what is and isn't acceptable could vary, backing people using a gay slur against anyone is a poor choice – so why is it the choice Herrera made, saying Mexico fans shouting the slur as the rival team's goalkeeper takes a goal kick is not "serious." "About the chants, we don't have anything to say, we are going to concentrate in working hard, that is what corresponds to us," Herrera said. "We support our fan base. They just do it to put pressure on the other goalkeeper. That chant was invented in the Mexican league by one team and all the Mexican fan base has adopted it, therefore I don't think it is something that serious.” We support our fan base? How about you support them acting like human beings with a shred of sensitivity, Miggy? The rationale that a Mexican league team’s fans used the slur and somehow its wider acceptance within the league makes it OK is indefensible, even if Herrera did try to power his way past the controversy by implying that gay slurs are somehow not as important as the tournament itself. Even if every Mexican uses the slur 25 times a day in a jovial way, that doesn’t make it acceptable or allowable. Fare, the European fan-monitoring group, reported the chants at Mexico's 1-0 win over Cameroon in Natal and FIFA subsequently opened a disciplinary case against the Mexico federation. Sadly, Herrera is correct about the slur being a long-running issue, as it was also used during a Mexico-United States qualifying match for the 2004 Olympics. Maybe it’s time for a new tradition, Mexico……..