- I have to admit, the French are really impressing me this year in terms of putting on quality riots and protests. Maybe the idea of all of them as a bunch of pastry-eating sissies who surrender any time anyone breaches their borders brandishing anything more than a water gun is off-base….but probably not. That doesn’t mean they can’t stage some great riots, as demonstrations this week against governmental reforms proposed by President Nikolas Sarkozy. In conjunction with economic struggles that have put a hit to the pocketbooks of many Frenchmen, that was enough to inspire literally hundreds of thousands of these normally submissive people to take to the streets in some spectacular riots. They clogged roads, blocked ports and created enough mayhem in Paris and 100 other cities and towns around the country that the police had their hands full trying to quell the dissidence. All told, more than 300,000 individuals made their voice heard and they were supplemented by a one-day walkout by state workers protesting plans to extend the country’s retirement age. Trains, traffic and other public services were badly hampered for the entire day and the government has yet another black eye in a period of rule that has been punctuated by regular clashes between angry mobs and police. Now with this many Frenchmen angry, I would have assumed that the government was threatening to take their crepes away, make them shave their nasty moustaches and take a shower, but I can neither confirm nor deny that those are among the proposed reforms that Sarkozy is proposing. Regardless of the particulars of what you’re rioting about, Frenchies, you know I’m down with your act. I love and support rioters of every size, shape, color, creed and nationality, just as long as they’re set on sticking it to The Man…..
- I do my best not to write about any of the crappy reality dating shows on TV, but I can’t help it when it comes to The Bachelorette. This Deanna chick and the promos ABC has been bludgeoning viewers with over an over again are just too ridiculous and pathetic to be left alone. This chick is whiny and pissed because she was on a previous season of The Bachelor and got her heart broken? She’s back now because she wants “her fantast love story”? Are you freaking kidding me? Chica, if you had one go-around with reality dating shows and you’re dumb enough to want to do it again, there’s no way I can call you anything other than a moron. Appearing on one of these shows is about as low as you can go in the TV world. Trying to find love on a show that is so fake, phony and contrived is laughable at best. You cram together 25 dudes or chicks based mostly on their physical appearance and then slam a person of the opposite sex amongst them all, telling them to choose the love of their life from some group of 25 losers they’ve rounded up? Just as people say a trial by jury is bad because a jury is comprised of 12 people not smart enough to get out of jury duty, choosing a lover from 25 reality TV losers is a terrible idea because these are ass clowns dumb enough to appear on a reality dating show in the first place. Has it totally escaped you that every freaking one of the couples who met and “fell in love” on one of these shows is broken up within a few months? Even the ones who pledged their undying love for one another on the show are splitting up within a few weeks, shocker. But you think you’re going to get a fairy tale romance from this after you saw this charade up close and personal once before? Deanna, you just may be the single dumbest reality TV participant I’ve ever seen….
- You really crack me up, hockey honks. With the Stanley Cup Finals, the crowning moment of the NHL, now underway, you’d think that the NHL actually matters in the American sports landscape the way that hockey fans and commentators are talking. These yahoos are trying to build up the matchup between the Pittsburgh Penguins and Detroit Red Wings like it’s going to elevate hockey from its position as the fifth or sixth most popular sport in the United States. A quick aside…how the hell is Detroit the Western Conference representative in this series? Last I check, the D is squarely on the eastern half of the country and not even close to being halfway across the country. Nice geography, hockey. But because Detroit is the most rabid hockey city in the U.S. (again, it’s akin to being the tallest midget, the bravest Frenchman or having the best teeth in England) and Pittsburgh has some of the most talented young players in the NHL in Sidney Crosby and Yvgeny Malkin, hockey advocates would have you believe that this series is somehow going to save their sport from the abyss of irrelevance in which it currently resides. Of course, if that were the case, the sport’s biggest championship series wouldn’t be airing on a second-tier cable network formerly known as the Outdoor Life Network (now known simply as Versus). If your sport’s championship series is broadcast on a network that a majority of Americans don’t even receive, I’m sorry to inform you that you and your sport just don’t matter. So Crosby and his sad, scraggly, pube beard that’s spottier and more feeble than a meandering Andy Rooney rant on 60 Minutes can take their act and toil in obscurity as the overwhelming majority of American sports fans pay attention to the NBA playoffs, Major League Baseball, the PGA Tour, the NFL offseason, their local Little League team, etc.
- There are many questions raised when parents post an ad on eBay offering to sell their 7-month-old child for one euro, or about $1.60. You know the questions I’m referring to, obvious ones such as “Is there a ‘Buy It Now’ price?” or “Can I get free shipping?” and “What’s the minimum bid?” Unfortunately I don’t know the answers to any of those questions because the hardliners at eBay shut down the auction just two hours and 30 minutes after the ad was posted. The Internet auction site deleted the posting later and no bids were made for the child. Furthermore, authorities in southern Germany have taken custody of the 7-month-old boy despite claims from the boy’s mother that ad was joke. Ha ha ha……whew, too funny, great joke. Seriously, stop it, you guys are killing me. No really, stop it. Stop lying and trying to explain this away, you idiots. This is one of those matters where even if you thought this was some kind of joke or prank, it’s not all right. Among the things you can’t do in life, right up there with wearing spandex in public if you’re a dude, owning a pair of jean shorts and owning a Backstreet Boys album, is putting your kid up for sale on an Internet auction site. Police spokesman Peter Hieber says the baby was placed in the care of youth services in the southwestern Allgaeu region, but he also admitted that on Saturday that the mother told police the Internet ad was only a joke. However, the police don’t appear to be sold on that explanation because they have begun an investigation into possible child trafficking against the parents. Yeah, great joke, German parents. Too bad you can't be prosecuted for being morons, because that conviction would be a slam dunk. Besides, exactly who was this joke supposed to amuse? Did one of you think, “Know what? I’m going to pull a fast one on my wife/husband and throw little Hans up on eBay for a single euro, that’ll be hilarious!” or were you pissed at youer in-laws for continually trying to tell you how to raise you kind and figured you’d get back at them by auctioning off their grandson online? But hey, I’m sure this won't be something that haunts your kid for the rest of his life or anything, being the baby whose parents trying to auction him off top the highest bidder.
- When thinking of the worst possible marriage of show business entities, one of the first nauseating couplings to come to mind would be American Karaoke and….well, pretty much anything else. You take your Reubens, Clays, Clarksons, etc. and you add them to almost anything else in the entertainment industry and you have a crap-tacular mess (see From Justin to Kelly, the abysmal 2004 movie musical if you need any convincing). But here’s a combo that is nearly as stomach-churning its own way: Dancing With the (D-List) Stars and country music. That unpalatable mix will happen courtesy of DWTDLS champion dancer Julianne Hough, who has decided that being a part of one entertainment train wreck isn't enough and that she needs to help further propagate the sheer horr-a that is country music upon the world. Her self-titled album will be dropping soon, so I’ve got a new entry for my Albums to Avoid feature in my crosshairs. The album is being described as country-pop in the vein of Hough’s “heroes,” Shania Twain and Faith Hill. Actually, mixing in pop music makes in a ménage-e-twa of entertainment industry awfulness, so props to her on that. If anyone out there is wealthy enough to buy every copy of this album in advance along with the master recordings and then burn them all, I would encourage you to do so and I think all sane, musically-educated Americans would salute you for your efforts.
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