- If I’m Hulk Hogan, I’m strongly considering spending a little less time on reality TV and my daughter’s career as a poor man’s Britney Spears rip-off and using that time to teach my kids how to drive. Hogan, a.k.a. Terry Bollea, has dragged as much life out of his Hulk-ster persona as possible, but perhaps appearing on shows like American Gladiators and WWE Monday Night RAW shouldn’t be his primary concern at this point. On May 9, his son Nick was sentenced to eight months in Florida’s Pinellas County jail after losing control of a car and causing a one-car accident that injured a passenger. Now the Hulk-ster’s wannabe pop tart daughter Brooke is the one having trouble behind the wheel. Her car collided with the vehicle driven by 19-year-old Ronald Gallmon this past weekend in Clearwater, Fla. The two parties are disputing who was at fault, with Gallmon reportedly attempting to change lanes several times on the Bayside (Go Bayside, beat Valley - sorry, but that’s for all you Saved by the Bell fans out there) Bridge, lost control of his car and hit the car Brooke Hogan was driving. Gallmon claims that while his tire did blow out, it was Hogan who hit his vehicle and not the other way around. Both cars were towed, but thankfully no one was injured in the crash. So whatcha gonna do, drivers in the state of Florida, whathca gonna do….when the Hulk-ster’s spoiled kids and their erratic driving….run wild…on….you? My suggestion is double-checking your insurance coverage and finding alternate routes, but that’s just me….
- Who would have thought that in a situation involving new allegations of cheating against the one of the National Football League’s premier franchises, the surprise wouldn’t be that this franchise has been caught cheating for the second time in a year but rather that the league’s gutless commissioner isn't going to do anything about it? The New England Cheat-riots have already been busted for filming the defensive and offensive signals of opposing teams during games, a clear violation of NFL rules, and they were dinged a first-round draft pick and a significant fine for the offense. But now, the same man who played such a visible role in the Spygate scandal, former Cheat-riots video assistant Matt Walsh, has alleged that the team engaged in another illegal practice during his time as an employee. Walsh says that the Cheat-riots used players in practice that they had placed on the injured reserve list, another big violation of league rules. Players on the IR list are supposed to be done for the season, too injured to take part in football activities. They can’t practice in any way, shape or form, mostly because being on that list is supposed to mean that they are physically incapable of doing so. The rule keeps teams from placing players on the list simply to avoid having to release them and give other teams a chance to sign them. If a guy can’t practice and is of no direct, immediate value to the team, the idea is that teams will only place players there who are legitimately injured. Using them in practice is a clear advantage for a team because it gives that particular player more time on the field to develop, it gives a break to aging veterans in practice because they have to take less reps and it also upgrades the quality of practice players that starters compete against. In other words, this practice would most definitely give a team engaging in it an edge over opponents who weren’t doing it. Walsh made the allegation to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and now former NFL lineman Ross Tucker, who played two seasons with the Cheat-riots, is backing up those claims. Tucker says he didn’t see the practice on either of the two other teams he played on but when he saw it in New England and asked Cheat-riots’ receiver Troy Brown about it, Brown told him that every team did it. Apparently not, at least not according to Tucker. The amazing part of this story isn't that the Cheat-riots have been caught breaking the rules again, but rather that Goodell, the gutless wonder that he is, is saying that even if the allegations are confirmed, he won't punish New England for their misdeeds. Hey Rog, you can't exactly employ a blanket policy for punishing teams. One penalty doesn’t cover everything they do for a given year or decade. You need to penalize them for every single time they break league rules, even if it’s a team like the Cheat-riots who break the rules more often that Paula Abdul acts like a crazed lunatic on national television. If proven, these allegations most definitely constitute cheating and they need to be punished accordingly. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve had to whack the Cheat-riots’ knuckles with a ruler before, you have to do it again and again until they stop cheating. Allowing this offense to go unpunished will only further prove that you are the spineless, pushover of a commissioner that your many critics are alleging you to be.
