- Wow. That was all I could think of after reading the story of Fresno, Calif. biochemist Larissa Schuster. What exactly is the appropriate reaction when hearing about a crazed wife who kills her husband by knocking him unconscious and stuffing him into a giant vat of acid? Terror? Amazement? Being impressed? Horror? Let’s just get to the facts of the story while I process my feelings, shall we? Larissa Schuster was convicted of the brutal murder of her husband Timothy back in December. She was sentenced to life in prison this past week, due in large part to the fact that her crime was motivated by financial gain. Murder was pretty much a slam-dunk in the case, because it’s kinda tough to call knocking a guy out and jamming him into a vat of acid anything other than deliberate and premeditated. Oops, my husband was knocked unconscious and accidentally fell into the giant vat of acid we kept sitting around for….for…cooking? This makes that Canadian couple who use knives and cut each other during sex look sane by comparison. What exactly do you have to do to your wife to push her so far over the edge that she not only wants to kill you but to make you suffer by being entombed in a vat of acid? Was a gun just not painful enough? Couldn’t find a working guillotine or firing squad? Didn’t have time to construct your own backyard gallows? Life in prison seems like getting off easy when you go to those lengths to murder someone. That life sentence had better stick, because I just don’t see rehabilitation and reentry into society as a possibility for my girl L. Schuster. Making matters worse is the fact that she did it for insurance money and other financial gain. I’m not up to date on my salary scale for biochemists, but I think I’m safe in saying that a good biochemist earns a decent living, no? Let’s just finish this up and keep moving before the image of Robert Schuster in that vat of acid becomes too entrenched in my brain….
- Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but Mark Prior is injured. I’ll give you a moment to allow the shocking nature of those words to sink in before continuing. Seriously, who could have seen this coming? Other than everyone, I mean. See, Prior has been on the disabled list more often than Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab and he hasn’t had a single injury-free season in his entire six-year MLB career. He has amazing stuff when he can actually stay healthy and make it out to the mound, but his entire body appears to be made of glass and he breaks down with frightening regularity. During his time with the Chicago Cubs, he posted a 42-29 record and 3.51 ERA, but made an average of only 21 (as opposed to the 30-32 starters pitch if they make it a full season) starts because of injuries to his arm, shoulder, etc. The Cubs allowed one of the game’s most talented pitchers to just walk away this offseason, which speaks volumes about how great his injury problems really are. Guys with his ability just aren’t available unless they are chronically injured. Prior signed a one-year contract with his hometown San Diego Padres and promptly began the season on the disabled list. It must have been nice for him to change teams and cities and yet end up in such a familiar spot, on the DL. As he began throwing in an attempt to work his way back to the active roster (bad idea), Prior felt what he called a small explosion in his shoulder and was forced to shut himself down. After going to the doctor, he was informed that there was a small tear in his shoulder and that he needed to rest it for at least two weeks. Not that he needed a doctor to tell him that anyhow, but always good to have a second opinion. To be fair, Prior has had so many injuries and has spent so much time in doctors’ offices that I believe he’s closing in on his own degree in orthopedic surgery. The Padres shouldn’t be surprised at this development, nor is it going to hurt them all that much. They weren’t counting on much from Prior, so anything he gives them would be a bonus. Also, their major problem is a lack of offensive production, not a shortage of pitching. So make yourself comfortable there on the DL, Mark, because I have a feeling you two will continue to be close friends for however long your career lasts….
