- If I ever find myself in a situation where I’m in the midst of a public scandal and my reputation is being attacked from every conceivable direction, I’m going to make sure I have someone like Leslie Sloane at my side. Who is Leslie Sloane, you ask? She’s the publicist for Lindsay Lohan, who is currently being talked about as a possible lesbian who is engaged to Samantha Ronson, an openly gay deejay in the L.A. area. The pair has been all but inseparable for a year, but the recent court decision legalizing same-sex unions in the state of California has apparently started open season on all alleged homosexuals in the state, especially the famous ones. With her client’s reputation under attack, Sloane came out swinging….well, kind of…actually, not really. In an email response to allegations that Lohan is a lesbian and engaged to Ronson, Sloane scripted an oh, so professional email that read, “This is gross. She is not a bad girl. Leave here alone.” Leave her alone? Just a thought, but you should not be ripping lines from Chris Crocker, the shrieking teenager from Nowheresville, U.S.A. who posted a YouTube video assailing everyone who was ripping Britney Spears for being a freak show. Bonus points for working the word “gross” into your email as well. Where did Lohan find this woman anyhow, the third grade of the nearest elementary school? Did LiLo offer her a pudding cup and fruit roll-up in exchange for her services as a publicist. When the strongest, most mature sentence of your email is a six-word lie about how your client is not a bad girl, that’s a bad sign. She’s been to rehab multiple times, she’s had drug addictions and worse, but she’s not a bad girl? Seems like a textbook example of what a bad girl is. But thank God she has a great support system behind her with people like Leslie Sloane…..
- Whew. The NBA and basketball fans outside of Detroit and San Antonio dodged a major scud this week. By some miracle, we were to avoid having to see either Detroit or San Antonio in the upcoming NBA Finals. When the Boston Celtics marched into Detroit on Friday night and did for the second time what many critics said they wouldn’t do even once in the series - win on the road - they won the series over the last gasp of a dying, consistently underachieving Eastern Conference dynasty by a 4-2 margin. The 89-81 victory put Boston back into the Finals, a place the franchise has been more than any other - except for their Finals opponent, the Los Angeles Lakers. The Celtics rode strong play in Games 5 and 6 from stars Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, both of whom had otherwise underwhelmed in the playoffs up to that point. The C’s move on to face their longtime nemesis, a team they’ve played in the Finals 10 times. But I can't muster any animosity for either team in this one, especially the Lakers. They dispatched the least-interesting team in the NBA to watch, the Spurs. Seriously, what’s not good about the end of a series in which the whiniest, most annoying, least charismatic, least interesting, most tired/played team in professional sports is eliminated? Yes, the drama of a seven-game series is great - as long as you have two great teams with interesting star players going back and forth in one great game after another. This series had as many clunkers as it did good games, so having it go seven games wouldn’t have been ideal for anyone. The Spurs and their cast of robotic, lifeless, “professional” and boring players are gone, much to the joy of the NBA and basketball fans who tune out in record numbers any time San Antonio reaches the NBA Finals. The Lakers, one of the Association’s elite franchises, are back into the Finals, bringing a lot more personality, style, substance and an equally good team when compared to the Spurs. I literally spent the last two minutes of the clinching Game 5 smiling at the TV as pictures of the despondent, resigned-to-their-fate Spurs flashed across the screen. I waved goodbye to guys like Bruce Bowen and Robert Horry, rejoicing that they were about to be eliminated from the playoffs. Normally you feel at least a little bit bad for teams when they’re eliminated just because anyone who has ever played sports at any level knows the agony of defeat, but I had to marvel at the fact that I didn’t feel one damn bit bad for the Spurs, not at all. With them gone and the Lakers representing the Western Conference in the Finals, you’re not losing anything in the quality of the basketball on the court and you’re gaining so much everywhere else with the Lakers instead of the Spurs. So adios, San Antonio, you won't be missed. A quick point before I go….i know that I’ve pegged the NBA league office as a stupefying collection of morons to the nth degree, but the schedule for the NBA Finals shows that they’re still trying to prove their idiocy. The series begins Thursday night in Boston, then takes two days off bf Game 2 on Sunday, also in Boston. That in and of itself is completely lame but it’s something you’ve come to expect from these ass clowns, two days between games with no travel involves. No, what makes this a new level of moronic action is that the gap between Games 2 and 3 is one day, with Game 3 on Tuesday…..in freaking Los Angeles! That’s right, the gap between two games in the same damn city is two days but when you’re traveling literally all the way across the country, the gap is one day? Seriously, you don’t want to flip-flop that? Way to go, NBA, you’re managing to f’up what should be the first great NBA Finals you’ve had in years…..idiots.