- Not that you needed any further proof of this, but Tila Tequila is a moron. It’s not like everyone didn’t already know that anyone associated with a reality dating show is an absolute attention whore and a total idiot, but this chick is looking to cement that knowledge in cement, encase it in a block of granite and slam it inside of a titanium safe. Tequila, whose real last name is Nguyen (What, her name isn't really Tila Tequila? No way!) blames the shameless self-promotion and desire to start an acting career of Bobby Banhart, her “soul mate” from the first season of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, as the reasons the couple didn’t last. Where to start, where to start…..how about here: You freaking dumbass, you didn’t think that some overly tanned loser with spiky hair who voluntarily appeared on a reality dating show wherein he competed for the affections of a pint-sized MySpace skank/aspiring singer was after something other than true love? You didn’t figure that an ass clown like that might be into himself a little too much and looking to start an acting career rather than find the love of his life on reality TV? “I felt like he was starting to get caught up more in the Hollywood world,” Nguyen whined in a recent interview. She says Banhart never met her parents and that the two of them just drifted apart. Additionally, she wonders why Banhart didn’t mention his desire to act to her while the show was filming. Seriously, you’re that dumb? Hey idiot, he didn’t mention it because he figured he’d get booted from the show and wanted more camera time. Besides, everyone who isn't totally brain dead already knows that no one goes on a reality dating show to find love because every f’ing couple that meets on one of those shows breaks up within a few weeks. But you go ahead and keep filing A Shot at Love II with Tila Tequila and however many subsequent seasons of that abortion that MTV will pay you for. Once again, we’re reminded that nothing good ever comes from reality dating shows or from MySpace, so thanks for that, T.
- Since when did brushing up against some portly American tourist on the street and lifting his wallet or jumping him in an alley and taking it by force become passé? Both of those techniques could have gotten an unidentified 54-year-old Italian thief what he wanted and also averted the tragic death that befell Frank Phel, 74, of California as he visited the town of Tiburtina. Phel and his wife were enjoying a pleasant afternoon at a local café when this thief approached them and began chatting them up, pretending to be friendly. He even fetched them cappuccinos under the auspices of being kind to a couple of foreigners, then laced their drinks with a mix of drugs and sleeping pills so he could rob them once they were drugged up. That part of the plan apparently worked because the thief was able to successfully execute the robbery, but from there things went wrong in a hurry. After being drugged and robbed, Phel was wandering in a daze on the train tracks at the suburban Tiburtina station when he was struck and killed by a train. So now this thief not only gets hit with the charges for drugging and robbing Phel, he also is going to be charged in the man’s death. All of that for a freaking wallet? Again, couldn’t you find a way to lift the wallet without drugging the guy? That way you get your undeserved earnings and he doesn’t have to die because of you being a ginormous sleazeball. That seems fair, no?
- Watching ESPN or TNT during NBA playoff games recently, I’ve gotten a nice comedic surprise that I just wasn’t expecting. Because the NBA insists on continuing to subsidize the 12-years-and-running charity case that is the WNBA, NBA broadcasts are regularly peppered with WNBA commercials. It’s as if the NBA thinks that just slamming some slow-mo WNBA “highlights” on the screen with some whiny pop music over top of them is going to convince everyone who has seen what women’s pro basketball and hated it that their reactions and responses to the WNBA are all wrong. One specific commercial features the WNBA’s newest “star”, Candace Parker. Parker is in black and white, a close-up shot showing her sitting in a locker room spouting common complaints and criticisms that people make about the WNBA. The primary one that cracks me up is Parker saying, “Nothing exciting ever happens” in the WNBA as a slow-mo shot of WNBA player Lisa Leslie lumbering down the court, soaring all of a few inches off the floor and nudging her hand and the ball above the rim and dropping the ball through the hoop while barely tapping the rim for a “dunk.” Allow me to help you with this, WNBA. When you’re making a commercial that is supposed to be ironic and sarcastic, pointing out that things people rip your game for are wrong, you should not be showing lowlights of plays that do little more than confirm those criticisms on your commercials. Leslie rambling down the floor and putting down a dunk so weak that 5-year-old kids on Little Tykes hoops would be embarrassed doesn’t show me that I’m wrong for ripping your league. It proves that I and the tens of millions of basketball fans who want nothing to do with your game are 100 percent right.
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