In recent years, the Catholic church has rightly taken a lot of heat because many of its priests committed heinous, despicable acts of sexual abuse against young boys. But the acts of sexual freakery among the men of the cloth clearly are not limited to any one faith, because men like certified piece of crap Joe Barron, a Baptist minister at a Dallas-area megachurch, are out there doing sick, pervy things as well. Barron, 52, of Plano, Texas was caught up in an Internet sex sting in which undercover officers posing as a 13-year-old girl chatted with Barron for about two weeks in what police termed sexual conversations. Barron then suggested a meeting in the town of Bryan, making the 200-mile drive from Plano and being met with a rude surprise upon his arrival. Nice work, you piece of garbage. You’re preaching messages of morality and how to live on Sundays and then engaging in deviant, perverse, criminal acts with what you believe to be 13-year-old girls during the week? You have to wonder if some of those online chats took place from Barron’s office at the church, which would be absolutely stomach-churning. I know that anyone who commits this kind of act or intends to is equally despicable, but you have to have a special level of contempt for such blatant hypocrites as Barron. It’s men like him who turn their faith into a punch line for the world, not to mention bring shame to their families and their congregations. Hope you enjoy jail, Mr. Barron, maybe you can play the part of that 13-year-old girl with your new cellmate….
- Can someone give me an update on prices for air travel to Pakistan for the month of June? Looks like I might be making my very first trip to the southwest Asian nation if the threats being issued by Pakistani lawyers to stage massive street protests in June prove to be true. The lawyers are demanding that the country’s new government follow through on its pledge to reinstate judges purged by President Pervez Musharraf. These same lawyers staged some rockin’ protests lasts year to help loosen Musharraf’s grip on power in Pakistan, so they do wield some significant influence. The entire country is in the midst of a power struggle and quite frankly, there’s no better time to riot, march, protest and demonstrate than when control of your country’s government and judicial system are up for grabs. I apologize for not being able to make the trip to participate in your last round of protests, Pakistani lawyers, but if I can wrangle a good price on airfare from Orbitz in and you all make good on your threats to take it to the streets once again, I just might see you next month. But don’t feel the need to wait that long to start your social dissidence, because when in comes to sticking it to The Man, there’s no day like today….
- By now you’ve probably heard the story making the rounds about New York Yankees slugger Jason Giambi rocking a golden thong with flames on the waistband as a “slump buster” to help him out when he’s scuffling at the plate. It’s a funny story but not a surprising one given the tendencies toward superstition that baseball players are famous for. These guys jump over base lines going on and off the field, they eat the same pre-game meal every time they’re on a hot streak, have been known to brush their teeth in the dugout during games and just about any other crazy superstition you can dream up. So while I personally will never, ever be sporting a thong for any reason, at any time, in any place, I don’t have a big issue with Giambi doing so as long as I don’t have to see him in it. Do I wish I hadn’t heard about it? Sure, but if he wants to slap that thing on and believe it will help him get out of slumps, so be it. Where I have a problem is when, as the story alleges, Giambi starts passing that thing around to his teammates and allowing them to wear it when they’re looking to break out of batting slumps. That I do have a problem with. Dudes should not, under any circumstances, be sharing underwear. You wear your underwear, that’s the end of the list of people allowed to wear them. Well, maybe your girlfriend or wife wants to snag a pair of your boxers to wear around the house, that’s about the only possible exception. But no way, no how should you be sharing your underwear with other dudes. That’s true for any kind of underwear, but especially true with a thong. If you want to be one of those freaks who thinks it’s cool to wear a thong, that’s your problem. But sharing that thong with other dudes makes you an affront to every other guy walking the face of the Earth. It’s sick, disgusting and any other like adjective you can come up with. No matter how many times you wash that thing and how strong of a laundry detergent you use on it, there is simply no way that another dude putting on that thong is going to be anything other than really, really creepy and nasty. Bad enough if you and your boys want to buy matching gold thongs and rock them, but even that would be far better than you all sharing the same gold thong. Even women, who are a lot more likely to share clothes than guys, generally speaking, aren’t swapping gold thongs and loaning them out to friends. So either stop doing it or stop talking about it, but either way just make this the first and last time I hear about it.
- So apparently a lot of Hank Clinton supporters are angry and alleging sexism because their candidate isn't going to win the Democratic presidential nomination. Memo to you, angry Hank supporters: the reason people weren’t down with Hank isn't because we’re sexist and won’t accept a female president. More so, we won't accept that dude as our president. I have no problem with a woman in our nation’s highest office, just as long as it’s not some militant, angry femi-Nazi with the stereotypical angry lesbian hairdo and the man-hating, bristling personality that Hank has. She’s tried so hard to fit in in the male-dominated political world that she’s taken on way too many male characteristics, right down to the way she looks and acts. I don’t think you want Hank as the first female president, it just wouldn’t say good things about your gender. She’s one of the least feminine, womanly women I’ve ever seen, so maybe you want to talk amongst yourselves and come up with a better, more electable candidate for 2012. Get over the fact that some airport gifts shops were selling Hank Clinton nutcrackers (very funny and extremely appropriate) or that supporters of Barack Obama have been sporting “Bros before Hos” t-shirts. Feminists of all ages are decrying Hank’s defeat as evidence that Americans are biased against female candidates, but anyone making that claim is missing the point. Those feminists have been the reason Hank has boasted a 52-45 percent advantage over Obama during the primaries thus far. Amongst women over the age of 65, the margin was even wider, with Clinton holding an edge of 61 percent to Obama’s 34 percent. To those women, I simply say that this is what you get when only one woman runs for president. All of you were so geeked to see a woman run that you unconditionally threw your support behind her while simultaneously forgetting (or choosing to ignore) that no one in their right mind who wasn’t a raging feminist would vote for. Find a female candidate without such a hard, dude-hating edge to her and I guarantee the response to her candidacy will be much more accepting and welcoming across the board. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bust open a case of party poppers, streamers and silly string to continue celebrating the demise of Hank’s campaign…..
- Hard to rip a guy for looking to be responsible and taking the necessary steps to make sure that he’s being safe when he has sex. Making sure that you are stocked up on protection is the smart and responsible thing to do, and it seems to be beyond the capabilities of too many dudes, especially athletes. Guys like Travis Henry, Shawn Kemp, Calvin Murphy, Rod Smart (a.k.a. He Hate Me of XFL notoriety) who have a half dozen or more kids by as many women because they can’t or just won't wrap up could learn a lot from a guy like Tory Williams. Unfortunately, Torri, a senior safety for the University of Purdue football team, was arrested on May 6 in West Lafayette for shoplifting condoms, showing that while he might be responsible when it comes to sex, he’s also not very bright when it comes to procuring said condoms. Instead of simply walking over to the student health services building and picking up as many free rubbers as he wanted from that big glass jar sitting out on the front counter, Williams decided it would be a good idea to steal his rubbers from a local convenience store. Williams was arrested for taking condoms from the Pay Less Supermarket on Greenbush Street, which wouldn’t be a huge offense for most people, but in his case the Tippecanoe County Prosecutor has filed a petition to revoke Williams's probation on a previous conviction for a bar brawl he was involved with last year while intoxicated. Tory, my man, you really need to plan better. All you have to do is exercise a little foresight and stock up in advance, because if you just plan ahead and grab a fistful of rubbers when you’re in the vicinity of the health services building, you won't find yourself in the predicament you’re now in. Instead of being suspended from the football team after being hit with shoplifting charges, you can enjoy your time with the girl you got the rubbers for AND still be eligible to play ball. Props for trying to be responsible and practicing safe sex, but zero points for execution of those intentions.
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