- The return of Nashville Star on NBC, just the thing you need….if you’re looking to take your summer lineup right down the crapper. Come June 9, NBC will be cementing the status of its summer schedule as the worst among the major networks by bringing back a reality show that takes everything awful from the abomination that is American Karaoke on Fox and injects it with a hearty dose of the plague that is country music. As bad as AK is, adding country music to it might be the only possible way to make it worse. With America’s most famous mullet, Billy Ray Montana, er, Cyrus at the helm, this is going to be a truly terrible show once again. Country music is bad enough when its veteran twang-ers yodel on about booze, pickup trucks, chewin’ tobaccy, booze, lost women, the local saloon, booze, losing their dog and booze, but when a bunch of aspiring amateurs take up the task…..yikes. I realize that summer TV is kinda like a playground basketball court once all of the older kids have left and no one is around but a few scrawny dorks who finally get their chance to play because no one else wants to at that time, but if Nashville Star is the best you can do, maybe shutting your station down for the summer is the best option for you. NBC should be down on its knees thanking the good Lord that it has Heroes, because without that great show this network would be worthless from top to bottom.
- Don’t you dare heckle Alfonso Soriano, fans in the left-field bleachers at Wrigley Field. According to at least one of the team’s season ticket holders, the team told security personnel in the left field bleachers to crack down on fans who might boo or harass struggling outfielder Alfonso Soriano. That claim is being disputed by Cubs chairman Crane Kenney, who said Wednesday that the team had done no such thing. The matter came up after Soriano dropped a fly ball in the ninth inning Sunday in Pittsburgh, helping the Pirates rally to a victory. One season ticket holder told the Chicago Tribune that crowd control personnel told fans Monday they were instructed by supervisors to use a no-tolerance policy for anyone cursing at Soriano, or harassing him. The ban was alleged to have included special focus on those fans using profanities but according o this season ticket holder, its scope was even broader. Now the team is firing back with a predictable denial, claiming that no such rule was put in place. “We did not admonish our security guards to be more watchful of it, nor did we have any ejections nor did we really have any issues,” he said. “We did not advise our security guards to change their behavior at all after the Pittsburgh series nor are we aware of any incidents of ejections or anyone even being disciplined.” I’m honestly not sure who to believe here, because I seriously doubt that one fan made this entire thing up and started an issue out of nothing. Now was it the stren, iron-fisted warning that this fan is claiming it to be? Maybe, maybe not. However, you can't expect the team to own it even if the allegation is true. No way a professional sports franchise cops to coddling its star player because he’s so emotionally fragile that he can’t handle fans taunting him from the bleachers. But it’s also entirely possible that this fan was pissed about something else ballpark security told him to do or not do and seized on something small in order to create a stink over this issue. Either way, Soriano went a long way toward silencing those boos by lining a game-winning hit to lift the Cubs to a comeback win over the L.A. Dodgers Wednesday night, so maybe we won't have to hear any more about this anyhow….not until Soriano’s next dropped fly ball, that is…..
- Would someone please tell me how exactly I can sell babies and not get arrested for it? People seem to be trying all sorts of methods and approaches to pawn off infants for profit and every single time, law enforcement in their country comes down really hard on these people. Last week it was the German couple who put their 7-month-old son up on eBay for $1.60 and claimed they did so as a joke after the boy became too noisy. Those two idiots had their child seized by the authorities and are facing possible criminal charges, but at least they were only trying to sell off (allegedly) one baby. A couple in northern Mexico appears to be much more immersed in the baby smuggling/selling business, with police in the area having arrested Amado Torres, 64, and wife Maria Isabel Hernandez, 25, for buying Mexican babies to sell to couples in the U.S. for a profit. These two are suspected of buying a dozen or more children age 2 or younger to flip to American couples, but their operation appears to be out of business at this point. As a quick aside….a 64 year-old married to a 25 year-old? My man, Woody Allen thinks that’s weird. What say we stick within a couple of decades when it comes to the age difference between people we marry? But if putting your kid up on eBay is a no-no and buying them to smuggle across the border and sell for a profit in another country is also unacceptable, then what’s a baby seller left to do? This must be what people mean when they say that times are tough for small business owners…..
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