- I’m going out on a limb here and saying that Eder Rojas won't be winning Employee of the Month honors for Compass Airlines any time soon. Maybe I’m being cynical, but when a guy starts a fire on an airplane mid-flight because he’s pissed at the airline for making him work a particular route, it’s somewhat unlikely that the airline will be looking to recognize his positive contributions. The 19-year-old Rojas was working as a flight attendant on a flight from Minneapolis to Saskatchewan on May 7 when he sparked a fire that filled the cabin with smoke and forced an emergency landing in Fargo. Eder, my man, I understand why you might be pissed about having to fly to a Canadian outpost like Saskatchewan, but setting a fire in the cabin? Really? I wouldn’t want to go to the land of round bacon, frozen tundras, people saying “aboot” and ice hockey, but your logic in handling the situation seems to have skipped a few steps - steps like quitting, calling in sick or maybe refusing to work that flight and seeing what sort of discipline came your way. Any or all of those would have worked in lieu of putting everyone on board in danger by starting a fire in the cabin. To be fair, your chosen course of action does guarantee that you won't be forced to work the Minneapolis to Saskatchewan route any more, but it also ensures that you’ll have criminal charges brought against you and could set you up for lawsuits by the passengers on the flight. You may not like flying to Saskatchewan, but you weren’t being forced to move there, amigo. You would have been there for a few hours and then been on a flight to a different city. As is, you’ll be heading to the local courthouse and then off to jail. As always, hope that was worth it….
- Looking at the CW’s fall schedule, I’m reluctantly forced to admit that it’s at least better than those of its chief competitors, Fox and CBS. While the CW is still seen as an outsider and also-ran by many and despite the fact that Ass Clown in Chief/President Dawn Ostroff and Co. have single-handedly killed three of my favorite shows of all-time (Everwood, Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars, damn you Ostroff!), the slate of shows for the CW this fall is pretty decent. Holding down the fort at 8 p.m. Thursdays will be Smallville, minus longtime series regulars Kristin Kreuk and Michael Rosenbaum, but with Allison Mack and her new contract in place. Monday nights look like the CW’s best of the week, with the surprisingly watchable Gossip Girl at 8 p.m. and the returning One Tree Hill, which is like that weed you just can't kill. It’s back for a sixth season despite being perennially on life support, although the just-finished fifth season was fairly good. Not on the schedule will be WWE Smackdown, one of the two weekly shows from World Wrestling Entertainment. The network’s contract with WWE expires in September, so wrasslin’ will be looking for a new home. It’s just as well; Monday Night RAW has always been the better of the WWE shows anyhow, so the CW isn't losing much there even though Smackdown was one of its higher-rated shows. In seeking to boost its ratings, the network will also be looking to the past and resurrecting the Beverly Hills 90210 franchise with the series 90210. In this incarnation, two teens from Kansas will move to SoCal and enroll in West Beverly Hills High School. Jennie Garth, a key member of the original 90210 cast, will make occasional appearances as a guidance counselor, but I’m still not sure how successful this show will be. The only really bad night for the CW is Sunday, with two bad comedies from 8-9 p.m. (Everybody Hates Chris and The Game), followed by America’s Next Top Model reruns. So if you’re scoring at home, slate the CW ahead of both CBS and Fox for the quality of their fall schedule, although at this point it’s like being the tallest midget in the room…..
- I keep saying it and dammit, pedophiles keep proving me right. Three convicted sex offenders in the state of New Jersey have been arrested for surfing around the social networking website MySpace, becoming the first people prosecuted under the state’s new law restricting Internet usage for those who are convicted sex offenders. The trio of sexual deviants are now facing criminal charges in Mount Laurel, N.J. because they couldn’t comply with the state’s demand that they stop cyber-cruising around MySpace, looking for kids to molest. But by all means, MySpace users, keep being a part of Pedophile Heaven. Parents, keep allowing your children to spend time on a site that’s so enticing that convicted sex offenders can’t keep themselves from visiting even though they knew there was an excellent chance they’d be arrested for doing so. At this point I don’t know why MySpace even exists. Is it really worth it for bands to have a place to pimp their music and indie films to have a launching point if it also allows the world’s sickest sexual deviants their own personal hunting grounds for their next victim? Just take an e-wrecking ball to the whole thing and don’t bring it back until you can ensure a working pedophile filter that will protect users from the pervy freaks of society.
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